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address marriage equality?

jvknevinjvknevin member
in Wedding Vows & Ceremony Discussions
My fiance and I are straight, and we're both pretty progressive.  We want to somehow incorporate marriage equality, and how glad we are that everyone finally has the right to be with the one he or she loves, into our reception.  (For example, we thought about little white ribbons for guests to pin on their shirts, since those are the symbol for marriage equality.)  

Yet, we also know that, because marriage equality is finally the law, it's less urgent than in previous years to mention it. 

Thoughts?  Is it still worth incorporating?  If so, how?  
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Re: address marriage equality?

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    STARMOON44STARMOON44 member
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    I think a reading from Obergefell or Goodrich would be a very nice touch. A think pins are a bit much.
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    CMGragainCMGragain member
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    There might be some guests who are not happy with the ruling who might be offended at your well meaning gesture.  Save politics for another time.
    httpiimgurcomTCCjW0wjpg
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    climbingsingleclimbingsingle member
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    edited August 2015
    STARMOON44 said:
    I think a reading from Obergefell or Goodrich would be a very nice touch. A think pins are a bit much.
    I agree. 

    And seriously, who the fuck cares if a white ribbon offends some homophobes. Really?
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    Jen4948Jen4948 member
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    STARMOON44 said:

    CMGragain said:

    There might be some guests who are not happy with the ruling who might be offended at your well meaning gesture.  Save politics for another time.


    Fuck them. Marriage is a statement of values. Would you tell a couple to avoid having a Catholic ceremony because there are some people offended by parts of that service?
    I think you are mixing apples and oranges. Marriage is the joining together of two people as a couple, not a political statement or "Fuck them". No one wants to have someone else's "statement of values" preached to them at a wedding, regardless of what the values in question are, because everyone has different values and no one wants to be preached "mine are right, yours are wrong, fuck you if you disagree" at a wedding.

    So that's why I think the OP should leave the political statements that the ribbons represent out of it.
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    climbingsingleclimbingsingle member
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    STARMOON44 said:
    There might be some guests who are not happy with the ruling who might be offended at your well meaning gesture.  Save politics for another time.
    Fuck them. Marriage is a statement of values. Would you tell a couple to avoid having a Catholic ceremony because there are some people offended by parts of that service?
    I think you are mixing apples and oranges. Marriage is the joining together of two people as a couple, not a political statement or "Fuck them". No one wants to have someone else's "statement of values" preached to them at a wedding, regardless of what the values in question are, because everyone has different values and no one wants to be preached "mine are right, yours are wrong, fuck you if you disagree" at a wedding. So that's why I think the OP should leave the political statements that the ribbons represent out of it.
    Have you been to a Catholic wedding? The last three I've attended have all included prayers for the unborn and the sanctity of marriage between one man and woman. (I know not all Catholic services include this, and some non-Catholic services do as well, just my recent personal experience). And I found that fine. It's offensive to me, I disagree, but it's their wedding and their values, so I respectfully listen, participate as I feel comfortable, and recognize that they are sharing their values with me. I don't think the OP should march up the aisle, scream gay pride forever and fuck you if you disagree, but that's not at all what she is suggesting. And if someone doesn't like the gay marriage ruling, oh well. That doesn't mean celebrating the inclusiveness of marriage in a non confrontational way is inappropriate at a wedding.
    That's a good point. I was raised Catholic, and I have a HUGE problem with the Catholic religion. I'm no longer religious. But if a friend is getting married in a Catholic church, I still go. 
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    Jen4948Jen4948 member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    climbingwife said:
    STARMOON44 said:
    There might be some guests who are not happy with the ruling who might be offended at your well meaning gesture.  Save politics for another time.
    Fuck them. Marriage is a statement of values. Would you tell a couple to avoid having a Catholic ceremony because there are some people offended by parts of that service?
    I think you are mixing apples and oranges. Marriage is the joining together of two people as a couple, not a political statement or "Fuck them". No one wants to have someone else's "statement of values" preached to them at a wedding, regardless of what the values in question are, because everyone has different values and no one wants to be preached "mine are right, yours are wrong, fuck you if you disagree" at a wedding. So that's why I think the OP should leave the political statements that the ribbons represent out of it.
    Have you been to a Catholic wedding? The last three I've attended have all included prayers for the unborn and the sanctity of marriage between one man and woman. (I know not all Catholic services include this, and some non-Catholic services do as well, just my recent personal experience). And I found that fine. It's offensive to me, I disagree, but it's their wedding and their values, so I respectfully listen, participate as I feel comfortable, and recognize that they are sharing their values with me. I don't think the OP should march up the aisle, scream gay pride forever and fuck you if you disagree, but that's not at all what she is suggesting. And if someone doesn't like the gay marriage ruling, oh well. That doesn't mean celebrating the inclusiveness of marriage in a non confrontational way is inappropriate at a wedding.
    That's a good point. I was raised Catholic, and I have a HUGE problem with the Catholic religion. I'm no longer religious. But if a friend is getting married in a Catholic church, I still go. 

    I don't think that's what she is suggesting either, but that's why I think she's comparing apples to oranges.  What I think is not appropriate for a wedding here is to use it as an awareness-raiser for something other than one's own union with one's new spouse, just as it would be inappropriate to use it as a fundraiser for a political party, saving the whales, helping the poor, eating only vegan, or whatever cause they support.

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    BigwandsBigwands member
    5 Love Its First Comment
    justsie said:
    I will say that some homosexual/bi couples may not appreciate allies using their wedding as a soap box for their cause. A great ally uses their position as a way to allow those that are (or in this case) or have been discriminated a chance to speak over their own voice. My FI has two moms, and they would side eye the shit out of a straight couple doing this at their wedding. It's not their place, it isn't really honoring couples that can now get married because you're just making what appears to be a martyr of yourself. I'd instead take all the money you would spend on ribbons and pins and donate it to the HRC or local PRIDE chapter (or whatever organization you prefer to donate to), something that really spoke to your ally-ship. 
    That's sort of what I was thinking reading this.  While it's coming from a place of support, it sort of feels a little white straight saviour-y. 
    image
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    chloe97chloe97 member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Comment Name Dropper
    edited August 2015
     
    STARMOON44 said:
    There might be some guests who are not happy with the ruling who might be offended at your well meaning gesture.  Save politics for another time.
    Fuck them. Marriage is a statement of values. Would you tell a couple to avoid having a Catholic ceremony because there are some people offended by parts of that service?

    FI and I are using a reading from Obergefell next week. It's a beautiful passage about marriage. Those who have read the case will know will recognize it and those who have not will not. I actually don't think that there is a single person at our 210 person wedding who is offended by the idea of 2 people of the same sex getting married. I know people who are politically conservative who disagree with the actual court decision because they think it too broadly interpreted the 14th amendment and states should be able to follow the will of the people in their states. 

    ETA: I don't think a reading from a Supreme Court decision about marriage is in anyway "straight saviour-y". Readings are supposed to reflect who you are as a couple. FI and I are liberals that strongly support marriage equality. I'm also a public policy nerd that reads court decisions and interprets them for a living. This reading is a perfect way to showcase who WE are as a couple, and good lord Justice Kennedy wrote one of the most beautiful passages about marriage that I have ever read. I don't care if the case was about dogs being able to legally marry, it's too beautiful not use as a wedding reading. 

    If you are interested, here is the passage that I am using: 
    From their beginning to their most recent page, the annals of human

    history reveal the transcendent importance of marriage. The lifelong 

    union of a man and a woman always has promised nobility and dignity to 

    all persons, without regard to their station in life. Marriage is sacred to 

    those who live by their religions and offers unique fulfillment to those 

    who find meaning in the secular realm. Its dynamic allows two people to 

    find a life that could not be found alone, for a marriage becomes greater 

    than just the two persons. Rising from the most basic human needs, 

    marriage is essential to our most profound hopes and aspirations. The 

    centrality of marriage to the human condition makes it unsurprising that 

    the institution has existed for millennia and across civilizations. Since the 

    dawn of history, marriage has transformed strangers into relatives, 

    binding families and societies together.... No union is more profound than 

    marriage, for it embodies the highest ideals of love, fidelity, devotion, 

    sacrifice, and family. In forming a marital union, two people become 

    something greater than once they were.

    Justice Anthony Kennedy, Obergefell vs Hodges
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    Jen4948Jen4948 member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    chloe97 said:
     
    STARMOON44 said:
    There might be some guests who are not happy with the ruling who might be offended at your well meaning gesture.  Save politics for another time.
    Fuck them. Marriage is a statement of values. Would you tell a couple to avoid having a Catholic ceremony because there are some people offended by parts of that service?

    FI and I are using a reading from Obergefell next week. It's a beautiful passage about marriage. Those who have read the case will know will recognize it and those who have not will not. I actually don't think that there is a single person at our 210 person wedding who is offended by the idea of 2 people of the same sex getting married. I know people who are politically conservative who disagree with the actual court decision because they think it too broadly interpreted the 14th amendment and states should be able to follow the will of the people in their states. 

    ETA: I don't think a reading from a Supreme Court decision about marriage is in anyway "straight saviour-y". Readings are supposed to reflect who you are as a couple. FI and I are liberals that strongly support marriage equality. I'm also a public policy nerd that reads court decisions and interprets them for a living. This reading is a perfect way to showcase who WE are as a couple, and good lord Justice Kennedy wrote one of the most beautiful passages about marriage that I have ever read. I don't care if the case was about dogs being able to legally marry, it's too beautiful not use as a wedding reading. 

    If you are interested, here is the passage that I am using: 
    From their beginning to their most recent page, the annals of human

    history reveal the transcendent importance of marriage. The lifelong 

    union of a man and a woman always has promised nobility and dignity to 

    all persons, without regard to their station in life. Marriage is sacred to 

    those who live by their religions and offers unique fulfillment to those 

    who find meaning in the secular realm. Its dynamic allows two people to 

    find a life that could not be found alone, for a marriage becomes greater 

    than just the two persons. Rising from the most basic human needs, 

    marriage is essential to our most profound hopes and aspirations. The 

    centrality of marriage to the human condition makes it unsurprising that 

    the institution has existed for millennia and across civilizations. Since the 

    dawn of history, marriage has transformed strangers into relatives, 

    binding families and societies together.... No union is more profound than 

    marriage, for it embodies the highest ideals of love, fidelity, devotion, 

    sacrifice, and family. In forming a marital union, two people become 

    something greater than once they were.

    Justice Anthony Kennedy, Obergefell vs Hodges
    This passage is probably over time going to become one of the most popular readings at weddings.  The nice thing about it is that it applies to all couples, straight, gay, all religions, all cultures, all nationalities, all ethinic groups.
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    C525C525 member
    First Anniversary First Comment Name Dropper
    i was about to attach that quote from Justice Kennedy.

    My uncle is gay, and is going to be our officiant. He has mentioned to me that HE wants to include that quote in our ceremony, and i couldn't be happier. It doesn't preach, but is poignant and beautiful. Everyone has a right to love, and be happy, and choose to be married. I think the quote is a perfect way to touch on it, but not be preachy.
    image
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    JediElizabethJediElizabeth member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    chloe97 said:
     
    STARMOON44 said:
    There might be some guests who are not happy with the ruling who might be offended at your well meaning gesture.  Save politics for another time.
    Fuck them. Marriage is a statement of values. Would you tell a couple to avoid having a Catholic ceremony because there are some people offended by parts of that service?

    FI and I are using a reading from Obergefell next week. It's a beautiful passage about marriage. Those who have read the case will know will recognize it and those who have not will not. I actually don't think that there is a single person at our 210 person wedding who is offended by the idea of 2 people of the same sex getting married. I know people who are politically conservative who disagree with the actual court decision because they think it too broadly interpreted the 14th amendment and states should be able to follow the will of the people in their states. 

    ETA: I don't think a reading from a Supreme Court decision about marriage is in anyway "straight saviour-y". Readings are supposed to reflect who you are as a couple. FI and I are liberals that strongly support marriage equality. I'm also a public policy nerd that reads court decisions and interprets them for a living. This reading is a perfect way to showcase who WE are as a couple, and good lord Justice Kennedy wrote one of the most beautiful passages about marriage that I have ever read. I don't care if the case was about dogs being able to legally marry, it's too beautiful not use as a wedding reading. 

    If you are interested, here is the passage that I am using: 
    From their beginning to their most recent page, the annals of human

    history reveal the transcendent importance of marriage. The lifelong 

    union of a man and a woman always has promised nobility and dignity to 

    all persons, without regard to their station in life. Marriage is sacred to 

    those who live by their religions and offers unique fulfillment to those 

    who find meaning in the secular realm. Its dynamic allows two people to 

    find a life that could not be found alone, for a marriage becomes greater 

    than just the two persons. Rising from the most basic human needs, 

    marriage is essential to our most profound hopes and aspirations. The 

    centrality of marriage to the human condition makes it unsurprising that 

    the institution has existed for millennia and across civilizations. Since the 

    dawn of history, marriage has transformed strangers into relatives, 

    binding families and societies together.... No union is more profound than 

    marriage, for it embodies the highest ideals of love, fidelity, devotion, 

    sacrifice, and family. In forming a marital union, two people become 

    something greater than once they were.

    Justice Anthony Kennedy, Obergefell vs Hodges

    I agree with the bolded. Reading this passage doesn't come off as straight savior-y to me. I would probably have problems with a cisgendered straight couple having pins or something at their wedding.

    Personally, as a queer person having an opposite-sex marriage, I was not willing to get married until everyone was able to. That was a small part of my activism. Now that we all can, I'm going to have a wedding without much (if any) mention of same-sex marriage, because it's not overtly relevant to us (though we may use that reading because it's lovely and does come from my community). 
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    fyrchkfyrchk member
    First Anniversary First Answer 5 Love Its First Comment
    chloe97 said:

    FI and I are using a reading from Obergefell next week. It's a beautiful passage about marriage. Those who have read the case will know will recognize it and those who have not will not. I actually don't think that there is a single person at our 210 person wedding who is offended by the idea of 2 people of the same sex getting married. I know people who are politically conservative who disagree with the actual court decision because they think it too broadly interpreted the 14th amendment and states should be able to follow the will of the people in their states. 

    ETA: I don't think a reading from a Supreme Court decision about marriage is in anyway "straight saviour-y". Readings are supposed to reflect who you are as a couple. FI and I are liberals that strongly support marriage equality. I'm also a public policy nerd that reads court decisions and interprets them for a living. This reading is a perfect way to showcase who WE are as a couple, and good lord Justice Kennedy wrote one of the most beautiful passages about marriage that I have ever read. I don't care if the case was about dogs being able to legally marry, it's too beautiful not use as a wedding reading. 

    If you are interested, here is the passage that I am using: 
    From their beginning to their most recent page, the annals of human

    history reveal the transcendent importance of marriage. The lifelong 

    union of a man and a woman always has promised nobility and dignity to 

    all persons, without regard to their station in life. Marriage is sacred to 

    those who live by their religions and offers unique fulfillment to those 

    who find meaning in the secular realm. Its dynamic allows two people to 

    find a life that could not be found alone, for a marriage becomes greater 

    than just the two persons. Rising from the most basic human needs, 

    marriage is essential to our most profound hopes and aspirations. The 

    centrality of marriage to the human condition makes it unsurprising that 

    the institution has existed for millennia and across civilizations. Since the 

    dawn of history, marriage has transformed strangers into relatives, 

    binding families and societies together.... No union is more profound than 

    marriage, for it embodies the highest ideals of love, fidelity, devotion, 

    sacrifice, and family. In forming a marital union, two people become 

    something greater than once they were.

    Justice Anthony Kennedy, Obergefell vs Hodges


    FI and I are also using this in our ceremony. I think it's a beautiful summary of marriage without being religious or sanctimonious.

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