Elopement etiquette

Knottie77960286 · October 2015

Hi! We have been going back and forth with deciding if we even want a wedding, and we have decided that eloping (well having basically a planned wedding with just us two) is best for us. We have decided to "elope" May 2016 in Charleston and we just need to figure out how to tell people. Would you tell them before, or let it be a surprise? And also how would you actually tell them? We want them to know that we love everyone dearly, but there is just way too much family drama so the wedding would not be peaceful for anyone really and also no one really is overflowing with money to help us out (having an awesome honeymoon is number one on our list other than actually getting married.) I just don't want to hurt anyone's feelings. Thanks so much!

JoanE2012 · October 2015

Knottie77960286 said:

Hi! We have been going back and forth with deciding if we even want a wedding, and we have decided that eloping (well having basically a planned wedding with just us two) is best for us. We have decided to "elope" May 2016 in Charleston and we just need to figure out how to tell people. Would you tell them before, or let it be a surprise? And also how would you actually tell them? We want them to know that we love everyone dearly, but there is just way too much family drama so the wedding would not be peaceful for anyone really and also no one really is overflowing with money to help us out (having an awesome honeymoon is number one on our list other than actually getting married.) I just don't want to hurt anyone's feelings. Thanks so much!

An elopement is getting married in secret. So if you want to elope, you wouldn't tell anyone until afterwards. Would telling people beforehand cause more drama or people trying to talk you out of it? I think that would be a deciding factor in which option I'd go with.

charlotte989875 · October 2015

First, it's not really an elopement if you plan and tell people ahead of time. It's just a private ceremony that you're not inviting you're family to but tell them about. Kinda rude in my opinion. If you do elope (you and your FI go off and get married) you tell your family in person after. Or call them if you're planning to take a long trip after. Please whatever you do don't let them find out through the Internet or from other people. For extended friends and family you can send announcements when you return.

You're right that people's feelings might be hurt, but it is your right to get married how you want. They will get over it.

Also just have to add that it's no one else's responsibility to help you out with money for your wedding so whatever you choose to do (elopement, small wedding, whatever) be prepared to pay for it on your own with only your FI.

AddieCake · October 2015

Go do it, come home, tell people you did it.

southernbelle0915 · October 2015

By definition, you wouldn't tell people until you come back. If you tell people before you do it, then you'd just say you were having a private wedding.

Whether you tell people before or after, I wouldn't tell them you're not inviting them because "there's too much family drama". That sounds kind of accusatory. Just tell them you love them but want/wanted it to be just the two of you.

Jells2dot0 · October 2015

I eloped. I told everyone when we got back. I actually ended up telling my dad a month after we got back! Some people would call that rude, but given my circumstances, it was normal.

However, I still would have had a private wedding even if we told people our plans. It was a second marriage for both and we knew that neither of our families really wanted us to have a more traditional wedding. I know people knew a wedding was coming, as I did not hide my engagement, but we married two years after getting engaged, so I think people flat out forgot about us! LOL So, is it rude? Well, that depends on the circumstances. Only you know your family and your situation. All I can say is that my parents were beyond relieved that they didn't have to see each other at another one of my weddings. H's parents were so relieved that they didn't have to travel to a wedding (and they eloped, too!)

I also had a planned elopement. I had to plan a year in advance because the resort where we got married only has 6 rooms and it required a lot of transportation planning for us and our vendors. The island is only accessible by boat from another nearby island and we had to helicopter out to that island. If you want a simple civil ceremony in Charleston, there is probably no need to plan too far in advance, especially if you are having second thoughts. Give it time to see how things play out. In my case, there was zero regret with our plans and we knew we wanted to do things on our own from the start.

CMGragain · October 2015

The proper way to announce your marriage after an elopement is the following:

1. Call close family members as soon as you are married to share the joyful news.
2. Send formal wedding announcements out to friends and relatives, informing them of your marriage. This does NOT mean that they should send you a gift.
Here is traditional wording. Have them pre-printed, addressed and stamped. and ready for mailing after your ceremony.

Bride's Full Name
and
Groom's Full Name
announce their marriage
Date
City, State

No other information is proper, unless you are changing your address.. This is a formal and personal way of letting people know that you are now married. You can talk about details when you see them in person.

mollybarker11 · October 2015

Knottie77960286 said:

Hi! We have been going back and forth with deciding if we even want a wedding, and we have decided that eloping (well having basically a planned wedding with just us two) is best for us. We have decided to "elope" May 2016 in Charleston and we just need to figure out how to tell people. Would you tell them before, or let it be a surprise?

You should not tell anyone about your wedding plans unless they ask. You can keep your plans private / secret if you & your FI want to. That is what I would do.

And also how would you actually tell them? We want them to know that we love everyone dearly, but there is just way too much family drama so the wedding would not be peaceful for anyone really and also no one really is overflowing with money to help us out (having an awesome honeymoon is number one on our list other than actually getting married.) I just don't want to hurt anyone's feelings.

After the ceremony (or after you return from your honeymoon) call close family members & friends and send wedding announcements to others you want to inform. Even on the phone, you do not need to go into details about the "why". If you don't want to hurt their feelings, then DEFINITELY don't tell them they weren't invited because they're too dramatic and poor.

Thanks so much!

See my answers in bold.

Maggie0829 · October 2015

My old boss eloped. She planned with a local florist to have two very lovely arrangements be sent to their parents home the day they eloped with a handwritten card telling them what they did. Her Mom was very excited for them. His Mom and Dad were a bit disappointed that they weren't there for it.

Just know that by eloping you stand to hurt some people's feelings. It is just the nature of eloping. But going that route is not wrong and it is 100% your and your FI choice.

So you can either elope and call your family immediately after to let them know. Elope and tell them when you get back. Elope and do something my old boss did. You just need to pick the best way for you and your FI.

Jen4948 · October 2015

If you're going to elope, then you should keep your plans a secret and only reveal that you are married after the fact.

While eloping is a legitimate way to get married, people may feel hurt if you do it.

I think that no matter what you decide, someone's feelings are going to get hurt. Weddings do that, period.

[Deleted User] · October 2015

Tell them afterwards else you'll get to here all the drama about "why are you not inviting people, can't we get you to change your mind?" If you tell them afterwards, it's done and they can still bitch but they won't be able to guilt you into doing anything you don't want to do.

VerizonGirl · October 2015

Here you go:
https://www.theknot.com/content/wedding-announcements

Elopement etiquette

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