Guest Question?

Re: Guest Question?

• ShesSoCold mod

  

  October 2015

  NopeNopeNope2 said:

  While planning on our guest list, we automatically are giving plus 1 for our single friends. I have recently found out that a friend of mine is involved with my ex-husband. I want to invite this friend but I don't want her for a second to think my ex can come (there is a restraining order for him to stay away from my daughter because he was violent). But others who we know will get "And Guest". Should it just be implied as she was there when the cops took reports from my daughter and give her, her kids and "And Guest" or just her and her kids? 

  
  

  Thank you!!

  I would just sent it to her and her kids. 

  
  

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• PrettyGirlLost member

  

  October 2015

  ShesSoCold said:

  NopeNopeNope2 said:

  While planning on our guest list, we automatically are giving plus 1 for our single friends. I have recently found out that a friend of mine is involved with my ex-husband. I want to invite this friend but I don't want her for a second to think my ex can come (there is a restraining order for him to stay away from my daughter because he was violent). But others who we know will get "And Guest". Should it just be implied as she was there when the cops took reports from my daughter and give her, her kids and "And Guest" or just her and her kids? 

  
  

  Thank you!!

  I would just sent it to her and her kids. 

  This.
  
  That's an interesting friend.
  

  
  "Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."
  
  

  
  

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• MrsMack10612 member

  

  October 2015

  Agree with PPs, but I have to wonder what kind of friend she is to start dating this man considering the history.

   

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• knottief26ba49b4fdb41cb member

  

  October 2015 edited October 2015

  It was discovered as I was at a neighbors of hers having drinks and I saw his truck. I said something to the friends I was at and their reply was " She is a one woman whore house, he will be gone soon", I have not talked to her about it, or anything else since then, but, he still frequent the home. My ex knew what to do in the bedroom, she knew that I had said that, and I am sure that given that it has been years since our split, she figured it would be OK to try him out.  

  
  

  ETA:Spelling is hard

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• MrsMack10612 member

  

  October 2015

  I'm not sure your explanation really clears things up.

  
  

  Regardless of her reasons, I'm not sure I'd be friends with a woman who thinks it's ok to "try out" or otherwise see the man who is so violent towards a child that a restraining order is necessary.

  
  

   

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• Jen4948 member

  

  October 2015

  MrsMack10612 said:

  I'm not sure your explanation really clears things up.

  
  

  Regardless of her reasons, I'm not sure I'd be friends with a woman who thinks it's ok to "try out" or otherwise see the man who is so violent towards a child that a restraining order is necessary.

  
  

  This.  I wouldn't invite her or her kids.
  

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• STARMOON44 member

  

  October 2015

  I think you are a troll; and also that you should not be inviting this woman to your wedding.

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• KatWAG member

  

  October 2015

  NopeNopeNope2 said:

  It was discovered as I was at a neighbors of hers having drinks and I saw his truck. I said something to the friends I was at and their reply was " She is a one woman whore house, he will be gone soon", I have not talked to her about it, or anything else since then, but, he still frequent the home. My ex knew what to do in the bedroom, she knew that I had said that, and I am sure that given that it has been years since our split, she figured it would be OK to try him out.  

  
  

  ETA:Spelling is hard

  I am sorry but what the hell are you talking about?

  Doesn't sound like you even like this woman, so why invite her?

  FWIW, this is sounding extra muddy.  
  

  

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• Maggie0829 member

  

  October 2015

  Not sure why this person would still be your friend.  I would be crossing her and her kids off my list.

  
  

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• pinkcow13 member

  

  October 2015 edited October 2015

  Yea, why are you even entertaining the thought of inviting this so called "friend"?

                               

  

  
  

   

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• knottief26ba49b4fdb41cb member

  

  October 2015

  She was there for me though a lot and I was there when she became a single mother too. I felt that we were friends, not good/close ones, but friends. We have hardly talked in the past 6 months, and now with her man friend, we don't talk at all so when our actual guest list is made, she probably wont even make the bottom of our list, and she will know why on her own. 

  
  

  I just figured, I would ask the brains here about that so that with her name I can put a number. FI doesn't want her around even to drive on our street now.

  
  

  My ex was not violent towards my daughter, it was towards me, she saw. My restraining order expired last year, hers is until she is 18. He never laid a hand on her or near her, and even wrote a long letter to her that the judge gave me to give her when I felt like it. I have heard he has been though rehab for his anger and such, but I have 0 contact with anyone from that life anymore. They are both grown adults, able to do their own thing. If he has changed, that it fantastic. But she knows what he is capable of and for that I am worried, but again, they are grown adults free to do as they will. 

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• [Deleted User] member

  

  October 2015

  NopeNopeNope2 said:

  She was there for me though a lot and I was there when she became a single mother too. I felt that we were friends, not good/close ones, but friends. We have hardly talked in the past 6 months, and now with her man friend, we don't talk at all so when our actual guest list is made, she probably wont even make the bottom of our list, and she will know why on her own. 

  
  

  I just figured, I would ask the brains here about that so that with her name I can put a number. FI doesn't want her around even to drive on our street now.

  
  

  My ex was not violent towards my daughter, it was towards me, she saw. My restraining order expired last year, hers is until she is 18. He never laid a hand on her or near her, and even wrote a long letter to her that the judge gave me to give her when I felt like it. I have heard he has been though rehab for his anger and such, but I have 0 contact with anyone from that life anymore. They are both grown adults, able to do their own thing. If he has changed, that it fantastic. But she knows what he is capable of and for that I am worried, but again, they are grown adults free to do as they will. 

  If you're just wondering how many to put her down for now while the planning is just starting... We recommend giving EVERYBODY a "plus one" or guest or SO spot right now.  Just to see where your numbers are.  You never know if someone who is single today will meet someone tomorrow and get married right before your invitations are addressed.  You should always add that buffer of Plus Ones for everyone.  Just in case.  Then, when you decide to address your invitations, you can obviously remove or add whoever you want while keeping within your budged number.   (As long as you don't send STDates to anyone, invite them to any pre-wedding parties, or verbally invite them, you can change your mind about anybody you choose.)

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• climbingsingle member

  

  October 2015

  When is your wedding? You're just starting your guest list now? And you just found out they're sleeping together, but you're wondering if he has to be invited? This whole thing is weird. Why would you even invite someone you have't spoken to in 6 months? 

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• jacques27 member

  

  October 2015 edited October 2015

  1. Don't invite someone because you're grateful for the role they played in your life months or years ago. If you don't have a strong relationship now, why would you invite her? I have lots of people I used to be close to, but I'm not going to shove the people I'm close to now aside to make room for them. You aren't even close enough to have found out directly from her.
  
  2. If you do invite her, then don't give her a plus one. Sucks that she'll be singled out like that, but them's the breaks. Of course, that's assuming they don't consider each other a significant other at that point. If they do, then I think you're stuck considering them a social unit and should just not bother at all.

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• JediElizabeth member

  

  October 2015

  OP, forgive me if I'm wrong, but it sounds like you posted mainly because you've been blindsided by someone you felt was a friend getting together with your ex, and you panicked at the idea of him coming to your wedding, even though the guest list isn't even final. Or maybe you just wanted some confirmation from anonymous strangers that you're totally within your rights to be angry about it.
  
  If that's the case, you have every right to feel angry and blindsided. But it also sounds like this person isn't around much anymore, and the friendship is on the midst of fading away. It's probably time to let that go; be grateful for the help she gave you, but don't feel obligated to stay friends with or invite to your wedding someone who clearly isn't there for you anymore.
  
  

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• Jen4948 member

  

  October 2015

  NopeNopeNope2 said:

  She was there for me though a lot and I was there when she became a single mother too. I felt that we were friends, not good/close ones, but friends. We have hardly talked in the past 6 months, and now with her man friend, we don't talk at all so when our actual guest list is made, she probably wont even make the bottom of our list, and she will know why on her own. 

  
  

  I just figured, I would ask the brains here about that so that with her name I can put a number. FI doesn't want her around even to drive on our street now.

  
  

  My ex was not violent towards my daughter, it was towards me, she saw. My restraining order expired last year, hers is until she is 18. He never laid a hand on her or near her, and even wrote a long letter to her that the judge gave me to give her when I felt like it. I have heard he has been though rehab for his anger and such, but I have 0 contact with anyone from that life anymore. They are both grown adults, able to do their own thing. If he has changed, that it fantastic. But she knows what he is capable of and for that I am worried, but again, they are grown adults free to do as they will. 

  Regardless of whether or not your ex was violent towards your daughter (who presumably will be at your wedding), if there's still a restraining order requiring that there be no contact between him and your daughter, he should not be at your wedding.

  But if this friend is someone you have barely even spoken to for six months, I think that whatever she did for you in the past, she is no longer close enough to you to invite to your wedding, and if she's now the SO of your ex, you need to just leave her (and her kids) off your guest list, period.
  

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• MrsMack10612 member

  

  October 2015

  This woman is an example of the "reason, season or lifetime" saying for friendships.  She was your friend for a season of your life that you needed that kind of support.

  
  

  It sounds like the friendship is long been dwindling.  Let it finally fade out and don't even put her on the list.

   

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• thespeshulestsnowflake member

  

  October 2015

  Correct me if I'm reading this wrong, but he actually cannot come to your wedding assuming your daughter is there. You said she has a restraining order against him until she is 18. If she is younger than 18, he cannot come to your wedding if she is there.

  

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