Wedding Invitation Question!! HELP!

kaysee26 · October 2015

My fiances great aunt is invited to our wedding. She is 90 years old. Her daughter goes everywhere with her. Obviously her daughter will be her guest! They live right next door to each other.

Do I send 1 invitation to his aunt with her daughters name on it OR send them each their own invitation?

Thank you in advance!!

MandyMost · October 2015

I think you have to ask yourself a few questions:

1. Would you be inviting the daughter anyway?

2. Would the daughter be offended to be the "an guest" of the aunt?

kaysee26 · October 2015

yes i am inviting the daughter and its her mother! its my fiances aunt!

CMGragain · October 2015

You should send them each an invitation.

kaysee26 · October 2015

even tho they live next door? and I'm not inviting her daughters family just her daughter.

lembaslover · October 2015

If you just send one to the great Aunt and she chooses to take someone other than her daughter would that matter to you? If it doesn't matter to you that she might either not be the +1 or might be offended she wasn't invited on her own then you need to send her a separate invite.

Is her daughter married or in a relationship? If so you need to invite her SO as well.

Edited for grammar.

kaysee26 · October 2015

No, I've never actually met his great aunt or her daughter! She is in a relationship, but according to my future MIL, she said her SO doesn't go to family functions.

simcal18 · October 2015

kaysee26 said:

even tho they live next door? and I'm not inviting her daughters family just her daughter.

Whether they live next door to each other has nothing to do with it. Even if they live in the same house, if you are inviting them as separate social units, they get their own invitations. Example: I invited my aunt, as well as my cousin and her husband, to my wedding. They all live in the same house. Cousin and husband got an invitation addressed to them; Aunt got an invitation addressed to her. Both invitations were sent to the same address.

In this case, you have two options. OPTION 1: you invite great aunt with an "and guest,' knowing it is very likely she will bring FI's aunt as that guest. In that instance, you send out one invite, address it to "great aunt and guest," and send it to great aunt's address. OPTION 2: you send out separate invites to great aunt and her daughter. In this case, you send them each their own invites to their own addresses. HOWEVER, if you choose this option, and FI's aunt is in a relationship (i.e. has an SO/spouse), her SO/spouse must be invited as well.

kaysee26 · October 2015

I totally agree with you, but I was told - "Invite Aunt Ruth with a plus one, with her plus one being her daughter" Now I'm being told that I have send 2 invitations, which to me that is inviting her daughter & her daughters SO!

marie2785 · October 2015

As other PPs have said, invite, using separate invitations the great aunt (with an "and guest" if you want), and the daughter who should have her SOs name on the invite.

FI or a member of his family should call both of them, and let them know they were BOTH invited.That way the great aunt knows her daughter was invited, and the daughter knows her mom was. That'll make it easy for them to decide on their own how they want to handle travel.

Maggie0829 · October 2015

Okay you have a couple options...

1) Send an invite to the Aunt with an "and Guest," then let the Aunt decide who she is bringing (which will most likely be her daughter)

OR

2) Send an invite to each of them. One to just the Aunt and then another to the Daughter and her SO. Then let them decide who will and will not come.

kaysee26 · October 2015

I agree, and I was planning on option 1 (one invitation) but now my future MIL is telling me I need to send 2, but ONLY invite her daughter.

aurianna · October 2015

Would you be inviting FI's aunt regardless if great aunt can come or not?

If yes then you do this:

Invite 1: Great-Aunt, sent to great -aunt's house
Invite 2: Aunt & Aunt's SO, sent to aunt's house

If you would not normally be inviting FI's aunt (aka if you are fine with Great-aunt potentially bringing her dog groomer instead of her daughter), then you do this:

Invite 1: Great Aunt and Guest, sent to great-aunt's house.

And there is a third option:

Invite 1: Great-Aunt and Guest, sent to great -aunt's house
Invite 2: Aunt & Aunt's SO, sent to aunt's house

Do this if you were going to invite the aunt anyway, but also want to give the Great-aunt the option to bringing someone else (might be prudent in case the aunt can't come).

Those are the three options. Use whichever works best for your specific situation.

ETA: And just because you invite Aunt's SO or give Great-Aunt a guest doesn't mean the SO or guest will come. If the great-aunt and aunt usually go to family events as a pair that's still likely to happen. However you must follow proper etiquette by inviting aunt's SO if you are sending her her own invite.

Maggie0829 · October 2015

kaysee26 said:

I agree, and I was planning on option 1 (one invitation) but now my future MIL is telling me I need to send 2, but ONLY invite her daughter.

If you were planning on going with just the one invite to the Aunt, then do that. Like a PP said, your FI could always call up his Aunt to let her know that she is welcome to bring her daughter as her guest if for some reason she gets confused by the "and Guest" and lack of her daughters name on the invite.

But to send an invite to the daughter and not include her SO could be hurtful, so sometimes it is just best to invite her SO even though you have a strong suspicion that he won't come. That is if you do decide to go the two invite route.

Jen4948 · October 2015

I would send them separate invitations, especially if you think your great-aunt may want to bring someone besides her daughter (or her SO) but you want to invite her daughter anyway.

[Deleted User] · October 2015

kaysee26 said:

My fiances great aunt is invited to our wedding. She is 90 years old. Her daughter goes everywhere with her. Obviously her daughter will be her guest! They live right next door to each other.

Do I send 1 invitation to his aunt with her daughters name on it OR send them each their own invitation?

Thank you in advance!!

Who are you inviting? Is Great Aunt invited even if Aunt can't come? Is Aunt invited even if Great Aunt can't come? This is how you decide how many invitations you need to send.

kaysee26 · October 2015

very good point & great way of looking at it!

JediElizabeth · October 2015

kaysee26 said:

I agree, and I was planning on option 1 (one invitation) but now my future MIL is telling me I need to send 2, but ONLY invite her daughter.

Your FMIL is wrong and rude. The Aunt and Great Aunt are not a social unit and have not been since the Aunt turned 18 - the Aunt and her husband are a social unit, and the Great Aunt is a social unit. Your other options - inviting the Great Aunt with a plus one, or inviting the Great Aunt and the Aunt & Uncle together - are both feasible. And apparently, no matter what you do, the uncle isn't coming because he doesn't come to family events.

But what if your FMIL doesn't know that your FI is the uncle's favorite nephew, and he'd like to make an exception for him? Or maybe he never came because his last job was too draining, but he has a new job that makes it easier for him to come? You don't actually know for sure if he'd be upset that his wife was invited without him, but you do know that he has every right to expect an invitation to any wedding she's invited to.

kaysee26 · October 2015

I agree. If I send 2 invitations I am inviting them both. They his second cousins, and I've never met them. But if shes gonna be all about being "proper" I am inviting them both and not just one!

MandyMost · October 2015

kaysee26 said:

No, I've never actually met his great aunt or her daughter! She is in a relationship, but according to my future MIL, she said her SO doesn't go to family functions.

The decision to send an invite has nothing to do with whether you think the invitee(s) will or will not want, or be able, to come. All it has to do with is who you want to be there, and the etiquette of inviting social units together.

ryanandjoe4 · October 2015

MandyMost said:

kaysee26 said:

No, I've never actually met his great aunt or her daughter! She is in a relationship, but according to my future MIL, she said her SO doesn't go to family functions.

The decision to send an invite has nothing to do with whether you think the invitee(s) will or will not want, or be able, to come. All it has to do with is who you want to be there, and the etiquette of inviting social units together.

I agree, there is a cousin of my H that never comes to family functions (he is a married in husband they have two kids), and was at the wedding we really didn't think that he would come since we never see him. So never count on SO not showing up.

Wedding Invitation Question!! HELP!

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