Hi Ladies! I'm going through a messy dilemma and not able to think clearly, I hope someone can offer some sound and practical advice. (if you can relate in some way, that would also be helpful).
My fiance and I got engaged last month (September 2015) after dating for 4 years. We both currently live at home, still with our parents (20 mins from each other). His family is polar opposite of mine. My family is VERY family-orientated and my siblings and I are best friends (I have 1 sister & 1 brother - I'm the oldest, we're all in our 20s). Growing up (and still today with certain things) my parents are involved in me and my siblings lives. They play an active role in our lives and have always been that way. However, my fiance comes from a different family dynamic. While both of his parents are physically present, they've never been really there for him or his siblings (he has 1 younger brother and two older sisters). My fiance and his siblings as individuals, are family-orientated and they make an effort to keep the family as well as each other connected. However, their parents aren't the same, they're not family-orientated and have never made any real effort to be there for my fiance or his siblings in any way besides in the physical sense of being there. They pretty much raised themselves. Their parents aren't drug or alcohol addicts, or bums or anything like that -- They have jobs and work hard, they just don't care. (i know, it's weird).
Ever since I started dating my fiance, his parents never made a real effort to get to know me, our relationship or anything like that. They never offered any support for anything pertaining to me or the relationship I have with their son. I couldn't tell you how they really feel about our relationship. They'll have small talk with me when I go over to visit with my fiance, they'll ask how I'm doing but they just aren't interested. If I bring up wedding planning, they don't care. They never seem interested in anything that goes on in their kids lives. I've tried to get close to my in-laws but they kind of push me away. I've come to accept that his parents may not be there when we tie the knot. And they may not be there for any other triumpanth moment in our lives. I've accepted it.
On the other hand, I've been explaining the situation and difference in family structure to my family and they don't get it and understand it (well my siblings can understand it, my parents don't) - which is expected especially since our family dynamics are totally different where interaction with our parents are involved. My parents are assuming that it's my fault as to why my future in-laws are uninterested even though I've explained the situation a million times to them, they're still accusing me of not trying hard enough to get to know my in-laws MUCH better or get them to be more enthusiastic about certain things. My fiance believes that it's not his place to talk with my parents or his parents to resolve the issue. He says his parents are they way they are and they've always been like this. And it's driving me crazy because I feel like I'm the only one trying to find a solution. He doesn't see a problem but I do when I'm getting blamed by my parents for his parents lack of involvement in wedding planning or anything else involved to us starting a life.
But also, I know I can't change how his parents feel or behave. I can't control their actions.
I'm trying to get my parents to understand that my future in-laws not being interested, is just how they are. And they shouldn't take offense to it. I'm also wondering my fiance won't come to my resuce and talk with my parents as well as with his and defend me against my parents -- because he knows I've tried multiple time to get close with his parents (like he is with mine). And I'm not sure what else to do and I would love to hear any and all advice and/or suggestions.
Should I try to fix it? OR Just ignore it?
Thanks a million in advance, ladies!