Integrating lines from pop-culture into vows?

zerostarzombie · October 2015

My FI and I have been together since we were in high school, going on 8 years. We are getting married next June, the day after our 8 year anniversary. I know I have some time to think about vows and what to say, but I figured it would be good to ask ahead of time.

We are both huge fans of video games and Japanese culture, such as anime and the like. We have a couple of series that we have bonded over together, and that mean a lot to us. Would it be weird to use quotes from said series within the vows, as long as their appropriate? I wouldn't throw in random quotes, but ones that stuck with us.

Example - the one ending of an anime we loved was the two main characters finally confessing their love for another, and it reads, "Equivalent exchange - I'll give you half of my life, if you give me half of yours."

Thank you for your input!

climbingsingle · October 2015

IMO, that stuff is cheesy. I'd leave it out of the vows.

Jen4948 · October 2015

Please don't. The lack of originality and the overly "cutesy" nature of this comes across like you're trying too hard and missing the mark.

zerostarzombie · October 2015

climbingwife said:

IMO, that stuff is cheesy. I'd leave it out of the vows.

Jen4948 said:

Please don't. The lack of originality and the overly "cutesy" nature of this comes across like you're trying too hard and missing the mark.

Okay, good to know. Thank you.

jacques27 · October 2015

Also, vows are supposed to be a promise of your commitment, essentially a contract. The specific example you gave sort of treads near that territory, but it really isn't the time to get cutesy or declare your love. Everyone already knows you love each other, that's why they are at your wedding. Save that sort of stuff for a private love letter or during a first look. Your vows should be what you are pledging to provide as a partner for the duration of your marriage.

[Deleted User] · October 2015

zerostarzombie said:

My FI and I have been together since we were in high school, going on 8 years. We are getting married next June, the day after our 8 year anniversary. I know I have some time to think about vows and what to say, but I figured it would be good to ask ahead of time.
We are both huge fans of video games and Japanese culture, such as anime and the like. We have a couple of series that we have bonded over together, and that mean a lot to us. Would it be weird to use quotes from said series within the vows, as long as their appropriate? I wouldn't throw in random quotes, but ones that stuck with us.
Example - the one ending of an anime we loved was the two main characters finally confessing their love for another, and it reads, "Equivalent exchange - I'll give you half of my life, if you give me half of yours."
Thank you for your input!

Vows are promises. i.e. I promise to stay with you for richer or poorer, in sickness and in health.

Vows are not a verbal love letter. i.e. I knew since the first time you beat me at video game that we would be together forever. I've loved you since you introduced me to anime. You will always be my random character and I will always be your other random character.

Please make sure you do the vows right. Make promises.

AddieCake · October 2015

I cringe just thinking about this.

STARMOON44 · October 2015

You could certainly have an excerpt of a story as one of your readings, but please not in your vows.

knottie93f96a98e60cf4f2 · October 2015

zerostarzombie said:
My FI and I have been together since we were in high school, going on 8 years. We are getting married next June, the day after our 8 year anniversary. I know I have some time to think about vows and what to say, but I figured it would be good to ask ahead of time.
We are both huge fans of video games and Japanese culture, such as anime and the like. We have a couple of series that we have bonded over together, and that mean a lot to us. Would it be weird to use quotes from said series within the vows, as long as their appropriate? I wouldn't throw in random quotes, but ones that stuck with us.
Example - the one ending of an anime we loved was the two main characters finally confessing their love for another, and it reads, "Equivalent exchange - I'll give you half of my life, if you give me half of yours."
Thank you for your input!

I think other PPs have it covered with the vows and ceremony but i have another idea for you.

A cool and personal way to incorporate your wedding and interests into one might be to make a scrapbook (if you have the time and energy) for you two, perhaps even and the beginning of your relationship and leading up to and including your wedding and honey moon, but do it back to front and right to left so you'd have to read through it "backwards" (aka Japanese style) to make sense. And you include all your favorite anime/manga/video game characters and quotes as you "level up" to engagement and marriage.

Besides being, IMO, cheesy with quotes in your vows, it's more of an inside joke that probably most of your guests won't get (unless they watch, idk, Full Metal Alchemist? Equivalent exchange? Maybe? Im not even sure. )

OliveOilsMom · October 2015

This was my first thought: "I, Rachel, take you, Ross, because you're my lobster."

mileybangerz · October 2015

As long as your vows reference a wrecking ball, I'm cool with it.

penguinpyaar · October 2015

For what it's worth, I think the idea is really cute if done right. The pp's are correct in that the vows should be promises, but that doesn't mean you can't kick them off with a few short reasons why you are marrying the person...I did. My husband is obsessed with Liverpool FC (soccer team) so I incorporated their slogan into my vows as a surprise. It was "you'll never walk alone." I honestly doubt anyone else even realized what this was from, but he loved it. Your wedding and vows should be personal, and if those words have special meaning to you...use them. Cheesy, to me, is when people incorporate trends without having a personal reason for it.

Jen4948 · October 2015

penguinpyaar said:
For what it's worth, I think the idea is really cute if done right. The pp's are correct in that the vows should be promises, but that doesn't mean you can't kick them off with a few short reasons why you are marrying the person...I did. My husband is obsessed with Liverpool FC (soccer team) so I incorporated their slogan into my vows as a surprise. It was "you'll never walk alone." I honestly doubt anyone else even realized what this was from, but he loved it. Your wedding and vows should be personal, and if those words have special meaning to you...use them. Cheesy, to me, is when people incorporate trends without having a personal reason for it.

The problem is, no matter how "well done," it's overdone. And the "personalization" of the vows is not important to anyone at the wedding besides the couple. For everyone else, especially those who are not familiar with the "theme" of the personalization, it comes off as an egotistical yawn. Nobody goes to weddings to listen to "cute" personalized vows but to see two people become legally, socially, and religiously a couple. Overdoing the "personalization" comes off as AWish.

JediElizabeth · October 2015

Jen4948 said:

penguinpyaar said:
For what it's worth, I think the idea is really cute if done right. The pp's are correct in that the vows should be promises, but that doesn't mean you can't kick them off with a few short reasons why you are marrying the person...I did. My husband is obsessed with Liverpool FC (soccer team) so I incorporated their slogan into my vows as a surprise. It was "you'll never walk alone." I honestly doubt anyone else even realized what this was from, but he loved it. Your wedding and vows should be personal, and if those words have special meaning to you...use them. Cheesy, to me, is when people incorporate trends without having a personal reason for it.
The problem is, no matter how "well done," it's overdone. And the "personalization" of the vows is not important to anyone at the wedding besides the couple. For everyone else, especially those who are not familiar with the "theme" of the personalization, it comes off as an egotistical yawn. Nobody goes to weddings to listen to "cute" personalized vows but to see two people become legally, socially, and religiously a couple. Overdoing the "personalization" comes off as AWish.

Are the vows - the exact words of them, besides the baselines needed for legal purposes - important to anyone but the couple? Should guests be prioritized here at all (aside from having a comfortable place to sit)? Or isn't that what the reception is for?

I for one am all for incorporating the relationship into the vows, including a possible short preamble, which may or may not have a reference that not everyone gets. After all, if I love my family & friends enough to sit through a Catholic ceremony, after leaving the Church with a lot of anger and pain a decade ago, I hope my guests can sit through something personalized to me, even if they don't get or like it themselves. Especially if I'm feeding & entertaining then after!

Jen4948 · October 2015

JediElizabeth said:

Jen4948 said:

penguinpyaar said:
For what it's worth, I think the idea is really cute if done right. The pp's are correct in that the vows should be promises, but that doesn't mean you can't kick them off with a few short reasons why you are marrying the person...I did. My husband is obsessed with Liverpool FC (soccer team) so I incorporated their slogan into my vows as a surprise. It was "you'll never walk alone." I honestly doubt anyone else even realized what this was from, but he loved it. Your wedding and vows should be personal, and if those words have special meaning to you...use them. Cheesy, to me, is when people incorporate trends without having a personal reason for it.
The problem is, no matter how "well done," it's overdone. And the "personalization" of the vows is not important to anyone at the wedding besides the couple. For everyone else, especially those who are not familiar with the "theme" of the personalization, it comes off as an egotistical yawn. Nobody goes to weddings to listen to "cute" personalized vows but to see two people become legally, socially, and religiously a couple. Overdoing the "personalization" comes off as AWish.
Are the vows - the exact words of them, besides the baselines needed for legal purposes - important to anyone but the couple? Should guests be prioritized here at all (aside from having a comfortable place to sit)? Or isn't that what the reception is for?

I for one am all for incorporating the relationship into the vows, including a possible short preamble, which may or may not have a reference that not everyone gets. After all, if I love my family & friends enough to sit through a Catholic ceremony, after leaving the Church with a lot of anger and pain a decade ago, I hope my guests can sit through something personalized to me, even if they don't get or like it themselves. Especially if I'm feeding & entertaining then after!

I think it depends. No, I don't think wedding ceremonies need to be cookie-cutter like in which everyone says exactly the same thing. And I don't object to readings, prayers, music, etc. that establish how the couple and the community, faith, etc. that they're marrying in feel about getting married and what's involved.

But the couple can take "personalization" too far if they treat the ceremony like an ego-fest, where every single aspect of their lives, from their hobbies to every step of the history of their relationship, is somehow "incorporated" into the wedding in order to "honor" every single career, hobby, and other interest-including ones that the guests have no familiarity with or interest in themselves.

Also, vows are specific promises about loving and being there for each other, not recitations of poetry or quotes from cartoons or whatever. If there is any one part of the ceremony that should not be cute, clever, or "personalized," it's the vows.

The point of a wedding ceremony is to establish the couple as a couple in the community and the world, not just in their own minds. Going overboard with "personalization" suggests that the couple are more interested in stroking their egos than in the actual act of getting married, and that can cause their maturity and readiness for marriage into question. There's no reason why you (generic) can't personalize the heck out of the reception, providing the guests' needs are properly attended to, but I would be careful and do it sparingly with the ceremony.

JediElizabeth · October 2015

@Jen4948 - I can somewhat see where you're coming from, but I can also see issues when you don't have any precedent to base your ceremony on, like a religious tradition. When you're writing your own script anyway, it's kind of natural to want to put some of yourself into it. It's no more or less egotisitical than any part of human nature.

Also, "establishing a couple in a community" is a tricky idea. What community are you speaking to, and what gives them the right to question their "maturity and readiness for marriage?" Who does the couple have to prove themselves to? And why?

IDK, I think side eying personalized vows is kinda overly judgmental for no real reason. Everyone may have an opinion, but really no one has a stake in it except the bride, the groom, and maybe the officiant. (Again, as long as legal minimums are met.)

Jen4948 · October 2015

JediElizabeth said:
@Jen4948 - I can somewhat see where you're coming from, but I can also see issues when you don't have any precedent to base your ceremony on, like a religious tradition. When you're writing your own script anyway, it's kind of natural to want to put some of yourself into it. It's no more or less egotisitical than any part of human nature.

Also, "establishing a couple in a community" is a tricky idea. What community are you speaking to, and what gives them the right to question their "maturity and readiness for marriage?" Who does the couple have to prove themselves to? And why?

IDK, I think side eying personalized vows is kinda overly judgmental for no real reason. b>Everyone may have an opinion, but really no one has a stake in it except the bride, the groom, and maybe the officiant. (Again, as long as legal minimums are met.)

If the bolded is true, why should the couple have anyone at their ceremony other than themselves and the officiant (and any required witnesses)? Why doesn't the couple just elope if only their opinions on the ceremony matter?

Weddings are public acts-not just private declarations of "I love you, I love you, I love you, did I forget to mention that I love you?" Nor are they stand-up comedy. The people and "community" the couple have to "prove" that to are the ones they plan to live in and seek the support of, and I think it's fair to expect them in turn to not turn their vows into exercises in "cutesiness" or "cleverness" or "originality" or "humor" because they think it's "their day."

ThxSugar · October 2015

I feel like this is why people come on here and frequently want small ceremonies with larger receptions. They want to say the vows that are special to them, whether or not the rest of the crowd 'gets it' is not important at that point. They are saying them to each other not the group. They are saying what is in their heart and being that open can feel vulnerable. Maybe humor helps with their nervousness, I don't care b/c the ceremony is not about me.

KatWAG · October 2015

ThxSugar said:

I feel like this is why people come on here and frequently want small ceremonies with larger receptions. They want to say the vows that are special to them, whether or not the rest of the crowd 'gets it' is not important at that point. They are saying them to each other not the group. They are saying what is in their heart and being that open can feel vulnerable. Maybe humor helps with their nervousness, I don't care b/c the ceremony is not about me.

I don't understand your logic. How would a small ceremony change anything? If its not important that the crowd "gets it" then why not say your vows in front of all your guests?

ThxSugar · October 2015

KatWAG said:

ThxSugar said:

I feel like this is why people come on here and frequently want small ceremonies with larger receptions. They want to say the vows that are special to them, whether or not the rest of the crowd 'gets it' is not important at that point. They are saying them to each other not the group. They are saying what is in their heart and being that open can feel vulnerable. Maybe humor helps with their nervousness, I don't care b/c the ceremony is not about me.

I don't understand your logic. How would a small ceremony change anything? If its not important that the crowd "gets it" then why not say your vows in front of all your guests?

I am suggesting that some people want to say highly personal vows that they wouldn't normally feel comfortable saying in front of a large group. And that maybe they deal with nervousness with humor, hence why they add "cutesy" jokes to their vows. Obviously, I am just talking hypothetically but I don't think I am going to judge anyones vows because of an inside joke I don't get. I would be annoyed if the ceremony took forever or had no actually meaning to the couple, looking at you unity sand.

Jen4948 · October 2015

ThxSugar said:

I feel like this is why people come on here and frequently want small ceremonies with larger receptions. They want to say the vows that are special to them, whether or not the rest of the crowd 'gets it' is not important at that point. They are saying them to each other not the group. They are saying what is in their heart and being that open can feel vulnerable. Maybe humor helps with their nervousness, I don't care b/c the ceremony is not about me.

I don't understand your logic. How would a small ceremony change anything? If its not important that the crowd "gets it" then why not say your vows in front of all your guests?
I am suggesting that some people want to say highly personal vows that they wouldn't normally feel comfortable saying in front of a large group. And that maybe they deal with nervousness with humor, hence why they add "cutesy" jokes to their vows. Obviously, I am just talking hypothetically but I don't think I am going to judge anyones vows because of an inside joke I don't get. I would be annoyed if the ceremony took forever or had no actually meaning to the couple, looking at you unity sand.

The thing is, if you're going to invite guests, you need to expect to make public vows in their presence. It is part and parcel of a marriage ceremony. If you're too nervous or uncomfortable to do so without cutesy references or inside humor, or you want your ceremony to be only about what you want, then, honestly, your guests shouldn't be there. But as soon as you invite other people, their needs have to take priority. It is okay to elope or otherwise have a totally private wedding. But if you want others to be there, I think you need to scale back on the "personalization." That doesn't mean cut it out entirely, but it means getting over your nervousness and discomfort as well as your own ego and planning a ceremony that's more inclusive of everyone's needs. If that means dropping the inside jokes and references and being more dignified, then I think that's what you need to do.

JediElizabeth · October 2015

Jen4948 said:

ThxSugar said:

KatWAG said:

ThxSugar said:

I feel like this is why people come on here and frequently want small ceremonies with larger receptions. They want to say the vows that are special to them, whether or not the rest of the crowd 'gets it' is not important at that point. They are saying them to each other not the group. They are saying what is in their heart and being that open can feel vulnerable. Maybe humor helps with their nervousness, I don't care b/c the ceremony is not about me.

I don't understand your logic. How would a small ceremony change anything? If its not important that the crowd "gets it" then why not say your vows in front of all your guests?
I am suggesting that some people want to say highly personal vows that they wouldn't normally feel comfortable saying in front of a large group. And that maybe they deal with nervousness with humor, hence why they add "cutesy" jokes to their vows. Obviously, I am just talking hypothetically but I don't think I am going to judge anyones vows because of an inside joke I don't get. I would be annoyed if the ceremony took forever or had no actually meaning to the couple, looking at you unity sand.

ThxSugar said:

KatWAG said:

ThxSugar said:

I feel like this is why people come on here and frequently want small ceremonies with larger receptions. They want to say the vows that are special to them, whether or not the rest of the crowd 'gets it' is not important at that point. They are saying them to each other not the group. They are saying what is in their heart and being that open can feel vulnerable. Maybe humor helps with their nervousness, I don't care b/c the ceremony is not about me.

I don't understand your logic. How would a small ceremony change anything? If its not important that the crowd "gets it" then why not say your vows in front of all your guests?

I am suggesting that some people want to say highly personal vows that they wouldn't normally feel comfortable saying in front of a large group. And that maybe they deal with nervousness with humor, hence why they add "cutesy" jokes to their vows. Obviously, I am just talking hypothetically but I don't think I am going to judge anyones vows because of an inside joke I don't get. I would be annoyed if the ceremony took forever or had no actually meaning to the couple, looking at you unity sand.

The thing is, if you're going to invite guests, you need to expect to make public vows in their presence. It is part and parcel of a marriage ceremony. If you're too nervous or uncomfortable to do so without cutesy references or inside humor, or you want your ceremony to be only about what you want, then, honestly, your guests shouldn't be there. But as soon as you invite other people, their needs have to take priority.

It is okay to elope or otherwise have a totally private wedding. But if you want others to be there, I think you need to scale back on the "personalization." That doesn't mean cut it out entirely, but it means getting over your nervousness and discomfort as well as your own ego and planning a ceremony that's more inclusive of everyone's needs. If that means dropping the inside jokes and references and being more dignified, then I think that's what you need to do.

>>>>>boxes have disappeared<<<<

You keep referring to personal vows as ego, and I don't think I'm understanding you. Obviously we're not talking Freudian ego (that is, personality part between the id and superego), but I think I originally misinterpreted it when I though "egotisitical," as in narcissistic. What do you mean by "getting over...your own ego and being inclusive of everybody's needs [by not having overly personalized vows]"?

Not trying to be snarky...I really don't see how the content of the vows really relate to ego or not thinking of guests needs, and why those kinds of vows are ok for an elopement but not for a large wedding.

Jen4948 · October 2015

JediElizabeth said:

Jen4948 said:

ThxSugar said:

KatWAG said:

ThxSugar said:

I feel like this is why people come on here and frequently want small ceremonies with larger receptions. They want to say the vows that are special to them, whether or not the rest of the crowd 'gets it' is not important at that point. They are saying them to each other not the group. They are saying what is in their heart and being that open can feel vulnerable. Maybe humor helps with their nervousness, I don't care b/c the ceremony is not about me.

I don't understand your logic. How would a small ceremony change anything? If its not important that the crowd "gets it" then why not say your vows in front of all your guests?
I am suggesting that some people want to say highly personal vows that they wouldn't normally feel comfortable saying in front of a large group. And that maybe they deal with nervousness with humor, hence why they add "cutesy" jokes to their vows. Obviously, I am just talking hypothetically but I don't think I am going to judge anyones vows because of an inside joke I don't get. I would be annoyed if the ceremony took forever or had no actually meaning to the couple, looking at you unity sand.

ThxSugar said:

KatWAG said:

ThxSugar said:

I feel like this is why people come on here and frequently want small ceremonies with larger receptions. They want to say the vows that are special to them, whether or not the rest of the crowd 'gets it' is not important at that point. They are saying them to each other not the group. They are saying what is in their heart and being that open can feel vulnerable. Maybe humor helps with their nervousness, I don't care b/c the ceremony is not about me.

I don't understand your logic. How would a small ceremony change anything? If its not important that the crowd "gets it" then why not say your vows in front of all your guests?
I am suggesting that some people want to say highly personal vows that they wouldn't normally feel comfortable saying in front of a large group. And that maybe they deal with nervousness with humor, hence why they add "cutesy" jokes to their vows. Obviously, I am just talking hypothetically but I don't think I am going to judge anyones vows because of an inside joke I don't get. I would be annoyed if the ceremony took forever or had no actually meaning to the couple, looking at you unity sand.

The thing is, if you're going to invite guests, you need to expect to make public vows in their presence. It is part and parcel of a marriage ceremony. If you're too nervous or uncomfortable to do so without cutesy references or inside humor, or you want your ceremony to be only about what you want, then, honestly, your guests shouldn't be there. But as soon as you invite other people, their needs have to take priority.

It is okay to elope or otherwise have a totally private wedding. But if you want others to be there, I think you need to scale back on the "personalization." That doesn't mean cut it out entirely, but it means getting over your nervousness and discomfort as well as your own ego and planning a ceremony that's more inclusive of everyone's needs. If that means dropping the inside jokes and references and being more dignified, then I think that's what you need to do.

>>>>>boxes have disappeared<<<<

You keep referring to personal vows as ego, and I don't think I'm understanding you. Obviously we're not talking Freudian ego (that is, personality part between the id and superego), but I think I originally misinterpreted it when I though "egotisitical," as in narcissistic. What do you mean by "getting over...your own ego and being inclusive of everybody's needs [by not having overly personalized vows]"?

Not trying to be snarky...I really don't see how the content of the vows really relate to ego or not thinking of guests needs, and why those kinds of vows are ok for an elopement but not for a large wedding. </p>

I think that when you invite guests, you need to include them by not making them sit through prolonged exchanges where they don't know or have information about, and it's not self-evident, why something is " meaningful" or "funny" or "cute" or whatever to you. That's why wedding vows tend to be standardized-so everyone present can understand them and no one needs to have any special inside knowledge to follow what's going on.

Also, I find that contrived humor, cuteness, or whatever, either sounds really crass or just tends to fall flat and miss the mark-either because it lacks spontaneity, the timing is off, it makes fun of or light of something that shouldn't be, or again, because those present don't have the inside knowledge needed to understand and appreciate it. So my advice, and this is me, is to not plan to be "cute," "clever," "funny," "original/unique," or whatever and just have vows where you (generic) promises to love each other, be there for each other, etc., let any "humor" etc. during the ceremony just flow naturally, and save any planned "cuteness," "humor," and "originality" for the reception.

JediElizabeth · October 2015

Fair enough, @Jen4948. I disagree entirely, but I think it's personal choice and personal taste.

I personally dislike monotheistic religious ceremonies and often feel uncomfortable or out of the loop in them, but I'd never judge someone for asking me to sit through one, or decline because it's in a house of worship. I think it's pretty much the same for personal vows - not everyone will get it, but that's no reason not to do it, and it doesn't even make it rude. Also, there are so many other, more important ways to make sure guests' needs are met.

Jen4948 · October 2015

JediElizabeth said:
Fair enough, @Jen4948. I disagree entirely, but I think it's personal choice and personal taste.

I personally dislike monotheistic religious ceremonies and often feel uncomfortable or out of the loop in them, but I'd never judge someone for asking me to sit through one, or decline because it's in a house of worship. I think it's pretty much the same for personal vows - not everyone will get it, but that's no reason not to do it, and it doesn't even make it rude. Also, there are so many other, more important ways to make sure guests' needs are met.

I wouldn't judge anyone for having a wedding ceremony in their religion either. I also wouldn't side-eye all that many personal touches unless there were a ton of unexplained "inside" touches or there were so many attempts at being "funny" that it didn't seem like the couple took getting married seriously.

Just so we're clear, I don't oppose personalization unless it's overdone, but when I hear about someone wanting to "incorporate" something into their vows that wouldn't normally be there, and its significance isn't self-evident, in order to "personalize" the ceremony, I have to wonder why they need to add it and what "meaning" it adds to a ceremony to be publicly witnessed. You (generic) can personalize the ceremony music, readings, etc., but when it comes to the vows, this is the one area where to me, it just doesn't work.

Integrating lines from pop-culture into vows?

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