Wedding Etiquette Forum

Sorry...MINI VENT

UGH.

So, I've had a lot of...issues, with FFIL in the past. Which is probably why this is bothering me so much, as I recognize it's not realty a big deal. Explaining this could go on FOREVER, so I will just say, he's a very difficult man, he's super elitist and condescending, he has made comments about my parents' financial situation and about my father's ability to "provide for his family," among other things, which is personally unforgivable because my father is the world to me. He also treats FI terribly and they have a very strained relationship on their own. If it weren't for me keeping the peace for FI's brother's sake, we probably would not see or talk to him. He also basically told FI he was making a mistake marrying me.

All that aside, I don't like him but I deal with him, and I'm perfectly pleasant towards him (I know people can believe that about themselves, but even FSIL and FBIL say I'm shockingly well behaved to his face).

ANYWAY...FI has a very small family on both sides. FFIL is an only child, but has one cousin he is close to. Cousin is ~50 and has never been married, and to my knowledge, has not had girlfriends or even dated seriously. We did not give +1s to any truly single people (all SOs were invited), so naturally this man was not given a +1. He is coming with his parents and sitting with Aunts and Uncles, so it is not as though he wouldn't know anyone there.

TODAY (wedding in 12 days), FFIL emails me that cousin asked if he could bring a date. He even pointed out that this is NOT a girlfriend, he is still single, he just wants to bring someone.

Rude of cousin, and then rude of FFIL of to email me and FI and my mother, IMO! I'm so annoyed. He didn't even seem apologetic, he reasoned that because his uncle passed away a few weeks ago there was room at his table....

/end rant. We're letting him bring her, WHATEVER. Just an annoyance in an already somewhat tense situation.

Re: Sorry...MINI VENT

  • Yes, rude of them to ask. The call is yours. A nice gesture on your part since you have the room.

    I wouldn't bend over backwards, but if you can, I think killing him with kindness is the best route for you. 

    Gotta love families eh? 
  • missa011 said:

    UGH.

    So, I've had a lot of...issues, with FFIL in the past. Which is probably why this is bothering me so much, as I recognize it's not realty a big deal. Explaining this could go on FOREVER, so I will just say, he's a very difficult man, he's super elitist and condescending, he has made comments about my parents' financial situation and about my father's ability to "provide for his family," among other things, which is personally unforgivable because my father is the world to me. He also treats FI terribly and they have a very strained relationship on their own. If it weren't for me keeping the peace for FI's brother's sake, we probably would not see or talk to him. He also basically told FI he was making a mistake marrying me.

    All that aside, I don't like him but I deal with him, and I'm perfectly pleasant towards him (I know people can believe that about themselves, but even FSIL and FBIL say I'm shockingly well behaved to his face).

    ANYWAY...FI has a very small family on both sides. FFIL is an only child, but has one cousin he is close to. Cousin is ~50 and has never been married, and to my knowledge, has not had girlfriends or even dated seriously. We did not give +1s to any truly single people (all SOs were invited), so naturally this man was not given a +1. He is coming with his parents and sitting with Aunts and Uncles, so it is not as though he wouldn't know anyone there.

    TODAY (wedding in 12 days), FFIL emails me that cousin asked if he could bring a date. He even pointed out that this is NOT a girlfriend, he is still single, he just wants to bring someone.

    Rude of cousin, and then rude of FFIL of to email me and FI and my mother, IMO! I'm so annoyed. He didn't even seem apologetic, he reasoned that because his uncle passed away a few weeks ago there was room at his table....

    /end rant. We're letting him bring her, WHATEVER. Just an annoyance in an already somewhat tense situation.

    I had a similar annoyance. we didn't invite +1's either.. only known about SO.. well H's 18 year old cousins daughter brought her new flame of the week *eye-roll* didn't find out until the day of when they ALL walked in to the bridal sweet, me about to be naked putting on my dress, and just hung out with dude staring at me!! I looked at my MOH and my mom and said I am about to lose my shit at these rude ass people. They quickly ushered them out, but not with out a dirty look from the 18 year old towards me.. Can't wait for her wedding day so that when I am a GUEST I can walk in to her bridal sweet and see how her rude ass takes it..
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  • OMG @ryanandjoe4 that is AWFUL. WTF is wrong with some people, I swear.

    Go to her wedding and bring 5 dates that weren't invited and hang out with all of them in her bridal suite.


  • missa011 said:

    OMG @ryanandjoe4 that is AWFUL. WTF is wrong with some people, I swear.

    Go to her wedding and bring 5 dates that weren't invited and hang out with all of them in her bridal suite.

    I have pretty much accepted that his family is rude, I usually take my self out of the situation, and repeat to my self "not your circus, not your monkeys".. It helps, and my mother and MOH were ready to step in if his family caused any drama, and they did.
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  • Just say no then if it's such a problem. It's a really quick and easy word.
  • Just say no then if it's such a problem. It's a really quick and easy word.

    It's not a problem logistically. Just bothered me so I'm ranting here instead of replying to his email with this frustration.

    ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ I know it won't even bother me day of.
  • What's the deal with people thinking they could just bring guests all willy-nilly? I had two guests pull the "Can I bring so-and-so" when they were either not invited or the RSVP date had passed:

    One friend from OOT invited one of her friends to our wedding, even though I did not give her a +1 (she is not/was not dating anyone at the time). And she didn't tell me about it until she received the invite and e-mailed me to say she had already told her friend she could come and they both already bought their plane tickets. Ugh, whatever. We had the space. I just wish she would have asked me about it first.

    I gave one of my OOT bridesmaids a +1 in case she was dating someone at the time of the wedding. She RSVP'd just for herself. RSVP date passed, I turned in the final numbers to the venue this weekend. She texts me yesterday asking if she could bring a friend. I wanted to say no, because I was just DONE with the whole guest list thing. But she is a good friend of mine and I know the friend she wanted to bring. And we had room. So I said sure, I could probably add him to the list, but I had to know what he wanted for his entree by the end of the night. She texts me later that night saying "Nevermind, he's not coming."

    *FACE-PALM*
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  • missa011missa011 member
    5 Love Its First Comment Name Dropper First Anniversary
    edited October 2015

    What's the deal with people thinking they could just bring guests all willy-nilly? I had two guests pull the "Can I bring so-and-so" when they were either not invited or the RSVP date had passed:


    One friend from OOT invited one of her friends to our wedding, even though I did not give her a +1 (she is not/was not dating anyone at the time). And she didn't tell me about it until she received the invite and e-mailed me to say she had already told her friend she could come and they both already bought their plane tickets. Ugh, whatever. We had the space. I just wish she would have asked me about it first.

    I gave one of my OOT bridesmaids a +1 in case she was dating someone at the time of the wedding. She RSVP'd just for herself. RSVP date passed, I turned in the final numbers to the venue this weekend. She texts me yesterday asking if she could bring a friend. I wanted to say no, because I was just DONE with the whole guest list thing. But she is a good friend of mine and I know the friend she wanted to bring. And we had room. So I said sure, I could probably add him to the list, but I had to know what he wanted for his entree by the end of the night. She texts me later that night saying "Nevermind, he's not coming."

    *FACE-PALM*
    Seriously wat. Do people not understand what goes into this?? Even if cousin of FFIL didn't know because he's never been at a wedding, FFIL has PLANNED a wedding and his other son got married last year! He should know better.

    If you have space it's not a big deal, it's just so annoying. We even already had place cards made up! Smh.
  • I feel your pain. I had a couple of similar circumstances. We didn't invite any kids to the wedding unless they were part of the family. One of my mom's friends RSVPed with her young children (which means I counted them in the numbers I gave the caterer) and then they didn't show up. Super annoying to me.

    Also, one of DH's very distant friends (basically only an acquaintance) who was NOT invited to the wedding showed up with his wife and 2 children. I have no idea how this happened.

    So vent away my dear!

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