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including children in ceremony???

lhill128lhill128 member
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in Wedding Vows & Ceremony Discussions

My fiancé and I each have a child from previous relationship.... two boys one is 6 the other is 4.  We wanted to make sure they felt included in the wedding.   My son will be walking me down the isle with my father and my fiancés son will be a ring bearer.   Ive heard of the candle or sand during ceremony... Does anybody have any other cute ideas?  I was also thinking about after we did our vows writing vows to our boys!?  All ideas welcome :) thank you in advance!!!!

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Re: including children in ceremony???

  • kaos16kaos16 member
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    lhill128 said:

    My fiancé and I each have a child from previous relationship.... two boys one is 6 the other is 4.  We wanted to make sure they felt included in the wedding.   My son will be walking me down the isle with my father and my fiancés son will be a ring bearer.   Ive heard of the candle or sand during ceremony... Does anybody have any other cute ideas?  I was also thinking about after we did our vows writing vows to our boys!?  All ideas welcome :) thank you in advance!!!!

    Your wedding ceremony is between you and your fiance. . . . not your children. Having your son walk with you, and his son as ringbearer is a perfect way to include them in the ceremony.

    Maybe, after the ceremony you can take a formal family photo of the 4 of you to commemorate the day.  As for anything with respect to vows, it is inappropriate.  Vows are to be said by two consenting adults.  You are getting married, not the children.  They should not be included in the vows.  What about their moms?  What if you and your fiance were to split down the road?  There are lots of reasons vows with children are frowned upon.

    If you want to do something else, you could each give them boys a special memento of the day in private, or tell them (or write a letter) about how happy you are to be part of his family, etc.

    Good luck!
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  • lhill128lhill128 member
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    We co parent very well with the other parent.   The boys have been together since they were babies we just wanted something to signify blending of the families and that we will always be there for them. 

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  • kaos16kaos16 member
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    lhill128 said:

    We co parent very well with the other parent.   The boys have been together since they were babies we just wanted something to signify blending of the families and that we will always be there for them. 

    Understood....that's why I suggested saying or writing something to them in private at a time other than the ceremony.  The pronouncement of wedding vows between you and fiance simply isn't the time for this.
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  • Jen4948Jen4948 member
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    lhill128 said:

    We co parent very well with the other parent.   The boys have been together since they were babies we just wanted something to signify blending of the families and that we will always be there for them. 

    Save any "blending" for in private, and don't try to add "vows" to your kids or "blending" rituals to your wedding ceremony.  The ceremony itself will "blend" your families.  Nor is it appropriate to make vows to your kids or have them say anything during your wedding ceremony.  They aren't getting married.
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  • CMGragainCMGragain member
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    Your wedding is the ceremony that unites you and your FI as husband and wife.  Your wedding does NOT unite you and your children.  That is called adoption.
    I think that having your children in your wedding party is a charming idea.  Please do not "include" them in any vows.  This is inappropriate.
    I am so glad that my late mother did not insist that we were included in the vows she and my ex-step father said to each other!  Ugh!  The marriage lasted less than four years.
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  • MairePoppyMairePoppy mod
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    I agree that it's not appropriate to exchange vows with the children. They aren't getting married. But .....if you're having a religious ceremony, your minister may offer a family blessing or the two of you could bless the children.
                       
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  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] member
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    I wouldn't do more then you already have plan. Keep in mind the ages of these boys. They are going to have a short attention span. The less they have to do, the better. In fact, I would probably arrange for them to sit with someone during the ceremony & have something to do like a color book to keep them entertained during the ceremony.

    I get wanting to do vows to the kids, but at that age, they aren't going to understand them what you are promising them.

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