Can a priest or deacon marry outside the church?

FutureKennedy17 · October 2015

I understand that it would not be recognized by the church if done outside the church but due to expenses our reception site will also do the ceremony and it would save a TON of money. I just was curious how others went about trying to find a priest/deacon. Do I just go into churches and talk to priests? Any help would be wonderful!!!

lyndausvi · October 2015

I'm assuming you mean Catholic priest and deacons, the answer generally no, they can not preform a ceremony outside of the church. If you think about it makes sense. With the exception of the last rights all the other sacraments are done inside the church. Why would marriage be any different?

Sometimes you will find a bishop who will grant a non-church wedding. It's pretty rare and most time you have to have some very strong connections to the bishop, monsignor or even the cardinal.

mileybangerz · October 2015

FutureKennedy17 said:

I understand that it would not be recognized by the church if done outside the church but due to expenses our reception site will also do the ceremony and it would save a TON of money. I just was curious how others went about trying to find a priest/deacon. Do I just go into churches and talk to priests? Any help would be wonderful!!!

Are you registered at a church? If so, start there.

I assume you're talking about a Catholic priest / deacon. I'm pretty sure, though, that a Catholic priest / deacon cannot officiate a wedding that is not recognized by the Catholic church.

Any particular reason why you want to ask a religious clergy?

banana468 · October 2015

Ditto PPs - it's highly unlikely.

And FWIW, I wouldn't use the money savings as a reason when you try to request it. The church will say that the ceremony is the important part and the reason for the reception so if you're spending money on the reception, you should be spending on the more important part.

Also, be careful if you hear a priest or deacon say yes and you're not required to pursue dispensation from the Bishop. It most likely means that your marriage wouldn't be recognized by the church.

FutureKennedy17 · October 2015

Yeah sorry, I meant Catholic. The reason is my father wants one to officiate and I want to honor that. I kind of realized it would be a stretch.

I see your point with the money thing..... yea I have until 2017 so I'm not worried just trying to get things rolling.

Thank you ladies!!!!!

OliveOilsMom · October 2015

FutureKennedy17 said:

Yeah sorry, I meant Catholic. The reason is my father wants one to officiate and I want to honor that. I kind of realized it would be a stretch.

I see your point with the money thing..... yea I have until 2017 so I'm not worried just trying to get things rolling.

Thank you ladies!!!!!

I think its nice that you want to honor one of your father's wishes, but the ceremony is the one part of the day that is truly about what you and your FI want. If neither you nor your FI truly want to have a former Catholic deacon or priest officiate your wedding, then don't do it. Tell your father that while you appreciate his point of view on being married by a priest or deacon, it is not what you and FI want.

photokitty · October 2015

A Roman Catholic priest or deacon in good standing cannot marry you outside of the church. There are other sects of Catholicism that can. I suggest researching them, if that would suffice. My friend is an Old Catholic priest and can marry people outside their church, but it is not recognized by the Roman Catholic church.

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Old_Catholic_Church

CMGragain · October 2015

OP, are you planning to still practice the Catholic faith? Will your children be baptized? If the answer to this is "Yes", then I strongly urge you to marry inside the church according to canon law. To do otherwise means that you or your FI cannot receive the sacraments of communion - ever. The Pope is suggesting that some of these rules should change, but not yet.

It is a very big deal for a Catholic to not be able to receive communion in the Catholic church. To get married to a Catholic in the Catholic church, you do not need to convert, yourself, but you must take pre-Cana classes This is something that the two of you should have worked out before now. You should talk to a priest with your FI. (I am assuming that it is your FI who wants to be married as a Catholic. If you were raised in the Catholic church, you would already know this, I hope.)

MobKaz · October 2015

FutureKennedy17 said:

I understand that it would not be recognized by the church if done outside the church but due to expenses our reception site will also do the ceremony and it would save a TON of money. I just was curious how others went about trying to find a priest/deacon. Do I just go into churches and talk to priests? Any help would be wonderful!!!

Just curious. Typically the ceremony incurs the least of the costs. Even when a ceremony is held at the same venue as the reception, additional costs are involved. How does not marrying in a church save you a TON of money?

I agree with other posters that if this request for a priest is coming from your dad, and you and your FI are not interested in a religious ceremony, then you two need to have a ceremony that reflects the pair of you.

STARMOON44 · October 2015

A church ceremony isn't usually expensive, so I'm unclear on the money savings. But no, this isn't a plan that's likely to work.

mileybangerz · October 2015

STARMOON44 said:

A church ceremony isn't usually expensive, so I'm unclear on the money savings. But no, this isn't a plan that's likely to work.

Not necessarily. I know people who paid a fair amount for their church weddings. It's still a facility that needs to be "rented".

OliveOilsMom · October 2015

mileybangerz said:

STARMOON44 said:

A church ceremony isn't usually expensive, so I'm unclear on the money savings. But no, this isn't a plan that's likely to work.

Not necessarily. I know people who paid a fair amount for their church weddings. It's still a facility that needs to be "rented".

This. It would have cost us $500 to have the ceremony at our reception venue. At my church, as a parishioner, just the church was $550. Then add in the costs for my cantor and organist and the tips for my priest and altar servers, we spent over $1k to have our ceremony at our Church. My Church was also on the "cheap" end of the spectrum, some older historic Churches in my area could charge in excess of $1k just for the use of the Church.

banana468 · October 2015

OliveOilsMom said:

mileybangerz said:

STARMOON44 said:

A church ceremony isn't usually expensive, so I'm unclear on the money savings. But no, this isn't a plan that's likely to work.

Not necessarily. I know people who paid a fair amount for their church weddings. It's still a facility that needs to be "rented".

This. It would have cost us $500 to have the ceremony at our reception venue. At my church, as a parishioner, just the church was $550. Then add in the costs for my cantor and organist and the tips for my priest and altar servers, we spent over $1k to have our ceremony at our Church. My Church was also on the "cheap" end of the spectrum, some older historic Churches in my area could charge in excess of $1k just for the use of the Church.

This. And I know couples who were married in local destination locations (like Newport, RI) where the fee for the Catholic Church was $1500 just to walk in the door and before the extras.

That isn't to say that the Church is out for bank. But if you want a wedding that isn't during normal Mass time, you are expected to pay a fee for the use of the facility.

Maggie0829 · October 2015

mileybangerz said:

STARMOON44 said:

A church ceremony isn't usually expensive, so I'm unclear on the money savings. But no, this isn't a plan that's likely to work.

Not necessarily. I know people who paid a fair amount for their church weddings. It's still a facility that needs to be "rented".

Yup. They typically mask the costs as a "donation" to the church.

STARMOON44 · October 2015

OliveOilsMom said:

mileybangerz said:

STARMOON44 said:

A church ceremony isn't usually expensive, so I'm unclear on the money savings. But no, this isn't a plan that's likely to work.

Not necessarily. I know people who paid a fair amount for their church weddings. It's still a facility that needs to be "rented".

This. It would have cost us $500 to have the ceremony at our reception venue. At my church, as a parishioner, just the church was $550. Then add in the costs for my cantor and organist and the tips for my priest and altar servers, we spent over $1k to have our ceremony at our Church. My Church was also on the "cheap" end of the spectrum, some older historic Churches in my area could charge in excess of $1k just for the use of the Church.

Oh sorry, yeah I agree with this. I just wasn't considering 1k expensive in the context of a wedding. Tone deaf of me for sure.

photokitty · October 2015

Fun fact, you can get married for free at a Roman Catholic church if it it's done during a regularly scheduled mass, and not a nuptial only mass. The Roman Catholic church cannot withhold a sacrament due to lack of funds...but they don't have to give you a special separate mass that fits your vision.

Eta - but you have to be members of the parish.

ILoveBeachMusic · October 2015

OliveOilsMom said:

mileybangerz said:

STARMOON44 said:

A church ceremony isn't usually expensive, so I'm unclear on the money savings. But no, this isn't a plan that's likely to work.

Not necessarily. I know people who paid a fair amount for their church weddings. It's still a facility that needs to be "rented".

This. It would have cost us $500 to have the ceremony at our reception venue. At my church, as a parishioner, just the church was $550. Then add in the costs for my cantor and organist and the tips for my priest and altar servers, we spent over $1k to have our ceremony at our Church. My Church was also on the "cheap" end of the spectrum, some older historic Churches in my area could charge in excess of $1k just for the use of the Church.

Yes. My daughter's church charged $1000 for use of the church. The pianist, cantor and other musician was another $1000.

MobKaz · October 2015

Maggie0829 said:

mileybangerz said:

STARMOON44 said:

A church ceremony isn't usually expensive, so I'm unclear on the money savings. But no, this isn't a plan that's likely to work.

Not necessarily. I know people who paid a fair amount for their church weddings. It's still a facility that needs to be "rented".

Yup. They typically mask the costs as a "donation" to the church.

In our parish, the amount is truly donation based. We are not given a bill or set amount for payment. If we choose to hire the musicians or cantors for the ceremony, then they function as "vendors" and have established fees based on their service role.

Cost notwithstanding, however, many parishes deliberately have established costs/bills for performing weddings. It is an additional service versus a donation. Donations are tax deductible; costs for services performed are not. The money we gave the church for DD's ceremony was not included in our annual donation report.

JCocco219 · October 2015

I am Jewish and my FH is Catholic. We wanted religion in our wedding so we wanted a priest and a rabbi to marry us. I do not feel comfortable getting married in a church and I love the ceremony space at my venue, so my FH priest has agreed to come marry us at our venue. We had spoken to another priest from his church who would not but the other one would. He did have to get permissions, we did have to go through pre-cana, and the process is still the same with paperwork as if we were getting married in a church. So yes, you can find some Priests who will marry outside of the church since we did.

banana468 · October 2015

JCocco219 said:

I am Jewish and my FH is Catholic. We wanted religion in our wedding so we wanted a priest and a rabbi to marry us. I do not feel comfortable getting married in a church and I love the ceremony space at my venue, so my FH priest has agreed to come marry us at our venue. We had spoken to another priest from his church who would not but the other one would. He did have to get permissions, we did have to go through pre-cana, and the process is still the same with paperwork as if we were getting married in a church. So yes, you can find some Priests who will marry outside of the church since we did.

I'd be very careful with this. If one priest won't and another one from the same parish will, that's a big red flag for me. I'd want to make sure that your FI has paperwork directly from the Bishop that this is approved.

ILoveBeachMusic · October 2015

banana468 said:

JCocco219 said:

I am Jewish and my FH is Catholic. We wanted religion in our wedding so we wanted a priest and a rabbi to marry us. I do not feel comfortable getting married in a church and I love the ceremony space at my venue, so my FH priest has agreed to come marry us at our venue. We had spoken to another priest from his church who would not but the other one would. He did have to get permissions, we did have to go through pre-cana, and the process is still the same with paperwork as if we were getting married in a church. So yes, you can find some Priests who will marry outside of the church since we did.

I'd be very careful with this. If one priest won't and another one from the same parish will, that's a big red flag for me. I'd want to make sure that your FI has paperwork directly from the Bishop that this is approved.

It sounds like the one priest didn't approve of the marriage so didn't do the paperwork, but the other priest went through the process of getting a dispensation which was granted. Just speculation on my part though.

[Deleted User] · October 2015

I think what matters is your faith and how important is it to you to have your marriage recognized by the church. If it's important and you plan to have any children baptized in the faith, then you need to follow the guidelines of the church. If those things aren't important, then you can get married outside of the church and not have any issues. Also make sure to check into what it will take to get your father ordained in your state. In my state not only do you have to get ordained, then you have to file paperwork with the state, then once that goes through, you have to file paperwork for the county.

holyguacamole79 · October 2015

JCocco219 said:

I am Jewish and my FH is Catholic. We wanted religion in our wedding so we wanted a priest and a rabbi to marry us. I do not feel comfortable getting married in a church and I love the ceremony space at my venue, so my FH priest has agreed to come marry us at our venue. We had spoken to another priest from his church who would not but the other one would. He did have to get permissions, we did have to go through pre-cana, and the process is still the same with paperwork as if we were getting married in a church. So yes, you can find some Priests who will marry outside of the church since we did.

Just curious ... did the rabbi participate? Was the wedding a Catholic one or a hybrid ceremony?

Can a priest or deacon marry outside the church?

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