Community› Wedding Discussion Boards› Wedding Etiquette Forum
Wedding Etiquette Forum
New Discussion
Options

Rehearsal Dinner- Invitees

JosiePNPJosiePNP member
5 Love Its First Comment
in Wedding Etiquette Forum

Hello All,

I know traditionally all out of town guest, and the wedding party is invited to the rehearsal dinner. After reviewing all of these people.. im seeing that 2/3s of my guest list would technically be invited to the rehearsal dinner! That's a lot of people!

Now obviously- all these people wont show up. Would it be bad to just invite our immediate family, and the wedding party? Then maybe extend an invite to the out of towners for a casual meet up and have a drink at the local bar for afterwards??

Any help is appreciated!

Josie

Report Reply to Post

Re: Rehearsal Dinner- Invitees

  • Options
    auriannaaurianna member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    The only people that must be invited to a rehearsal dinner are the people actually involved in the rehearsal and their significant others.
    So if you want to do immediate family, bridal party, and SOs, you are just fine.

    Inviting out of town guests is really nice but not required. What you proposed sounds fine as long as the casual meet up does indeed sound casual and not like something you're officially hosting.
    Report Reply
  • Options
    OliveOilsMomOliveOilsMom member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    JosiePNP said:

    Hello All,

    I know traditionally all out of town guest, and the wedding party is invited to the rehearsal dinner. After reviewing all of these people.. im seeing that 2/3s of my guest list would technically be invited to the rehearsal dinner! That's a lot of people!

    Now obviously- all these people wont show up. Would it be bad to just invite our immediate family, and the wedding party? Then maybe extend an invite to the out of towners for a casual meet up and have a drink at the local bar for afterwards??

    Any help is appreciated!

    Josie

    It is not necessary to invite all OOT guests to the RD.  It is a nice thing to do if you have the budget for it, but not necessary.  Inviting just your immediate families, WP members (plus their SOs), and any others involved with the rehearsal only to the RD is standard.  As for the casual meet up after, I would try to do that invitation by word of mouth.  Any official written invitation would make it seem like you are hosting that event.
    Report Reply
  • Options
    [Deleted User][Deleted User] member
    5 Love Its First Comment First Anniversary Name Dropper
    edited October 2015
    I think as people moved farther from home, having OOT guests at the rehearsal dinner started to become less of a thing.  Like your situation many more couples are now hosting a lot of OOT guests, compared to a few years ago.

    Family, wedding party, SOs is fine, IMO.  That's what we're doing.  Also, one of the flower girls (we think, haven't asked yet) is not an immediate family member, so her parents and siblings will also be invited.  I'm keeping it as inexpensive as possible -- it's just not where I want to put our wedding money.

    My dad is also talking about organizing a dinner.  He initially was going to foot the bill, but then once he reviewed how many OOT guests there would be (upwards of 50), he thought we could just make a reservation for a restaurant and let people know a rough amount of cost.  We're not at that point yet, though.

    Edit: wording
    Report Reply
  • Options
    AddieCakeAddieCake member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    You don't HAVE to invite anyone but those involved in the wedding and their SOs.
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
    image
    Report Reply
  • Options
    JosiePNPJosiePNP member
    5 Love Its First Comment
    Thanks everyone!!  That's very helpful! That list will now go way down! MIL and FIL will be grateful as they are planning on paying for that. :)
    Report Reply
  • Options
    [Deleted User][Deleted User] member
    First Anniversary First Answer 5 Love Its First Comment
    We only invited wedding party and their SO. The only OOT guests that were invited were ones that were staying with our parents. Kind of hard to go, we know you're staying at our house, but we have to go to the rehersal & then dinner, you have to fend for yourselves. And since it was only 4 people, it wasn't a big deal on the count.
    Report Reply
  • Options
    PrettyGirlLostPrettyGirlLost member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    JosiePNP said:

    Hello All,

    I know traditionally all out of town guest, and the wedding party is invited to the rehearsal dinner. After reviewing all of these people.. im seeing that 2/3s of my guest list would technically be invited to the rehearsal dinner! That's a lot of people!

    Now obviously- all these people wont show up. Would it be bad to just invite our immediate family, and the wedding party? Then maybe extend an invite to the out of towners for a casual meet up and have a drink at the local bar for afterwards??

    Any help is appreciated!

    Josie

    No, traditionally it's just those that are part of your ceremony and who are actually participating in the rehearsal, plus their SO's, who are invited to the RD.

    I'm not sure when people began inviting all OOT guests as well, but I don't think that's logistically really feasible any more.  Like you, 2/3 of our guestlist would have then been invited to the RD.  Yeah, no.  We weren't about to host a reception prior to the actual reception.  We had money to host one reception.

    "Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."


    Report Reply
  • Options
    Jen4948Jen4948 member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    Traditionally, the only people invited to a rehearsal dinner were the couple, the wedding party, immediate families, and SOs. Out of town guests were not "traditionally" invited unless they fell into the above categories.
    Report Reply
  • Options
    Maggie0829Maggie0829 member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    JosiePNP said:

    Hello All,

    I know traditionally all out of town guest, and the wedding party is invited to the rehearsal dinner. After reviewing all of these people.. im seeing that 2/3s of my guest list would technically be invited to the rehearsal dinner! That's a lot of people!

    Now obviously- all these people wont show up. Would it be bad to just invite our immediate family, and the wedding party? Then maybe extend an invite to the out of towners for a casual meet up and have a drink at the local bar for afterwards??

    Any help is appreciated!

    Josie

    Actually the bolded is who is traditionally invited to the RD (and any SOs that your family/wedding party may have).

    If you want to meet up with OOT guests afterwards then spread that by word of mouth.  Such as "hey FI and I are going to be at X bar to grab a few drinks if you want to stop by."  This way you won't be on the hook to have to host everyone like you would be if you extended an actual invitation.

    Report Reply
  • Options
    MobKazMobKaz member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    JosiePNP said:
    Thanks everyone!!  That's very helpful! That list will now go way down! MIL and FIL will be grateful as they are planning on paying for that. :)
    I agree with all PP's.  As a MOG and MOB, we did not include our OOT guests when hosting rehearsal dinners.  As a guest attending an OOT wedding, I never expected to be invited to any rehearsal dinner, either.  It never occurred to me to expect an invitation as I was not a member of the wedding party.
    Report Reply
  • Options
    lc07lc07 member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    Etiquette dictates what PPs have advised you of - anyone participating in the rehearsal must be hosted directly afterwards along with their SO. Parents of minor children should also be invited.

    In my family on my father's side, it is traditional to invite ALL family and ALL OOT guests including SOs and children (not so on my mother's side of the family or on my now ex-H's sides of the family.) Of course, tradition does not equal etiquette. But I knew there would be hurt feelings if we didn't host these people, and it was VERY important to me that we did host them, even if it was super casual and pasta. And if we were going to invite my paternal side, of course we were going to invite my maternal side and his entire family and OOT guests across the board. This meant that we paid for and hosted 85 people the night before our wedding ceremony and reception including food, beverage and transportation from the room block hotel. It was expensive. And we made a lot of cuts to our overall wedding budget and had to think hard about our guest list since this was a priority, but I'm glad we did it this way and I wouldn't change it.
    Report Reply
  • Options
    ILoveBeachMusicILoveBeachMusic member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    I think one PP said that traditionally OOT guests were invited because there weren't many out of town guests, and I believe this was true. Now most guests are OOT. In our family, we invite OOT family to the RD. I would feel bad if they travel a distance and then are left to there own devices in a strange town. Besides, it just gives more opportunity for family to catch up. We don't get to see each other often - besides weddings and funerals! Weddings are  much more fun!!
    Report Reply
  • Options
    JosiePNPJosiePNP member
    5 Love Its First Comment

    Thanks ladies.. Im letting FI family decide - 2/3 of our wedding list is OOT- so that would be crazy- about 100 people OOT. So I cut it down to JUST Immediate family, and those involved in the rehearsal- along with SOs. Then well do a word of mouth- lets go hang out somewhere after thing for the others. :)

    Report Reply
This discussion has been closed.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards