Not inviting anyone to our City hall wedding

kareiche · October 2015

Long story short my fiancé is active duty military. We just got engaged. We are planning on getting married in December at a city hall. We are not doing anything big. His family is across the country as well with my family and friends. We aren't inviting family. I plan on having a few traditions white gown a bouquet and a photographer. I plan on sending out mArriage announcements . I have people saying I should register and note it on the announcement I feel like it's tacky. Any thoughts? What is the ettiquette for semi elopement city hall weddings

JediElizabeth · October 2015

OP said:
Long story short my fiancé is active duty military. We just got engaged. We are planning on getting married in December at a city hall. We are not doing anything big. His family is across the country as well with my family and friends. We aren't inviting family. I plan on having a few traditions white gown a bouquet and a photographer. I plan on sending out mArriage announcements . I have people saying I should register and note it on the announcement I feel like it's tacky. Any thoughts? What is the ettiquette for semi elopement city hall weddings

Super tacky to register if no one will be invited. ALWAYS tacky to send out registry info for a wedding announcement or invite, unless it's an invite to a shower.

Trust your instincts, and don't listen to your friend.

Also, how many people know you're doing this? Are you talking to a lot of people about the wedding even though they won't be invited?

Edited to delete the OP's email address from the quote

levioosa · October 2015

PP has it covered. Registry info never goes on an invite to a wedding. The only time it's appropriate is on a shower invite (which you cannot throw yourself)

Also, change your username. Internet safety, and all.

lyndausvi · October 2015

levioosa said:

PP has it covered. Registry info never goes on an invite to a wedding. The only time it's appropriate is on a shower invite (which you cannot throw yourself)

Also, change your username. Internet safety, and all.

this

kareiche · October 2015

I'm not hiding we are pretty much eloping... When people ask I let them know it's only me and my fiancé

kareiche · October 2015

The fiancé won't be home for 9 months after he's deployed so it would be spring 2017 at the earliest before I would be able to have a formal wedding. Which I don't want anyways due to my dad being deceased and our ages

kareiche · October 2015

I don't want anything traditional so i don't want a shower or a bachelorette party

DarthV8r · October 2015

Read the stickies , they will help you.

OliveOilsMom · October 2015

@CMGragain She will provide the proper wording for a wedding announcement. You are correct that you do not put any registry information on a wedding announcement. I don't see anything wrong with registering and only giving out that information if people ask.

Also, know the more you talk about your wedding, which is only a true elopement if no one knows about it, you may start to get push back from people who want to attend. So I'd stop talking about your wedding.

CMGragain · October 2015

You have it right, OP. Don't register.

Etiquette for private ceremonies with no guests:

You don't have to do anything. You can have a party to celebrate your marriage at a later time, when it is more convenient for your FI, but only if YOU want to do this. Sending out formal marriage announcements after the ceremony is a good idea.

No shower. No bachelorette party. (Bach parties aren't traditional, anyway.) No re-do ceremonies, later. No obligations to anybody.
This is traditional wording for a marriage announcement:

Bride's Full Name
and
Groom's Full Name
announce their marriage
Date of ceremony
City, State

[Deleted User] · October 2015

kareiche said:
The fiancé won't be home for 9 months after he's deployed so it would be spring 2017 at the earliest before I would be able to have a formal wedding. Which I don't want anyways due to my dad being deceased and our ages

***boxboxbox***

Your city hall wedding _is_ your formal wedding. It's your only wedding (except in cases of divorce / death).

Congrats and thanks to your fiance for his service.

CMGragain · October 2015

kareiche said:

The fiancé won't be home for 9 months after he's deployed so it would be spring 2017 at the earliest before I would be able to have a formal wedding. Which I don't want anyways due to my dad being deceased and our ages

I hope this means that you aren't planning any re-do ceremony later.

JellyBean52513 · October 2015

CMGragain said:

kareiche said:

The fiancé won't be home for 9 months after he's deployed so it would be spring 2017 at the earliest before I would be able to have a formal wedding. Which I don't want anyways due to my dad being deceased and our ages

I hope this means that you aren't planning any re-do ceremony later.

I think she is saying she isn't interested in the idea of a bigger, more "traditional" wedding to begin with, so waiting until her fiance returns from deployment to have one isn't even on her radar; the city hall wedding just works well for them in general

drunkenwitch · October 2015

You're doing everything right, go with your gut and congratulations.

[Deleted User] · October 2015

OliveOilsMom said:
@CMGragain She will provide the proper wording for a wedding announcement. You are correct that you do not put any registry information on a wedding announcement. I don't see anything wrong with registering and only giving out that information if people ask.
Also, know the more you talk about your wedding, which is only a true elopement if no one knows about it, you may start to get push back from people who want to attend. So I'd stop talking about your wedding.

She should still be able to talk about it. It's their wedding, their choice. If people ask she can be excited still and talk about it.

SP29 · October 2015

OP, what you are doing is great

.

The decision to have just you and your FI at a courthouse ceremony is yours and yours alone (yours includes your FI

). And it is 100% valid.

Wedding announcements sent after would be very appropriate and nice.

No registry info. Providing registry info is only appropriate for a shower, which you would not have if there are no guests invited to the wedding.

Enjoy your beautiful December wedding!

lc07 · October 2015

RachelLee83 said:

@CMGragain She will provide the proper wording for a wedding announcement. You are correct that you do not put any registry information on a wedding announcement. I don't see anything wrong with registering and only giving out that information if people ask.
Also, know the more you talk about your wedding, which is only a true elopement if no one knows about it, you may start to get push back from people who want to attend. So I'd stop talking about your wedding.
She should still be able to talk about it. It's their wedding, their choice. If people ask she can be excited still and talk about it.

Sure, but if she tells people about it then it's a private wedding not an elopement.

Jells2dot0 · October 2015

lc07 said:

RachelLee83 said:

@CMGragain She will provide the proper wording for a wedding announcement. You are correct that you do not put any registry information on a wedding announcement. I don't see anything wrong with registering and only giving out that information if people ask.
Also, know the more you talk about your wedding, which is only a true elopement if no one knows about it, you may start to get push back from people who want to attend. So I'd stop talking about your wedding.
She should still be able to talk about it. It's their wedding, their choice. If people ask she can be excited still and talk about it.

Sure, but if she tells people about it then it's a private wedding not an elopement.

Yeah, it sounds like people know her plans and she will tell them about the wedding if asked. So, it's definitely a private wedding and not an elopement.

MesmrEwe · November 2015

The PP have covered it...

I would say this though - IF you choose to register, DO NOT include the info anywhere or publicize that you did. I'd actually recommend registering in the sense that those who get announcements may choose on their own to purchase/send a wedding gift to you and internet/tech savvy individuals will randomly check to see if you did register anywhere before randomly purchasing something that you may or may not like/have a use for. Not that you expect anyone to purchase off of said registry, but as a "just in case" with some things that you could use at reasonable price points (don't register for the $$$$ TV set for example) to give people ideas if they do decide to get you something for items you can use.

Not inviting anyone to our City hall wedding

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