Community› Wedding Discussion Boards› Chit Chat
Chit Chat
New Discussion

No Well Wishes From Friends on Wedding Day

RS_WeddingRS_Wedding member
First Comment First Anniversary
edited November 2015 in Chit Chat
I'm incredibly down today, it's been two weeks since my parents and sibling only wedding and the people that I considered my friends didn't even send me a "Congrats" text message. I told everyone prior to making the decision to get married quickly (military and med school related) that we would have a immediate family only wedding and then a year later we want to have a real wedding with everyone, family friends, etc. It would include a ceremony and reception like normal, we just needed to get married quickly because of the military. The day of the wedding my best friend and a friend I don't really talk to because shes doing an intensive PT program both wished me a happy wedding day. Everyone knew the date. Well we announced that we were officially Mr. & Mrs. on facebook and posted a wedding picture and the people who I thought were my friends didn't even write Congrats or anything. They just liked the photo. I'm really hurt by this and I keep telling myself that I shouldn't be but I really am.
Report Reply to Post

Re: No Well Wishes From Friends on Wedding Day

  • luckya23luckya23 member
    First Anniversary First Comment 5 Love Its First Answer
    edited November 2015
    RS_Wedding said:
    I'm incredibly down today, it's been two weeks since my parents and sibling only wedding and the people that I considered my friends didn't even send me a "Congrats" text message. I told everyone prior to making the decision to get married quickly (military and med school related) that we would have a immediate family only wedding and then a year later we want to have a real wedding with everyone, family friends, etc. It would include a ceremony and reception like normal, we just needed to get married quickly because of the military. The day of the wedding my best friend and a friend I don't really talk to because shes doing an intensive PT program both wished me a happy wedding day. Everyone knew the date. Well we announced that we were officially Mr. & Mrs. on facebook and posted a wedding picture and the people who I thought were my friends didn't even write Congrats or anything. They just liked the photo. I'm really hurt by this and I keep telling myself that I shouldn't be but I really am.
    I don't know, but I don't think the people I didn't invite to my one real wedding were like overly thrilled either.  They weren't there, their lives went on.

    image

    Daisypath - Personal pictureDaisypath Anniversary tickers

    Report Reply
  • hellohkbhellohkb mod
    First Anniversary First Comment 5 Love Its First Answer
    edited November 2015
    I'm incredibly down today, it's been two weeks since my parents and sibling only wedding and the people that I considered my friends didn't even send me a "Congrats" text message. I told everyone prior to making the decision to get married quickly (military and med school related) that we would have a immediate family only wedding and then a year later we want to have a real wedding with everyone, family friends, etc. It would include a ceremony and reception like normal, we just needed to get married quickly because of the military. The day of the wedding my best friend and a friend I don't really talk to because shes doing an intensive PT program both wished me a happy wedding day. Everyone knew the date. Well we announced that we were officially Mr. & Mrs. on facebook and posted a wedding picture and the people who I thought were my friends didn't even write Congrats or anything. They just liked the photo. I'm really hurt by this and I keep telling myself that I shouldn't be but I really am.
    JIC


    Daisypath Anniversary tickers Daisypath Anniversary tickers



    Report Reply
  • holyguacamole79holyguacamole79 member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    First off, change your username.  It's crazy easy to Google you.

    Second (and I mean this with minimal snark), if you told your friends your "real" wedding would be later, perhaps they aren't taking what you've done legally to be seriously.

    Also, you get one wedding  (unless you get divorced or someone dies).  You had your wedding - CONGRATS!  

    You said that your friends congratulated you ... it seems like you are looking for additional validation on social media.  




    Report Reply
  • hellohkbhellohkb mod
    First Anniversary First Comment 5 Love Its First Answer
    PPs covered it, pretty much. If you consider the party to be the "real" wedding, you shouldn't expect people to be congratulating you.


    Daisypath Anniversary tickers Daisypath Anniversary tickers



    Report Reply
  • Jen4948Jen4948 member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    The quick wedding was your "real" wedding. Anything that came after was a reenactment. Maybe that's why you didn't receive congratulations-you didn't get married at this party. You did that at the quick wedding that had already taken place.
    Report Reply
  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] member
    First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its First Anniversary
    Your first wedding was your real wedding.  Congrats!


    Report Reply
  • kvrunskvruns member
    First Anniversary First Comment 5 Love Its First Answer

    PPs have it covered on the "real wedding" part.

    I rarely comment on things on fb, mostly because I hate the notifications then that other people also commented. I might "like" the picture but I doubt I will comment even if it is my best friend in the world. I have wedding pictures posted and maybe I have 50 likes but only 2 comments or whatever, it is NBD

    Report Reply
  • arrrghmateyarrrghmatey member
    First Anniversary First Comment 5 Love Its First Answer
    Just to echo the PPs, you had your "real wedding." You were legally married, yes? Then that wads your REAL wedding. You don't get another one. What you are referring to having later on is nothing more than a fake reenactment, or otherwise referred to as a PPD/Pretty Princess Day (and they're rude, just FYI.) If I were one of your friends and wasn't invited to your real wedding, but instead knew I was going to be invited to a fake reenactment later, I'd be pretty annoyed, and probably wouldn't congratulate you, either. Because according to you, it wasn't "real". 
                                     Wedding Countdown Ticker

                                                   image
    Report Reply
  • randomsloverandomslove member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Comment Name Dropper
    edited November 2015
    I'd be pissed too if I was expected to be happy to attend a fake wedding with a couple who uses the military as an excuse. I'm a veteran and my FI is active duty. We HATE fake weddings. HATE HATE HATE. Why? So many people in the military treat marriage like a game. They get married for "military reasons" and then plan on having a "real wedding" later, only to wind up divorced before that anyway. Getting married so you get more money and the government can pay for your "real wedding" is gross. Seriously, the government has better things to do with money than buy a fake wedding for someone so they can feel like they're "really married." Either save up for the wedding you want like a real adult, or don't get married. There's nothing wrong with having a small wedding, or a celebration after the fact. Anything else is a waste of time and money, and kind of insulting to those who treat marriage like something of substance.

    ETF: Typo

    Also, if I come across as mean, it's because I really don't think people who treat marriage like a game should get married. I have gotten really soured on it, having been in the military and seen it being treated as such.





    Report Reply
  • NowIAmSypNowIAmSyp member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    edited November 2015
    RS_Wedding said:
    I'm incredibly down today, it's been two weeks since my parents and sibling only wedding and the people that I considered my friends didn't even send me a "Congrats" text message. I told everyone prior to making the decision to get married quickly (military and med school related) that we would have a immediate family only wedding and then a year later we want to have a real wedding with everyone, family friends, etc. It would include a ceremony and reception like normal, we just needed to get married quickly because of the military. The day of the wedding my best friend and a friend I don't really talk to because shes doing an intensive PT program both wished me a happy wedding day. Everyone knew the date. Well we announced that we were officially Mr. & Mrs. on facebook and posted a wedding picture and the people who I thought were my friends didn't even write Congrats or anything. They just liked the photo. I'm really hurt by this and I keep telling myself that I shouldn't be but I really am.
    God, where is that big purple NO when you need it...  oh miss @mileybangerz  your assistance, please
    Report Reply
  • anjemonanjemon member
    5 Love Its First Anniversary First Comment Name Dropper
    Because I was curious, I just went back and looked at my own FB. I got married end of April this year, we have 81 likes and 3 comments on our "life event".

    I think you might have to stop letting it bother you. Not everyone comments on life events like that, especially when they already knew about it or they think they will see you in person soon. Weddings are often payoff for months of planning, so it's not really a surprise when they happen so it's not a big thing.

    I also think it's possible some people are hurt you didn't want them to be at your wedding. I know we have some posters on here who were upset when they weren't included in the ceremony for people they considered themselves to be close to. 

    I'm not going to echo the talk about "real" weddings, except to say that I think you should reconsider your plans for a celebration later. PPDs are not the way to endear yourself to your friend and relatives.
    image
    Report Reply
  • Jells2dot0Jells2dot0 mod
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    I eloped and when I returned, we told people we married. I got two cards in the mail (with no gifts)- both from our parents. No one else acknowledged our wedding, which was fine, because we were married and specifically chose to have the type of wedding we had. I didn't expect anyone to do anything because we left them out on purpose. In fact, several people commented that they thought we were already married!

     







    Report Reply
  • GlamQueenBrideGlamQueenBride member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Comment First Answer
    Jen4948 said:
    The quick wedding was your "real" wedding. Anything that came after was a reenactment. Maybe that's why you didn't receive congratulations-you didn't get married at this party. You did that at the quick wedding that had already taken place.
    She hasn't done the re-enactment. Her post is in reference to her REAL wedding.
    Report Reply
  • CMGragainCMGragain member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    edited November 2015
    RS_Wedding said:
    I'm incredibly down today, it's been two weeks since my parents and sibling only wedding and the people that I considered my friends didn't even send me a "Congrats" text message. I told everyone prior to making the decision to get married quickly (military and med school related) that we would have a immediate family only wedding and then a year later we want to have a real wedding with everyone, family friends, etc. It would include a ceremony and reception like normal, we just needed to get married quickly because of the military. The day of the wedding my best friend and a friend I don't really talk to because shes doing an intensive PT program both wished me a happy wedding day. Everyone knew the date. Well we announced that we were officially Mr. & Mrs. on facebook and posted a wedding picture and the people who I thought were my friends didn't even write Congrats or anything. They just liked the photo. I'm really hurt by this and I keep telling myself that I shouldn't be but I really am.
    Congratulations!  You just had your "real wedding"!  What?  It isn't your "real wedding"?  If you don't treat it as your real wedding (Which it is!), why would you think other people would treat it as your real wedding?  You are ridiculous.  You friends and family are probably shaking their heads over your silly plans for a fake, re-enactment wedding in the future.
    "Normal" wedding = couple who wants to get married, license, officiant, legal witnesses.  Yes, you had that.
    The proper thing to do would have been to send out formal marriage announcements, not to post it on Facebook.  Having a PPD later is not acceptable.  The military also frowns on it.
    httpiimgurcomTCCjW0wjpg
    Report Reply
  • jacques27jacques27 member
    First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited November 2015
    I think calling her as a person ridiculous is going a tad far. However, OP, I think the point we're trying to make is sometimes (most times), you don't get to have your cake and eat it too. Lots of people have lots of reasons for getting married. Your reasons aren't really all that special or unusual***. Generally, the military frowns on getting married just for the benefits. If you choose to, then own it. Lots of people find marriage financially advantageous over be being in a committed relationship without marriage. Don't belittle the commitment by implying it's not "real" because the "real wedding" (I.e. the big show off-y party where you are pretending to get married) is yet to come. If you don't value what you and your husband actually did, then it seems a bit hypocritical to get upset when others don't take it seriously either.

    Also, your wedding will never be as important to other people as it is to you. I wouldn't go out of my way to congratulate someone who is not close family or my BFF. Maybe the next time I saw them, but otherwise no. I also don't seek external validation from social media, nor do I give it or conduct my actual relationships via social media. I use social media for scrolling through and quick FYIs. So, if others view social media similarly, that could also be a factor.

    *** I say this because the military didn't make you get married. You didn't NEED to get married. Lots of people in the exact same circumstances choose to wait and forego whatever financial or other benefit goes with getting married because they want to wait and have the wedding they want. You CHOSE differently. Maybe you're choice makes things better for you now for whatever reasons and the other option would have been harder, but that doesn't make it any less your choice.
    Report Reply
  • madamerwinmadamerwin member
    First Anniversary First Comment 5 Love Its Name Dropper
    Just gotta say, this sounds like MUD. If not, PPs have it covered. Congrats on your REAL wedding (which already happened)!
    BabyFruit Ticker
    Report Reply
  • huskypuppy14huskypuppy14 member
    First Anniversary First Comment 5 Love Its First Answer
    RS_Wedding said:
    I'm incredibly down today, it's been two weeks since my parents and sibling only wedding and the people that I considered my friends didn't even send me a "Congrats" text message. I told everyone prior to making the decision to get married quickly (military and med school related) that we would have a immediate family only wedding and then a year later we want to have a real wedding with everyone, family friends, etc. It would include a ceremony and reception like normal, we just needed to get married quickly because of the military. The day of the wedding my best friend and a friend I don't really talk to because shes doing an intensive PT program both wished me a happy wedding day. Everyone knew the date. Well we announced that we were officially Mr. & Mrs. on facebook and posted a wedding picture and the people who I thought were my friends didn't even write Congrats or anything. They just liked the photo. I'm really hurt by this and I keep telling myself that I shouldn't be but I really am.
    You were rude in talking about your wedding to people who weren't invited. Sure, it's going to come up in conversation at times, and people who aren't invited to your wedding will know you're getting married. But the "Everyone knew the date" seems like you purposely told people about it and told them they weren't invited. That's rude.

    You sound really entitled. Why does anyone owe you anything. A couple people did congratulate you personally and other people liked your picture. What else do you want?
    image
    image

    image


    Report Reply
  • Jen4948Jen4948 member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    edited November 2015
    GlamQueenBride said:
    Jen4948 said:
    The quick wedding was your "real" wedding. Anything that came after was a reenactment. Maybe that's why you didn't receive congratulations-you didn't get married at this party. You did that at the quick wedding that had already taken place.
    She hasn't done the re-enactment. Her post is in reference to her REAL wedding.

    If she claims that the subsequent event is her "real" wedding, then that could well be why she's not receiving congratulations now-because she's still holding herself out to her friends as "not married," so she hasn't done anything that would entitle her to congratulations.
    Report Reply
This discussion has been closed.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards