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Customs and Traditions

Day after

Is this a tradition?
Getting together the day after the wedding to watch the gift opening?

Re: Day after

  • No.  Never heard of it.  Traditionally, the bride and groom are on their honeymoon.
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  • AddieCakeAddieCake Beyond the Wall member
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 25 Answers
    A friend of mine did this. It was kind of strange to me, but I went to it and wrote a list of gifts and senders for her.
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
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  • mikenbergermikenberger In a f'n cornfield member
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its First Anniversary First Answer
    Please DO NOT DO THIS. I had to sit through a gift opening at the last wedding I was in and I swear to God, I wanted to throw myself down the stairs in protest. Everybody, including the bride and groom were hungover, angry, wearing sunglasses and smelling of last nights' party. The Bride insisted that we did this and that everybody be there... it was awful. Do not do this. If you want to have like your mother or his mother or something over to your house to watch you open gifts, by all means, sure. But do not make this a "thing."

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    OliveOilsMomsparklepants41InLoveInQueens
  • This just sounds terrible. After a night of dancing and partying I have no interest in sitting at attention the next day. The morning after we get married I would hope we are snuggling and sleeping in together, not getting up to host another "event".

    Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • lyndausvilyndausvi Western Slope, Colorado mod
    Moderator Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its
    Both my brothers did after their weddings because their wives said that is what is done.  Both weddings were in the Phoenix area.    My SILs come from different social circles, which made us think it was something people did in Phoenix.

    Regardless my side thought it was tacky, but attended out of obligation.  






    What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests.  Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated. 
    InLoveInQueens
  • Jells2dot0Jells2dot0 Cowtown mod
    Moderator Eighth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its
    lyndausvi said:
    Both my brothers did after their weddings because their wives said that is what is done.  Both weddings were in the Phoenix area.    My SILs come from different social circles, which made us think it was something people did in Phoenix.

    Regardless my side thought it was tacky, but attended out of obligation.  

    I've never seen this done at Phoenix weddings. Strange!

     







  • Maggie0829Maggie0829 Ravens & Bohs & Crabs & O's member
    Eighth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    I would find this terribly boring to sit through.  And if the majority of your gifts are cash, some people could be embarrassed/made to feel like crap if the amounts that were given were told to a large group of people.

  • NowIamMrsKleinNowIamMrsKlein Cold Canadian North (British Columbia) member
    500 Love Its 500 Comments First Anniversary Name Dropper
    My parents are graciously hosting an afternoon BBQ the Sunday after the wedding. It's open to anyone that wants to come and there will be burgers and chips and beverages etc.

    The reason we are doing this is because we live far away from our entire extended family and maybe get to see them every 2 years or so. This gives us a more laid back environment to hang out and chat since at the wedding we will be pulled every which way.

    There will be no gift openings though. No one wants to sit around and watch you open presents. Its super awkward. I remember a long time back I attended a next day gift opening. They opened a card from 'Favourite Uncle Joe' in which he had included a cheque for a substantial amount of money. Then they opened my card. I was a poor college student and had scrapped together money to get them tickets to the movies for a date night. It was really awkward and slightly embarrassing for me to follow Uncle Joe. I wouldn't wish that on anyone.

    So long story short, its fine to have a (hosted) gathering the next day, but don't open gifts at it. Just relax and hang out.
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    lc07
  • mrscomposermrscomposer Mani-snow-ba member
    500 Love Its 500 Comments First Anniversary First Answer

    Sweet baby Jesus, gift openings the next day are awful.  They're awkward, nobody cares, and the people that DO care are the family busybodies who just want to know who spent what.

    It's not unheard of where I'm from, but I've never willingly gone to one.  We opened presents the day after our wedding with our parents there, but it was mostly just because we were moving the next day, and my parents were going home to Alberta.  We were spending time together and visiting, and just happened to be opening gifts at the same time.

    **The OMH formerly known as jsangel1018**
    InLoveInQueens
  • lyndausvilyndausvi Western Slope, Colorado mod
    Moderator Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its
    lyndausvi said:
    Both my brothers did after their weddings because their wives said that is what is done.  Both weddings were in the Phoenix area.    My SILs come from different social circles, which made us think it was something people did in Phoenix.

    Regardless my side thought it was tacky, but attended out of obligation.  

    I've never seen this done at Phoenix weddings. Strange!
    it was so strange.  We are looking at each other like "WTF?".  Especially since our side gives money as presents and the one brother opened up the cards.

    Can we say awkward?



    OP  - we did hang with some of our guests before we left for the 5 hour drive to the airport to start our HM.  We didn't have to leave until mid-afternoon.  It was nice hanging with our guests as we are OOT from most of them.  No gift opening.






    What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests.  Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated. 
  • Jen4948Jen4948 Houston member
    10000 Comments Seventh Anniversary 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    I had to sit through my cousin and his now-wife doing this. They're great people, but it was a big yawn.

    A day-after get-together is okay, but please don't open the gifts then. Do that on your own time.
    InLoveInQueens
  • MyNameIsNotMyNameIsNot Atlanta member
    Ninth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    Day after brunches or BBQs are common in my area, but no one would open gifts at them.

    Gifts are given with the expectation that they'll be opened in private. Opening them in public is rude to the giver. 
    lc07InLoveInQueens
  • climbingwifeclimbingwife NYC 'burbs member
    10000 Comments Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    I've honestly never heard of this until TK. Day after brunches, sure. Gift opening - no. And I find it really weird. 

    lc07InLoveInQueens
  • TrixieJessTrixieJess member
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary First Answer
    edited June 2015
    Please DO NOT DO THIS. I had to sit through a gift opening at the last wedding I was in and I swear to God, I wanted to throw myself down the stairs in protest. Everybody, including the bride and groom were hungover, angry, wearing sunglasses and smelling of last nights' party. The Bride insisted that we did this and that everybody be there... it was awful. Do not do this. If you want to have like your mother or his mother or something over to your house to watch you open gifts, by all means, sure. But do not make this a "thing."
    ^^THIS!

    I was asked to do this years ago for a wedding that I was in for a Bridezilla. I actually begged my boss for a shift and went into work hungover (possibly still drunk) just to avoid this crap. The bride was not impressed. My boss was amused (it was a bar, most of us worked hungover on Sundays). The other BM that I know that went to it said it was the most AW thing that she had ever seen and the bride was critiquing her gifts. The kicker was that she got mostly cash. TACKY!

    ETA: It's been over 12 years and the bride is now divorced - I'm still waiting for a Thank you card.
    [Deleted User]InLoveInQueens
  • This is a thing in my family. I am the second youngest cousin in my family by about eight years, and every single one of my cousins did this the day after their wedding. We all get together for breakfast and then watch the couple open gifts. I have always hated it.

    I managed to convince my mom to just make it the breakfast. I tried to get out of the breakfast too, but she planned one anyway because "that is what her family does and it is expected." My H and I still had to open all the gifts in front of both sets of parents though. We couldn't get out of that. At least no extended family or friends had to endure it though.
    [Deleted User]
  • labrolabro Hotlanta member
    5000 Comments Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    This is a thing in my family. Some couples have opened gifts, others opted out. But most of my family hosts some sort of open house/brunch for out of town family to attend the day after the wedding if they are able to. My sister and her H opened gifts at theirs, H and I didn't. We wanted to spend our short time there talking with everyone rather than worrying about who gave us what.

    In short, I think it's 100% ok to host something the day after the wedding...but I'd stay away from making it about opening gifts.



    zitiqueenInLoveInQueens
  • lovesclimbinglovesclimbing Alaska member
    Seventh Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    I have actually heard that it's fairly common for a few people - namely, the parents - to sit around and watch gift opening after the happy couple return from the honeymoon.  My mom even suggested that H and I Skype with her and my dad when we got back.  I wouldn't have minded, but said no mainly because we had no internet at our house.

  • VulgarGirlVulgarGirl Desert Oasis member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its First Anniversary Name Dropper
    edited June 2015
    CMGragain said:
    No.  Never heard of it.  Traditionally, the bride and groom couple are on their honeymoon.
    FTFY. (remember not every wedding consists of a bride and groom, inclusive is important)
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    Heffalump[Deleted User]
  • We sat through a gift-opening brunch after FI's cousin's wedding, and I think we were the only not-hungover people there. Since we pretty much hated it, FI now insists that we immediately leave for our honeymoon to avoid anyone trying to insist or host such a thing for us. His cousin's was the only time I'd ever heard of such a thing.
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  • My older sister did this and it was rough to sit through!

    My mom and FMIL keep questioning when we are opening gifts and we keep telling them that we will do it on our own time and not in front of everyone (and we can write out TY cards). They are not happy about it but I really don't care!

    I am glad that I am not breaking an etiquette of some sorts!  
    InLoveInQueens
  • MnHGirl said:
    My older sister did this and it was rough to sit through!

    My mom and FMIL keep questioning when we are opening gifts and we keep telling them that we will do it on our own time and not in front of everyone (and we can write out TY cards). They are not happy about it but I really don't care!

    I am glad that I am not breaking an etiquette of some sorts!  
    My cousin did this and I don't remember hating it.  Probably because it was at my aunt's house and we got up and got food and booze and tylenol at our leisure and weren't forced to watch the opening of the gifts.  It was just something that was happening "over there."
  • WinstonsGirlWinstonsGirl The Cold North member
    Knottie Warrior 2500 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    I've been to one, which I didn't mind, since 1. It was my brother and 2. SIL's family put on a huge spread, so there was lots of food and wine.  It was super boring though and I would never want to sit through it myself.  

    Another downside was showing gifts.  SIL showed each gift to those watching, thanked people, was gracious, etc.  But she received one (her china teapot) from a cousin who had bought it on behalf of his Mom (our Aunt) who had recently died.  Somewhere along the buying and opening the teapot had shattered so SIL didn't take it out cos she didn't want cousin to know and feel that he had to replace it.  She talked her way out of it and they just bought themselves a new one later, but it put her in a tight and awkward spot in front of everyone
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  • Please don't do this, it could end up being embarasshing for your guests. Because you know there is going to be someone there mentally keeping track of who gave gifts and who didn't and who gave what. It's no ones business on who gave you what. I had a few guests who didn't give us anything, but that's ok, it wasn't about the gifts, it was about them being there to share the day with us.
  • I can see the newlyweds' immediate family wanting to be there while they're opening gifts, but for anyone else, I have to imagine it would be boring at best and awkward at worst.

    I'd say tell your parents and your siblings when you're planning to open gifts and see if they'd like to join you. Don't turn it into more of an event than that.
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  • My sister did this, and it was terrible. I remember sitting there super bored while pretending to fawn over lame gifts, and pretending it wasn't uncomfortable as hell when she opened a gift that was nicer or more expensive than the last.

    Sadly, It's tradition in my family to have the morning after brunch, but we are NOT opening gifts, and it's open for whomever wants to go. Not forcing anyone. We are going to have brunch together anyways before we hit the road, as our parents want to see us off.

    InLoveInQueens
  • There's typically a brunch in my circle but nobody opens gifts there. It wouldn't make sense for us anyway--we usually do physical gifts for showers and cash for weddings. I only received 2-3 physical gifts at my actual wedding and we had 150 people there. We did receive other physical gifts that were sent directly to our house, but we opened (although didn't use) them as they came in so that we could keep on top of thank you notes.

    I don't see the point of opening gifts at a day after brunch. Isn't having guests sit through a gift-opening shower enough?
  • emmaaaemmaaa North Carolina mod
    Moderator 2500 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary
    Zombie thread. I'm going to close this one.

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