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giant family small wedding invite help!

[Deleted User][Deleted User] member
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So, the long and short of it is, we both come from giant families. For many reasons, budget included, we are having a tiny wedding with maybe 50 people. Problem: if we 'extend' the invites to include biologically related aunts/uncles for both of us, not even their kids--our cousins, plus parents (because obviously), and grandparents without even giving the non-married aunts/uncles a plus one for a significant other we are about 30 people over our cap.

It seems like the logical thing is to only invite 50 of these people. Which is sort of the plan HOWEVER some of those 50 (his mama) are blabbermouths (which I mean in the best way possible--she's hilarious and wonderful) and others, who probably would not make the list, are the sort to make a stink about not being invited. Add in the internet and a couple of large family gatherings where we'll see everyone...it's not like it'll be kept quiet that some family members aren't invited to the wedding. It's not that we don't like Aunt C, it's just that given the choice, Aunt R lives closer and is more likely to attend anyway.

Totally thought about having just parents and grandparents...but all of the work for 13 people feels silly. So that's out.

How do we do this without being super rude etc.!? I don't want to hurt anyone, but I have to send out invitations.

...help.
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Re: giant family small wedding invite help!

  • CMGragainCMGragain member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    No one is entitled to be invited to your wedding, not even your parents. You decide the guest list. This should be the first thing you do, after deciding your budget.
    It is not rude to not invite someone to your wedding. It is rude of them to expect an invitation, and complain if they don't get one.
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  • OliveOilsMomOliveOilsMom member
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    kelelizalowe said:

    So, the long and short of it is, we both come from giant families. For many reasons, budget included, we are having a tiny wedding with maybe 50 people. Problem: if we 'extend' the invites to include biologically related aunts/uncles for both of us, not even their kids--our cousins, plus parents (because obviously), and grandparents without even giving the non-married aunts/uncles a plus one for a significant other we are about 30 people over our cap.

    It seems like the logical thing is to only invite 50 of these people. Which is sort of the plan HOWEVER some of those 50 (his mama) are blabbermouths (which I mean in the best way possible--she's hilarious and wonderful) and others, who probably would not make the list, are the sort to make a stink about not being invited. Add in the internet and a couple of large family gatherings where we'll see everyone...it's not like it'll be kept quiet that some family members aren't invited to the wedding. It's not that we don't like Aunt C, it's just that given the choice, Aunt R lives closer and is more likely to attend anyway.

    Totally thought about having just parents and grandparents...but all of the work for 13 people feels silly. So that's out.

    How do we do this without being super rude etc.!? I don't want to hurt anyone, but I have to send out invitations.

    ...help.

    You probably will potentially hurt feelings of certain Aunts & Uncles due to the way you are sending invites. I understand about large families and the best way to avoid hurt feelings is by inviting in circles. If you cannot accommodate all aunts & uncles AND their SOs, then I would think about having an even smaller wedding. (BTW: 50 is NOT a tiny wedding!)

    I think your idea of just parents and grandparents is a good one. You can have as extravagant of a wedding as you want. Even if its only 13 people, wear the dress you want, flowers, photographers, etc. Having a reception for 13 people would probably be best in a restaurant, but you can have it at a really fancy place or a more casual one.
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  • holyguacamole79holyguacamole79 member
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    edited November 2015
    kelelizalowe said:

    So, the long and short of it is, we both come from giant families. For many reasons, budget included, we are having a tiny wedding with maybe 50 people. Problem: if we 'extend' the invites to include biologically related aunts/uncles for both of us, not even their kids--our cousins, plus parents (because obviously), and grandparents without even giving the non-married aunts/uncles a plus one for a significant other we are about 30 people over our cap.

    It seems like the logical thing is to only invite 50 of these people. Which is sort of the plan HOWEVER some of those 50 (his mama) are blabbermouths (which I mean in the best way possible--she's hilarious and wonderful) and others, who probably would not make the list, are the sort to make a stink about not being invited. Add in the internet and a couple of large family gatherings where we'll see everyone...it's not like it'll be kept quiet that some family members aren't invited to the wedding. It's not that we don't like Aunt C, it's just that given the choice, Aunt R lives closer and is more likely to attend anyway.

    Totally thought about having just parents and grandparents...but all of the work for 13 people feels silly. So that's out.

    How do we do this without being super rude etc.!? I don't want to hurt anyone, but I have to send out invitations.

    ...help.

    If someone says something to you, simply say "I can appreciate you're disappointed. We are just not in a position to invite everyone we love. Hey, did you see the new James Bond movie?"

    ETA: Things may not be as awkward as you may fear. My brother got married 3 months before I did and my sister married a little over a year after I did. There were several inconsistencies in the invite lists between the 3 of us. I didn't get any comments from family saying "oh, I was invited to your brother's wedding, but not yours ... what gives?"




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  • lc07lc07 member
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    Everything @OliveOilsMom said. To add to that, if you invited my sister solely because she was closer in proximity and in your mind, more likely to attend because of that it would be hurtful to me and would damage our relationship. Plus how do you know my sister's schedule. Just because I'm further away doesn't mean I'm less likely to attend necessarily. 50 is NOT a tiny guest list. I advise you re-work your plans to include all of the family members it is important to you to invite, or pare down your list considerably and invite in circles like OliveOil suggested. This could still create drama but at least you'd have a reasonable basis for your decision.
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  • frenchiekinfrenchiekin member
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    OliveOilsMom said:

    kelelizalowe said:

    So, the long and short of it is, we both come from giant families. For many reasons, budget included, we are having a tiny wedding with maybe 50 people. Problem: if we 'extend' the invites to include biologically related aunts/uncles for both of us, not even their kids--our cousins, plus parents (because obviously), and grandparents without even giving the non-married aunts/uncles a plus one for a significant other we are about 30 people over our cap.

    It seems like the logical thing is to only invite 50 of these people. Which is sort of the plan HOWEVER some of those 50 (his mama) are blabbermouths (which I mean in the best way possible--she's hilarious and wonderful) and others, who probably would not make the list, are the sort to make a stink about not being invited. Add in the internet and a couple of large family gatherings where we'll see everyone...it's not like it'll be kept quiet that some family members aren't invited to the wedding. It's not that we don't like Aunt C, it's just that given the choice, Aunt R lives closer and is more likely to attend anyway.

    Totally thought about having just parents and grandparents...but all of the work for 13 people feels silly. So that's out.

    How do we do this without being super rude etc.!? I don't want to hurt anyone, but I have to send out invitations.

    ...help.

    You probably will potentially hurt feelings of certain Aunts & Uncles due to the way you are sending invites. I understand about large families and the best way to avoid hurt feelings is by inviting in circles. If you cannot accommodate all aunts & uncles AND their SOs, then I would think about having an even smaller wedding. (BTW: 50 is NOT a tiny wedding!)

    I think your idea of just parents and grandparents is a good one. You can have as extravagant of a wedding as you want. Even if its only 13 people, wear the dress you want, flowers, photographers, etc. Having a reception for 13 people would probably be best in a restaurant, but you can have it at a really fancy place or a more casual one.
    ^This. I totally get large families too, mine is enormous - it certainly comes with some tough decisions. But PP is right, feelings will probably get hurt if you are picking and choosing certain aunts and uncles based on things like whether you think they'll come, or who lives closer. That's kind of making their decision for them. Inviting in circles (i.e., all aunts/uncles with SOs, all first cousins but no cousins' children, etc) is the easiest way to avoid hurt feelings. Some people may be upset anyway, but that's on them, not on you.

    Do you each have godparents or any similar situation where you are very close with few aunts and uncles (a situation that would clearly be a "circle" to everyone)? If not, and you really don't want to go over your 50 max (or can't due to venue), I would lean towards just doing immediate family and grandparents. Are you planning to invite close friends at all? This would increase it a little bit if you're concerned that 13 people is too small. Though you could have a SERIOUSLY kick ass fancy dinner for 13 people!!



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  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] member
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    frenchiekin said:

    OliveOilsMom said:

    kelelizalowe said:

    So, the long and short of it is, we both come from giant families. For many reasons, budget included, we are having a tiny wedding with maybe 50 people. Problem: if we 'extend' the invites to include biologically related aunts/uncles for both of us, not even their kids--our cousins, plus parents (because obviously), and grandparents without even giving the non-married aunts/uncles a plus one for a significant other we are about 30 people over our cap.

    It seems like the logical thing is to only invite 50 of these people. Which is sort of the plan HOWEVER some of those 50 (his mama) are blabbermouths (which I mean in the best way possible--she's hilarious and wonderful) and others, who probably would not make the list, are the sort to make a stink about not being invited. Add in the internet and a couple of large family gatherings where we'll see everyone...it's not like it'll be kept quiet that some family members aren't invited to the wedding. It's not that we don't like Aunt C, it's just that given the choice, Aunt R lives closer and is more likely to attend anyway.

    Totally thought about having just parents and grandparents...but all of the work for 13 people feels silly. So that's out.

    How do we do this without being super rude etc.!? I don't want to hurt anyone, but I have to send out invitations.

    ...help.

    You probably will potentially hurt feelings of certain Aunts & Uncles due to the way you are sending invites. I understand about large families and the best way to avoid hurt feelings is by inviting in circles. If you cannot accommodate all aunts & uncles AND their SOs, then I would think about having an even smaller wedding. (BTW: 50 is NOT a tiny wedding!)

    I think your idea of just parents and grandparents is a good one. You can have as extravagant of a wedding as you want. Even if its only 13 people, wear the dress you want, flowers, photographers, etc. Having a reception for 13 people would probably be best in a restaurant, but you can have it at a really fancy place or a more casual one.
    ^This. I totally get large families too, mine is enormous - it certainly comes with some tough decisions. But PP is right, feelings will probably get hurt if you are picking and choosing certain aunts and uncles based on things like whether you think they'll come, or who lives closer. That's kind of making their decision for them. Inviting in circles (i.e., all aunts/uncles with SOs, all first cousins but no cousins' children, etc) is the easiest way to avoid hurt feelings. Some people may be upset anyway, but that's on them, not on you.

    Do you each have godparents or any similar situation where you are very close with few aunts and uncles (a situation that would clearly be a "circle" to everyone)? If not, and you really don't want to go over your 50 max (or can't due to venue), I would lean towards just doing immediate family and grandparents. Are you planning to invite close friends at all? This would increase it a little bit if you're concerned that 13 people is too small. Though you could have a SERIOUSLY kick ass fancy dinner for 13 people!!

    Y'all are awesome. I like this super fancy dinner for 13 people thing...except for needing certain folks to be present as buffer between some personalities. Yep, family drama abounds...ugh

    So this circles thing--am I understanding it right that you only invite people who are super close to one another? Like, say, only the aunts/uncles and cousins and friends who maybe always attend the holiday party A at our place...and leave out the persons who don't even though we're related and will technically see them at holiday party B at so-and-so's place?
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  • thisismynickname2thisismynickname2 member
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    Something I'm not clear on, OP, because you're saying you have to send invitations, is... did you already book everything else, including venue, planning for 50 people? Or, are you still in the early phases of planning, and 50 just sounds like a good number?

    Budget and guest list are the two things that must be decided first, before anything else, because otherwise you're dealing with putting a square peg in a round hole.

    Try making a list of people in your family that you actually get along with, and see at least once a year or more. See what kind of list that gives you and see how that aligns with the concept of circles. My husband comes from a huge family too, but his mother agreed to only invite the family that a) we see with some fair amount of frequency and/or b) would see with frequency if they didn't live so far across the country.
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  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] member
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    Early stages! @thisismynickname We have a budget already but are working out guest list numbers... so 50 came out as simple math i.e. if we have x amount of money and spend around $y per person it equals inviting this number of people.

    But we have to send invites because timeline-wise with folks needing to book flights (parents and a grandparent) it's coming really, really soon. Or, I guess STD's...whatever. We have to send people a some sort of paper product that says we're getting married on a day and they should figure out how to be there if they can/want.
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  • thisismynickname2thisismynickname2 member
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    kelelizalowe said:

    Early stages! @thisismynickname We have a budget already but are working out guest list numbers... so 50 came out as simple math i.e. if we have x amount of money and spend around $y per person it equals inviting this number of people.

    But we have to send invites because timeline-wise with folks needing to book flights (parents and a grandparent) it's coming really, really soon. Or, I guess STD's...whatever. We have to send people a some sort of paper product that says we're getting married on a day and they should figure out how to be there if they can/want.

    Ah :) Save the Dates then. Invitations are sent out 6-8 weeks before the wedding.

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  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] member
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    Aha. Thanks. As you can probably tell, I'm more of a logistics gal than a etiquette particulars type...Probably haven't gotten to that chapter of the books I'm reading yet. Yes, I'm reading the entirety of books on this stuff...
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  • SP29SP29 member
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    As said, it isn't wrong to not invite someone to your wedding. People might be disappointed, and while they are valid to have any feeling they wish, that is their feeling, not your responsibility.

    Invite who you want there, because you are close to them, and have a relationship with them.

    I would not invite based solely on who lives closer and you think is more likely to attend. That is a bit of a slap in the face to the other person who lives farther away, but maybe relationship wise you are closer to, know what I mean?. If you aren't close to either person you are deciding between, then I would suggest not inviting either.

    Married or not, a guest must have their significant other invited, regardless of how long they've been dating. It is not for you to decide the seriousness of someone else's relationship. And it's also a slap in the face for you to ask someone to witness your marriage and celebrate your union if you do not respect theirs.

    By circles, that would equate to something like you invite all aunts and uncles (like your parent's siblings, not great), but no cousins. Or first but not second cousins. Of course you may still end up with too many guests, and just because you invite one aunt/uncle does NOT mean you have to invite other aunts/uncles- all guests (with their SO) are separate invites. Circles is a recommendation to smooth out family dynamics.

    I would choose people who you have a relationship with. If they physically live close, are they family you get together with for dinners? Invited to parties at each others home? If they don't physically live close, are they a family member who flies back for holidays? That you talk to on the phone?

    Another option, is if you are currently planning on a dinner/dancing reception, would you consider changing your reception to say a brunch or lunch reception in order to be able to increase your guest list, as lunch can be done cheaper. This would also tend to be a shorter reception, you may or may not have dancing, less alcohol consumption generally.

    As per STDs- anyone who receives a STD needs to receive an invitation. But not all guests are required to receive a STD. So if you have some guests you are on the fence about, I would err on not sending a STD so you have time to think about it more. Invites go out at 6-8 weeks and between now and then a lot can change. A few times brides have come on here stating that they sent STDs to their max guest count, but just made some new friends and want to find a way to invite them too...

    Similarly, any guest who is invited to a pre-wedding event (such as a shower) should be invited to the wedding. So caution on any pre-wedding parties you may have!
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  • OliveOilsMomOliveOilsMom member
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    kelelizalowe said:

    Aha. Thanks. As you can probably tell, I'm more of a logistics gal than a etiquette particulars type...Probably haven't gotten to that chapter of the books I'm reading yet. Yes, I'm reading the entirety of books on this stuff...

    Just remember that anyone who receives a STD must also receive an invitation. If you are thinking of things in an even number, there are many ways you could stretch your budget to potentially invite all of your aunt/uncles.

    Since your guests will be traveling to you, it's usually best to serve a meal during your reception. So look into having a brunch wedding. Brunch is always cheaper than dinner! You could have an 11AM or 12PM ceremony and go right into the brunch reception.
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  • mollybarker11mollybarker11 member
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    kelelizalowe said:

    Y'all are awesome. I like this super fancy dinner for 13 people thing...except for needing certain folks to be present as buffer between some personalities. Yep, family drama abounds...ugh

    So this circles thing--am I understanding it right that you only invite people who are super close to one another? Like, say, only the aunts/uncles and cousins and friends who maybe always attend the holiday party A at our place...and leave out the persons who don't even though we're related and will technically see them at holiday party B at so-and-so's place?

    As pps have said, think of circles as "all aunts/uncles" or "all 1st cousins" rather than "all the folks who come to the memorial day parties" or "all the folks who come to the labour day parties". Just cleaner that way.

    You totally could just pick your 50 favourite or geographically closest relatives. If 3 of your 9 cousins grew up together but never hang out with the others, the others might not care about being invited. BUT you get into tricky territory guessing how people might react.

    You said the 13 people are your parents, grandparents, and buffers. Are those buffers other relatives or friends?
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  • pegasuskatpegasuskat member
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    I would honestly just have a slightly bigger wedding if it were me, my large family is close and if I invited Aunt A but not B, it would be a huge deal. You have to invite in circles, if you invite 2 aunts but not the 3rd you are just going to start drama. They only way to do it without hurt feelings is all aunts and uncles or none. You don't have to invite their children though, stay in the circle and you aren't being rude.
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  • PrettyGirlLostPrettyGirlLost member
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    kelelizalowe said:
    Early stages! @thisismynickname We have a budget already but are working out guest list numbers... so 50 came out as simple math i.e. if we have x amount of money and spend around $y per person it equals inviting this number of people. But we have to send invites because timeline-wise with folks needing to book flights (parents and a grandparent) it's coming really, really soon. Or, I guess STD's...whatever. We have to send people a some sort of paper product that says we're getting married on a day and they should figure out how to be there if they can/want.
    And your reception and all it's associated costs make up 50%-60% of your total budget, right?

    That would be any venue site rental fees, the catering costs- including any alcohol, linen and table rental fees, all taxes, service charges, and tips for staff. . .

    "Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."


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  • MandyMostMandyMost member
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    You're in a situation where you need to decide if your "vision" is more important than some inevitable hurt feelings with a 50-person wedding. It's totally up to you.  As others have mentioned, there are lots of ways to increase the guest list without increasing the budget, but you would of course have to sacrifice other things. 

    If 13 people is your immediate family, what about friends? 

    And just a clarification, by your math you have 67 people that are biologic aunts/uncles and their significant others! That means at least 34 biologic aunts/uncles? All 4 of your parents must have like 8 siblings! That's crazy!
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  • princessleia22princessleia22 member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Comment First Answer
    There are bound to be some hurt feelings, no matter what.  I also have a large extended family and wanted a smaller size wedding. Inviting in circles, as others have suggested, will be best way to preserve feelings, but even then there will be people that will feel left out. It's just reality.  But, it's your wedding and you need to decide where the priorities lie.

    Another thing to consider, are you really close to your aunts/uncles?  Is your FI?  If one of you is really close to your extended family, and the other isn't as close, maybe you only invite your aunts/uncles OR his aunts/uncles, and not all from both sides.  For my wedding, we invited all our aunts/uncles.  DH has only a few cousins, but I have around 20 cousins, not including their SO's or kids.  So, we invited all his cousins, but none of mine. That's one way to invite in circles and still pare down the guest list.

    image 

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  • CMGragainCMGragain member
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    edited November 2015
    kelelizalowe said:
    Early stages! @thisismynickname We have a budget already but are working out guest list numbers... so 50 came out as simple math i.e. if we have x amount of money and spend around $y per person it equals inviting this number of people. But we have to send invites because timeline-wise with folks needing to book flights (parents and a grandparent) it's coming really, really soon. Or, I guess STD's...whatever. We have to send people a some sort of paper product that says we're getting married on a day and they should figure out how to be there if they can/want.
    No,no,no!  FIRST you make up your guest list.  Then you look at your budget and decide what kind of reception you can afford, not the other way around.  You have already decided on what kind of reception you want, and now you are trying to shoehorn in a guest list.  This is backwards.

    Cut the alcohol.  Schedule your wedding at a different time of day.  Brunch receptions can be very elegant and cost half of what dinner receptions cost.  There are so many things you can do without cutting your guest list to the bone.
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  • PrettyGirlLostPrettyGirlLost member
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    lyndausvi said:
    Personally, I would have a 67 person wedding that includes all of the aunt/uncles then pick and choose which to invite and which I'm not.  That is just me though, you are not wrong to pick and choose.

    I will be honest I do not get an arbitrary number like 50 when it seems it's actually more.   Families and friends do not fit into neat little round numbers like that.   I would sooner find a location that fits the list and my budget then start cutting people (thus causing family drama) to make it fit into a random number I've chosen.

    FWIW - I come from a huge extended family also.  I'm one of 25 grand-kids on my mom's side.  All married. That is 50 right there.  We invited my first cousins (and so's) but not their kids.  If I needed to lower the guest list I would have just removed all 50 of them and gone down to the aunts/uncle circle.  Which for me would have been 8 people.    It's a nice clear line that people understand.

    My parents were not invited to a family wedding because "they lived too far away".  Well they were right that my parents lived far way, they lived in Japan.  However, they were going to be in town for the wedding anyway (my parents flew home every summer which is when the wedding was).   My parents were a little hurt they were the only ones not invited to the wedding.   Point being it's not your choice to decide if someone is too far to travel or not.  It's the invitee's choice to decide.
    This!

    "Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."


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  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] member
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    MandyMost said:
    You're in a situation where you need to decide if your "vision" is more important than some inevitable hurt feelings with a 50-person wedding. It's totally up to you.  As others have mentioned, there are lots of ways to increase the guest list without increasing the budget, but you would of course have to sacrifice other things. 

    If 13 people is your immediate family, what about friends? 

    And just a clarification, by your math you have 67 people that are biologic aunts/uncles and their significant others! That means at least 34 biologic aunts/uncles? All 4 of your parents must have like 8 siblings! That's crazy!
    ...his mom is one of 12, mine one of 7, my dad one of 3 plus 5 step-siblings, his dad one of 6. That's 33 actually. It is indeed insane. I'm pretty sure it's the reason he's an only child and I have 1 sibling. haha!

    <rant>Considering my actual vision would be courthouse with no one around...yeah, I'd say I'm sacrificing my vision by having a wedding with people invited. It's a sh*tty choice: have what I want, or compromise with my spouse and keep the families happy so they don't go nuts and not speak to us for a while or whatever other asinine thing they decide to do as 'punishment.'

    Some of y'all are so cute: "people should be able to act like adults." Of course they should! They absolutely should! That doesn't mean they will--and past experiences say no, they won't. So, I'm planning ahead. Pawning off the drama on other relatives seems prudent. Sue me.

    No friends on the list--it gets even more complicated and quite frankly, my friends are much more understanding about my desire to not do the wedding thing anyway.

    So many 'choices' aren't choices when the only reason they exist is for someone else. I'd cut alcohol, gladly but that'd piss off his half of the family. Likewise on the guest list--I'd invite them all if I could afford it, but I can't, and when your relationship with someone is 'I put up with you and smile at family gatherings because we're related and I have to' it's really hard to come up with reasons why A vs B or whoever should and should not make the list. Location and frequency of contact start to seem like really good ideas.

    I would LOVE to bank on them knowing me well enough to figure out that an invitation doesn't meant mandatory attendance, but I know that's not true. So, worst case scenario is everyone who gets that paper STD or invite or whatever shows up and there has to be money to have them all come.

    Really, really, no one has any ideas for what to say when the inevitable moment comes where Auntie C is showing Aunt B her invitation from her purse at the family cookout and Aunt B suddenly realizes she didn't get one and then they're both staring you down like, /explain it girlie/. <endrant>

    ...what do you say to people who look at the other folks 'inside the magical circle of invitees' and go "hey, why didn't I get one? I'm your aunt/friend/special-snowflake-person too..."
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  • princessleia22princessleia22 member
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    kelelizalowe said:
    MandyMost said:
    You're in a situation where you need to decide if your "vision" is more important than some inevitable hurt feelings with a 50-person wedding. It's totally up to you.  As others have mentioned, there are lots of ways to increase the guest list without increasing the budget, but you would of course have to sacrifice other things. 

    If 13 people is your immediate family, what about friends? 

    And just a clarification, by your math you have 67 people that are biologic aunts/uncles and their significant others! That means at least 34 biologic aunts/uncles? All 4 of your parents must have like 8 siblings! That's crazy!

    ...what do you say to people who look at the other folks 'inside the magical circle of invitees' and go "hey, why didn't I get one? I'm your aunt/friend/special-snowflake-person too..."
    You say, "We really wish we could invite everyone, but unfortunately due to a variety of factors, we had to limit our guest list."  That's it.  You don't owe them explanations. 

    image 

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  • SP29SP29 member
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    edited November 2015
    Lyndausvi and princessleila gave you your two options: a) don't put yourself in that situation and stick to circles inviting either all or none or b) pick and choose based on who you LIKE and WANT there and own that decision. 

    I feel like since you said that YOU would prefer an intimate courthouse wedding I'd go with immediate family only and stick to 13. No one is owed an invitation to your wedding. It would also be much easier to smooth ruffled feathers when family finds out that no one except parents, siblings and grandparents were invited. 

    I definitely do not envy your situation! 
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  • CMGragainCMGragain member
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    kelelizalowe said:
    MandyMost said:
    You're in a situation where you need to decide if your "vision" is more important than some inevitable hurt feelings with a 50-person wedding. It's totally up to you.  As others have mentioned, there are lots of ways to increase the guest list without increasing the budget, but you would of course have to sacrifice other things. 

    If 13 people is your immediate family, what about friends? 

    And just a clarification, by your math you have 67 people that are biologic aunts/uncles and their significant others! That means at least 34 biologic aunts/uncles? All 4 of your parents must have like 8 siblings! That's crazy!
    ...his mom is one of 12, mine one of 7, my dad one of 3 plus 5 step-siblings, his dad one of 6. That's 33 actually. It is indeed insane. I'm pretty sure it's the reason he's an only child and I have 1 sibling. haha!

    <rant>Considering my actual vision would be courthouse with no one around...yeah, I'd say I'm sacrificing my vision by having a wedding with people invited. It's a sh*tty choice: have what I want, or compromise with my spouse and keep the families happy so they don't go nuts and not speak to us for a while or whatever other asinine thing they decide to do as 'punishment.'

    Some of y'all are so cute: "people should be able to act like adults." Of course they should! They absolutely should! That doesn't mean they will--and past experiences say no, they won't. So, I'm planning ahead. Pawning off the drama on other relatives seems prudent. Sue me.

    No friends on the list--it gets even more complicated and quite frankly, my friends are much more understanding about my desire to not do the wedding thing anyway.

    So many 'choices' aren't choices when the only reason they exist is for someone else. I'd cut alcohol, gladly but that'd piss off his half of the family. Likewise on the guest list--I'd invite them all if I could afford it, but I can't, and when your relationship with someone is 'I put up with you and smile at family gatherings because we're related and I have to' it's really hard to come up with reasons why A vs B or whoever should and should not make the list. Location and frequency of contact start to seem like really good ideas.

    I would LOVE to bank on them knowing me well enough to figure out that an invitation doesn't meant mandatory attendance, but I know that's not true. So, worst case scenario is everyone who gets that paper STD or invite or whatever shows up and there has to be money to have them all come.

    Really, really, no one has any ideas for what to say when the inevitable moment comes where Auntie C is showing Aunt B her invitation from her purse at the family cookout and Aunt B suddenly realizes she didn't get one and then they're both staring you down like, /explain it girlie/. <endrant>

    ...what do you say to people who look at the other folks 'inside the magical circle of invitees' and go "hey, why didn't I get one? I'm your aunt/friend/special-snowflake-person too..."
    1.  Why not just go with what you want?

    2.  If you have decided that your family is most important (a good choice, I think), then why not change the time of day and style of your reception?  You did not address this in your response.
    A brunch reception can be lovely, elegant and budget friendly.  You could easily afford to host all of your relatives, plus some friends, too, for less than the cost of a dinner reception.  Check it out.

    httpiimgurcomTCCjW0wjpg
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