Family + the wedding party - hurt feelings.

Re: Family + the wedding party - hurt feelings.

• thisismynickname2 member

  

  November 2015

  What about a reading?
  What about having him stand on your side as a bridesman? (Sides don't have to be even.)
  
  FWIW, often these things aren't a big deal (a sibling left out). I was just in a wedding where the bride's sister was MOH and one of her three brothers was a groomsman, but the other two brothers had no "role" at all. The groom's brothers stood up on his side. No big deal at all. 

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• Jen4948 member

  

  November 2015

  Could he be a bridesman?  Sides don't have to be even or same-sex only.

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• Knottie1446223751 member

  

  November 2015

  A reading is a good idea.... I wouldn't worry but being the only boy in family with 3 older sisters I know he feels left out a lot and if he wasn't the only sibling not in it I wouldn't care - but it feels personal if he's the only one we didn't ask.
  

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• lyndausvi mod

  

  November 2015 edited November 2015

  I would have him as a bridesman or groomsmen.
  
  Since it's all family I doubt his other friends would really think twice about it, as it's a clear family line.
  
  
  Or have him do a reading.    

  
  

  
  

  
  

  
  

  
  

  
  

  What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests.  Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated. 
  

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• banana468 member

  

  November 2015

  I would just ask him to be in the wedding on one of your sides. 

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• Knottie1446223751 member

  

  November 2015

  I may just have him on my side...  Thanks for all the input!

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• MesmrEwe member

  

  November 2015

  Knottie1446223751 said:

  I may just have him on my side...  Thanks for all the input!

  I'm also in agreement with the PP - you could have him as a bridesman on your side AND do the reading!  "how/who does he walk in???" if you're worried about logistics...  Your Mom ;o)
  

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• holyguacamole79 member

  

  November 2015

  Which do you think he'd like to do?  At the time of our wedding, my brother & I weren't particularly close (we've grown much closser over the past year or so).  My husband asked if he wanted to be an usher, and he said no thanks.  He was a guest and was perfectly fine with itt.  

  
  
  
  
  

  

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• Knottie1446223751 member

  

  November 2015

  I haven't asked him yet, but I know from experience that when the three sisters plan something that he isn't invited too he always feels left out and I don't want that to happen at my wedding! But he also is a high functioning autistic and after further consideration I think a reading might stress him out too much, but he stood as a groomsman at my sisters wedding so I know he will do that well!

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• kittykyat member

  

  November 2015

  I was the only sibling left out of my older brothers wedding and I'm not gonna lie it still hurts my feelings to this day when I think about it and that was 6 years ago. I am the only girl (and youngest by 9 years) with 3 older brothers, so almost exactly a flip flop of your situation. Because of my age I wasn't as close to my brothers as they were to each other, but I always wanted to be and really looked up to them. Being left out of the wedding felt like confirmation of being "just a half sister" and it really sucked. I highly recommend letting him stand up with you either on your side or your FIs. 
  

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• GlamQueenBride member

  

  November 2015

  Agree with kittykyat. Being the only sibling left out might really hurt his feelings. I'd ask him to be a bridesman.
  

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• cgss11 member

  

  November 2015

  I had my brother do my reading. He actually seemed very pleased that he was given that role. His wife was my only bridesmaid, and my husbands brother was his groomsman. It worked out well.
  
  However, having read now that he may not be comfortable reading (mine definitely was - he even memorized the poem to read), I think having him on your side would be wonderful.

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• CMGragain member

  

  November 2015

  Have you asked him what he would like?  Sometimes young people don't want to be in the spotlight.
  

  

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• huskypuppy14 member

  

  November 2015

  kittykyat said:

  I was the only sibling left out of my older brothers wedding and I'm not gonna lie it still hurts my feelings to this day when I think about it and that was 6 years ago. I am the only girl (and youngest by 9 years) with 3 older brothers, so almost exactly a flip flop of your situation. Because of my age I wasn't as close to my brothers as they were to each other, but I always wanted to be and really looked up to them. Being left out of the wedding felt like confirmation of being "just a half sister" and it really sucked. I highly recommend letting him stand up with you either on your side or your FIs. 
  

  I'm sorry you felt left out. But I fully believe people should choose their own wedding party and not be bullied by family politics. Many people don't have mixed sex wedding parties (not that that is correct, but just generalizing), and your brother's SO has no obligation to include you on her/his side either. I don't think it has anything to do with you being a half sibling, but probably because they didn't have a role for you. Sometimes you are just closer with some siblings than others. It's an honor to be a guest too. 

  
  

  
  

  
  

  
  

  
  

  
  

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• Knottie1446223751 member

  

  November 2015

  huskypuppy14 said:

  kittykyat said:

  I was the only sibling left out of my older brothers wedding and I'm not gonna lie it still hurts my feelings to this day when I think about it and that was 6 years ago. I am the only girl (and youngest by 9 years) with 3 older brothers, so almost exactly a flip flop of your situation. Because of my age I wasn't as close to my brothers as they were to each other, but I always wanted to be and really looked up to them. Being left out of the wedding felt like confirmation of being "just a half sister" and it really sucked. I highly recommend letting him stand up with you either on your side or your FIs. 
  

  I'm sorry you felt left out. But I fully believe people should choose their own wedding party and not be bullied by family politics. Many people don't have mixed sex wedding parties (not that that is correct, but just generalizing), and your brother's SO has no obligation to include you on her/his side either. I don't think it has anything to do with you being a half sibling, but probably because they didn't have a role for you. Sometimes you are just closer with some siblings than others. It's an honor to be a guest too. 

  In theory I do agree with you... I would be pissed at my SO dictating who is in my bridal party because he wants to include a sister neither of us are close to. But on the other hand this is my little brother with a disability that has spent most his life feeling left out and I asked for help because I knew I'd rather elope and let everyone feel left out then just singling out one sibling. But all of this is a moot point because I asked him last night... I was perfectly honest and laid out the issues and he asked if it was ok if he was the videographer... That he wanted to be the one recording it.  
  
  If this is what he wants then I am all to eager to allow it! He'll set it on a tripod for the important parts and if the rest is a little shaky or you can hear him breathing.... Then it'll just make it all that much better!
  
  Thanks for everyone's input but turns out I was worrying for nothing!

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• SP29 member

  

  November 2015

  I think it was nice of you to let him know you wanted to include him and then asked *him* how he would like to participate, or if he wanted to. 
  
  
  

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• kittykyat member

  

  November 2015

  huskypuppy14 said:

  kittykyat said:

  I was the only sibling left out of my older brothers wedding and I'm not gonna lie it still hurts my feelings to this day when I think about it and that was 6 years ago. I am the only girl (and youngest by 9 years) with 3 older brothers, so almost exactly a flip flop of your situation. Because of my age I wasn't as close to my brothers as they were to each other, but I always wanted to be and really looked up to them. Being left out of the wedding felt like confirmation of being "just a half sister" and it really sucked. I highly recommend letting him stand up with you either on your side or your FIs. 
  

  I'm sorry you felt left out. But I fully believe people should choose their own wedding party and not be bullied by family politics. Many people don't have mixed sex wedding parties (not that that is correct, but just generalizing), and your brother's SO has no obligation to include you on her/his side either. I don't think it has anything to do with you being a half sibling, but probably because they didn't have a role for you. Sometimes you are just closer with some siblings than others. It's an honor to be a guest too. 

  I agree with you, which is why to this day I still have never said a word to him or his wife about it. I was just letting OP know that he will most likely feel left out just like I did, which is what she was trying to prevent. 

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