Wedding Etiquette Forum

Adding another bridesmaid

edited November 2015 in Wedding Etiquette Forum
Okay, so about 3 months ago I asked my MOH and two bridesmaid (both my fiancé's sisters). I put off asking anyone else because I needed to decide wether or not to add my sister, who I am not close with. Well, after a lot of family pressure, I asked my sister and now she is in the wedding. Now, I am considering adding a 5th bridesmaid, who has been my friend for several years throughout school. We don't always see each other often, but when we do it is like nothing ever changed. I want to ask her, but I don't want to hurt her feelings by asking months after others. I don't want her to feel like second choice. What do you think I should do? Add her? Or just keep the bridesmaids I currently have?

Also I should mention, the wedding is in March 2016, so I need to make a decision ASAP and order bridesmaid dresses. 

Re: Adding another bridesmaid

  • Okay, so about 3 months ago I asked my MOH and two bridesmaid (both my fiancé's sisters). I put off asking anyone else because I needed to decide wether or not to add my sister, who I am not close with. Well, after a lot of family pressure, I asked my sister and now she is in the wedding. Now, I am considering adding a 5th bridesmaid, who has been my friend for several years throughout school. We don't always see each other often, but when we do it is like nothing ever changed. I want to ask her, but I don't want to hurt her feelings by asking months after others. I don't want her to feel like second choice. What do you think I should do? Add her? Or just keep the bridesmaids I currently have?

    Also I should mention, the wedding is in March 2016, so I need to make a decision ASAP and order bridesmaid dresses. 
    I wouldn't - at this point, she may feel like an afterthought, which is not a good feeling for anyone.
  • You do not need another bridesmaid.  Ask your friend as a guest.
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  • At this point I would not. I think it has gone too far past when you asked your first BMs and too close to your wedding- it makes it seem like she is an after thought. 

  • I wouldn't.  Too much time has passed since you originally asked your bridesmaids, and asking her now would seem insulting.
  • How long ago did you ask the other BMs? Like a month ago? Or 6 months ago? If the former, I don't see the problem. If the latter, I wouldn't.
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  • I wouldn't ask her at this point. I don't see any way that she doesn't find out that you asked the rest of your wedding party months ago. It's going to make her feel like an afterthought, and like you had to think too much about it before asking her. 
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  • I'm going to go against the grain here and say to go ahead and ask her, UNLESS you have already done things with your bridal party like dress shopping, posting photos together with the hashtag #mybridesmaids and things like that. If you have just recently asked your other bridesmaids, I don't see the harm in asking your friend. I personally asked my bridesmaids at various times and did end up "adding on" one more after I thought I was done. The bridesmaid I asked is my BIL's wife who at the time of my engagement, I wasn't that close with, but has since become a very good friend. 
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  • If it was my close friend, I would feel comfortable saying - you know I was planning on my party being family, but I have changed my mind and really want you to be up there with me....
  • Eh... I'm with Peachy on this one. Adding to the party later is something I've seen done a few times, believe it or not. It's totally different from replacement, which is insanely rude. You asked family, and a MOH (presumably a best friend?). Adding another good friend shouldn't be much of an issue (again, if you haven't started having parties and other shopping trips or whatever).
    Sometimes people get asked at different times just because of logistics. For a wedding I was recently in, I know the two MOHs were asked ages before I was. I actually thought I wouldn't be included before the bride brought up dress shopping and I was like, "Huh? I'm a BM?" She completely forgot to actually ask me. No biggie!   
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