RSVP Card Advice

YelizavetaYR · November 2015

Good morning,

We have a few questions about RSVP cards. (and we can use some advice).

We have the standard are you able to make it or can't make it with check boxes ... that's easy.

and we have dietary restrictions with a line (as you see below)

"Dietary Restrictions: _________________________________"

Although i'm a little nervous if i leave that open everyone will fill it out with some weird restrictions.

Really all we need to do is tell the venue how many Kosher meals but we know for a fact we will have a few glutten free folks (the health kind who get sick) so I was thinking to open the question up. Any advice from peoples experience?

Secondly ...

We are providing a shuttle bus service between the local train station, the hotel (for out of town guests or anyone staying) and the venue. We have a shuttle bus making 2-3 rounds before and 2-3 rounds after the event. We need to get a sense of how many people will actually want to take the shuttle.

We provided all this information on our website but it seems that a lot of the older relatives and guests aren't looking on the website. We wanted to add language to the RSVP card not only asking people how many guests will need the shuttle service but we also want to add language about the actual plan (we want to make sure they know where the stops are etc.)

We decided to add language to our RSVP cards.
The cards aren't huge and I don't want to overwhelm to readers but I need to write it on their somehow. Any advice on how to concisely, write this on our RSVP Cards?

Thank you.

kaos16 · November 2015

Can you print up a little paper with the shuttle details to slip in with the invitation then just add one line on the RSVP "Will be using shuttle ____" for them to check if they want to take advantage of it?

Jen4948 · November 2015

Well, if you put in the dietary restrictions line and lots of people fill them out with different restrictions, you might want to check with your venue to see how many of them they can actually accommodate and how much they would charge you for it.

Most venues can accommodate restrictions for kashrut, halal, diabetes, gluten free, allergies, and vegan or vegetarian eaters. If someone puts in a restriction that you can't accommodate, you can tell them that you've contacted your venue but unfortunately, the venue can't accommodate them. But this should rarely happen at best.

YelizavetaYR · November 2015

Jen4948 said:

Well, if you put in the dietary restrictions line and lots of people fill them out with different restrictions, you might want to check with your venue to see how many of them they can actually accommodate and how much they would charge you for it.
Most venues can accommodate restrictions for kashrut, halal, diabetes, gluten free, allergies, and vegan or vegetarian eaters. If someone puts in a restriction that you can't accommodate, you can tell them that you've contacted your venue but unfortunately, the venue can't accommodate them. But this should rarely happen at best.

Right, we already spoke to our Venue. They told us they are pretty good and have things on the fly and can work with most general restrictions. Glutten/Dairy etc.

But they did ask us for an exact number of Kosher meals (and for who they would be) - the ones they'd have to get outside in advance.

I also know we have one person with a nut allergy and yes they are usually prepared - but I'm more worried about the ones I don't know about. I am curious if there is a good way to do this - to get the important information without having people filling in all kinds of things giving us more work.

YelizavetaYR · November 2015

kaos16 said:

Can you print up a little paper with the shuttle details to slip in with the invitation then just add one line on the RSVP "Will be using shuttle ____" for them to check if they want to take advantage of it?

That might work - but I was hoping to have to write/print/copy and make less paper - although that may make sense as they will return the RSVP card to us and will need some kind of shuttle information to keep for themselves.

JediElizabeth · November 2015

YelizavetaYR said:

Jen4948 said:

Well, if you put in the dietary restrictions line and lots of people fill them out with different restrictions, you might want to check with your venue to see how many of them they can actually accommodate and how much they would charge you for it.
Most venues can accommodate restrictions for kashrut, halal, diabetes, gluten free, allergies, and vegan or vegetarian eaters. If someone puts in a restriction that you can't accommodate, you can tell them that you've contacted your venue but unfortunately, the venue can't accommodate them. But this should rarely happen at best.

Right, we already spoke to our Venue. They told us they are pretty good and have things on the fly and can work with most general restrictions. Glutten/Dairy etc.

But they did ask us for an exact number of Kosher meals (and for who they would be) - the ones they'd have to get outside in advance.

I also know we have one person with a nut allergy and yes they are usually prepared - but I'm more worried about the ones I don't know about. I am curious if there is a good way to do this - to get the important information without having people filling in all kinds of things giving us more work.

You seem to have very specific questions. Could you have something like:

Please check below for dietary restrictions:
O Kosher
O Gluten Free
O Dairy Free
O Vegetarian / Vegan
O Allergy: __________

Or, if you don't want to clutter up the RSVP, you can add "Please call [point person] at ###-###-#### if you have any dietary restrictions" on an insert or something. Then you can have a conversation with them instead of trying to figure it all out on one little postcard.

PamBeesly524 · November 2015

I wouldn't worry about getting random answers back... I guess it depends on your crowd, but I did a fill in the blank and only got answers back with actual restrictions for allergies, etc. I didn't get anyone that said "Oh I only eat bacon if it's crispy" or anything. I think you will probably only get legitimate answers back.

Jen4948 · November 2015

YelizavetaYR said:

Jen4948 said:

Well, if you put in the dietary restrictions line and lots of people fill them out with different restrictions, you might want to check with your venue to see how many of them they can actually accommodate and how much they would charge you for it.
Most venues can accommodate restrictions for kashrut, halal, diabetes, gluten free, allergies, and vegan or vegetarian eaters. If someone puts in a restriction that you can't accommodate, you can tell them that you've contacted your venue but unfortunately, the venue can't accommodate them. But this should rarely happen at best.

Right, we already spoke to our Venue. They told us they are pretty good and have things on the fly and can work with most general restrictions. Glutten/Dairy etc.

But they did ask us for an exact number of Kosher meals (and for who they would be) - the ones they'd have to get outside in advance.

I also know we have one person with a nut allergy and yes they are usually prepared - but I'm more worried about the ones I don't know about. I am curious if there is a good way to do this - to get the important information without having people filling in all kinds of things giving us more work.

How much advance time are they giving you? Invitations normally go out 6 to 8 weeks before the wedding, and unfortunately, many people don't RSVP until the very last minute or at all and you'll have to contact them to ask-assuming you can reach them.

If you can estimate how many kosher meals you will need and build in a small buffer, you should be all right. If the venue demands more specific information sooner than you can get it to them, then you'll just have to tell them that you can't be more exact than that and that your estimate is allowing for extra kosher meals, and that you won't be able to give them specific names until they RSVP.

As far as other restrictions go, unfortunately, this pretty much is just something you have to work with. If people fill in all kinds of things, and the venue tells you they can't accommodate them, then you just have to notify whoever puts that in their response that the venue can't do it. Yeah, that's more work for you, but there's no good way to avoid it.

YelizavetaYR · November 2015

Jen4948 said:

YelizavetaYR said:

Jen4948 said:

Well, if you put in the dietary restrictions line and lots of people fill them out with different restrictions, you might want to check with your venue to see how many of them they can actually accommodate and how much they would charge you for it.
Most venues can accommodate restrictions for kashrut, halal, diabetes, gluten free, allergies, and vegan or vegetarian eaters. If someone puts in a restriction that you can't accommodate, you can tell them that you've contacted your venue but unfortunately, the venue can't accommodate them. But this should rarely happen at best.

Right, we already spoke to our Venue. They told us they are pretty good and have things on the fly and can work with most general restrictions. Glutten/Dairy etc.

But they did ask us for an exact number of Kosher meals (and for who they would be) - the ones they'd have to get outside in advance.

I also know we have one person with a nut allergy and yes they are usually prepared - but I'm more worried about the ones I don't know about. I am curious if there is a good way to do this - to get the important information without having people filling in all kinds of things giving us more work.

How much advance time are they giving you? Invitations normally go out 6 to 8 weeks before the wedding, and unfortunately, many people don't RSVP until the very last minute or at all and you'll have to contact them to ask-assuming you can reach them.
If you can estimate how many kosher meals you will need and build in a small buffer, you should be all right. If the venue demands more specific information sooner than you can get it to them, then you'll just have to tell them that you can't be more exact than that and that your estimate is allowing for extra kosher meals, and that you won't be able to give them specific names until they RSVP.
As far as other restrictions go, unfortunately, this pretty much is just something you have to work with. If people fill in all kinds of things, and the venue tells you they can't accommodate them, then you just have to notify whoever puts that in their response that the venue can't do it. Yeah, that's more work for you, but there's no good way to avoid it.

My invitations are going out early January for a wedding in April - with an RSVP deadline of early March. I've seen too many friends have massive panic and anxiety with the last minute RSVPs that I simply can't deal with it. There is far too much dependent these numbers. We need to confirm the shuttle mid March - we need to inform the venue at the very beginning of April. Also we have a hotel restriction and lots of out of town guests so they need to get their act together by early March too.

I think we can estimate and I like the idea of putting in a buffer but my bigger concern is to put it into the RSVP card or not at all. I'm leaning towards no. But the transportation will go on to the RSVP card (that will definitely get a buffer in case people drink or someone forgets or whatever but I need to have a better estimated sense there.

Thank you for the suggestions.

ILoveBeachMusic · November 2015

JediElizabeth said:

YelizavetaYR said:

Jen4948 said:

Well, if you put in the dietary restrictions line and lots of people fill them out with different restrictions, you might want to check with your venue to see how many of them they can actually accommodate and how much they would charge you for it.
Most venues can accommodate restrictions for kashrut, halal, diabetes, gluten free, allergies, and vegan or vegetarian eaters. If someone puts in a restriction that you can't accommodate, you can tell them that you've contacted your venue but unfortunately, the venue can't accommodate them. But this should rarely happen at best.

Right, we already spoke to our Venue. They told us they are pretty good and have things on the fly and can work with most general restrictions. Glutten/Dairy etc.

But they did ask us for an exact number of Kosher meals (and for who they would be) - the ones they'd have to get outside in advance.

I also know we have one person with a nut allergy and yes they are usually prepared - but I'm more worried about the ones I don't know about. I am curious if there is a good way to do this - to get the important information without having people filling in all kinds of things giving us more work.

You seem to have very specific questions. Could you have something like:

Please check below for dietary restrictions:
O Kosher
O Gluten Free
O Dairy Free
O Vegetarian / Vegan
O Allergy: __________

Or, if you don't want to clutter up the RSVP, you can add "Please call [point person] at ###-###-#### if you have any dietary restrictions" on an insert or something. Then you can have a conversation with them instead of trying to figure it all out on one little postcard.

This is what we did for my daughter's wedding (call or email me) no one contacted me other that the MOH and one cousin who we knew about ahead of time. As for the shuttle, do you really need a head count? We had a shuttle at the end of the night only. We listed the hours it was running on the website and I sent an email out to OOT guests the week of the wedding with some other info because there was some major road construction going on that was causing havoc. I think maybe my daughter might have mentioned it in the welcome letter in the bags handed out at the hotels too but can't really remember.

YelizavetaYR · November 2015

ILoveBeachMusic said:

JediElizabeth said:

YelizavetaYR said:

Jen4948 said:

Well, if you put in the dietary restrictions line and lots of people fill them out with different restrictions, you might want to check with your venue to see how many of them they can actually accommodate and how much they would charge you for it.
Most venues can accommodate restrictions for kashrut, halal, diabetes, gluten free, allergies, and vegan or vegetarian eaters. If someone puts in a restriction that you can't accommodate, you can tell them that you've contacted your venue but unfortunately, the venue can't accommodate them. But this should rarely happen at best.

Right, we already spoke to our Venue. They told us they are pretty good and have things on the fly and can work with most general restrictions. Glutten/Dairy etc.

But they did ask us for an exact number of Kosher meals (and for who they would be) - the ones they'd have to get outside in advance.

I also know we have one person with a nut allergy and yes they are usually prepared - but I'm more worried about the ones I don't know about. I am curious if there is a good way to do this - to get the important information without having people filling in all kinds of things giving us more work.

You seem to have very specific questions. Could you have something like:

Please check below for dietary restrictions:
O Kosher
O Gluten Free
O Dairy Free
O Vegetarian / Vegan
O Allergy: __________

Or, if you don't want to clutter up the RSVP, you can add "Please call [point person] at ###-###-#### if you have any dietary restrictions" on an insert or something. Then you can have a conversation with them instead of trying to figure it all out on one little postcard.

This is what we did for my daughter's wedding (call or email me) no one contacted me other that the MOH and one cousin who we knew about ahead of time. As for the shuttle, do you really need a head count? We had a shuttle at the end of the night only. We listed the hours it was running on the website and I sent an email out to OOT guests the week of the wedding with some other info because there was some major road construction going on that was causing havoc. I think maybe my daughter might have mentioned it in the welcome letter in the bags handed out at the hotels too but can't really remember.

The reason we want to get a head count for the shuttle was to know how many times it should run. (we are being charged by run) and currently we have it scheduled to make 3 runs before and 3 runs after to each of the stops. If we see that only a fraction of the people we estimated will need it we will cut down on the runs and save some money.

I would love to contact the out of town guests - but it will be a hassle as half of them don't check email, the others are hard to reach, there is a headache associated with half the people. (we plan to have any and all updates on the website) -- and yes we were planning on putting something into the welcome bags as well, but those people may end up driving so we shall see.

MairePoppy · November 2015

How about something like this:
Please respond before DATE

M________________________ Accept Decline

______ Chicken
______ Beef
______ Kosher
______ Dietary restrictions ____________

______ will be using the the complimentary shuttle service

Jen4948 · November 2015

MairePoppy said:

How about something like this:
Please respond before DATE

M________________________ Accept Decline

______ Chicken
______ Beef
______ Kosher
______ Dietary restrictions ____________

______ will be using the the complimentary shuttle service

I like this.

YelizavetaYR · November 2015

Jen4948 said:

MairePoppy said:

How about something like this:
Please respond before DATE

M________________________ Accept Decline

______ Chicken
______ Beef
______ Kosher
______ Dietary restrictions ____________

______ will be using the the complimentary shuttle service

I like this.

Hi, I like this too. Thank you.
Only thing is we will have to add a little bit more about the shuttle as most people didn't read the website for some reason.
Thank you for the tip.

frenchiekin · November 2015

Jen4948 said:

MairePoppy said:

How about something like this:
Please respond before DATE

M________________________ Accept Decline

______ Chicken
______ Beef
______ Kosher
______ Dietary restrictions ____________

______ will be using the the complimentary shuttle service

I like this.

BOXBOXBOXBOXBOXBOX

Ditto - perfectly concise.

OP, I wouldn't worry too much about people filling in crazy things on the dietary restrictions line. We did one as well and very few people used it. We had a few vegetarians/vegans, a few pescatarians, a few nut and shellfish allergies, and an eggplant allergy (random, but non-issue since we weren't serving it anyway). We actually had a couple of funny responses from friends, like "We only eat food fried in bacon fat" or "We need all the foods" but obviously we knew they were joking (kind of).

We approached it with the attitude that any medically-related or lifestyle restrictions would be accommodated, but things like "I hate mushrooms" wouldn't be a deciding factor in what we served. We didn't have any of those. We printed menu cards for the tables listing the main ingredients so there were no questions at dinner time.

spockforprez · November 2015

PamBeesly524 said:

I wouldn't worry about getting random answers back... I guess it depends on your crowd, but I did a fill in the blank and only got answers back with actual restrictions for allergies, etc. I didn't get anyone that said "Oh I only eat bacon if it's crispy" or anything. I think you will probably only get legitimate answers back.

I really do only eat bacon if it's crispy, Pam. Serving limp bacon at a wedding should be an etiquette faux pas.

Maggie0829 · November 2015

spockforprez said:

PamBeesly524 said:

I wouldn't worry about getting random answers back... I guess it depends on your crowd, but I did a fill in the blank and only got answers back with actual restrictions for allergies, etc. I didn't get anyone that said "Oh I only eat bacon if it's crispy" or anything. I think you will probably only get legitimate answers back.

I really do only eat bacon if it's crispy, Pam. Serving limp bacon at a wedding should be an etiquette faux pas.

100% agree.

lembaslover · November 2015

YelizavetaYR said:
My invitations are going out early January for a wedding in April - with an RSVP deadline of early March. I've seen too many friends have massive panic and anxiety with the last minute RSVPs that I simply can't deal with it. There is far too much dependent these numbers. We need to confirm the shuttle mid March - we need to inform the venue at the very beginning of April. Also we have a hotel restriction and lots of out of town guests so they need to get their act together by early March too.

I think we can estimate and I like the idea of putting in a buffer but my bigger concern is to put it into the RSVP card or not at all. I'm leaning towards no. But the transportation will go on to the RSVP card (that will definitely get a buffer in case people drink or someone forgets or whatever but I need to have a better estimated sense there.

Thank you for the suggestions.

Is your wedding in early April or middle/end of April? If you are requiring RSVPs back over a month in advance then I'm afraid you won't really solve your avoiding last minute RSVP crisis because depending on jobs/family situations it can be really hard to know for sure 1 month or more in advance. My venue originally had a need to know firm numbers as 3 weeks before the wedding so I put the deadline as 1 month before but a lot of my guests were struggling to know for sure (and sure some were just lazy but that wasn't the majority). So I talked with the venue and got it pushed back a bit. I wouldn't send the invites out any earlier that 8 weeks (they get lost or forgotten about) and I wouldn't require the response any more than 4 weeks in advance and if it is 4 weeks plan on at least a few people missing that for legitimate reasons.

But to answer your question I would add a line for dietary restrictions, it's nice and something I had forgotten about and then I spent a lot of time worrying if someone wouldn't be able to eat their meal. Turns out there was only 1 unhappy person, my grandpa, but we told him he wouldn't like the meal he picked but he insisted that's what he wanted so I don't really feel too bad about that one. People aren't going to add ridiculous things unless they are making a joke and that you can just laugh at or ignore whichever you prefer. Having the shuttle on there is a great idea and I agree treat it as an estimate and add a few to buffer it because some people might change their minds day of.

PamBeesly524 · November 2015

spockforprez said:

PamBeesly524 said:

I wouldn't worry about getting random answers back... I guess it depends on your crowd, but I did a fill in the blank and only got answers back with actual restrictions for allergies, etc. I didn't get anyone that said "Oh I only eat bacon if it's crispy" or anything. I think you will probably only get legitimate answers back.

I really do only eat bacon if it's crispy, Pam. Serving limp bacon at a wedding should be an etiquette faux pas.

I guess that was a bad example

[Deleted User] · November 2015

PamBeesly524 said:

spockforprez said:

PamBeesly524 said:

I wouldn't worry about getting random answers back... I guess it depends on your crowd, but I did a fill in the blank and only got answers back with actual restrictions for allergies, etc. I didn't get anyone that said "Oh I only eat bacon if it's crispy" or anything. I think you will probably only get legitimate answers back.

I really do only eat bacon if it's crispy, Pam. Serving limp bacon at a wedding should be an etiquette faux pas.

I guess that was a bad example

Well, the first and only rule of etiquette is, "Don't be an Asshole." And serving limp bacon is an asshole move. So, I guess it is an etiquette faux pas.

ShesSoCold · November 2015

Maggie0829 said:

spockforprez said:

PamBeesly524 said:

I wouldn't worry about getting random answers back... I guess it depends on your crowd, but I did a fill in the blank and only got answers back with actual restrictions for allergies, etc. I didn't get anyone that said "Oh I only eat bacon if it's crispy" or anything. I think you will probably only get legitimate answers back.

I really do only eat bacon if it's crispy, Pam. Serving limp bacon at a wedding should be an etiquette faux pas.

100% agree.

I like flaccid bacon.

PamBeesly524 · November 2015

ShesSoCold said:

Maggie0829 said:

spockforprez said:

PamBeesly524 said:

I wouldn't worry about getting random answers back... I guess it depends on your crowd, but I did a fill in the blank and only got answers back with actual restrictions for allergies, etc. I didn't get anyone that said "Oh I only eat bacon if it's crispy" or anything. I think you will probably only get legitimate answers back.

I really do only eat bacon if it's crispy, Pam. Serving limp bacon at a wedding should be an etiquette faux pas.

100% agree.

I like flaccid bacon.

bahhahaha flaccid.

YelizavetaYR · January 2016

marriedhamstermom said:

YelizavetaYR said:
My invitations are going out early January for a wedding in April - with an RSVP deadline of early March. I've seen too many friends have massive panic and anxiety with the last minute RSVPs that I simply can't deal with it. There is far too much dependent these numbers. We need to confirm the shuttle mid March - we need to inform the venue at the very beginning of April. Also we have a hotel restriction and lots of out of town guests so they need to get their act together by early March too.

I think we can estimate and I like the idea of putting in a buffer but my bigger concern is to put it into the RSVP card or not at all. I'm leaning towards no. But the transportation will go on to the RSVP card (that will definitely get a buffer in case people drink or someone forgets or whatever but I need to have a better estimated sense there.

Thank you for the suggestions.

Is your wedding in early April or middle/end of April? If you are requiring RSVPs back over a month in advance then I'm afraid you won't really solve your avoiding last minute RSVP crisis because depending on jobs/family situations it can be really hard to know for sure 1 month or more in advance. My venue originally had a need to know firm numbers as 3 weeks before the wedding so I put the deadline as 1 month before but a lot of my guests were struggling to know for sure (and sure some were just lazy but that wasn't the majority). So I talked with the venue and got it pushed back a bit. I wouldn't send the invites out any earlier that 8 weeks (they get lost or forgotten about) and I wouldn't require the response any more than 4 weeks in advance and if it is 4 weeks plan on at least a few people missing that for legitimate reasons.

But to answer your question I would add a line for dietary restrictions, it's nice and something I had forgotten about and then I spent a lot of time worrying if someone wouldn't be able to eat their meal. Turns out there was only 1 unhappy person, my grandpa, but we told him he wouldn't like the meal he picked but he insisted that's what he wanted so I don't really feel too bad about that one. People aren't going to add ridiculous things unless they are making a joke and that you can just laugh at or ignore whichever you prefer. Having the shuttle on there is a great idea and I agree treat it as an estimate and add a few to buffer it because some people might change their minds day of.

Hi, We spoke with a few people and the venue, and decided against putting anything on the RSVP cards about food, but reached out to a few people we knew who may have issues - and asked our respective moms that if they talk to anyone on their side to get the info from those people to us. But our venue said that with dinner they are always careful to ask etc. Cocktail hour is more at the discretion of the person and they would have to ask the staff who we were also told should be able to answer questions.

That said, to your other point about a month plus in advance. Our hotel block closes a month before the event. We have a 20-25% of out of town guests invited. So that couldn't wait, our transportation details also have to be finalized a month out so we need those numbers at least a majority of them at least a month plus to the event.

Also we have to travel and see each of our respective families to coordinate seating arrangements that takes time and I don't want to do that last minute so we need at least of month's time to figure that out. and lastly -- if one gets an invite and they know for sure they are coming, they reply right away, and vise versa if they know they can't same thing - that leaves a percentage even 50% lets say who need more time to figure it out what would change in a month out of from the wedding that wouldn't have existed a month and a half - i feel like the small few people will be problematic but with all that i have to do based on the attendance list/numbers more time is important. There is just a really large list of details to be finalized and people involved 4-5 weeks out how can we ask people to tell us if they are coming at that time when would we get things done.

Any who we sent out invites last week, some have already replied. Our wedding is mid April and our deadline to RSVP is March 1st. 6 weeks out. I don't think that is awful.

Thank you for the advice.

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