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Best man's wife

[Deleted User][Deleted User] member
Knottie Warrior First Comment
in Wedding Etiquette Forum
Hello everyone, I am new here and have a dilemma. My FH's best friend is also my ex boyfriend from high school. My FH was his best man in his wedding and so now my ex will be the best man in our wedding. My question is do I have to invite his wife. When they got married me and FH were not engaged but were living together and in a serious relationship. He was invited (since he was the best man) but they did not invite me because she did not feel comfortable with being there since I was her fiance's ex. Should I do vice-versa. I don't want her there but he is the best man. We have tried to do things together so to get to know one another yet she declines because she doesnt like me.
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Re: Best man's wife

  • jacques27jacques27 member
    Knottie Warrior 1000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    You invite ALL significant others. 

    Weddings are not tit for tat.  It sucks she couldn't be the bigger person, do the right thing, and graciously host you, but that doesn't absolve you from it.
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  • kvrunskvruns member
    Tenth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    Invite her and let her decline.
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  • lnixon8lnixon8 member
    500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 500 Comments Name Dropper
    Why wouldn't the wife attend? She seems rude because she didn't invite you but that could have her been way of saving money, I know it's rude but that doesn't mean it was over your high school romance. Your fiance's best friend could have also stepped up and made sure you were invited. 


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  • climbingsingleclimbingsingle member
    Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    It was 100% wrong of them to not invite you. Do the right thing and invite her. If she's uncomfortable, then she can decline. 

    I must say, this all seems very silly. How long ago did you date? 

    My husband is very good friends with one of my ex-boyfriends. That's actually how we met - my ex and I stayed friends. My ex was invited to our wedding, along with his long time girlfriend. They both attended, and honestly, we're all very good friends. 
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  • delujm0delujm0 member
    Fifth Anniversary 1000 Comments 500 Love Its Name Dropper

    What she did is pretty low.  I guess you don't all hang out as a foursome very often?  Best Man or not, i would have been mad if my boyfriend attended a wedding that I was specifically not invited to for such a stupid and petty reason.  Either there is more to this story, or she is just a horribly rude and insecure person.

     

    That being said, you still have to invite her.  Maybe one day you two can actually be friendly enough to hang out in a group on occassion - i can't imagine hating my husband's best friend's wife so much that we could never all hang out together.  That's crazy.  We hang out all the time with DH's best friend and his wife (though to be fair...his best friend is married to my best friend, because we introduced them.  ha).

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  • lyndausvilyndausvi mod
    Moderator Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its
    Like a PP said, 2 wrongs do not make a right.  What she did was wrong, do not stoop to her level.  Invite her. 






    What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests.  Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated. 
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  • Jen4948Jen4948 member
    Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    Be the bigger person (not to mention the polite person) and invite her.  She can get over any discomfort and insecurity she has about you.  You're marrying someone else anyway.
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  • peachy13peachy13 member
    Fifth Anniversary 1000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    Even though you and FH weren't engaged at the time of their wedding, it was rude of them to not invite you. Yes, you need to invite the best man's wife. Put the childish ex drama behind you and be the bigger person.
    Daisypath Anniversary tickers


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  • frenchiekinfrenchiekin member
    Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its 100 Comments First Answer
    100% invite her.  It was unforgivably rude that they did not invite you to their wedding, no matter how long you'd been in a relationship with your FI.  All SOs must always be invited.  Do the right, mature thing here.  She will most likely decline anyway and then it will be a non-issue.  If she does come, I doubt you will interact with her that much at all anyway.  "Thanks so much for coming" suffices and then you don't need to see her the rest of the night.  Cool.

    I'd also like to know how long ago you dated her H.  She is either super immature and insecure, there is something else to the story, or you are very recent high school graduates.


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  • pinkcow13pinkcow13 member
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    edited November 2015
    Invite her. She was extremely petty and immature, don't do the same. Chances are that she will decline. And if she attends, oh well. Let her sit in a corner and seethe on her own.

    I must ask, when did all this happen? This sounds like some HS drama tbh. My most "serious" HS "bf" and I are now the best of friends. H didn't like him (more like the idea of him since they had not met) in college because I met H when we were 18, weeks after HS bf and I ended our relationship. Plus, we were all young at that age. Fast forward to a few years later, we've  all hung out together,  HS bf was present at my wedding, and now he calls me by my new last name (sorry, had to throw some Gwen in there). Unless you're 18 or 19 or so, I'm not sure why a HS relationship would be an issue. Unless there's more to the story.
                                 Anniversary
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  • thisismynickname2thisismynickname2 member
    5000 Comments Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    Agree with all PPs. My husband's ex was one of our wedding party. They dated for a whopping two months in high school and I think she's wonderful.
    Everyone needs to build a bridge and get over this stuff. 
    ________________________________


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  • levioosalevioosa member
    Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    All SO's, regardless of length of time together or personal feelings about them, must be invited.  The only exception is abuse or assault.  


    image
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  • MyNameIsNotMyNameIsNot member
    Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    edited November 2015
    It was quite rude and childish of them (not just her, both of them) to exclude you from their wedding. If I were you, I would be very hurt that the BFF/ex would treat you this way, while he seems to be at least some level of friend to you. I'd also be annoyed that this woman was being so petty, but since she wasn't a friend anyway, no love lost. 

    I'm also surprised that your now FI didn't stand up for you and that he went without you. My H never would have let someone disrespect our relationship like that, BFF or no.

    Even still, if the BM/ex is invited, his wife must be invited. Excluding her now would just be stooping to their level. 
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  • madamerwinmadamerwin member
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary Name Dropper
    I agree with PP's, be the bigger person here. Inviting her may even make her feel awkward for excluding you from her wedding. And really - who holds a grudge about their FI's high school ex? In fact, when H and I got married, his high school ex (who I did not know before we started dating but became good friends with) was one of my bridesmaids, and H's best man was her husband... Because no one cares what happened in high school.

    Honestly, if this woman is so insecure, then she will decline the invite anyway. And if she attends, maybe it will be a chance to get to know each other better.
    BabyFruit Ticker
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  • photokittyphotokitty mod
    Moderator Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 500 Love Its
    Invite her.

    I can't believe your FI actually went to a wedding that you weren't invited. I would not have been his live in girlfriend when he returned from the wedding...I would have moved out.
    :kiss: ~xoxo~ :kiss:

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  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] member
    Knottie Warrior First Comment
    thanks everyone for the advice. To answer a couple questions, high school was many years ago, talking at least 15 years ago. so no that relationship was not recent. No other issues there except the fact we have remained friends since we broke up.  Last, my fiance did not want to go without me but I told him to because that was his best friend. As for my ex actually sticking up for me, hate to say it but he usually just does what his gf ( now wife) says.
    I guess I know I have to invite her I just wanted to vent a little since I have to be the bigger person. Like some of y'll said maybe she wont come.
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  • photokittyphotokitty mod
    Moderator Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 500 Love Its
    TheCheeseWench said:

    Why on Earth is your FI including someone in your wedding party who disrespected you that way? I don't care if it's his freaking twin brother, he allowed his wife to exclude you from their wedding when your FI was in it. NO.



    This. Your FI should have said, if Angel isn't invited, I'm sorry I can't attend. I can't understand how this friendship had survived. I'm shocked the BMs wife allows it to exist.
    :kiss: ~xoxo~ :kiss:

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