Wedding Etiquette Forum

Bride's opinions about the shower

Bridesmaids and I just finalized the guest list for the shower and they are now moving into planning. I have no opinions on theme, invites, decor, etc. and told them to do whatever they want. (They asked me for my opinion on these things.)

I do, however, have opinions on shower games. Some of them are okay, but most of them I really don't like, ESPECIALLY the "toilet paper wedding dress" game. Is it kosher for the bride to share these sorts of opinions unsolicited? Or is that getting too far into "plan my own party" territory?
Daisypath Anniversary tickers

Re: Bride's opinions about the shower

  • I don't know what the real answer to this is, but I told my mom and MOH (hosts of mine), that I wanted no games at all.  Thankfully they both were more than happy to not have to plan any games.  My MOH put together a little craft project for everyone to do instead.  
    Married 9.12.15
    image
  • Short answer - Yes.

    Long answer - Just roll with it. Have they actually given you any indication of what, if any, games there will be? I think it's too much to just go "Oh, and by the way, I don't know what you're planning, but I don't want x, y, z." KWIM? I guess I can't add more here without knowing how these planning conversations have gone. Do you have a group email/text going on right now with them?



  • labro said:
    Short answer - Yes.

    Long answer - Just roll with it. Have they actually given you any indication of what, if any, games there will be? I think it's too much to just go "Oh, and by the way, I don't know what you're planning, but I don't want x, y, z." KWIM? I guess I can't add more here without knowing how these planning conversations have gone. Do you have a group email/text going on right now with them?
    Yep - I just sent them the guest list this morning after they asked me for it last week. It got a little overwhelming because we were originally planning a coed shower, but it added up to too many people and I wasn't comfortable asking them to pay for that, so we switched to a traditional ladies-only thing. So, we've been having quite involved conversations about it over the last few days but I am planning to bow out of the conversation soon and was wondering if I should bring this up before I do.

    Would it be better to put a bug in someone's ear (meaning just tell one person) instead of responding to the group email with "Not these things please"?
    Daisypath Anniversary tickers
  • I wouldn't bring it up, but if the conversation somehow goes into the shower territory, I don't think it would be a terrible thing to somehow mention it subtly.
  • I wouldn't bring it up, but if the conversation somehow goes into the shower territory, I don't think it would be a terrible thing to somehow mention it subtly.
    I think this is still where I'm at. I had zero input into my shower other than the guest list and my opinion was never asked for either. We played two games - the one where everyone gets a little clip or whatever and you can't say a special word, usually "bride" or "wedding" and if you do then your clip is stolen, whoever has the most clips "wins", and then we played another game where I had to guess my now H's answers to certain questions and based on how I answered, the attendees got points or whatever. Unless it's like totally normal for your circle to have games where you make a wedding dress out of TP, it seems to be butting in a bit too much to me.



  • Yeah, unfortunately I've been to two showers with the toilet paper dress game. Hmm. I just sent them an email this morning saying I didn't care about the decor or theme or anything. I wonder if I could respond with a quick follow-up. Otherwise, maybe they will just know me well enough to avoid the cheesy games? 
    Daisypath Anniversary tickers
  • 1. These are people who presumably know you well since you asked them to be in you're wedding party. Wouldn't they probably already have at least a vague idea of your stance on games or what sorts of things you like?

    2. A couple of games amongst friends won't kill you and could potentially be fun is you let yourself roll with it.

    3. If you feel THAT strongly about it, then go ahead and mention it, but really the things you feel that strongly about should be very few and far between for very important things. For example, I'd definitely say no strippers at a bachelorette and would probably decline the offer of the party altogether if they were only willing to throw me a party involving strippers. If someone insisted on throwing me a shower but inviting people who aren't invited to the wedding I'd also decline. Games personally isn't where I would draw a line in the sand, but to each their own.
  • I think you're safe to mention you don't like games or don't like certain games as long as you do it politely and without demands. I'm not a huge fan of games, but we did play them at my work shower--wedding pictionary and the clothespin game. They were low key and fun. 

    Honestly though--most of the time I like showers more without games. They don't last as long. You arrive, get some food, mingle, bride-to-be opens gifts, and it's over in 2-3 hrs! And it's lovely and everyone gets to hang out and have fun. 
  • labro said:
    I wouldn't bring it up, but if the conversation somehow goes into the shower territory, I don't think it would be a terrible thing to somehow mention it subtly.
    I think this is still where I'm at. I had zero input into my shower other than the guest list and my opinion was never asked for either. We played two games - the one where everyone gets a little clip or whatever and you can't say a special word, usually "bride" or "wedding" and if you do then your clip is stolen, whoever has the most clips "wins", and then we played another game where I had to guess my now H's answers to certain questions and based on how I answered, the attendees got points or whatever. Unless it's like totally normal for your circle to have games where you make a wedding dress out of TP, it seems to be butting in a bit too much to me.
    Same for my showers.  For one shower (mostly for family friends who are my mom's age), the game was SO AWKWARD.  Each woman wrote marriage advice on a notecard and I had to guess who said what.  I honestly don't think I got a single one correct.  And at least 5 of them wrote some variation of "Don't go to bed angry."

    At the shower where the guest list was friends "my age", the game was Apples to Apples.  I know it sounds totally random (and it was).  The hostess is one of my friends & her daughter insisted on helping and wanted to play Apples to Apples.  Everyone was a good sport and it was really cute.

  • Yeah, unfortunately I've been to two showers with the toilet paper dress game. Hmm. I just sent them an email this morning saying I didn't care about the decor or theme or anything. I wonder if I could respond with a quick follow-up. Otherwise, maybe they will just know me well enough to avoid the cheesy games? 
    If you think they know you well enough to avoid them, then I'd just let it lie.  Thinking of my 3 bridesmaids, 2/3 of them would've never done a game like that.  The third might have done it just because she'd find it cute.  

    I honestly think this comes down to "know your audience".  If you do say something, I'd suggest doing it over the phone or in person.  A request like this over email could be interpreted the wrong way since she can't hear your tone.
  • Thanks, everyone! I already feel a little self-conscious about prewedding events (I'm an extrovert so the attention isn't an issue, just the idea that people are being put out on my behalf) so I think I would feel less anxious if I knew no one would have to play the cheesy games. For what it's worth, I've played the clothespin game and didn't dislike it, but I'm thinking more of the TP game as mentioned, the cross words, the word searches, the "guess the advice" mentioned above, etc. (Don't get me started on baby shower games.)

    The bridesmaid planning it is my cousin and we are really close. I think I will briefly mention it the next time something about the shower comes up. I really don't think she would be offended. 
    Daisypath Anniversary tickers
  • I think you can speak up and say something like, "I love how the plans are shaking out.  That said, I really don't like X games.  If you have them at the shower, I would feel really uncomfortable.  Would you mind forgoing them?  Aside from that, full speed ahead!"
  • JediElizabethJediElizabeth member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    edited November 2015
    Just putting this out there: the point of these games for a lot of people is to have some good natured, embarrassing fun at the bride's expense. At least when you're talking about the toilet paper dress and such.

    I'd roll with it and just laugh off whatever they plan. I know my sister will want to embarrass me (only a little bit, and with love), and I'd rather laugh with her than worry about it or get upset or something.


    Edit: Lurkers who may be hosting a shower, please do not misunderstand this as condoning playing these games against the bride's wishes if you know them. I'm only saying that as the potential bride in the situation, I'd go with it and not bring it up ahead of time.
  • Jen4948Jen4948 member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    edited November 2015
    Just putting this out there: the point of these games for a lot of people is to have some good natured, embarrassing fun at the bride's expense. At least when you're talking about the toilet paper dress and such. I'd roll with it and just laugh off whatever they plan. I know my sister will want to embarrass me (only a little bit, and with love), and I'd rather laugh with her than worry about it or get upset or something.
    Sorrynotsorry, NO.  The least anyone can do who is planning a party in someone else's honor is respect that person's feelings and NOT "have some good natured, embarrassing fun at (the honoree's) expense."  Nobody should have to "roll with it" just because the other attendees want to behave like cases of arrested development.
  • If someone wants to tell funny stories about how clumsy or bossy I am, go for it. But the games aren't embarrassing necessarily, they're just stupid and boring and even as a guest I really dislike them. The TP wedding dress is where you split the guests into teams and they pick a person to dress up in a wedding dress, then it gets judged. So that's not even embarrassing the bride; it's embarrassing the guests. Just plain terrible IMO. 
    Daisypath Anniversary tickers
  • I think ANY shower game involving toilet paper is dumb.
  • Jen4948 said:



    Just putting this out there: the point of these games for a lot of people is to have some good natured, embarrassing fun at the bride's expense. At least when you're talking about the toilet paper dress and such.

    I'd roll with it and just laugh off whatever they plan.
    I know my sister will want to embarrass me (only a little bit, and with love), and I'd rather laugh with her than worry about it or get upset or something.

    Sorrynotsorry, NO.  The least anyone can do who is planning a party in someone else's honor is respect that person's feelings and NOT "have some good natured, embarrassing fun at (the honoree's) expense."  Nobody should have to "roll with it" just because the other attendees want to behave like cases of arrested development.


    I edited specifically to say it wasn't a good idea for a planner, just that I would rather roll with it as a bride.

    To the bolded: are you aware that that's an old-fashioned (and not particularly well regarded) way of describing people with developmental disabilities? Using the word "cases," I assume you're not talking about the show....are you really equating planning these games with having mental health issues?
  • Just putting this out there: the point of these games for a lot of people is to have some good natured, embarrassing fun at the bride's expense. At least when you're talking about the toilet paper dress and such. I'd roll with it and just laugh off whatever they plan. I know my sister will want to embarrass me (only a little bit, and with love), and I'd rather laugh with her than worry about it or get upset or something.
    Sorrynotsorry, NO.  The least anyone can do who is planning a party in someone else's honor is respect that person's feelings and NOT "have some good natured, embarrassing fun at (the honoree's) expense."  Nobody should have to "roll with it" just because the other attendees want to behave like cases of arrested development.
    I edited specifically to say it wasn't a good idea for a planner, just that I would rather roll with it as a bride. To the bolded: are you aware that that's an old-fashioned (and not particularly well regarded) way of describing people with developmental disabilities? Using the word "cases," I assume you're not talking about the show....are you really equating planning these games with having mental health issues?

    I'm equating it with stupidity, immaturity and a profound lack of concern for the feelings of the person this party is supposed to "honor."  Sorry, but my opinion on that stands.  Whether or not you approve of the phrase "arrested development" I'm not getting into.
  • I love the TP game! I am not creative at all, but give me a few rolls and I can make you a masterpiece ;)

    But that is not the point....

    OP, if you don't like games, then I think it would be fine if during the context of shower planning discussion you mentioned that you're not really a games person. Or, if there is something specific you are NOT OK with, say it. 
  • I would say something to maybe one of the bridesmaids, but politely. I recently was helping to plan a shower for a wedding I was in and the bride's mom and sister were insisting on certain things that the bride did not want. The bride told me and one or two other bridesmaids that she really didn't want these things and they just refused to listen and she ended up getting upset at her own shower. So if you feel that strongly I would tell someone. I don't think this particular request is too demanding and if I was planning a shower for someone I would want to do what I could to make sure she would enjoy it.
  • I think because your friends clearly want your input on so many parts of the shower planning it is totally okay to politely request no games. Especially because you aren't requesting anything else or micromanaging the shower. As a follow up to your prior email is a good idea. I'd do it before they start putting time or effort into planning games if possible as opposed to waiting til closer to the shower.
  • One of my bridesmaids that helped plan my shower was hellbent on having games and prizes.  I didn't want any, my MOH knew that... compromise was that we had a timer and a few prizes. When I opened gifts when the buzzer went off (every 3 minutes for me) if I was opening your gift, you would get a bottle of wine. 

    I think more than the bride being embarrassed is just the guests feeling uncomfortable. Usually by the people that enjoy games the most. I don't like some strange aunt screaming YOU SAID BRIDE! and trying to grab a necklace off of me.



  • OP, the gals organizing your shower for you are some of your closest friends and family, right?

    Then you should be able to be polite and direct with them about your desire not to play certain types of games.  So just tell them you really don't like these certain games and don't want to play them at the shower.

    I agree with PPS in that you kind of have to have something else to do at the shower other than eat, mingle, and watch the bride open gifts.  I mean, depending on who is at the shower and where I am expected to sit, there's only so much small talk I can come up with over the course of 2+ hours.

    I love the purse game- it's stunning what some ppl carry in their purses, lol.  My sisters came up with a variation on that game, which was the guests had to guess what was in my purse too. . . so I threw in some really crazy shit, lol.

    I also love gift bingo.

    My sisters also came up with a game where guests were shown a number of different wedding dresses, one of which was very similar to my dress but not the exact dress, and the guests had to guess which dress style I choose.  There were multiple small prizes for that in case we had multiple winners.

    Another game they came up with was "Who has the Groom;"  Envelopes containing pictures of various studly celebs were passed out at random top the guests, but one envelope had a studly picture of DH in it.  At some point in the reception all the guests were asked to open their envelopes, and the lady who had DH got a prize.

    "Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."


  • I decided to email her, as I know she wants to keep most of the shower stuff secret so I didn't think it would come up casually again. I went with the following:
    I forgot to mention this below, but I just wanted to put a bug in your ear that I’m okay with pretty much anything for the shower, but I really hate the “toilet paper wedding dress making” thing and some of the other more cheesy games. So, if it’s possible, I would love to skip that stuff. Anything that’s sentimental or sweet (I’ve seen stuff like trivia about the bride/groom, mad libs, bring your favorite recipe, share date night ideas, etc.) is totally cool, you know I love mushy stuff!

    I hope this isn’t super rude to ask! I am trying to be all etiquette-y with my wedding process but it’s hard to tell when it’s okay and when it’s not. LOVE YOU!!!!

    She responded:

    I agree that those cheesy games… are cheesy HAHAHA so I am glad for that input :smile:  Any other input you think of, please send it on! Otherwise I am kind of keeping the planning a secret because we want you to be surprised :)

    So it all worked out with no offense caused and now I feel confident in a TP-free shower. Whew!

    Daisypath Anniversary tickers
This discussion has been closed.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards