Wedding Etiquette Forum

Welcome drinks - help me avoid being rude

Hi all,

twice in a week, this might be a record for me.

Our wedding is OOT for us and ~90% of guests, and because it's taking place in a touristy area, most hotels have a 2-night minimum. In order to spend as much time as possible with guests traveling in, we're looking to host welcome drinks the first night, after the rehearsal dinner. I've had a difficult time finding a venue for this - there are few locations in town with the right capacity, and most want us to meet their food & drink minimum for a Friday night in-season (crazy expensive for a casual drinks thing).

We were able to make arrangements with a local inn (where we intended to do a room block), that by reserving the entire inn for our guests, we'll be able to close down their bar for the night.

So, my question is, can we place restrictions on the time frame in which we're paying for the bar? Our expectation is that drinks will last until 10pm, or maybe 11. But since about half our guests will be staying there, if the inn keeps the bar open later than our intended departure/published end-time, do we need to keep our tab open until our friends go to bed? I'm also asking, I suppose, whether FI and I need to stay and hang out until everyone crashes?

Thanks!

Re: Welcome drinks - help me avoid being rude

  • bizzy592 said:
    Hi all,

    twice in a week, this might be a record for me.

    Our wedding is OOT for us and ~90% of guests, and because it's taking place in a touristy area, most hotels have a 2-night minimum. In order to spend as much time as possible with guests traveling in, we're looking to host welcome drinks the first night, after the rehearsal dinner. I've had a difficult time finding a venue for this - there are few locations in town with the right capacity, and most want us to meet their food & drink minimum for a Friday night in-season (crazy expensive for a casual drinks thing).

    We were able to make arrangements with a local inn (where we intended to do a room block), that by reserving the entire inn for our guests, we'll be able to close down their bar for the night.

    So, my question is, can we place restrictions on the time frame in which we're paying for the bar? Our expectation is that drinks will last until 10pm, or maybe 11. But since about half our guests will be staying there, if the inn keeps the bar open later than our intended departure/published end-time, do we need to keep our tab open until our friends go to bed? I'm also asking, I suppose, whether FI and I need to stay and hang out until everyone crashes?

    Thanks!
    "Last call, everyone.  I'm going to bed.  Barkeep, here's my credit card.  Have fun, everyone.  See you in the morning."

    In other words, I think you're okay ending the party at some time of your choosing.  And you don't have to be the last ones at your party.
  • bizzy592 said:
    Hi all,

    twice in a week, this might be a record for me.

    Our wedding is OOT for us and ~90% of guests, and because it's taking place in a touristy area, most hotels have a 2-night minimum. In order to spend as much time as possible with guests traveling in, we're looking to host welcome drinks the first night, after the rehearsal dinner. I've had a difficult time finding a venue for this - there are few locations in town with the right capacity, and most want us to meet their food & drink minimum for a Friday night in-season (crazy expensive for a casual drinks thing).

    We were able to make arrangements with a local inn (where we intended to do a room block), that by reserving the entire inn for our guests, we'll be able to close down their bar for the night.

    So, my question is, can we place restrictions on the time frame in which we're paying for the bar? Our expectation is that drinks will last until 10pm, or maybe 11. But since about half our guests will be staying there, if the inn keeps the bar open later than our intended departure/published end-time, do we need to keep our tab open until our friends go to bed? I'm also asking, I suppose, whether FI and I need to stay and hang out until everyone crashes?

    Thanks!


    No.  If you invite guests for a specific time slot, then you need to cover all the costs for that time slot.

    That said, you can specify an end time for your party, and provided that your party actually ends at that time, you're not responsible for either staying after that or paying for anything your guests purchase after that.

  • Invite guests to welcome drinks from say 8-10 (or whatever time you want).   Have a set time the party ends on the invite.  If people stay later then they are on their own.   Maybe have the bartender do a last call for the party.

    You do not have to stay past the end time, although I would plan on staying a little longer just to say good-bye to the stragglers.  Everyone understands the couple needing a good night sleep so you are not rude to leave before the last ones go to bed.

    We had a welcome cocktail reception that started at 8pm.   It was at house, so no bar to worry about.  Most people were gone by 10pm.   Everyone was gone by 11pm.






    What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests.  Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated. 
  • When you invite people to this note the time frame, like 8-10 or whatever.  This way it is clear how long this welcome cocktail party will last, as well as let them know that after 10pm the drink costs are on them.  And it also gives you and your FI an out.  Once 9:45pm hits I would make sure you and your FI start going around the room wishing everyone a goodnight and then you two can be done for the evening.

  • Thanks! This will be easy enough to communicate.
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