Initial Plans

AriBeluga · November 2015

Long-time lurker, first post! Yay!

Been engaged for just under a year, but we've only just made some firm-ish plans. We're both quite young (he's 22, I'm 20) and we want to make sure we're doing what's right for us and not just doing what's expected (been together over 5 years).

Anyway, our budget is basically what we can afford, because neither of us see much point in spending loads of money - we'd rather put it towards a house.

I digress.

Our budget is around £3500, which is like £5340-ish, which will be saved up over 12-18 months. Our ideal date is 4th November 2017, because it means due to the time of year we can get more for our money. And we both like autumn/winter. Win/win, really.

We're inviting ~40 people, give or take a few due to changes in SOs, including around 12 kids.

We're both non-religious, so we want to get married in our local registry office (which I guess is like an American courthouse?) and then we'll take everyone out for dinner somewhere nice (no cash bars, calm the f' down

). We've spoken to our first-choice restaurant, who've said we can get an awesome meal plus open bar for ~£1500. The place is gorgeous, so we won't need much-if-any in the way of decorations.

Does this sound alright, or would you guys side-eye it? My mum and soon-to-be-sister-in-law are pretty good at calling me out on any BS, but I just want to double check

monkeysip · November 2015

Just to be clear, who is invited to the local registry office? Is it all ~40 guests? And then all out to dinner? That sounds perfectly lovely. Nothing wrong with that at all. Now, if you were inviting only some to the ceremony, that gets a little tricky.

AriBeluga · November 2015

monkeysip said:

Just to be clear, who is invited to the local registry office? Is it all ~40 guests? And then all out to dinner? That sounds perfectly lovely. Nothing wrong with that at all. Now, if you were inviting only some to the ceremony, that gets a little tricky.

Oh no, everyone at the ceremony and everyone for fuds.

It would normally be a lot less, but his family is pretty big, and we're not inviting a couple of chunks of my family for "political" reasons (if you catch my drift).

Thank you

I just don't want people to side-eye me because it's not in a swanky hotel or something (that's a standard wedding here). It's just not our jam.

AriBeluga · November 2015

Knottie1447173624 said:

Our budget is around £3500, which is like £5340-ish, which will be saved up over 12-18 months.

DOLLARS, I mean $5340, not £5340. Bleck.

monkeysip · November 2015

Maybe some people are used to "fancy" wedding venues, but that doesn't mean those weddings are any better than yours. You are hosting your guests well, which is what really matters!

STARMOON44 · November 2015

This sounds really nice to me!

Jen4948 · November 2015

I think it sounds really good.

SP29 · November 2015

Sounds lovely

As long as you are properly hosting your guests, you can have your ceremony and reception anywhere you'd like.

holyguacamole79 · November 2015

AriBeluga · November 2015

Thank you

a friend of mine is getting married at a really posh hotel, and everyone is excited about it - guess I was just feeling a bit envious of the money she can (easily) afford to spend on their day.

But hey, we're different people, different priorities! Even if I did have that money to spend, I'm not sure a big dress and fancy venue is our jam.

One thing I am looking forward to though is less stress - basically just got to sort out a couple of big things, a few smaller things and boom, sorted. I won't have to coordinate a 150 person event.

Kudos to those who can, because it's well beyond me.

short+sassy · November 2015

I'm with the other PPs, I think your plans sound lovely. I also had an intimate wedding and reception with only 35 guests. It was wonderful! Just what my H and I preferred. Low cost, low stress, but still a fun and festive day with our closest family and friends.

SP29 · November 2015

My best friend got married this past August, and they used a restaurant for both the ceremony and reception.

It was definitely a very nice restaurant, but still it was smaller and simple but at the same time very well hosted and a good time! One of the best weddings I've been to. 50 people. Ceremony outside on the lawn, set up with chairs. No bridal party. Short cocktail hour with passed apps and access to the (open) bar. Dinner was in the main dinning hall. Because the restaurant was so nice already, they did not purchase any decor or centerpieces, just used the restaurants white linens. Dance floor in the middle, DJ and open bar for the rest of the night. Late night snack. No garter or bouquet toss. A lovely evening!

AriBeluga · November 2015

SP29 said:

My best friend got married this past August, and they used a restaurant for both the ceremony and reception.

It was definitely a very nice restaurant, but still it was smaller and simple but at the same time very well hosted and a good time! One of the best weddings I've been to. 50 people. Ceremony outside on the lawn, set up with chairs. No bridal party. Short cocktail hour with passed apps and access to the (open) bar. Dinner was in the main dinning hall. Because the restaurant was so nice already, they did not purchase any decor or centerpieces, just used the restaurants white linens. Dance floor in the middle, DJ and open bar for the rest of the night. Late night snack. No garter or bouquet toss. A lovely evening!

That sounds awesome! Unfortunately, in the UK we're not allowed to get married in cool places - literally, we've got: licensed indoor venues, licensed marquees, registry offices and houses of worship. Kinda sucks, but it's home!

princessleia22 · November 2015

AriBeluga said:

Thank you a friend of mine is getting married at a really posh hotel, and everyone is excited about it - guess I was just feeling a bit envious of the money she can (easily) afford to spend on their day.

But hey, we're different people, different priorities! Even if I did have that money to spend, I'm not sure a big dress and fancy venue is our jam.

One thing I am looking forward to though is less stress - basically just got to sort out a couple of big things, a few smaller things and boom, sorted. I won't have to coordinate a 150 person event.

Kudos to those who can, because it's well beyond me.

Your plan sounds awesome to me. Like you, I also didn't want the big, fancy event. We had 25 guests at our wedding, on a cruise ship (wedding was at port so guest could come aboard to attend the wedding & reception without having to cruise). It was small, intimate, lower cost and fairly stress-free, which is exactly what I wanted. Two month later, my sister had the big ballroom wedding with 250 guests. It was nice and exactly what she wanted... but it was also a lot more planning and stress. There is nothing wrong with doing a small wedding that fits your tastes as long as everyone is properly hosts, which it sounds like you have that covered wonderfully.

lc07 · November 2015

I think your plan sounds awesome! As a guest I would love to attend a wedding like what you are describing.

I'm surprised the restaurant would give you a price quote for 2 years out, though. So much can change in that amount of time. I guess it's good to know as preliminary research but I'd be very hesitant to put down any kind of deposit or retainer so far in advance. The restaurant could go out of business or change ownership during that time.

AriBeluga · November 2015

lc07 said:

I think your plan sounds awesome! As a guest I would love to attend a wedding like what you are describing.

I'm surprised the restaurant would give you a price quote for 2 years out, though. So much can change in that amount of time. I guess it's good to know as preliminary research but I'd be very hesitant to put down any kind of deposit or retainer so far in advance. The restaurant could go out of business or change ownership during that time.

No deposits yet! Heh, to be fair, it's a preliminary quote, and in 2 years I'm expecting it to go up. The restaurant has been there for about 10 years now, and it's always busy - I really hope it doesn't go out of business, they do literally the best pizza ever. Aren't I a classy bride

monkeysip said:

Maybe some people are used to "fancy" wedding venues, but that doesn't mean those weddings are any better than yours. You are hosting your guests well, which is what really matters!

Heh, I guess

thank you! Now to navigate the tenuous and, err, interesting family relationships.

short+sassy said:

I'm with the other PPs, I think your plans sound lovely. I also had an intimate wedding and reception with only 35 guests. It was wonderful! Just what my H and I preferred. Low cost, low stress, but still a fun and festive day with our closest family and friends.

Thank you!! It's just that whole "second-guessing" yourself that's getting to me. I'm a natural worrier, and family expectations are scary.

[Deleted User] · November 2015

AriBeluga said:

lc07 said:

I think your plan sounds awesome! As a guest I would love to attend a wedding like what you are describing.

I'm surprised the restaurant would give you a price quote for 2 years out, though. So much can change in that amount of time. I guess it's good to know as preliminary research but I'd be very hesitant to put down any kind of deposit or retainer so far in advance. The restaurant could go out of business or change ownership during that time.

No deposits yet! Heh, to be fair, it's a preliminary quote, and in 2 years I'm expecting it to go up. The restaurant has been there for about 10 years now, and it's always busy - I really hope it doesn't go out of business, they do literally the best pizza ever. Aren't I a classy bride

monkeysip said:

Maybe some people are used to "fancy" wedding venues, but that doesn't mean those weddings are any better than yours. You are hosting your guests well, which is what really matters!

Heh, I guess thank you! Now to navigate the tenuous and, err, interesting family relationships.

short+sassy said:

I'm with the other PPs, I think your plans sound lovely. I also had an intimate wedding and reception with only 35 guests. It was wonderful! Just what my H and I preferred. Low cost, low stress, but still a fun and festive day with our closest family and friends.

Thank you!! It's just that whole "second-guessing" yourself that's getting to me. I'm a natural worrier, and family expectations are scary.

Don't talk to your family about your wedding plans and you won't have to worry about their expectations. If someone asks a question, just look at them with a snickering glance and tell them not to worry about it. An "it's a secret" look, or a "wouldn't you like to know?" look. Or REALLY downplay it for shits and giggles. "Oh, I figured we'd get married in the ball pit at Chuck E Cheese. Our officiant could wear the giant mouse outfit (without the head on, of course, we want the wedding to be official). And everyone could get pizza and play skee-ball for the reception." And if you ever need to actually get serious, just tell everyone that you have it under control and it will be non-traditional, but lovely.

AriBeluga · November 2015

adk19 said:

AriBeluga said:

lc07 said:

I think your plan sounds awesome! As a guest I would love to attend a wedding like what you are describing.

I'm surprised the restaurant would give you a price quote for 2 years out, though. So much can change in that amount of time. I guess it's good to know as preliminary research but I'd be very hesitant to put down any kind of deposit or retainer so far in advance. The restaurant could go out of business or change ownership during that time.

No deposits yet! Heh, to be fair, it's a preliminary quote, and in 2 years I'm expecting it to go up. The restaurant has been there for about 10 years now, and it's always busy - I really hope it doesn't go out of business, they do literally the best pizza ever. Aren't I a classy bride

monkeysip said:

Maybe some people are used to "fancy" wedding venues, but that doesn't mean those weddings are any better than yours. You are hosting your guests well, which is what really matters!

Heh, I guess thank you! Now to navigate the tenuous and, err, interesting family relationships.

short+sassy said:

I'm with the other PPs, I think your plans sound lovely. I also had an intimate wedding and reception with only 35 guests. It was wonderful! Just what my H and I preferred. Low cost, low stress, but still a fun and festive day with our closest family and friends.

Thank you!! It's just that whole "second-guessing" yourself that's getting to me. I'm a natural worrier, and family expectations are scary.

Don't talk to your family about your wedding plans and you won't have to worry about their expectations. If someone asks a question, just look at them with a snickering glance and tell them not to worry about it. An "it's a secret" look, or a "wouldn't you like to know?" look. Or REALLY downplay it for shits and giggles. "Oh, I figured we'd get married in the ball pit at Chuck E Cheese. Our officiant could wear the giant mouse outfit (without the head on, of course, we want the wedding to be official). And everyone could get pizza and play skee-ball for the reception." And if you ever need to actually get serious, just tell everyone that you have it under control and it will be non-traditional, but lovely.

HA! I love it. My grandma asked what our plans were, and I told her we were having our reception at Burger King. She laughed and said "whatever floats your boat!". She knew I was joking. My mother didn't.

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