Pre-wedding Parties

Bridal Shower Travelers

My sister's closest friends and all but one of her bridal party live in other states than she does. I've seen that bridal showers are typically one month or so from the wedding date, but I feel that it is asking a lot to ask her friends to travel twice within such a short period. 

I thought about combining it with the Bacherlorette party, which is typically closer to the wedding date so they would only have to travel once, but the weekend before also seems bad timing as I'm sure things will be busy and most could not stay an entire week anyway. 

I think there may be no choice but to ask her friends to travel twice, but would it be okay to have the shower maybe 5 or 6 months ahead of the wedding date?

Answers

  • AddieCakeAddieCake Beyond the Wall
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 25 Answers
    member
    That seems a long way out. My feeling is if they want to and can afford to come twice near to the date, they will. If not, oh well. It's not a big deal if they can't be at all the pre-wedding things.
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
    image
    [Deleted User]
  • I should mention too, that my sister's greatest concern is that she does not want people to have to spend so much money to participate in her wedding. I know she would feel bad asking her friends to travel twice, and especially in a span of a month or two...
  • Why couldn't you do both in the same weekend? I saw you mention the weekend prior, but why not have the shower Saturday morning and then enjoy the evening as the bachelorette party? Or a Friday/Saturday number?
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    JediElizabeth
  • They could be done on the same weekend, but the problem remains. If they are on the weekend before the wedding, that would mean asking her friends to take off work for a week and pay for lodging for a week.

    I realize there is no way around asking for time and money from her friends and bridal party, but I guess I'm trying to figure out the least burdensome way of planning it.
  • In any case, they will likely be travelling twice if they want to go to the bachelorette party and the wedding.

    Could you have the bachelorette party & shower both a few weeks before the wedding? Maybe a Saturday night Bachelorette and Sunday brunch Shower, so they can travel Saturday morning and Sunday night - not missing any work, and just staying in a hotel for one night. I've been to Bachelorette parties 3-5 weeks before the wedding, which were planned that way for just this purpose. That may be easier on some people - at least they can stretch it over two or three paychecks, and have some recovery time in-between.

    In any case, some people will only be able to make it to the wedding, and that's okay.


    [Deleted User]
  • Yeah I would push the bachelorette back a few weeks if that was feasable for the bride and guests, so they would only have to travel for one weekend prior to the wedding if they wanted to come and only have to pay for lodging for that weekend, other than the wedding of course.
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  • Not to be the voice of doom and gloom, but you just said that your "sister's greatest concern" is asking people to spend too much money to participate in her wedding. So that begs the question, does she need a shower AND a bachelorette? There are a lot of people who get married without either and they do just fine. There are plenty who get married with just one and they do just fine.

    If you want to plan both, then just figure out which weekend(s) (preferably only one weekend) and send out invites with the expectation that some won't be able to make it.
    MGPCMGragain
  • Maggie0829Maggie0829 Ravens & Bohs & Crabs & O's
    Eighth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
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    An invite is not a summons.  So plan the shower and bach party according to dates that are best for the bride and the VIPs.  If people want to spend money to travel into town more then once, that is their choice.  If the don't, then that is their choice as well.

    [Deleted User]AddieCake
  • The concern isn't over the bridal shower and bachelorette party. I don't think my sister really cares about a bachelorette party anyway. My question has to do about the timing of the bridal shower. Traditionally, they are a month or so before the wedding, but that will require traveling in a very short period of time. So I was thinking about holding the shower maybe 3-5 months ahead of the wedding, but I don't know if that's inappropriate.
  • OliveOilsMomOliveOilsMom South Jersey
    Seventh Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
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    You can also have the b-party further out than the week before the wedding. I think mine was 3 weeks before the wedding. So first, talk with your sister and get some good dates. I would look to up to 3 months out from the wedding. Then talk to the BMs and see what their schedules and funds allow on those dates. Then plan the shower during the day and the b-party for that night.

    Since the BMs are traveling, I wouldn't even be asking if they wanted to contribute to either party in anyway. I would just host what I could afford for the bride by myself. If any of the BMs want to chip in, great. (I would still listed the BP as the hosts of the event, but that's just me.) That is how I went about planning my sister's shower & b-party. Some of the BMs chipped in money to me, others didn't, but I didn't care because I planned the parties within my means. It also helped that my family typically has showers in relatives' homes and I cooked all of the food for the shower.
  • Can you do closer to 2 months out? I live OOT from my bridal party and they threw me a shower and bachelorette party on the same evening about 8-9 weeks before the wedding. It was great, we ate super good food and wine at the shower then changed and went out dancing. Super low key and just my closest friends. But it was the only time I was going to be in town.

    I suggest, like PPs have said, plan what you can afford, keep them in the loop of the planning, give them time to make arrangements if they want to come, invite them and leave it up to them. That way you can still plan a shower for your sister but they don't feel obligated or pressured into going.
  • lyndausvilyndausvi Western Slope, Colorado
    Moderator Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its
    mod
    I lived OOT from my bridal party (most of them lived back in my home town).    They threw me a shower 3 months out.  Which is when I was going to be in a town for other wedding related things.   I didn't have a b-party.

    I've been a OOT BM for many weddings.   I never attended a shower or b-party for them.  Well I take that back, I did attend one but that was held where I lived which was the bride's hometown.    I just couldn't afford to fly back and forth to attend parties.  Sometimes it was money, but I didn't have the time to take off work to travel either.    It was NO BIG DEAL.   

    You can also have the b-party further out than the week before the wedding. I think mine was 3 weeks before the wedding. So first, talk with your sister and get some good dates. I would look to up to 3 months out from the wedding. Then talk to the BMs and see what their schedules and funds allow on those dates. Then plan the shower during the day and the b-party for that night. Since the BMs are traveling, I wouldn't even be asking if they wanted to contribute to either party in anyway. I would just host what I could afford for the bride by myself. If any of the BMs want to chip in, great. (I would still listed the BP as the hosts of the event, but that's just me.) That is how I went about planning my sister's shower & b-party. Some of the BMs chipped in money to me, others didn't, but I didn't care because I planned the parties within my means. It also helped that my family typically has showers in relatives' homes and I cooked all of the food for the shower.
    I agree with this.   3 of my sister's bm were OOT.  I didn't expect them to come or contribute.   1 of the 3 did come.  None of the 3 contributed.   Like Olive I planned the shower within my own means and was happy with anything people contributed.






    What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests.  Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated. 
  • Why can't you have them both on the same weekend 2-3 months before the wedding?
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