Earn cash as you plan. Get a $20 gift card for every 200 points with The Knot Rewards
Moms and Maids
100yroldblinddog
member
Options
Making my preggo friend comfy
Great news: my BM just found out that she's pregnant (the day before she told me), however, the dress we picked out is pretty unforgiving in the waist (below). My friend has already been measured but the dresses haven't been ordered yet. Her current plan is uncertain - she was thinking of bumping up her order up 1-2 sizes.
I assured her that I'm glad to have her in a more comfortable dress (which she declined) but since this is her first baby and she's about a month pregnant, I'm not sure how to proceed. I know she'll be too nice to tell me if the dress isn't working for her, and at 7 months pregnant at the wedding, I want her to be feeling good.
Basically, I come to you ladies to ask what your thoughts are. At 7 months pregnant in formalwear, what would you want? I want to make sure she's not stuck in an ill-fitting dress that can't be adjusted to her proportions. Thanks!
I assured her that I'm glad to have her in a more comfortable dress (which she declined) but since this is her first baby and she's about a month pregnant, I'm not sure how to proceed. I know she'll be too nice to tell me if the dress isn't working for her, and at 7 months pregnant at the wedding, I want her to be feeling good.
Basically, I come to you ladies to ask what your thoughts are. At 7 months pregnant in formalwear, what would you want? I want to make sure she's not stuck in an ill-fitting dress that can't be adjusted to her proportions. Thanks!
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Making my preggo friend comfy
The woman at the bridal salon has been a little intense about putting the order in by Dec. 1st (for a June 3rd wedding???), so I worry that it's a now-or-never decision to be made on what she'll wear.
Personally, I would do what @MobKaz suggested, but also hold off on any wedding chat beyond telling her you'll figure out the dress situation later. It sounds like she may have too many other things on her mind right now - in a good way.
Even if the exact dress cannot be ordered, there will undoubtedly be something in that color that will work for her. They may even have an actual maternity dress in that color scheme. For your sake as well as for your friend, make the dress a non-issue for the moment.
Fwiw, I'm 8 months pregnant and I know there's no way, even if it was really large, that I could possibly wear that. No bra, no deal. And that big waist band would not only be constricting but hit me in a very unflattering way... But everyone's different.
Is her desire to keep the same dress her not wanting to stand out in a different dress from the rest of the WP? If you think that's it, you could always tell the girls that you've changed your mind and you want them to get whatever dress they want in that color.
Alternatively, level with your bridal boutique. Tell them you have a bridesmaid that needs to order her dress later than the others and what is the HONEST date that they have to be ordered by. Tell them you don't give a flying fig about "dye lots." If they still push Dec 1 indicate that you're probably going to go someplace else more flexible. See what they say then.
Then, I would probably have your BM pick out an empire waist dress that has substantial straps to hide a bra. Pick it from the same designer so her dress could still be the same color.
FWIW, When my BMs got their dresses, it was an empire waist dress already. At the time of the order, my one friend was trying, so she ordered 2 sizes up and with extra length. When the dress came in, she barely fit in the top! The bottom of the dress wasn't an issue since she got the extra length. She worked with a seamstress who finished the hem the week of the wedding, so it was straight all the way around.
I also really, really, really hate to drop this upsetting info in but one month is incredibly early on to be planning for 32/40. There is a bit of a tradition in midwifery that we don't plan ahead too far as the course of pregnancy can run smooth or incredibly tough. Potentially even the worst outcome possible. The joy comes when the babe is in arms. If I were you, I would let your BM buy her dress as close to the event as possible. Only then can she choose something that suits her and the baby.
But anyway- 6 months to order is more than generous and the salon can hold their horses a bit.
At 7mo with my first pregnancy, I had lost weight... by the end of 9mo, I had gained 81lbs. (My thyroid went bu-BYE! - but wasn't caught for another 2-3 years).. The bra size also went from a C+ to a FF and by that point she'll likely be fluctuating even in the course of a day for what is/isn't comfortable.
It's anyone's guess how her pregnancy is going to go at this point, it's FAR too early to predict on so many levels as PP mentioned. I'd say go ahead and order (at least) two sizes up with the plan that she may have to rush order another dress in because alterations are going to be the killer on a budget. It is possible to take the design of the dress and turn it into an empire style. One friend had a ready any moment bridesmaid so got the dress significantly larger and put in corset style ties along both side-seams so she could let it in/out as needed without bringing attention that the dress was different from the rest of the BM..
That said, I agree that we should hold off on ordering dresses ( thanks @MobKaz; @aurianna - I got the dye lot speech, ha!). I'm not sure why I'm letting this consultant be pushy about this order. Obviously she needs to be reminded who of the two of us is the specialest snowflake.
Incidentally, does anyone know how long is the longest I can wait to order from a boutique?
FWIW, no, I don't think you've come off at all like you're on her ass about the dress or the way she'll look in it. It reads to me that you just have legitimate concern for her comfort / time table.
Really not sure on the boutique question. You could call around to other boutiques that carry the same line and ask what their absolute latest send date without the rush charge would be. You could also potentially contact the designer's customer service and see if they could give you dates.
I'm being completely serious when I say I NEVER saw the dress until the wedding day. Seriously. One reason was I was OOT. Plus smart phones weren't around so it wasn't easy to send like it is today. But really I didn't care as long as she was comfortable.
(My wedding dress was supposed to come in "by February 1" when I ordered it November 9th, and I picked it up yesterday. I mean technically it came by February 1 LOL but what a difference in timeframe!)
@100yroldblinddog, I know you're looking at a boutique but if you do order a dress from David's for your bridesmaid, they have certain ones available for "quick ship" on their website. She could order a month out and it would get to her in 3-4 days, leaving about three weeks for alterations.
@spockforprez, I had the same situation with my wedding dress (though not as timely because that's amazing)! I was told it would take 5 months (and with the specifications like cup revisions, etc., I figured that's a decent test for how long attire should take) and it came in in less than 4. Nice!
As for the current plans, I did call and hold the order (although my BM volunteers in every conversation that she doesn't want to switch dresses) so this dress can be appropriately deprioritized for the time being.
I was MOH in my sister's wedding at 38.5 weeks pregnant. We ordered dresses when i was 14 weeks. I actually LOVED the dresses she picked out, but they were also unforgiving, so i accepted that i'd have to wear something different (figures...finally a BM dress i actually liked, and i didn't even get to buy it).
The most important things are (1) that she can wear a bra - even if she's cool going braless now, it is pretty unlikely she will feel that way 7 months pregnant, and (2) that her dress be easily altered around whatever her bump looks like. In most cases, this means empire waist, flowy skirt, unless the dress material is very stretchy. Additionally, you have to look at the lining in the dress. In a lot of cases, a dress with a flowy bottom will still have form fitting lining, which would somehow need to be altered to fit the bump as well.
For me, i got an empire waist, flowy bottom dress with regular width straps (bra friendly) in the same color and fabric as the other girls' dresses, 3 sizes larger than my measurements at 14 weeks. We were wearing knee length, but i ordered floor length because i wanted the extra fabric just in case i needed to have panels sewn in (i didn't). I was lucky and only gained 28lbs and carried it all in my belly for the most part, though my boobs got a little bit bigger as well. The dress was ENORMOUS, but it's much much easier to alter down than it is up. So i got it majorly taken in, straps shortened, and cut down to knee length about a week before the wedding (waiting for the last minute for alterations is also a good idea - she might want to find an independent seamstress to get this done instead of using the store, which will probably insist on a longer timeline).
In the grand scheme of things, i probably could have ordered the dress the other girls wore 2-3 sizes big - it had some stretch to it and had bra-friendly straps, so since i didn't gain much i wouldn't have been uncomfortable in a more form-hugging dress that had been altered to fit around my bump. But i had no idea what i would look like and i wanted to play it safe. I suggest your BM do the same. Your other option is to just let her buy something off the rack closer to the wedding, as long as you're ok with her not matching exactly.
OP - I'm not sure of the timeframe for Jim Hjelm dresses. But I would call around to different salons and ask them the last day to put in an order for a Jim Hjelm dress so that rush fees are not applied. I would take their answers, find an average time and have this BM order at that time.
Your current salon will tell you about dye lots, but just ignore that. Tell your salon to order the rest of the BM dresses and you will be waiting until x time to order your last BM dress. Dye lots are computer mixed now, so even if the color is different, it will be very minimal - if noticed at all.