Wedding Etiquette Forum

Two Level Seating at Reception...weird or okay?

Help!!  We are looking at venues currently and we absolutely love this ranch location...but the problem is that the reception barn is small and we would be forced to have guests on two separate floors--some on top and some down stairs.  Is this weird?  Will guests sitting upstairs be upset? Us and the wedding party would be downstairs.  I go back and forth on thinking that it's strange.  Need help and advice please!

Re: Two Level Seating at Reception...weird or okay?

  • adk19 said:

    Help!!  We are looking at venues currently and we absolutely love this ranch location...but the problem is that the reception barn is small and we would be forced to have guests on two separate floors--some on top and some down stairs.  Is this weird?  Will guests sitting upstairs be upset? Us and the wedding party would be downstairs.  I go back and forth on thinking that it's strange.  Need help and advice please!

    So who gets to be the second class people who get to carry plates of food up stairs in heels while wearing a dress?  Who are you going to choose to have to walk up and down stairs to get drinks, talk to the wedding couple and bridal party, dance, sit and rest, etc?  Who gets to feel separate from all the action because they're forced to sit on another floor away from the rest of the action?

    In other words, I wouldn't do this.
    Agreed.  The comfort of your guests needs to be a higher priority than how much you love this venue.  
  • Would it be in a balcony like setting where they could see/hear everything, with safe stairs, a second bar up there, and meals brought to their table? If so, I think this could be awkward, but not too terrible. I could see the younger people having fun with that. Particularly if you make sure you're upstairs just as much as you're downstairs. 

    But if it's in a separate room, or you have a buffet downstairs, or the stairs look at all sketchy, that's awful. Don't do that.
  • I had a friend who did this and I was happy we got there in time to get a table downstairs because it would have been weird and lonely sitting upstairs, not to mention carrying a plate or drink up and down for those of us who are good at falling. I wouldn't do it.


    Not to mention if you have guests who can't handle stairs well, how will that be accommodated?

  • Help!!  We are looking at venues currently and we absolutely love this ranch location...but the problem is that the reception barn is small and we would be forced to have guests on two separate floors--some on top and some down stairs.  Is this weird?  Will guests sitting upstairs be upset? Us and the wedding party would be downstairs.  I go back and forth on thinking that it's strange.  Need help and advice please!

    I've never been to a wedding like this, but a close friend of mine was telling me about a wedding she went to like this. She was on the upper floor. She did not enjoy it. She felt weird and separated from the main festivities, and ended up missing out on some of the fun wedding things she really enjoys, like the cake cutting. If you do this, it is very likely that at least some of the upper floor guests will be hurt or annoyed.
  • I was an upstairs guest at a wedding with seating on two levels, and I felt second class. I didn't like running up and down the stairs to get food/drinks all night. I didn't like being away from the bride and groom, or the dance floor. The only way I could see it working is if you and your FI sit up there with the wedding party. Otherwise, trim the list so everyone can fit downstairs.
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  • If one set of guests has trouble seeing the couple / hearing the toasts / hearing the DJ / accessing the dance floor / accessing the bar / accessing the bathrooms etc you aren't treating your guests equally and that's generally not good hosting.

    Also, is there an elevator? Stairs can be hard for some people. Some people have mobility issues that may not be overt (arthritis, MS, etc). People recovering from any sort of respiratory issues would have trouble with multiple times up stairs... people who are recovering from surgery... even pregnancy in the early stages can severely reduce lung capacity. Just because the guests you put up there wouldn't be in wheel chairs or with crutches does not mean that having to go up and down the stairs a lot wouldn't be difficult for them.

    Also, I went to a wedding where a bunch of guests were put in a separate room. I wasn't one of them but I felt bad for them. They were like second class citizens. They didn't hear the toasts. They couldn't hear the calls to dinner, etc.

    I'd find a new venue.
  • adk19 said:

    Help!!  We are looking at venues currently and we absolutely love this ranch location...but the problem is that the reception barn is small and we would be forced to have guests on two separate floors--some on top and some down stairs.  Is this weird?  Will guests sitting upstairs be upset? Us and the wedding party would be downstairs.  I go back and forth on thinking that it's strange.  Need help and advice please!

    So who gets to be the second class people who get to carry plates of food up stairs in heels while wearing a dress?  Who are you going to choose to have to walk up and down stairs to get drinks, talk to the wedding couple and bridal party, dance, sit and rest, etc?  Who gets to feel separate from all the action because they're forced to sit on another floor away from the rest of the action?

    In other words, I wouldn't do this.
    Everything in bold is all you need to hear.  This is a bad bad bad idea.
  • I nixed a ranch reception site for this exact reason... barn could only hold our # of guests if we put them on 2 floors.  That was a HUGE no for me, and should be for you too.  
    Married 9.12.15
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  • When H and I were looking at venues, one of the venues we really liked had 2 level seating. There would have been a bar upstairs, as well as a buffet. We still didn't love the concept though, when we talked it out and really thought about it. For one thing, we thought about who would be placed upstairs, and we thought it would logically be our younger friends vs our older relatives. That didn't seem fair, though. The sound quality and everything would be the same, but it seems kinda crappy to make some people walk up and down stairs. And we also thought that it would maybe change the vibe of the party, since the people upstairs would probably just choose to stay up there.

    My advice is to keep looking. It also would be inconvenient for you guys, because you would still need to go upstairs for table visits and maybe pictures with the upstairs guests. I think multiple levels for a wedding is not really the greatest thing.
                                 Anniversary
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  • My BIL and SIL did this and it worked out well in that they had a bar upstairs and a plated meal so guests were not having to walk up and downstairs to get food and drinks.   

    They had it in an art gallery so the guests were mingling throughout the area.

    I don't think this is a bad idea (not the best idea - but not a bad idea) but you'd need to make sure that the logistical issues are all set.    
  • We did this for our reception. I think it worked out pretty well, but that was partly because there was a lounge space on the main floor that a lot of people ended up hanging out in. Not all of our crowd are dancers, so I liked the idea of having a space with less loud music for people to chat and mingle. Once dinner was over there weren't very many people sitting upstairs, they mingled downstairs and danced and hung out in the lounge.

    We also did a plated dinner, there was a bar upstairs, and we (bride and groom) sat in between both levels in the sweetheart balcony. We sat all the wedding party members and our friends upstairs with all the older family and friends downstairs. I thought splitting up the VIPs gave it another feeling of equality across the areas.

    We didn't get to attend as guests, but nobody has said anything bad about this to us. I think it can work but you have to make sure you have all the logistics covered.
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  • A split-level venue will leave your guests wondering what the criteria is for deciding which guests should be seated on the upper level, and forcing them to go up and down stairs to socialize with other guests will confuse them at best while taking a toll on their energy levels.

    I'd find another venue that allows everyone to be accommodated in the same room.
  • We saw a venue that I had been slightly obsessed with forever (since before getting engaged), and when we got there were told that due to the size of our guest list, about 20% of the guests would need to be upstairs (see photo - they'd all be up on the balcony while everyone else was downstairs).  The buffet tables and the bar would all be downstairs.  We started thinking about who we'd need to single out to be up there, and we felt guilty about any scenario we came up with.  It was a deal-breaker for us.  Don't let the pretty venue be more important than treating your guests fairly and hosting them well.  
     


  • I also dislike this for a reception. At first I read "ceremony" in the title, and I thought this would be fine if it were a balcony, similar to a theater set up, but with the reception being both more social and separate at the same time, I think makes it difficult. 

    Do guests have to walk up/down stairs to get a drink? To get to the bathroom? Dance floor? How will the meal be served? Who will you put up there? Are you going to want to walk up/down a flight of stairs in your dress and shoes to mingle with these guests?  

    I think if it were myself and I was on the second floor, I'd eat dinner there, but then end up trying to find a spot downstairs to leave my purse so I could dance, which would be awkward if the downstairs tables are full. 


  • Our venue looked identical to what @frenchiekin posted. We had a bar and bathroom upstairs for the half of the guests that were seated upstairs. Meals were plated- I've never even been to a buffet at a wedding. None of our guests had mobility issues so it wasn't an issue for us. Guests could see everything from upstairs- and everyone had a clear view of the dance floor so everyone could take their pictures.

    I think if you have a bathroom, bar and plated meals and zero guests with mobility issues then it isn't an issue. There are so many venues with one level/one room seating that you should be able to find a venue to accommodate all of your needs.
  • 500days said:
    Our venue looked identical to what @frenchiekin posted. We had a bar and bathroom upstairs for the half of the guests that were seated upstairs. Meals were plated- I've never even been to a buffet at a wedding. None of our guests had mobility issues so it wasn't an issue for us. Guests could see everything from upstairs- and everyone had a clear view of the dance floor so everyone could take their pictures.

    I think if you have a bathroom, bar and plated meals and zero guests with mobility issues then it isn't an issue. There are so many venues with one level/one room seating that you should be able to find a venue to accommodate all of your needs.

    But how do you know if your guests have mobility issues?
    When I was just 8 weeks pregnant (aka when no one knew) going up stairs exhausted me... same when I was getting over mono.
    I had a friend who had a bad case of Rheumatoid arthritis at 25 but it wasn't something she shared with a bunch of people.
    There are several other examples. No wheelchair/walker/crutches does not guarantee no mobility issues.
    (And stairs in high heels can just be a pain in the ass, mobility issues or no).

    And I have to think that except in the event of a very small guest list (which one doesn't have if they are having to separate their guests like this), there have got to be significant others and dates that the host does not know very well. What do you do in this case? Ask your guest "I'm putting some reject guests upstairs. I just want to make sure that your date doesn't have any mobility issues?"

    And what if someone gets into a car/sporting/whatever accident right before the wedding and they are on crutches but didn't think to inform you of this ahead of time. Do you make them go up the stairs? Do you rearrange your seating chart at the wedding?


    If there's a bathroom, bar and plated meal then I suppose odds are you will be ok. But definitely think long and hard about who you are putting upstairs and if you think there's any chance putting them upstairs could inhibit their full enjoyment of the wedding, realize it just may not be the most ideal plan.
  • As PP's have said, I'd find a different venue or trim your guest list so all can be seated downstairs. 
    I attended a wedding like this.  My parents were seated upstairs, I was seated downstairs, since I was part of the bridal party.  My Mom really hated sitting upstairs.  She said she felt like she wasn't even part of the wedding.  She missed the toasts, cake cutting etc...
  • Consider this one of those scenarios that the ladies on these forums talk about a lot. Unlikely anyone will really complain about this to your face, but they will absolutely throw side-eye in your direction, bitch and moan behind your back, and possibly even feel a little hurt to have been so clearly put in the category of second class guest.

    I feel your pain about the dream venue, but at the end of the day I'm sure you would prefer happy guests? Happy guest make a much better party!
                 
  • I wouldn't do this. I went to a wedding earlier this year that was split into two rooms. They weren't even on different floors, but neither room was big enough for the whole list. One room had the bar, the other had the buffet and dance floor. We sat in the bar room and felt like we weren't part of the wedding. We missed the cake cutting and first dance. 

    If you can trim the guest list so that the upstairs space can just be used for a lounge or cocktail hour, it would make sense, but I wouldn't separate the guests like that. If a venue isn't big enough to seat your guest list, it isn't perfect. 
  • We went to a wedding a couple months ago that was set up that way -- the separate floors. We were the LAST table in the far back corner on the upper level. It was a buffet meal and we had to carry our plate down stairs, fill it, then carry it back upstairs. If you wanted dessert after same thing, or a drink. Wait staff was going around offering wine and water, but they came around twice to us and it took a while for the first time. We did have a balcony so we could see the first dance, speeches, etc but we had to get up from the table to do so.

    While it was not the best set up, it worked for the couple and what they wanted. After dinner we all spent the rest of the night on the main floor anyways. 
  • A friend of mine got married on a multi-level boat and it actually turned out really well to have the multiple floors. The dining floor, where the bridal party sat and ate was on the second floor, the younger people were on the third floor, which is also where the dance floor was. Those that wanted to dance and party just moved their drinks up to the third floor, where there were also plenty of small cocktail tables for those that needed a spot to put their drink. Those that preferred a more quiet evening (as in, the bride's entire extended family or half the guest list) mostly chose to stay on the second and first floors - away from the loud music and dancing hooligans. There were two buffet lines and two bars - one on each floor - so guests didn't need to carry plates up and down stairs.

    I think the success of this set up will depend on your crowd, as well as how things are served. I agree with PPs - don't plan on having a buffet on only one level and require guests to climb stairs with food!
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