Moms and Maids

Making my preggo friend comfy

Great news: my BM just found out that she's pregnant (the day before she told me), however, the dress we picked out is pretty unforgiving in the waist (below). My friend has already been measured but the dresses haven't been ordered yet. Her current plan is uncertain - she was thinking of bumping up her order up 1-2 sizes. 
 
I assured her that I'm glad to have her in a more comfortable dress (which she declined) but since this is her first baby and she's about a month pregnant, I'm not sure how to proceed. I know she'll be too nice to tell me if the dress isn't working for her, and at 7 months pregnant at the wedding, I want her to be feeling good.

Basically, I come to you ladies to ask what your thoughts are. At 7 months pregnant in formalwear, what would you want? I want to make sure she's not stuck in an ill-fitting dress that can't be adjusted to her proportions. Thanks!

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Re: Making my preggo friend comfy

  • @MobKaz good thinking - this is also a sheer lace back, so it's already a bra-less situation. I should probably have a chat with her in a few days when she's had a little more time to breathe.

    The woman at the bridal salon has been a little intense about putting the order in by Dec. 1st (for a June 3rd wedding???), so I worry that it's a now-or-never decision to be made on what she'll wear.
    image
  • @MobKaz good thinking - this is also a sheer lace back, so it's already a bra-less situation. I should probably have a chat with her in a few days when she's had a little more time to breathe.

    The woman at the bridal salon has been a little intense about putting the order in by Dec. 1st (for a June 3rd wedding???), so I worry that it's a now-or-never decision to be made on what she'll wear.
    How far along is she? In order for her to be 7 months pregnant on June 3, she would have to be in her first month now, right? If so, it's definitely too soon to know anything about how she'll be affected.

    Personally, I would do what @MobKaz suggested, but also hold off on any wedding chat beyond telling her you'll figure out the dress situation later. It sounds like she may have too many other things on her mind right now - in a good way. :)
    100yroldblinddogBlue_Bird
  • MobKazMobKaz Chicago suburbs member
    Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    @MobKaz good thinking - this is also a sheer lace back, so it's already a bra-less situation. I should probably have a chat with her in a few days when she's had a little more time to breathe.

    The woman at the bridal salon has been a little intense about putting the order in by Dec. 1st (for a June 3rd wedding???), so I worry that it's a now-or-never decision to be made on what she'll wear.
    More often than not, that "pressure" is merely a sales tactic.  Stores will claim that dresses need to be ordered together to assure being made within the same "dye lot" or some other nonsense.  In all likelihood, your friend should be able to place an order as late as March without much worry. 

    Even if the exact dress cannot be ordered, there will undoubtedly be something in that color that will work for her.  They may even have an actual maternity dress in that color scheme.  For your sake as well as for your friend, make the dress a non-issue for the moment. 
    SP29100yroldblinddogSTARMOON44short+sassy
  • OliveOilsMomOliveOilsMom South Jersey member
    Tenth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    First, call the bridal salon and tell them to hold the order.  Tell them that one of your BMs is pregnant and her dress order WILL change.

    Then, I would probably have your BM pick out an empire waist dress that has substantial straps to hide a bra.  Pick it from the same designer so her dress could still be the same color.

    FWIW, When my BMs got their dresses, it was an empire waist dress already.  At the time of the order, my one friend was trying, so she ordered 2 sizes up and with extra length.  When the dress came in, she barely fit in the top!  The bottom of the dress wasn't an issue since she got the extra length.  She worked with a seamstress who finished the hem the week of the wedding, so it was straight all the way around.
    SP29100yroldblinddog
  • I'm a midwife and I can't tell you the variety of shapes that a 7 month bump can take. Seriously at 7 months the head could be down (nice neat front bump), the baby could still be transverse (huge lumpy side showing bump) or she could only just be showing a little bit (many first time mothers don't show a big bump till the very very end, depending on body shape). She could have water retention (which means probably no ankle bearing!) or she could have had dreadful prolonged morning sickness and be thinner in the rest of her body than ever before.

    I also really, really, really hate to drop this upsetting info in but one month is incredibly early on to be planning for 32/40. There is a bit of a tradition in midwifery that we don't plan ahead too far as the course of pregnancy can run smooth or incredibly tough. Potentially even the worst outcome possible. The joy comes when the babe is in arms. If I were you, I would let your BM buy her dress as close to the event as possible. Only then can she choose something that suits her and the baby.
    image
    SP29MesmrEweOliveOilsMomHeffalump
  • Yep, you will have no idea. At 7 months pregnant, I had to tell people I was pregnant, you couldn't really tell by looking at me. I was wearing a belly band but my normal tops and pants. I didn't really get a "bump" until I was ready to drop, about 8 1/2 months. 
  • The ladies in my WP bought their dresses from David's Bridal. Which I realize is a large chain, so ordering dresses should be easy for them, but even still, they ordered their dresses 2-3 months out. DB was kind of weird actually... I ordered my dress in March-ish for a January wedding, and it arrived 4 weeks after ordering, yet for one of my bridesmaids it was going to take 8 weeks and we had to get them to rush it to 6 so she could pick it up in time to travel to the wedding. 

    But anyway- 6 months to order is more than generous and the salon can hold their horses a bit. 
    100yroldblinddog
  • At 7mo with my first pregnancy, I had lost weight... by the end of 9mo, I had gained 81lbs. (My thyroid went bu-BYE! - but wasn't caught for another 2-3 years)..  The bra size also went from a C+ to a FF and by that point she'll likely be fluctuating even in the course of a day for what is/isn't comfortable. 

    It's anyone's guess how her pregnancy is going to go at this point, it's FAR too early to predict on so many levels as PP mentioned.  I'd say go ahead and order (at least) two sizes up with the plan that she may have to rush order another dress in because alterations are going to be the killer on a budget.  It is possible to take the design of the dress and turn it into an empire style.  One friend had a ready any moment bridesmaid so got the dress significantly larger and put in corset style ties along both side-seams so she could let it in/out as needed without bringing attention that the dress was different from the rest of the BM..

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    100yroldblinddog
  • OliveOilsMomOliveOilsMom South Jersey member
    Tenth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    What designer are you looking at?  Some designers will have longer order times than others.  You should be able to generally order about 3-4 months out for BM dress that are made. But if you are going to David's you could wait even longer, say 2 months out.
    100yroldblinddog
  • Thanks, PPs. If anyone got the impression I have been on my BM's ass about her very new pregnancy and how she'll look in a dress, please know I have not been. In fact, knowing about her pregnancy at one month makes me feel honored/nervous. (She probably actually only told me since she found out as the consultant was getting on us to order.) My concern for her is only that she has a healthy pregnancy. Since she expressed concern about how to alter the order without changing dresses, I wrote looking for guidance.

    That said, I agree that we should hold off on ordering dresses ( thanks @MobKaz@aurianna - I got the dye lot speech, ha!). I'm not sure why I'm letting this consultant be pushy about this order. Obviously she needs to be reminded who of the two of us is the specialest snowflake.  ;)

    Incidentally, does anyone know how long is the longest I can wait to order from a boutique? 

    FWIW, no, I don't think you've come off at all like you're on her ass about the dress or the way she'll look in it. It reads to me that you just have legitimate concern for her comfort / time table.

    Really not sure on the boutique question. You could call around to other boutiques that carry the same line and ask what their absolute latest send date without the rush charge would be. You could also potentially contact the designer's customer service and see if they could give you dates.
    MesmrEwe100yroldblinddog
  • lyndausvilyndausvi Western Slope, Colorado mod
    Moderator Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its
    my BFF was 8 months pregnant at my wedding.    She told me at 3 months which was right before we ordered the dresses.  I simply told her to buy any brown dress that she wanted. She ended up buying a brown maternity dress from the same designer as the other girls.  

    I'm being completely serious when I say I NEVER saw the dress until the wedding day.  Seriously.  One reason was I was OOT.  Plus smart phones weren't around so it wasn't easy to send like it is today.   But really I didn't care as long as she was comfortable.  






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  • spockforprezspockforprez Virginia member
    500 Love Its 1000 Comments Third Anniversary Name Dropper
    What designer are you looking at?  Some designers will have longer order times than others.  You should be able to generally order about 3-4 months out for BM dress that are made. But if you are going to David's you could wait even longer, say 2 months out.
    David's is so frustrating with their timelines. They tell you some insane timeframe and then it takes a week or two. My experience ordering bridesmaid dresses is across the board they ship/arrive within 2 weeks.

    (My wedding dress was supposed to come in "by February 1" when I ordered it November 9th, and I picked it up yesterday. I mean technically it came by February 1 LOL but what a difference in timeframe!)

    @100yroldblinddog, I know you're looking at a boutique but if you do order a dress from David's for your bridesmaid, they have certain ones available for "quick ship" on their website. She could order a month out and it would get to her in 3-4 days, leaving about three weeks for alterations.
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  • @OliveOilsMom - the dress is a Jim Hjelm, if you or anyone else had any experience with that brand. My wedding dress is under the same umbrella of designers and shipped in no time, so I'm hopeful that's representative of the whole brand, including bridemaid attire.  :|

    @spockforprez, I had the same situation with my wedding dress (though not as timely because that's amazing)! I was told it would take 5 months (and with the specifications like cup revisions, etc., I figured that's a decent test for how long attire should take) and it came in in less than 4. Nice!

    As for the current plans, I did call and hold the order (although my BM volunteers in every conversation that she doesn't want to switch dresses) so this dress can be appropriately deprioritized for the time being.
    image
  • I was MOH in my sister's wedding at 38.5 weeks pregnant.  We ordered dresses when i was 14 weeks.  I actually LOVED the dresses she picked out, but they were also unforgiving, so i accepted that i'd have to wear something different (figures...finally a BM dress i actually liked, and i didn't even get to buy it).

     

    The most important things are (1) that she can wear a bra - even if she's cool going braless now, it is pretty unlikely she will feel that way 7 months pregnant, and (2) that her dress be easily altered around whatever her bump looks like.  In most cases, this means empire waist, flowy skirt, unless the dress material is very stretchy.  Additionally, you have to look at the lining in the dress.  In a lot of cases, a dress with a flowy bottom will still have form fitting lining, which would somehow need to be altered to fit the bump as well.

     

    For me, i got an empire waist, flowy bottom dress with regular width straps (bra friendly) in the same color and fabric as the other girls' dresses, 3 sizes larger than my measurements at 14 weeks.  We were wearing knee length, but i ordered floor length because i wanted the extra fabric just in case i needed to have panels sewn in (i didn't).  I was lucky and only gained 28lbs and carried it all in my belly for the most part, though my boobs got a little bit bigger as well.  The dress was ENORMOUS, but it's much much easier to alter down than it is up.  So i got it majorly taken in, straps shortened, and cut down to knee length about a week before the wedding (waiting for the last minute for alterations is also a good idea - she might want to find an independent seamstress to get this done instead of using the store, which will probably insist on a longer timeline).

     

    In the grand scheme of things, i probably could have ordered the dress the other girls wore 2-3 sizes big - it had some stretch to it and had bra-friendly straps, so since i didn't gain much i wouldn't have been uncomfortable in a more form-hugging dress that had been altered to fit around my bump.  But i had no idea what i would look like and i wanted to play it safe.  I suggest your BM do the same.  Your other option is to just let her buy something off the rack closer to the wedding, as long as you're ok with her not matching exactly.

    100yroldblinddog
  • OliveOilsMomOliveOilsMom South Jersey member
    Tenth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers

    OP - I'm not sure of the timeframe for Jim Hjelm dresses. But I would call around to different salons and ask them the last day to put in an order for a Jim Hjelm dress so that rush fees are not applied.  I would take their answers, find an average time and have this BM order at that time.

    Your current salon will tell you about dye lots, but just ignore that.  Tell your salon to order the rest of the BM dresses and you will be waiting until x time to order your last BM dress.  Dye lots are computer mixed now, so even if the color is different, it will be very minimal - if noticed at all.

    100yroldblinddog
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