Wedding Etiquette Forum

Jack & Jill Ideas

edited November 2015 in Wedding Etiquette Forum
Posted to the wrong board. Whoops! (Double whoops, because everyone here is quite rude TBH)

Never mind.

Re: Jack & Jill Ideas

  • This is an etiquette board and thus I doubt anyone is going to give you the advice you are looking for here.  Because, well they are tacky.


    I never heard of them until I came here and I've been to a ton of weddings, so I wouldn't even know where to start.






    What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests.  Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated. 
  • Unfortunately, since these events are quite rude, I can only offer the advice t scrap the idea and if your friends and family ask you what kind of shower you'd like, tell them you'd like a shower for both men and women. Since they idea of a Jack and Jill is similar to a carnival, perhaps someone will throw you a bachelor/bachelorette party with a carnival theme. Congratulations on your engagement, and happy planning!
  • Posted to the wrong board! Whoops, nevermind! 

  • Sorry if this sounds rude of me, but if you're saying you have nothing to say, why bother commenting?
  • Wow, just, wow. Like I said, we're having the party. No need to be rude. I don't care if YOU think it's tacky or not... If YOU don't like it, YOU don't need to have one. However WE would like to have one, since we're celebrating OUR marriage. Not to mention, they're very popular where we live. 
  • Not sure why my post is still showing since I changed the post, because I posted to the wrong board.
  • CMGragainCMGragain member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    edited November 2015
    Nobody on the Knot is going to tell you that Jack and Jill fundraisers are OK.  They are rude.  We are telling you the truth.  Telling the truth is not rude.  Please don't make a mess of your wedding by ignoring etiquette.  Your "guests" (if that is the proper term) WILL TALK about you, and it won't be flattering.
    httpiimgurcomTCCjW0wjpg
  • Not sure why my post is still showing since I changed the post, because I posted to the wrong board.
    Once you are quoted, the post, and any comments attached to it, live forever.
  • Jack and Jill parties and Stag parties are ubiquitous where H And I are from. Been to many for H'S friends. However, just because his friend have done it, does not mean we did. It's not that it is tacky, but that it is rude to ask for money from friends who may or may not even be invited to the wedding.

    Have a couples shower, or a traditional bridal shower, or not traditional party at all and just have a BBQ with your friends. Whatever you do don't as your friends for money.
  • Props to @Blue_Bird!!  Whoop!!

    And gold fish bowl centrepieces!!  I haven't heard that one in years.  Those were a Bingo post back when I first started Knotting.  Before Bingo boards.  

  • I had never heard of a Jack and Jill before I came to the knot, I don't think anyone does them in the UK. I'm not even touching how tacky they sound, think other people have made that clear, but you are seriously going to invite people that you won't extend an invitation to your wedding??? I like you enough to help pay for my wedding but not enough to be there? Eugh.
                 
  • Posted to the wrong board. Whoops! (Double whoops, because everyone here is quite rude TBH)

    Never mind.

    It appears the "right" board is pre-wedding parties...like we don't practice proper etiquette on all TK boards.

    Doesn't matter where you post, fundraising for a wedding will always be rude and tacky.
    :kiss: ~xoxo~ :kiss:

  • I'm from CT and still find these kind of parties to be rude.
  • They are a thing in Southern Ontario and I avoid them like the plague. I also side-eye the hell out of them. Most times people get invited to these events that aren't invited to the wedding, i.e. You are important enough for me to ask you for money to pay for my event, but not important enough to actually invite you to the actual event.

    Unless you are posting this somewhere other than the Knot forums, you are going to get the same reaction. Btw, no one was rude, people were blunt. Just because this is something that other people do doesn't make it right. And just because the people around you won't tell you it's a bad idea, doesn't mean that it won't be talked about as such.
  • I'm from NC and never heard of these until I read about them here. I think they sound tacky and rude (if they are used as a fund raiser). If someone else is throwing a co-ed shower in your honor and all guests are invited to the wedding then you are fine.
  • Blue_Bird said:
    "Hello All!

    FI & I are wanting to have a Jack & Jill style shower before our wedding. Yes, the kind where people buy tickets, and enter raffles, and spend money. They're very popular where we live so there's tons of places to host them, and people are generally more than willing to come (whether they're attending the wedding or not).
    We have quite a bit of time between then and now, but I'm wondering if anyone has any fun ideas for themes? 


    You're WRONG.  I'm from RI, live in MA and I don't know ANYONE rude enough to have this type of party.  You're excuse for being rude and tacky by saying, "this type of party is very common here," holds no merit.  JUST SAYING



    He is from NC and I'm from CT/MA, so we played around with the "House Divided" theme for our favorite football teams (NFL and NCAA). I know casino theme is also really popular. And 
    I saw these awesome centerpieces for a wedding that were goldfish bowls that I LOVED but they don't match our wedding theme. Do people generally have their J&J match the wedding theme or do something different? So many fun ideas to choose from, just wondering what other people have done that they enjoyed OR J&J they went to that had an awesome theme!

    Side note: **Please don't comment if you're going to tell me that Jack & Jill's are tacky. Again, they're very common here so it's happening.... I'm just looking for theme ideas!**"

    ******************************************************************************

    *BOX*

    I think since you asked on an etiquette board, Lynda wanted to let you know that they are, in fact, tacky. That said, if you're looking for Jack and Jill theme ideas, you aren't likely to find any board on this site that will offer those. Good luck to you, however!

  • Sorry, I may have "quoted" the wrong post.  Was replying to @Blue_Bird that this is not a common type of party in New England.
  • Regardless of what board you list this question in, nobody here is going to give you advice on how to run any kind of wedding or wedding-related party where money changes hands, because it is rude.

    Even though only one folder is labeled "Etiquette," the entire forum is dedicated to giving advice that is in accordance with etiquette.

    It's not polite to crowdfund or otherwise do fundraising at a wedding, so no one here is going to give you advice on how to do it. The only advice people here are going to give when presented with an idea that violates etiquette is "don't do it at all."

    It may be worded harshly, but it's not meant to be insulting-rather, it's meant to help you avoid etiquette mistakes that could get you side-eyed by your family, friends, and others. Those are people with emotional skin in the game, who are probably not going to tell you when this is happening because they don't want to hurt your feelings.

    We, on the other hand, are neutral. While we may not come off as warm and fuzzy, we aren't out to get you either.
  • CMGragainCMGragain member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    edited November 2015
    Look at it this way, OP.  What if I posted this?

    "I am going to rob a convenience store because I really need money for a wedding.  Other people I know have done this.  Please don't tell me this is wrong.  I just want suggestions about how to do it."

    Would you really expect people to not try and stop me from making a terrible mistake?
    httpiimgurcomTCCjW0wjpg
  • Plan and pay for your own wedding.  


    image
  • This is NOT a New England thing.  This is a rude thing.  I've lived in MA for 30+ years (so, most of my life), been to many weddings.  Never heard of this until TK and a couple years ago when friends of a friend had one.  This is not common.  

    Please do not malign the whole of MA/CT or New England by stating this is common.

     

  • This is NOT a New England thing.  This is a rude thing.  I've lived in MA for 30+ years (so, most of my life), been to many weddings.  Never heard of this until TK and a couple years ago when friends of a friend had one.  This is not common.  

    Please do not malign the whole of MA/CT or New England by stating this is common.


    Yes -- thank you! I'm from MA and have NEVER heard of a Jack and Jill/Stag party before until coming to TK over two years ago. My friends moan and groan when there is a cash bar at a wedding; I can't imagine that any of us would be "more than willing" (OP's language) to go to a wedding fundraiser.
    Daisypath Anniversary tickers


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