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T&P Missing my Mom

RWS2011RWS2011 member
500 Comments 100 Love Its Second Anniversary Name Dropper
in Not Engaged Yet
It has been about a month since FI proposed.  The outpouring of support from friends and family about our decision has been amazing.  Still, there is a part of me that wishes my mother would be here to share in this part of my life.  I know she was a romantic and believed in finding the right person to marry.  I also know she would have loved FI.  

She died 14 years ago when I was still in my teens.  For the most part, I live my life without much grief now, but at certain moments, it just wells back up and I am momentarily overcome by it.  The other times were my college graduation, when I found out I was pregnant, and during key moments in my daughter's life.  Believe me, I am not trying to make a happy time in my life sad, but I do feel like there is a hole that can't be filled by anyone else.

Sorry to be a downer, but I am just really feeling the loss of her again at this moment and would appreciate any kind words, thoughts, vibes you could send my way.
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Re: T&P Missing my Mom

  • audrewuhaudrewuh member
    Knottie Warrior 2500 Comments 500 Love Its Name Dropper
    Awww RWS, I'm sorry you're dealing with this. One of the things I've learned through my dad's cancer battle is that you just have to ride the wave of grief some times. 

    Your mom is right there with you in those special moments, laughing and squeeing right along with you and your FI. Your FI knows her because he knows you. 

    Engagements aren't always puppies and rainbows and that's okay. You have my thoughts and prayers. :)
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  • Elle1036Elle1036 member
    5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 25 Love Its Name Dropper
    I'm sorry, RWS.

    ...And I don't really know what else to say, here.  I'm useless.  I will say that I think it's totally normal and healthy for you to feel sad about not having her here to share this with you, and I hope you don't feel guilty for feeling sad during a "happy" time.
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  • thelamarrsthelamarrs
    500 Comments Name Dropper First Anniversary
    edited June 2012
    You definitely have my T&P! Just remember that she would want nothing more than for you to be very very very happy!

     ETA: I can't imagine how you feel since I'm not getting married anytime soon, but if you need someone to talk to about your loss feel free to PM me! I lost my dad when I was 13 and have missed him at many big events in my life. 
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  • Peaseblossom55Peaseblossom55 mod
    Moderator Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its
    I'm so sorry, I wish I had something to say to make you feel better.  I know in some way she is with you and watching over you and is so happy for you right now.  

    Anniversary

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  • RWS2011RWS2011 member
    500 Comments 100 Love Its Second Anniversary Name Dropper
    Thank you all for your T&P.  I really appreciate it!

    audrewuh, you are right about riding the grief wave.  It just sneaks up on you sometimes, though.

    thelamarrs, thank you for the offer and I will keep that in mind.  Also, I am sorry for your loss.

    I think part of the reason these moments are so difficult is that I was still kind of making a mess of my life when she passed away.  I was starting to pull it together, but I selfishly wish she could see me in my better moments.  I know she would be proud.  Sometimes knowing that is enough and sometimes it's not.
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  • jorja86jorja86 member
    1000 Comments Third Anniversary
    I'm so, so, sorry for the loss of your mother, RWS. I'm fortunate enough to not have expereinced a similar loss, so I can't offer any first hand advice. But, I think it seems totally normal to miss her at these big moments in your life. 

    I'm sure she would be so proud and happy for you that you are raising a child and have found someone worthy of spending your life with. You knows? Maybe she sent him your way? I'm sure her memory lives on in you and your daughter. I'll keep you all in my T&P.
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  • minskat30minskat30 member
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its Name Dropper
    I'm really sorry...I sort of know how you feel (my dad is dying of terminal cancer and likely has less than a year (he's strong so I'm praying for more)).  The grief, sense of loss and confusion is overwhelming sometimes.  Have you talked to someone professional about your loss?  You don't have to answer that if you don't want to but it was helpful for me when I lost my grandmother who raised me like a mom and as I'm going through the process of loosing my dad. 

    Hugs to you and do something nice for yourself.  I was in a major funk today so I went to my Zumba class and danced away all my stress/anger/frustration.  Going to treat myself to a lemondrop martini too. 

    Just know that your mom is looking down somewhere and very, very proud of you.  I'm sure she knew even if you were making a "mess" of life at the time that you would become the woman you are today...and I'm sure she was proud of you then too.
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  • loves2shop4shoesloves2shop4shoes member
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    I'm so sorry honey.  I have never lost a parent, so I can't imagine what you're going through.  My FI lost his father about 16 years ago.  It was very sudden.  His grief comes in waves too...mostly around major life events.

    Just know that what you're feeling is normal, and it's OK to miss your mother.  Just try to think about how happy she would be for you.

    *HUG*

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  • cu97tigercu97tiger member
    Eighth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its Name Dropper
    RWS - My heart goes out to you. I am blessed to still have both my parents, so I can't even imagine what you're going through, but I don't think there's anything wrong with the way you're feeling. Hopefully a hug sent from AZ will help just the tiniest bit.
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  • RWS2011RWS2011 member
    500 Comments 100 Love Its Second Anniversary Name Dropper
    <div>Thanks again for all the thoughts, hugs, and support.  You ladies are great in a moment of distress!</div><div>
    </div><div>In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_tp-missing-my-mom?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:f0eb9f66-88c0-4261-bb7e-ed97b3649a69Post:99918288-9d3b-4a10-9243-81b8cc41ced2">Re: T&P Missing my Mom</a>:</div>[QUOTE]Maybe she sent him your way? . Posted by jorja86[/QUOTE]

    <div>Jorja, I really appreciated what you had to say, and I love this!  It would explain why I never gave nice guys a chance until him!  ;)</div>
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