RSVP Deadline/Super Early Final Count?

justjesss · December 2015

Hey all, I need some advice.
I am working on ordering our invitations and when I asked my caterer when they needed the final headcount by, the told me they need it a month out. I feel like this is excessively early. Am I wrong?
I plan to send my invitations out 8 weeks before the wedding, which is already at the edge of etiquette as I understand it. That means that my RSVP deadline will have to be just 3 weeks after the invitations are sent so I will have a week to follow up with those who did not send their RSVP to get a final headcount.
I feel like that short of a turnaround is rude. So really I am just looking for advice to find out if the caterer is giving me an unrealistic date. I am considering asking them to give me at least one more week.
There is also a chance that I am just crazy stressed out and making up drama and complications that don't actually exist!

Maggie0829 · December 2015

I would push back on your caterer. A month out is pretty early. I would ask if they could make it more like 2 weeks and you will most likely get a compromise of 3 weeks. That way you have a RSVP date of one month out. Which is still early, but it is a bit better then 5 weeks out.

kimmiinthemitten · December 2015

justjesss said:

Hey all, I need some advice.
I am working on ordering our invitations and when I asked my caterer when they needed the final headcount by, the told me they need it a month out. I feel like this is excessively early. Am I wrong?
I plan to send my invitations out 8 weeks before the wedding, which is already at the edge of etiquette as I understand it. That means that my RSVP deadline will have to be just 3 weeks after the invitations are sent so I will have a week to follow up with those who did not send their RSVP to get a final headcount.
I feel like that short of a turnaround is rude. So really I am just looking for advice to find out if the caterer is giving me an unrealistic date. I am considering asking them to give me at least one more week.
There is also a chance that I am just crazy stressed out and making up drama and complications that don't actually exist!

My guess is they need to figure out how much food to order, but at the earliest, that would be 2 weeks in advance. Ask for more time.

justjesss · December 2015

Thanks! That was my gut feeling too...just wanted to make sure I was thinking rationally.
We are having bbq so it's not like it's anything crazy complicated they need to work on!

jacques27 · December 2015

They don't need a month for figuring out food. They are going to be ordering the food for your event likely no more than a week before your wedding (because food spoils). Push back. I'd personally tell them I could get a rough count with the minimum two weeks prior, final count one week prior. I'd say that's about average with the caterers I've worked with for events (and about standard if you google caterers), but I've had caterers that didn't need final numbers until 72 hours before.

There is no reason why they need final numbers a month in advance.

poodledoodleooo · December 2015

I agree with others - push back! That is an incredibly early deadline.

labro · December 2015

Ughhh that's ridiculous. I assume you already have an estimate completed with your caterer? There's absolutely no reason why they need your final final numbers a month out. Definitely push back on them and shoot for two weeks if at all possible!

yellowdaisies84 · December 2015

You're right, it's excessively early. But not totally unheard of or uncommon- my venue also asked for numbers one month out. It's really your call if you can make that date work or not. Why not talk to the caterer again and request one extra week for you to get your final numbers. It doesn't hurt to ask. Do not get stressed out over this. Stay calm, stay zen, it will be okay.

lyndausvi · December 2015

I would push back. Ask if you can give them "soft" numbers a month out. Which would be the total number yeses on that date and the number of outstanding RSVPs. That will give them a good estimate. Then 2 weeks (or 3 if that is all you can get) you will give them the "hard" numbers.

julieanne912 · December 2015

Yeah that's way too early. We did BBQ too and I had to give a "final" number 2 weeks out, and then I had up until 72 hours beforehand to make any last minute changes (which I ended up needing to do because people are flaky).

SP29 · December 2015

Our venue required 14 days out, final numbers.

I would also push back.

justjesss · December 2015

Thanks everybody for the feedback! I just sent an email asking for the 2 week deadline with a 1 month soft count so now to wait and see what they say!
Really really appreciate knowing I'm not the only one who thought a month was a bit excessive!

justjesss · December 2015

julieanne912 said:
Yeah that's way too early. We did BBQ too and I had to give a "final" number 2 weeks out, and then I had up until 72 hours beforehand to make any last minute changes (which I ended up needing to do because people are flaky).

Amen to that! FFIL just canceled on us for thanksgiving the day before... So I'm not relying too much on RSVPs in some cases

justjesss · December 2015

yellowdaisies84 said:
You're right, it's excessively early. But not totally unheard of or uncommon- my venue also asked for numbers one month out. It's really your call if you can make that date work or not. Why not talk to the caterer again and request one extra week for you to get your final numbers. It doesn't hurt to ask. Do not get stressed out over this. Stay calm, stay zen, it will be okay.

I'm trying! I have a 50k run coming up this weekend and keep getting called in to work extra hours. I won't turn it down because money is a good thing, but I keep losing all my planning time!

Thanks so so much for the feedback

marsupalami · December 2015

We have to give one month out but it's a soft estimate. Final number due 1 week prior

charlotte989875 · December 2015

justjesss said:

yellowdaisies84 said:
You're right, it's excessively early. But not totally unheard of or uncommon- my venue also asked for numbers one month out. It's really your call if you can make that date work or not. Why not talk to the caterer again and request one extra week for you to get your final numbers. It doesn't hurt to ask. Do not get stressed out over this. Stay calm, stay zen, it will be okay.

I'm trying! I have a 50k run coming up this weekend and keep getting called in to work extra hours. I won't turn it down because money is a good thing, but I keep losing all my planning time!

Thanks so so much for the feedback

Do you mean 5k and just added an extra 0? Just kidding, good luck on the race!

justjesss · December 2015

charlotte989875 said:

justjesss said:

yellowdaisies84 said:
You're right, it's excessively early. But not totally unheard of or uncommon- my venue also asked for numbers one month out. It's really your call if you can make that date work or not. Why not talk to the caterer again and request one extra week for you to get your final numbers. It doesn't hurt to ask. Do not get stressed out over this. Stay calm, stay zen, it will be okay.

I'm trying! I have a 50k run coming up this weekend and keep getting called in to work extra hours. I won't turn it down because money is a good thing, but I keep losing all my planning time!

Thanks so so much for the feedback
Do you mean 5k and just added an extra 0? Just kidding, good luck on the race!

Thanks!!

monkeysip · December 2015

These super early deadlines are always crazy to me. Our reception was at a restaurant that uses their second floor as a reception venue, and they required the final numbers *2 days* before our wedding. I guess as a restaurant, they're used to serving large groups, and they have a lot of food and supplies on hand, but still. 1 month seems really excessive in comparison.

justjesss · December 2015

monkeysip said:

These super early deadlines are always crazy to me. Our reception was at a restaurant that uses their second floor as a reception venue, and they required the final numbers *2 days* before our wedding. I guess as a restaurant, they're used to serving large groups, and they have a lot of food and supplies on hand, but still. 1 month seems really excessive in comparison.

Our caterer is a very very popular BBQ restaurant down here so that was another reason I was super surprised. Luckily I just heard back today and she was wrong earlier. They need a final schedule a month out and a final headcount 2 weeks out. That is much much much more reasonable and manageable!

lyndausvi · December 2015

monkeysip said:

These super early deadlines are always crazy to me. Our reception was at a restaurant that uses their second floor as a reception venue, and they required the final numbers *2 days* before our wedding. I guess as a restaurant, they're used to serving large groups, and they have a lot of food and supplies on hand, but still. 1 month seems really excessive in comparison.

DH has been a chef at some major hotel companies that do events all the time. Some of them in pretty remote places. All of them (including the club now) is 72 hours out. They ask for soft numbers 30 day and then again 7-10 days out so they have a general idea.

MesmrEwe · December 2015

Our caterer required us to put a preliminary guaranteed number (minimum number we'd be ordering) by one month out then final count the Monday before our wedding. It's not so much the ordering food aspect as it is the planning for staffing aspect. It's one thing if you've got an event for 100 and another for staffing if you're expecting 400 which is why having a preliminary count is important. People like knowing when they've got to work ahead of time...

That said - Anyone who is squishy about whether or not they're able to attend will usually tell you or "I have to wait until the week before the wedding before I find out my work schedule, but if I'm off I'd love to attend" guests. A month before also gives you a chance to contact those who are horrid when it comes to RSVPing (in the ideal world people would be SOL, I get it, but reality is, there'll be people who forget or lose the RSVP... and in some families this accounts for a large portion of guests)...

RSVP Deadline/Super Early Final Count?

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