Push the wedding back? XP

Re: Push the wedding back? XP

• KatWAG member

  

  December 2015

  Knottie1436125977 said:

  Here lately, my fiance has been acting really strange, and it all started happening after we went to my mom's wedding. Both of my parents are on their third marriage, and his parents are on their second. Ever since the wedding, he has been acting different and wants to push the wedding back. I think alot of it has to do with nerves and because he is scared because we are about to make a huge commitment to each other (I'm scared too and I told him it's normal. We got engaged the past June and are getting married in July 2016. We have already paid half the payment down for lodging and the venue for the ceremony and the reception. We have also sent out a couple save the dates, bought my wedding dress, and some of my bridal party has bought theirs. What do I do? I don't want him to be unhappy, but I also want to keep the date the same.
  
  Anyone feel free to help and share your advice!
  Confused Brided
  

  
  Have you asked him why he wants to push back the wedding? Or what is causing him to act differently?

  

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• glasgowtolondon member

  

  December 2015

  You need to sit down and have an honest conversation before anything else happens. Whether you reschedule or keep the original dates it really needs to be a decision that both of you fully on board with or it has the potential to cause a lot of hurt and drama down the road.
  
  If your FI is adamant that he wants to push back the wedding then its not fair to try to make someone go ahead when they are not 100% into it, but equally he needs to understand that this is something that could potentially harm your relationship. This works both ways. Really, in the scheme of things it would be better to lose deposits etc. than go through with a wedding if one of you isn't sure. But OP, your feelings in this matter too. You need to decide how you feel about this. I think I would be very hurt if my partner told me he wanted to push back our wedding. Your FI has every right to express his doubts and wishes, but that right comes with concequences.
  
  Please stop any wedding planning until this is sorted, let us know how you get on.

               

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• climbingsingle member

  

  December 2015

  You need to talk to him. Find out what's going on, and why he wants to postpone. And then maybe try some couples counseling. 

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• OliveOilsMom member

  

  December 2015

  I answered you on the Ceremony board.

  

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• emmaaa mod

  

  December 2015

  Communication is the only solution to this and the only way to know what to do.

  
  

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• STARMOON44 member

  

  December 2015

  I'd move on. You want to cancel a wedding we've already put a ton of money down on because you have cold feet? By all means. But I'm not going to be left hanging to reschedule at your leisure. Bye!
  
  Only you can decide what this means in the context of your relationship. And that requires talking to him and really listening to what he says and what he does.

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• MyNameIsNot member

  

  December 2015

  You need to have a serious, honest conversation with him. 
  
  I also find it concerning that your issue with postponing is the wedding, not the marriage. You say you're scared too. Don't ignore that over deposits and dresses. Be honest and figure out what you both want to do.
  
  Your focus reminds me of my SIL. She got married this past spring. After the wedding, she confided to me that she'd had second thoughts, and she and her husband had talked about postponing, but money was spent and people had booked flights. So they went through with it with doubts. It took less than 6 months for her to file for divorce. 

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• CMGragain member

  

  December 2015 edited December 2015

  A divorce is a lot more expensive and heartbreaking than a broken engagement and a cancelled wedding.
  

  

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• KeyToHisHeart2017 member

  

  December 2015

  MyNameIsNot said:

  You need to have a serious, honest conversation with him. 
  
  I also find it concerning that your issue with postponing is the wedding, not the marriage. You say you're scared too. Don't ignore that over deposits and dresses. Be honest and figure out what you both want to do.
  
  Your focus reminds me of my SIL. She got married this past spring. After the wedding, she confided to me that she'd had second thoughts, and she and her husband had talked about postponing, but money was spent and people had booked flights. So they went through with it with doubts. It took less than 6 months for her to file for divorce. 

  This is exactly what happened with my first wedding. I had second thoughts and wanted to not only post pone, but call the wedding off completely. My mom had already paid for so much and I felt bad leaving her out of all the money she spent. I went thru with the wedding and 6 months later we filed for divorce.
  Definitely talk to him and see what the underlying problem is. Stop all wedding planning while you sort everything out. Don't go thru with it just because you have spent money.

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