Four Weddings

spockforprez · December 2015

I'm certain this show has been discussed here before, but I've been on a binge lately and wanted to chat. I love and hate this show for so many reasons.

Stuff I hate/love to hate -

Today I watched an episode where NO ONE gave above a 6 for experience score. The producers tell brides that the scores are similar to grades - so a 70 is a C, 80 is a B, etc. That means every single wedding was a failing grade for every single one of these girls. It's so ridiculous!
They do a lot of shooting in NY/NJ. I am definitely not hating on the region--but weddings there are a totally different animal. (My wedding feels like a complete fucking joke when I watch or read about these lol.) One of the things that gets me is having 800,000 different foods for cocktail hour and then no one eats their dinner. It seems so wasteful and NY/NJ weddings are SOOOO expensive so to spend all the money on wasted food just boggles my mind.
They pair REALLY, REALLY unequal budgets. There will be three $60k weddings and a $12k wedding. Or one $5k, two $20k, and one $90k. How are the low budget brides supposed to compete?! It drives me nuts.
Fish in centerpieces. Blergh.
And, I think anyone planning a wedding should be banned from watching this show because it showcases the exact opposite of what everyone says - "Oh, don't worry about [x small detail], as long as the food is good, drinks are free, and everyone has a seat, no one will notice anything else!" Which I do think is true generally. But you wouldn't know it from watching this show. Everything is "oh, it was so simple." "I wanted more glitz and bling." "I expected more from the decor." "She didn't have favors, that was so rude." "The chairs were ugly and didn't match the space." and on and on. Instant inferiority complex!

Some good things I like -

I love the sweet brides. I would never go on this show (and FH DEFINITELY wouldn't) but if I did I would love to be paired with some of the women I've seen!
I also like seeing the ceremonies and the sweet moments and some unique ideas - I don't use the show for inspiration for myself, but I do like to see stuff I haven't seen on Pinterest or other weddings.
And, of course, I wouldn't be a Knottie if I didn't love the snark! I don't like the mean-spirited stuff where the bride is clearly just being a brat, but enjoying tut-tutting and SMH along with the brides snarking on cocktail hours with no seating, cash bars, etc.

lyndausvi · December 2015

NJ/NY receptions are often over the top. My SIL had about 50 stations for her cocktail hour. Then a 4 course meal. With 7 entrees to choose from ordered table side. THEN, IDK, 20 different "late night" snacks. Which was about 1.5 hours after the last course. There was dancing between courses, so it took a little longer than normal.

SP29 · December 2015

I agree with you. Picking on the fine details is not what is important.

I also dislike how they talk so much shit behind the brides back, at each wedding, and then when they're all together it's all, "Oh I loved your centerpieces! What a great day!".

I agree with you too on budget. I would imagine a 60K wedding has a lot more grandeur than a 15K one. But that's not what is important.

I do think it would be fun to be a bride on the show and go to a bunch of weddings! I love weddings.

JoanE2012 · December 2015

I LOVE cocktail hour - but I understand that the elaborateness of them is regional. We had several people attend our wedding from out of state and they complemented us on it - but that said, ours was definitely not over the top crazy that some have! It was just more than they were used to.

I think that show is stupid. No one wants to give a good score, even if the wedding is good, because they want their wedding to win.

climbingsingle · December 2015

Well, not all NY/NJ weddings are like that. Actually, the most food I've ever seen was at a bar mitzvah.

I live in NY and that's where my wedding was. We did not have an over-abundance of food. Cocktail hour was a cheese display, with fruit, and veggies and some dip. 4 passed hors d'oeuvres. That's it. So please, don't hate on NY/NJ weddings because of one TV show you've seen.

thisismynickname2 · December 2015

Sometimes the low-budget wedding does win over the high budget weddings though. It's been awhile since I watched the show, but I can think of some. It's usually because the low-budget one was "so personal" and/or overall well hosted. The expensive ones can lose out because they couldn't hear the officiant in the outdoor ceremony, it was too hot/too cold for the outdoor ceremony, there was too much food, the music was too loud, cocktail hour was too crowded and they couldn't sit, or there was an egregious etiquette error like a gap.

But watching that show prior to being engaged, yeah, it got in my head. I definitely thought everyone would nitpick mine as much as the contestants did. Luckily I got over that feeling once we were engaged and in the planning process.

OliveOilsMom · December 2015

I guess the one thing to remember is that the producers are probably egging the brides on to nitpick about each other's weddings. So of course the other brides are going to be overly critical. That and they also probably want to win the trip.

It also does sort of confirm our advice that people IRL will lie to your face and tell you something is ok, but will side eye and talk badly about you behind your back!

luckya23 · December 2015

climbingwife said:

Well, not all NY/NJ weddings are like that. Actually, the most food I've ever seen was at a bar mitzvah.

I live in NY and that's where my wedding was. We did not have an over-abundance of food. Cocktail hour was a cheese display, with fruit, and veggies and some dip. 4 passed hors d'oeuvres. That's it. So please, don't hate on NY/NJ weddings because of one TV show you've seen.

Not to mention, New York is a big fucking state!! My wedding was upstate and it was a BBQ.

lyndausvi · December 2015

When I see NJ/NY together or even NY/NJ/CT I assumed NYC and it's surrounding areas, which includes parts of NJ and CT. I'm sure I'm not alone in that thinking. Just like when I see DE/PA/NJ I'm thinking the greater Philadelphia area.

My own personally experience has been over-the-top cocktail hours. Except for one wedding. I do not assume ever wedding in the area is like that, but on the whole I've mostly experienced the stereotype.

I got married in South Jersey. Ours was over-the-top to some, but not nearly what I experienced in the greater NYC area.

Maggie0829 · December 2015

lyndausvi said:

When I see NJ/NY together or even NY/NJ/CT I assumed NYC and it's surrounding areas, which includes parts of NJ and CT. I'm sure I'm not alone in that thinking. Just like when I see DE/PA/NJ I'm thinking the greater Philadelphia area.

My own personally experience has been over-the-top cocktail hours. Except for one wedding. I do not assume ever wedding in the area is like that, but on the whole I've mostly experienced the stereotype.

I got married in South Jersey. Ours was over-the-top to some, but not nearly what I experienced in the greater NYC area.

Ditto. When I hear "I am having a wedding in the NY/NJ area" I immediately think over the top everything. But if you tell me you are getting married in NY then I am not going to jump to that conclusion because as was previously noted, there is more to NY then just the city or the surrounding burbs.

climbingsingle · December 2015

Maggie0829 said:

lyndausvi said:

When I see NJ/NY together or even NY/NJ/CT I assumed NYC and it's surrounding areas, which includes parts of NJ and CT. I'm sure I'm not alone in that thinking. Just like when I see DE/PA/NJ I'm thinking the greater Philadelphia area.

My own personally experience has been over-the-top cocktail hours. Except for one wedding. I do not assume ever wedding in the area is like that, but on the whole I've mostly experienced the stereotype.

I got married in South Jersey. Ours was over-the-top to some, but not nearly what I experienced in the greater NYC area.

Ditto. When I hear "I am having a wedding in the NY/NJ area" I immediately think over the top everything. But if you tell me you are getting married in NY then I am not going to jump to that conclusion because as was previously noted, there is more to NY then just the city or the surrounding burbs.

I live 30-40 minutes from Manhattan. Not every wedding is over the top. In fact, I feel that I haven't seen that at a wedding in a few years. And I attend probably 3-4 weddings per year. The last two weddings I attended in NYC were cocktail receptions, and both I felt didn't have enough food.

Maggie0829 · December 2015

climbingwife said:

Maggie0829 said:

lyndausvi said:

When I see NJ/NY together or even NY/NJ/CT I assumed NYC and it's surrounding areas, which includes parts of NJ and CT. I'm sure I'm not alone in that thinking. Just like when I see DE/PA/NJ I'm thinking the greater Philadelphia area.

My own personally experience has been over-the-top cocktail hours. Except for one wedding. I do not assume ever wedding in the area is like that, but on the whole I've mostly experienced the stereotype.

I got married in South Jersey. Ours was over-the-top to some, but not nearly what I experienced in the greater NYC area.

Ditto. When I hear "I am having a wedding in the NY/NJ area" I immediately think over the top everything. But if you tell me you are getting married in NY then I am not going to jump to that conclusion because as was previously noted, there is more to NY then just the city or the surrounding burbs.

I live 30-40 minutes from Manhattan. Not every wedding is over the top. In fact, I feel that I haven't seen that at a wedding in a few years. And I attend probably 3-4 weddings per year. The last two weddings I attended in NYC were cocktail receptions, and both I felt didn't have enough food.

Okay.

spockforprez · December 2015

Sorry, didn't mean to generalize about the NY/NJ area. Any wedding in any area that has an over-the-top cocktail hour followed by a bunch of dinner options followed by a 100-item Viennese hour boggles my mind. How's that?

However, while we could never hope to afford to host something like that, I would absolutely love to be a guest, just once!

KnickerGold · December 2015

Ya there was one episode where there was a 100k+ wedding and a 6k wedding... I mean, those just don't compete, they can't. Especially when you're judging thing like the food and dresses! According to budget guidlines if you're having a 100k wedding, the dress 'budget' is 9-10k... more than the entire other wedding!

jenna8984 · December 2015

KnickerGold said:

Ya there was one episode where there was a 100k+ wedding and a 6k wedding... I mean, those just don't compete, they can't. Especially when you're judging thing like the food and dresses! According to budget guidlines if you're having a 100k wedding, the dress 'budget' is 9-10k... more than the entire other wedding!

I have actually seen a few episodes where the under 10k won. They cared more about the guests and the food and the atmosphere, where sometimes the 100k budget can get a little too "I'm the princess, all about me" which people don't like to vote for. I would vote for a $1,200 Maggie Sottero over a $10,000 Pnina any day, money doesn't make it better or classier.

spockforprez · December 2015

The small budget weddings winning are pretty rare. Here is a post that goes into some of the statistics of cost and likelihood of winning: http://www.mathgoespop.com/2011/08/four-weddings-and-some-statistics.html

One takeaway:

As you can see, spending the most money seems to bestow an advantage: fully 50% (14 out of 28) of the most expensive weddings were ranked first.

Granted, that only includes seasons up to 2011 and I think there have been 3-4 seasons since then.

The biggest takeaway of all?

If all you're interested in is a nice vacation, though, it may be cheaper to just stick to your budget, and plan a vacation on your own.

spockforprez · December 2015

Saw this comment on Reddit and it seemed fitting for this post -

"The ceremony was beautiful, the fireworks and appearance by the President was nice, and it was really meaningful that the bride walked for the first time in 20 years to get down the aisle, but I thought the electric tealights on the cake table were really tacky, so for that I'm giving this wedding a 6."-- EVERY episode of Four Weddings

ScottishSarah · January 2016

spockforprez said:

Saw this comment on Reddit and it seemed fitting for this post -

"The ceremony was beautiful, the fireworks and appearance by the President was nice, and it was really meaningful that the bride walked for the first time in 20 years to get down the aisle, but I thought the electric tealights on the cake table were really tacky, so for that I'm giving this wedding a 6."-- EVERY episode of Four Weddings

This is so true! I love Four Weddings, but the Brit version is much Bitchier.

To be honest pretty much all of the (British) weddings are terrible.

One cost £40K and had a cash bar, two required guests to wear fancy dress, several involved the couple being legally married earlier/later, one had a 2 hour gap for an evening room turnaround, almost all were tiered with more guests coming after the meal, one was in a freezing cave, one had unassigned seating with a buffet at the top of a narrow flight of stairs, I could go on!

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