this is the code for the render ad
Wedding Etiquette Forum

Jewish wedding - eta my bad. I can't read.

auriannaaurianna member
Ninth Anniversary 1000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
edited December 2015 in Wedding Etiquette Forum
ETA: So this is mostly moot. Turns out it is NOT a wedding they are having before the wedding, but rather a pre-wedding (Aufruf) service. Leaving the original post as to not DD but it all looks legit!
---
My husband and I were invited to a wedding in February in the Midwest.

The couple is Jewish and on their website clearly mentions they will be getting married in a synagogue a day or two before and the invitation was for a "celebration of marriage" and not "wedding".
So they are in no way hiding that they are having a ceremony the day before (good).

However, we are invited to two different events on that Sunday. Both a ceremony at a chuppah as well as the dinner reception.

I'm wondering if it's possible that the chuppah ceremony is a separate kind of event and that this isn't just a reenactment? Or perhaps, is the synagogue ceremony religious only and not legally binding and perhaps I will actually be witnessing the legal ceremony?

Normally I'd just let it roll off completely, but considering the only way to get to the ceremony site from the parking lot, and the only way to get to the reception site from the ceremony site, is a 1/3 mile walk, each way, in the evening, in February, I'm bristling at the thought of its maybe being a PPD.

I'll probably go regardless and won't say anything to the couple about it, but curious if I have the right to be annoyed or if this could very well be totally legit.
Will ask cultural boards if need be.





Re: Jewish wedding - eta my bad. I can't read.

  • JediElizabethJediElizabeth member
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary First Answer
    edited December 2015
    aurianna said:
    My husband and I were invited to a wedding in February in the Midwest.

    The couple is Jewish and on their website clearly mentions they will be getting married in a synagogue a day or two before and the invitation was for a "celebration of marriage" and not "wedding".
    So they are in no way hiding that they are having a ceremony the day before (good).

    However, we are invited to two different events on that Sunday. Both a ceremony at a chuppah as well as the dinner reception.

    I'm wondering if it's possible that the chuppah ceremony is a separate kind of event and that this isn't just a reenactment? Or perhaps, is the synagogue ceremony religious only and not legally binding and perhaps I will actually be witnessing the legal ceremony?

    Normally I'd just let it roll off completely, but considering the only way to get to the ceremony site from the parking lot, and the only way to get to the reception site from the ceremony site, is a 1/3 mile walk, each way, in the evening, in February, I'm bristling at the thought of its maybe being a PPD.

    I'll probably go regardless and won't say anything to the couple about it, but curious if I have the right to be annoyed or if this could very well be totally legit.
    Will ask cultural boards if need be.



    I've been to several reform and conservative Jewish weddings, none of which were in a synagogue. This isn't typical for Jewish weddings - they may be anywhere, indoors or out, or in a synagogue or not. The Chuppah is part of the religious wedding ceremony, though - it's any cloth used to represent the home they will build. I've never heard of using it in any other way.

    Is the couple part of a particularly uncommon sect? I don't know anything about Hasidic weddings, for example, or if there may be something in the Kabbalah, which most of my friends & family don't study...it may be cultural, but it's not typical. 

    etd - details
  • I've been to several Jewish weddings. They have all been one ceremony affairs. I think the ceremony you are invited to is a re-do. I would skip it, especially if I had to walk 1/3 mi in the cold in heels.
    image
  • I'm Jewish and have been to a slew of Jewish weddings, from orthodox to reform.  This isn't typical.  It's crap.
    You only live once, but if you do it right, once is enough. ~Mae West
  • Getting a big ole' whiff of PPD.

  • Seems like pp's think this is a ppd (I have no idea, never been to a Jewish wedding), but what would be the point of getting married 2 days before having a 'celebration of marriage'? Why not just do it all in the same day? Is it a 'vision' thing? Seems like a bit of a hassle if you didn't need to. I'm actually scratching my head on that one.
                 
  • *coming out of lurking*

    Is it possible that the couple is separating the Erusin and Nissuin ceremonies? The two ceremonies used to be separated by a year and a couple was considered legally married after the Erusin ceremony (betrothal), though not able to live officially as a married couple until the Nissuin (marriage) ceremony. It could still absolutely be a PPD, though.
  • Sorry everyone. This one was totally my bad and I'm updating my top post to reflect this.

    I got confused. What they're having before is not a wedding ceremony but Aufruf services. I guess that's like a pre-wedding event and not the main one.

    So the ceremony I was invited to is the real deal.

    Still not keen in walking that much in heels in the winter but now I know it's for the real thing so definitely more at ease. Sorry for the false alarm!!
  • aurianna said:
    Sorry everyone. This one was totally my bad and I'm updating my top post to reflect this.

    I got confused. What they're having before is not a wedding ceremony but Aufruf services. I guess that's like a pre-wedding event and not the main one.

    So the ceremony I was invited to is the real deal.

    Still not keen in walking that much in heels in the winter but now I know it's for the real thing so definitely more at ease. Sorry for the false alarm!!
    I'd wear boots, especially if the weather requires closed toes.  And bring some of those roll-up flats in your purse for the party.
  • adk19 said:
    aurianna said:
    Sorry everyone. This one was totally my bad and I'm updating my top post to reflect this.

    I got confused. What they're having before is not a wedding ceremony but Aufruf services. I guess that's like a pre-wedding event and not the main one.

    So the ceremony I was invited to is the real deal.

    Still not keen in walking that much in heels in the winter but now I know it's for the real thing so definitely more at ease. Sorry for the false alarm!!
    I'd wear boots, especially if the weather requires closed toes.  And bring some of those roll-up flats in your purse for the party.
    If there's snow and/or ice on the ground I think that's exactly what I'll do. Barring that I may wear flats to walk and keep my heels in my purse. I have a big purse. :)
  • aurianna said:
    ETA: So this is mostly moot. Turns out it is NOT a wedding they are having before the wedding, but rather a pre-wedding (Aufruf) service. Leaving the original post as to not DD but it all looks legit!
    ---
    My husband and I were invited to a wedding in February in the Midwest.

    The couple is Jewish and on their website clearly mentions they will be getting married in a synagogue a day or two before and the invitation was for a "celebration of marriage" and not "wedding".
    So they are in no way hiding that they are having a ceremony the day before (good).

    However, we are invited to two different events on that Sunday. Both a ceremony at a chuppah as well as the dinner reception.

    I'm wondering if it's possible that the chuppah ceremony is a separate kind of event and that this isn't just a reenactment? Or perhaps, is the synagogue ceremony religious only and not legally binding and perhaps I will actually be witnessing the legal ceremony?

    Normally I'd just let it roll off completely, but considering the only way to get to the ceremony site from the parking lot, and the only way to get to the reception site from the ceremony site, is a 1/3 mile walk, each way, in the evening, in February, I'm bristling at the thought of its maybe being a PPD.

    I'll probably go regardless and won't say anything to the couple about it, but curious if I have the right to be annoyed or if this could very well be totally legit.
    Will ask cultural boards if need be.



    It did sound like you were invited to a PPD.  I'm glad it's not!
  • You only live once, but if you do it right, once is enough. ~Mae West
  • I learned things today!
This discussion has been closed.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards