[Drinks Dilemma]

BlondeBride2016 · December 2015

Hello Brides,

I have recently got engaged and am planning our December 2016 wedding. We've found a great venue, and are so excited!

I am a little confused over the "cash bar" etiquette (here in the UK, I've never been to an open bar wedding, and I want to be sure I get this right!)

We are on a tight budget (less than £4,000), but I believe in good hosting and ideally don't want my guests to open their wallets at my wedding.

Is it acceptable to offer a selection of complimentary drinks, and then have a cash bar available if anyone wants something different?

We are going to offer Prosecco and Winter Pimms after the ceremony, and then a selection of red and white wine, and a beer. We will simply keep a tab and pay for it at the end of the evening (soft drinks provided throughout).

However, I want to ensure that if anyone prefers a specific drink (e.g. if old Uncle Allan that I've never met only drinks scotch), there is a full bar available in the venue, which guests can use if preferred.

I see this as providing for my guests with plenty of drinks options, but also accounting for anyone that prefers different options. We simply can't afford a full open bar. Is our plan acceptable? Or would providing Prosecco, Winter Pimms, wines and beer be contravening etiquette because it's not a "full" open bar?

All opinions appreciated.

Have a wonderful day, ladies!

Iamnowmrsjms · December 2015

BlondeBride2016 said:

Hello Brides, I have recently got engaged and am planning our December 2016 wedding. We've found a great venue, and are so excited! I am a little confused over the "cash bar" etiquette (here in the UK, I've never been to an open bar wedding, and I want to be sure I get this right!) We are on a tight budget (less than £4,000), but I believe in good hosting and ideally don't want my guests to open their wallets at my wedding. Is it acceptable to offer a selection of complimentary drinks, and then have a cash bar available if anyone wants something different? We are going to offer Prosecco and Winter Pimms after the ceremony, and then a selection of red and white wine, and a beer. We will simply keep a tab and pay for it at the end of the evening (soft drinks provided throughout). However, I want to ensure that if anyone prefers a specific drink (e.g. if old Uncle Allan that I've never met only drinks scotch), there is a full bar available in the venue, which guests can use if preferred. I see this as providing for my guests with plenty of drinks options, but also accounting for anyone that prefers different options. We simply can't afford a full open bar. Is our plan acceptable? Or would providing Prosecco, Winter Pimms, wines and beer be contravening etiquette because it's not a "full" open bar? All opinions appreciated. Have a wonderful day, ladies!

First, congrats on your engagement and happy planning!
1. To the bolded-have you made your guest list and determined that this great venue you've found can accommodate everyone on your guest list? (plan for 100% attendance and don't forget to include, you, your FI and vendors in this count).
2. As far as your drinks question goes, NO it is never acceptable to offer a cash bar for ANY drinks. Host what you can afford. If it is beer, wine, and soft drinks, then that is wonderful hosting. Don't flash what is not offered in front of your guests (ie hard liquor) and then make them pay for it.
ETA-would your budget allow for 1 or 2 signature cocktails to include in addition to the beer/wine/soft drinks?

BlondeBride2016 · December 2015

Thank you!

We have already made our guest list and the venue is perfect.

The issue with the bar is our venue is a restaurant. It has a separate events area (upstairs) and this room had its own bar exclusively for the use of wedding guests.

I think the restaurant want the bar to be open for the use of guests (this was hinted at in our meeting). So the bar (and the top-shelf liquor) will physically be there. The venue is happy for us to foot the tab and make wine/beer/Pimms available for our guests, but there's no getting around the fact that the physical bar will be in the room, and staffed.

If a guest then goes and asks for a whiskey, rather than wine,... I feel it would be rude to say "No, you have to choose from what we've provided"! How to get around this?

We're not really cocktail people, but that's why we've chosen Winter Pimms as something a bit different!

BlondeBride2016 · December 2015

Perhaps have the bartender simply ask guests, "Red wine, white wine, beer or OJ?" would be okay? Thereby making anything else not an option.

But again, what do we do if someone really wants a G&T? Say no?

Iamnowmrsjms · December 2015

I would ask the venue if they can clear the bar of anything not being hosted by you.
Make a sign for the bar that gives a list of what you're hosting, so it is clear to your guests
Example:
Please enjoy, compliments of the B&G-
Pinot Grigio, Merlot, Coors Light, Bass
Soft Drinks, Juice
If a guest asks for something other than what you're providing, then they are the rude ones, not you.

BlondeBride2016 · December 2015

I hadn't thought of asking the venue to clear the bar! Good idea.

I realise I'm worrying over hypotheticals (maybe everybody will be happy with what we're providing!) My concern is that if someone wants something different, they might go downstairs to the restaurant bar and order there. I'd prefer for everyone to stay together in our reception suite! That's making me lean towards at least having extra liquors available, so at least nobody will go roaming off in search of other things.

But maybe that would make them the rude ones?

JediElizabeth · December 2015

As long as you have that sign, and you're providing those drinks all night, I don't see anything wrong with having the full bar there. Ask if they'll clear it, but if the restaurant pushes back and won't, it's not rude. You'll be providing for your guests and hosting them well & within your means, in a way which means they don't have to open their wallets all night. If they choose to, that's up to them.

For the record, I love cocktails at a wedding, and I'd be very happy drinking pimms all night instead of classic ones. I think that's a good option for people like me, who don't like wine or beer.

SP29 · December 2015

Restaurant venues do sometimes make it tricky, because sometimes they won't clear the bar, or as you said, there are 2 bars.

The issue with having other items you are not hosting is that guests may feel tricked if they see scotch on the self, order it, then get charged. You cannot stop your guests from going to the downstairs bar and buying a drink there, but since your reception does not include the downstairs area- that would be on your guest and not you. That is essentially your guest leaving your reception to buy a drink and come back in.

As for the bar in your reception space, either ask them to clear it of everything you are not offering, or if they won't, put up a sign stating what you are offering.

Anything you are offering needs to be available to all guests for the evening, but that does not mean you need a full bar. Open bar means the hosts are covering it. Wine, beer and cocktails are more than fine! As for what you offer, it is a know your crowd thing. If you KNOW you have some uncles who ONLY drink scotch, you might consider making that available, but at the same time, that is not a requirement. It would be rude of your guests to be unhappy with what you are offering as hosts (as long as you aren't expecting them to pay for it).

kmmssg · December 2015

BlondeBride2016 said:

Thank you! We have already made our guest list and the venue is perfect. The issue with the bar is our venue is a restaurant. It has a separate events area (upstairs) and this room had its own bar exclusively for the use of wedding guests. I think the restaurant want the bar to be open for the use of guests (this was hinted at in our meeting). So the bar (and the top-shelf liquor) will physically be there. The venue is happy for us to foot the tab and make wine/beer/Pimms available for our guests, but there's no getting around the fact that the physical bar will be in the room, and staffed. If a guest then goes and asks for a whiskey, rather than wine,... I feel it would be rude to say "No, you have to choose from what we've provided"! How to get around this? We're not really cocktail people, but that's why we've chosen Winter Pimms as something a bit different!

My niece was married a few years ago and the bold above was the deal at her wedding venue. My BIL is a really good guy but he doesn't drink and wasn't going to pay for an open bar. (Not sure where his aversion to alcohol comes from but it makes him VERY uncomfortable - rest of the family are hearty drinkers, no drinking problems, alcoholics, etc) My SIL, who is also a really good person, had her own ideas of venue, etc for the wedding and the 2 didn't match. Well, SIL got the venue she wanted and BIL wouldn't have open bar in the contract. (I think my niece would have GLADLY gone to the courthouse as she is very shy and I don't think she wanted a bigger wedding in the first place).

So what did all that mean? There was NO option for hiding the liquor, no option for it not being available if someone wanted to pay for a drink. BIL did cover all soft drinks, juices, water,coffee, tea, and any alcohol was cash bar.

If the venue insists that all alcohol be in sight and available, I think your best option would be to have a sign at the bar stating something like

BlondeBride2016 and BlondeGroom2016 are pleased to host
Winter Pimms
Prosecco
XXX White wines
XXX Red wines
XXX Beers
XXX soft drinks.

Venues don't give a hoot about etiquette and manners, just revenue. While I never ever ever recommend a cash bar I was exceedingly glad there was one at that wedding because it was tense because my poor niece was so nervous in front of everyone.

artbyallie · December 2015

Side question for the OP, as I discovered the delightful Pimms Cup cocktail while vacationing in New Orleans this year. What is in a Winter Pimms?

littlestmonkey · December 2015

OP, we had a bar much like you're describing and had a sign out specifying what we were hosting. The bar staff were also VERY good at saying to guests who ordered 'off-menu' that it wasn't included in what we were hosting before the drink was poured so that our guests could easily change their minds, or at least choose to pay without being blind-sided - something like this might work for you.

Liatris2010 · December 2015

Good hosts provide food and beverage appropriate for the time of day. Good guests graciously accept what is offered. What you are hosting sounds lovely, and if old Uncle Jim wants a scotch, he will have to wait. You aren't giving guests the option of upgrading their food at their own expense, why would you give them that option for drinks?

Liatris2010 · December 2015

Good hosts provide food and beverage appropriate for the time of day. Good guests graciously accept what is offered. What you are hosting sounds lovely, and if old Uncle Jim wants a scotch, he will have to wait. You aren't giving guests the option of upgrading their food at their own expense, why would you give them that option for drinks?

MairePoppy · December 2015

If the bar is open to club members or customers, the manager probably won't remove or cover bottles at the bar.

You should print beverage menus to display on each table and the bar so guests know exactly what you're hosting. The guests should graciously accept whatever hospitality you offer. But if Uncle Allan goes off menu and orders that Scotch, you shouldn't notice his faux pas. As the host, you wouldn't want to embarrass your guest.

[Drinks Dilemma]

Re: [Drinks Dilemma]

Choose Another Board

Search Boards