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Should I shame my friend for being a chair breaking fatty?

mrsconn23mrsconn23 member
Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
in Wedding Woes

Dear Prudence,
At my last party, a very good friend of mine who is obese broke a chair as she sat in it. I played polite hostess and made sure she was OK. I’ve now taken it to get fixed and found out it’s broken beyond repair. It’s one of my favorite chairs and can’t be replaced. I’m frustrated! My friend doesn’t make a lot of money, so I don’t feel comfortable asking her to pay for it. She hasn’t mentioned it since. My girlfriend doesn’t want me to say anything. Is there any way to say, “I can’t fix the chair, I have to get a new set, I’m miffed, but ultimately, a chair is just a thing and I care more about you and your health. Can you please take care of yourself?”

–Chair Beyond Repair

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Re: Should I shame my friend for being a chair breaking fatty?

  • HeffalumpHeffalump member
    Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    "Take care of yourself so you don't break anything else?"  Because that's what it's going to sound like, regardless of how she words it.

    I'm guessing the friend is aware of how much she weighs.  The friend pointing it out won't be new information, whether she couches it as "You broke my chair, but I really just care about you (even though I'm mostly still talking about the chair)" or not. 

    LW needs to get the fuck over her chair and STFU.  I went to a movie with a group of people in college, and one of our friends' chair completely collapsed in the middle of Ace Ventura, Pet Detective.  He wasn't even overweight (though he was pretty tall; no idea what he weighed).  Shit happens. 
    �
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  • 6fsn6fsn member
    Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its Name Dropper
    sFIL broke our couch due to his weight.  It sucks but I'd never in a million years dream of saying something to him. 
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  • madamerwinmadamerwin member
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary Name Dropper
    That's terrible. I am sure the friend is embarrassed about the chair already, no need to rub it in. I hope this letter is a joke, but I am guessing it's not...
    BabyFruit Ticker
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  • AddieCakeAddieCake member
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 25 Answers
    Yeah, that's just not something you pursue. 
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
    image
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  • YogaSandyYogaSandy member
    Third Anniversary 100 Comments 100 Love Its Name Dropper
    Things break, regardless of weight. When I was in high school, this tiny girl (maybe 5'3", maybe 115 MAYBE pounds) sat in front of me in physics. She sat in her desk one day, and all four legs gave out. It was the kind with the chair attached and the basket under the chair. The basket crumpled and she bounced off the floor and landed back on the seat. I'm sure she was hurt, but she was incredibly embarrassed and said she was fine. It obviously had nothing to do with her size.
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  • MesmrEweMesmrEwe member
    Knottie Warrior 2500 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers

    I'm guessing the friend doesn't own a mirror if she's wanting to say that to her...  Just saying... 

    Chances are it was coincidence that the chair broke.  Usually when you sit on something if it's not stable enough for your weight you can "feel" it before sitting down the rest of the way.  Let's just say I look at IKEA furniture and "just say no!"...  I've got friends who make me look like a lightweight - and I'd NEVER say a word about their weight to them because the only thing accomplished is making them feel worse.  That said - I've said many times "I wish we lived closer because it'd help both of us out to have someone to rely on for cardio sessions" (but it's a feeling's mutual type situation)...

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  • artbyallieartbyallie mod
    Moderator Eighth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its
    There could well have been structural damage/weakness in the chair she didn't even know about. H broke a chair once and he's only 150-160ish. But it was already broken and he missed the warning our friends gave about it. So he sat, it fell apart, and he landed on his ass.
    image
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