Wedding Etiquette Forum

NWR: Unwanted Christmas Gifts

This Christmas we got spoiled by my in-laws with huge stockings and lots of presents. A lot of the gifts were things for around the house and to be honest, most of them we don't want or need and we don't even have room for. I am trying to keep my place neat and tidy and organized. We recently moved and we did a big clean out giving lots of things to charity. We live in a two-bedroom condo with a baby and all of her equipment so we need to be minimalistic to make everything fit and look good.

Now we find ourselves with a big collection of various things and wanting to just donate all of it and throw out what can't be donated. But I'm unsure if that is just rude- do I need to keep it? To avoid being rude to my mother-in-law who spent money and time picking out those things and will be visiting us and perhaps noticing the items are missing and- gulp- asking us where it is? 

She really SHOULDN'T have. She gave us a lot of things with her heart in the right place but not knowing whether we like/want/need the item or not. I'm in the keep-it-simple Christmas mode myself- and we gave everyone one present that we were confident that they would need/use/love. She is so sweet but seriously- help! 
"It's always better when we're together." -Jack Johnson

Re: NWR: Unwanted Christmas Gifts

  • I agree with Banana. What kinds of things are we talking about?
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
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  • I agree with Banana. If they are items you might need in the future once you have a house or more space, maybe you can box them up and store them in a closet. If there are items that you flat out will never use, go ahead and donate as long as they aren't some kind of heirloom.

    Honestly, my grandmother has given us plenty of gifts that we could not use or didn't need, and I usually end up donating them. She has the best of intentions, but I typically don't like hanging onto things that I don't use when I know there are people out there who might get use out of them.

  • I think it's fine to return or donate the gifts- you are obligated to say thank you, but I don't think you need to keep stuff you don't want. The only exception I make is for heirlooms- those I think you need to at least say "hey, thanks but we don't want this, do you want it back?"
  • Ditto Banana.

    I also try and find alternatives for items before I give up on them.

     For example, I was given a wide-mouth Waterford vase.    Now I'm not the type who has fresh flowers around often and when I do, this vase would not be my go to.  

    One day I was looking for something to put all my hair ties, clips, bobby pins in and I just grabbed the vase.    Some people laugh that I have such an expensive hair tie container, but who cares? It looks nice on my counter, functional and I'm actually using a gift.

    I have another vase I use as a kitchen caddy.    I have a wood salad bowl that I use as a container by the front door for keys and other random stuff. It works perfectly.

    Not sure what the items are, but there are some things I feel like you can't have enough of.  Cutting boards for example.






    What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests.  Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated. 
  • edited December 2015
    AddieCake said:
    I agree with Banana. What kinds of things are we talking about?

    So many many things. Most of them are small but 'house' items that you don't use up. Like....picture frames, tea towels, candles, mugs, jewellery box, cutting boards. And a whole bunch of similar things. Really, there are lots. I already have enough of all of these things and space is at a premium in our condo. She has chosen things mostly from the Dollar store, and my point there being that I don't want to get rid of some of my belongings that I love to make room for these cheaper items instead as a courtesy to her. But I also care about her feelings!
    "It's always better when we're together." -Jack Johnson
  • Well, if you'd never use them, likely they'd be stuck in the back of a drawer somewhere right? So she'd never see them anyway when she came over. 

    I have a hard time getting rid of anything anyone has given me as a gift too- but I'm getting better at it. I don't think there is anything wrong with either donating it or giving it to someone else you know would use it. 

    My grandma is similar- lots of random small items. Some are great, and others we'd never use. She gave DH a pair of reindeer slippers. He wore them for the evening while we were at family dinner, but I forsee them ending up in the donate bag. 
  • I'm firmly in the camp of getting rid of things you won't use.  I also highly recommend the book The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up - you'll never look at your stuff the same way again.
  • Yes, your SO should have a sensitive chat with MIL on this if they're in agreement that you don't need the "stuff" - it's better to be honest right away than not.  People would rather you be honest even if it doesn't feel good than to lie about enjoyment.  Also, if something isn't the right fit, and maybe they love said items, they'd be happy to have it back or they've potentially got a receipt to exchange it...



  • Gifts are yours to do with as you please.  If it was clearly an heirloom or had great sentimental value to the family, I would definitely just give it back if I didn't want it.  Otherwise, the type of stuff you describe?  Donate it or regift it.*

    *Note:  I did regift three of my presents this year literally within 15 minutes of receiving them.  I thanked the givers appropriately, but knew that realistically I would never actually use them.  The next people who I came across happened to see me with the items and they commented how nice it was that so-and-so got me a gift and I asked them if they wanted them because I knew I wouldn't use them.  Boom.  Done.  I'm sure most people would say there should be some sort of grace period, but honestly I don't see the point.  If you find this heartless though, you may want to take my opinion on it with a grain of salt.
  • If you know someone who could use all of that, maybe make up a regift basket. Alternatively, donate. I also find it hard to get rid of gifts but if you'll never use it, maybe it will find a better home elsewhere.

    Maybe keep like 1 picture frame and put a picture of the family in it to represent the whole bushel of gifts?
  • peachy13 said:
    I think, in addition to the advice above, your partner needs to have a sensitive talk with your in-laws before next year. The gifts are a huge waste of their money. My DH and I live in a one bed condo and we're upgrading to a two bed-- and maybe adding a baby- next year. Neither set of parents would dream of cluttering our home with "stuff." It's stupid of your in-laws, honestly. Nip this in the bud before the next gift giving occasion!


    DH's family implemented a "secret santa" gift swap this year where we (8 of us, including me, DH, his parents, and 2 siblings + spouses) picked a name out of the hat -- as long as it wasn't you or your spouse -- set a $100 budget, and that was the only gift we bought. It was actually awesome. It definitely felt weird not buying gifts for everyone like we normally would, but the amount of time and money that was saved was incredible. Everyone in the family has something going on with their personal lives, baby on the way, new car, home renovations, etc., and every year it seems like everyone is buying random stuff that no one needs. 
    My family instituted this this year and it was amazing! Same thing and money limit, but there's actually a website called elfster that you put people's names in and then you can make rules that SOs can't get each other AND you include wish lists. So not only did we spend considerably less money, every single person got something they genuinely wanted. It was awesome and also I was in charge of setting it up and am kind of obsessed with elfster now haha. This is especially true for us because I have three sblings, so with everyone's SOs, it's seven other people, which is a real doozy.

    That's not very on topic, except you could suggest it for next year! And definitely echo PP about having DH talk to his family (gently) about this in general.
  • You have gotten some good advice so far so I'll just add one thing.  You can return things to the dollar store.  I've done it without a receipt 2 or 3 times.
  • JoanE2012 said:
    I'm firmly in the camp of getting rid of things you won't use.  I also highly recommend the book The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up - you'll never look at your stuff the same way again.
    I second reading this book.  It has changed my life.  In it the author, Marie Kondo, states that once a gift has been given and graciously received, it has done its job.  You have the feeling the giver wanted you to have, she loves you and wants to give you things!  But the item is done doing its job and is ready to move on to a place where it can continue to be appreciated.  That may or may not be in your home.  Go ahead and get rid of these items if they don't bring you joy.
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