Pre-wedding Parties

Prewedding Party-wording invite and other concerns!

Hi! My fiance and I are getting married in Costa Rica in August and his parents want to throw a "celebration" of our upcoming marriage in their hometown in July (upstate New York). While I have reservations about having a party before the marriage takes place, his family insists it will help take the obligation off of many families to travel to Costa Rica. Most of the families that would attend in July live in or near the hometown. We live in NYC, 6 hours away from the hometown.

Our initial concept is a paperless "save the date" and then a slightly more formal mailed card a couple months before July to ask for RSVPs. How do I word this invitation? "Please join us as we celebrate the upcoming marriage of X and Y? Hosted by X's parents"?

I've suggested having a JOP ceremony prior to the July event so we are in fact married, but am worried that will take away from the people traveling in August.

Sorry this sounds so complicated! Thanks for any tips/suggestions.

Re: Prewedding Party-wording invite and other concerns!

  • geebee908geebee908
    500 Love Its 500 Comments Third Anniversary First Answer
    member
    edited January 2016

    Hi! My fiance and I are getting married in Costa Rica in August and his parents want to throw a "celebration" of our upcoming marriage in their hometown in July (upstate New York). While I have reservations about having a party before the marriage takes place, his family insists it will help take the obligation off of many families to travel to Costa Rica. Most of the families that would attend in July live in or near the hometown. We live in NYC, 6 hours away from the hometown.

    Our initial concept is a paperless "save the date" and then a slightly more formal mailed card a couple months before July to ask for RSVPs. How do I word this invitation? "Please join us as we celebrate the upcoming marriage of X and Y? Hosted by X's parents"?

    I've suggested having a JOP ceremony prior to the July event so we are in fact married, but am worried that will take away from the people traveling in August.

    Sorry this sounds so complicated! Thanks for any tips/suggestions.

    Don't do the JOP wedding and then a reenactment in Costa Rica; it's not a great idea to have people spend all that money to not see you actually get married. Also, the people invited to the marriage celebration party would still not get to see the actual wedding either.

    Please have your FI try to convince his parents to hold off on the party until after your August wedding. If people want to make the effort to come to your wedding they will.
    adk19peachy13SP29
  • Thank you for taking the time to respond! I appreciate it. That is my gut instinct as well, but I am dealing with some stubbornness, as well as academics with the summer off ;). Happy new year!
  • holyguacamole79holyguacamole79 a taco truck in Houston
    5000 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary 5 Answers
    member
    Why can't the party be an engagement party? As long as all the guests are invited to the wedding in Costa Rica, I think that works.



    Anniversary
    SP29
  • We don't want to burden the vast majority of the guests with coming to Costa Rica, and due to long standing relationships they will feel obligated to come to Costa Rica even if it's a financial burden. A couple families will still make the trip but we are trying to have a celebration for the 60+ people that will feel contented celebrating locally. So far I've only been able to come up with "FI Parent's  invite you to celebrate  the upcoming union of their son  FI and his bride-to-be Knottie"

    Thank you for your input, love the Adele GIF!
  • CMGragainCMGragain
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 25 Answers
    member
    edited January 2016
    1.  There is no such thing as a pre-wedding party to celebrate a wedding that has not yet taken place.  You may have a celebration party AFTER your wedding.  Tell your FILS to plan a celebration party for when you return from your honeymoon.  There is no proper way to word an invitation for something that is as improper as a pre-wedding celebration.  Your wedding day is the day when your legally become a married couple.  This is your wedding, whether it is in a courthouse or a cathedral.

    2.  Fake wedding reenactments are horrible and pointless.  If you want to get married in Costa Rica, then obey their legal requirements and get married there.

    3.  Wedding invitations are not court summons.  Let your guests decide whether or not to attend your wedding.

    Here are your polite options:

    A.  Get married privately, or with immediate family only, and honeymoon in Costa Rica.  Have a celebration party when you return.

    B.  Have a wedding in your hometown and invite everybody.  Honeymoon in Costa Rica.

    C.  Have your destination wedding in Costa Rica.  Their legal requirements are easy.  Invite the people that you want to invite, and let them decide if they will come, or not.  Be prepared for a high decline rate, though.  You may have a party to celebrate when you return to the states.
    httpiimgurcomTCCjW0wjpg
    adk19SP29InLoveInQueens
  • I had a relative who got married and flew to Hawaii.  When they returned they filed for an annulment and separated!  Imagine how their guests would have felt if they had a pre-wedding party?  (This was their 3rd time around.)
    httpiimgurcomTCCjW0wjpg
  • There is no obligation for guests to travel to Costa Rica.  Invitations can be accepted or declined, as the guests choose. 
    adk19
  • Thank you so much for taking the time to reply! I completely agree with you, although selling it to my other half and his family may be more difficult! There really is no way to make everyone happy...

    Happy New Year, everyone! I hope 2016 brings you all the things that you really wanted off your registries ;) ;).
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