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John needs to rip the bandaid off and tell them...

mrsconn23mrsconn23 member
Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
in Wedding Woes

Dear Prudence,
My husband “John” and I are expecting our first child. John’s parents are devout Christians whose lives revolve around their church. They have no idea their son is an atheist, although they know I am. They are assuming that John and I will take our children to church. My husband is extremely nonconfrontational when it comes to his parents. I want him to tell his parents we have no plans to raise our children in a religious tradition, but he won’t do it. Whenever his parents are alone with me, they sneak in questions about my family’s religion and tell me they look forward to John going back to church once he has a family of his own. I don’t want to cause tension with my in-laws, but I don’t want to lie for my husband either. I’d rather have it all out before the baby is born.

—Confirmed Non-Churchgoer

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Re: John needs to rip the bandaid off and tell them...

  • baconsmombaconsmom member
    Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    I just found out my parents thought I've been taking Bacon to church for years. I haven't been. 

    So my advice...just don't talk about it, ever? That's probably terrible. Don't care. Worked for us. 
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  • VarunaTTVarunaTT member
    Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    edited January 2016
    I have a good friend who is dealing with this issue coming to a head.  This Christmas was terrible for him.

    The issue really here though is that they know SHE is an atheist and are trying to talk to her about it.  I'd nip that shit in the bud right now.  "You know I'm an atheist and I have no intention of raising my child in a religion."  I'd probably throw in something about teaching my children the facts about all religions, not religious facts, just to be snarky, but that's me.  Then they can start their "suggestions" with John and he can handle it however he wants.
    �
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  • NOLABridesmaidNOLABridesmaid member
    Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers

    This would be so hard for me as a grandparent. My kid can raise his or her child as they see fit, but it would break my heart.

    My grandkids would know what I believed and why I believe it, and that I always pray for them and that they are always welcome to attend church with me if they would like to. I would hope that my kid could at least go with me and his/her kids if they were over for a holiday, like Easter or Christmas. I wouldn't push it, but hope that they would.

    However, at the end of the day these aren't my children, but if I'm close with my grandkids then they would know me as a person, which would include knowing about how important my faith is to me too.

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  • GBCKGBCK member
    Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 500 Love Its Name Dropper
    I may have once solved getting grief for being protestant by saying that if anyone had actually CARED about the Mr's religious beliefs, perhaps taking him to church once or twice in the previous 20 years would have been more helpful in instilling how important that was to them than suddenly panicking that we weren't having a catholic wedding was.

    That went over poorly.
    Tat said, it was his evil grandmother, I was OK w/ it going over poorly.


    If he's not telling them about where his faith sstands, it means religion isn't a safe topic, which probably says a lot about why it's an issue.
    But I'd have already thrown John under the bus.
    "OH, yeah, you'll have to talk to John about those details, because you know I don't do church.  So John, have you decided where you are taking Buffy to church?  are you scheduling a baptism?  do I have to attend a meeting?"
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