Guest list- inviting co workers if you are the boss

Re: Guest list- inviting co workers if you are the boss

• laurad75 member

  

  January 2016

  Since you are the boss I think you probably have to invite all of them, not just the ones you are friends with.  Regardless, you absolutely need to invite SO's but not necessarily plus ones just to give them a guest.  

  

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• [Deleted User] member

  

  January 2016

  Knottie26236603 said:

  I am looking on advice regarding co workers when you are the boss. I manage 8 people that are spread between 3 locations. So I am closer to and have a stronger relationship with those who are in my location. The few that are in other locations I pretty much have a work only relationship with but they do know that I am getting married. My thought was that since I am the boss I really have to invite all or none of them otherwise it looks like I am playing favorites. I don't feel right just not inviting any at all but then at the same time I worry that if I do invite all of them that it might make a few of them feel almost uncomfortable because we aren't that close. My other question is if I do invite them do I have to offer them all a plus one? Or can I just invite the co workers and have them all sit at one table?

  Do you hang out with any of these people outside of the office?  Like, not just for lunch during working days, but off-the-clock, free-time hanging out?  Would you and your fiance ask them and their husband/wife/boyfriend to a fancy restaurant and pick up the tab?  Would you invite them to a dinner at your home?  Because that's what you're doing if you invite them to your wedding, "come to a party I'm hosting, I'd like to buy you dinner."
  
  Everyone invited to your wedding MUST be invited with their significant other whether it be a wife of 50 years or a boyfriend of 2 weeks.  If they consider another person to be their significant other, you MUST invite them.  This is not a work outing, it's a social event, and they need to be able to bring their social partner.
  
  Invitations are not subpoenas.  They don't HAVE to go.  If they're uncomfortable attending in any way, they can make up an excuse and decline.  (They shouldn't need an excuse, but sometimes people feel better if they've come up with a good reason they can't do something.)

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• Jen4948 member

  

  January 2016

  I think it can really get sticky wanting to invite coworkers if you are the boss.
  
  Every guest, even coworkers whose SOs you don't know, who is in a relationship needs to be invited with their SO. You don't have to give unattached singles plus-ones, but it's nice if you do.
  
  But even if you don't have social relationships outside the office with all your coworkers, leaving anyone out can make things awkward around the office.
  
  And even if you have social relationships outside the office with all your coworkers, your invitation may seem to them like a command for their attendance. Even though your invitation isn't a subpoena, they may feel like they can't decline without it having a negative impact on them at work, so be careful with this.
  
  I strongly recommend limiting or not having wedding discussions at work, whatever you decide to do.

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• OliveOilsMom member

  

  January 2016

  Also, as the boss, check in with HR about this.  There could be a policy at work.  It can be seen in a bad light because you are inviting your underlings to a party where it is typically a gift giving event (though not required and shouldn't be expected).  It could get awkward.

  That being said, I do think you should do all or nothing.  It is necessary for you to invite their SOs, as it is a social event and not a work function.

  

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• JediElizabeth member

  

  January 2016

  OliveOilsMom said:

  Also, as the boss, check in with HR about this.  There could be a policy at work.  It can be seen in a bad light because you are inviting your underlings to a party where it is typically a gift giving event (though not required and shouldn't be expected).  It could get awkward.

  That being said, I do think you should do all or nothing.  It is necessary for you to invite their SOs, as it is a social event and not a work function.

  This. "Giving up," or giving gifts to bosses is frowned upon in most of the places I've worked (unless there's a monetary limit, like in a secret santa). I'd be very uncomfortable with getting an invite from my boss because of the gift expectation. It just feels awkward all around, from the worker POV.

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• MandTFebruary62011 member

  

  January 2016

  When I first got engaged I was over 7 people.  I was close with a few of them but not with all of them.  I'm now in a new position.  I decided if I invited anyone from work it would be my peers as we hang out regularly outside of work and my supervisor, who was also a professional chef and wants to make my cake as her gift.  I liked my staff, but did not want to add at least 7 people to a list that I'm cutting other friends and family I wanted present from and I did not want the awkwardness of having people I might not in communication with in 10 years there.  
  
  I also agree to check with HR to make sure there wouldn't be any bad policies.  But you definitely aren't obligated to invite your staff at all.

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• lc07 member

  

  January 2016 edited January 2016

  I don't work in corporate America so take that for what it is but I would personally not invite anyone who worked directly under me. It's too sticky of a situation. If you REALLY want to, I agree with OliveOilsMom - ask HR first. Is it showing some kind of preferential treatment towards some of the people who report to you? If one of those people received a promotion from you could someone who wasn't invited say you just didn't like them as a person and use your wedding as an example? Are your choices going to affect work morale? The gift thing is pressure-y, too. I, personally, am a big believer in keeping business and personal life separate when you are in a position of power. 
  
  
  PPs have you covered. If you do decide to invite your employees, you must invite their significant others. 
  
  
  *Edited because I hit post, too soon on mobile. 

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• MyNameIsNot member

  

  January 2016

  I wouldn't invite any of them. While socializing with peers is pretty typical, things are different when you're a manager. Even in the most laid back company, the risk of appearance of impropriety is just not worth having your staff at your wedding. 

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• redoryx member

  

  January 2016

  These aren't co-workers, they are subordinates. You are their boss and, as others have said, it can get a bit tricky because of that. I honestly wouldn't invite any of them. They may feel obligated to go or give you a gift. I'd personally feel very uncomfortable getting invited to boss's wedding. 

  

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• SP29 member

  

  January 2016

  Unless you are friends with any of these people outside of work, I would agree with not inviting any, due to your position relative to theirs. 

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• drunkenwitch member

  

  January 2016

  Coming from someone who has HR experience, I would honestly advise you to not invite anyone from your office. There are just too many layers. Playing favorites (as you mentioned), the pressure to attend even if you don't want to, office gossip, etc. It's best to keep a firm but friendly line when you are the boss.

  

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• Knottie26236603 member

  

  January 2016

  Thank you everyone so much for your advice!! I think the best choice here is not to invite any of them. Like someone mentioned, there are just too many layers to this. It's been bothering me trying to figure out what to do and this has been extremely helpful and insightful. Thanks to all

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• MesmrEwe member

  

  January 2016

  For us we invited in circles with those we were close to and their SO's (we were in the area of 1500 without SO's if we added up all of the PT & FT staff for DH's family business - there HAD to be a line!).  If you invited only those from your specific location IMO you've got a good line/circle.  If anything, it's 8 people, which means potentially 16 more tops, if you can swing it, go ahead and invite them.  It's really about dynamic and with such a small group, depending on what people have previously done I'd base my decision off of that. 

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