Wedding Vows & Ceremony Discussions

Help with "I Do's"

Needing some opinions on our I Do's. FI and I are looking over our ceremony that we need to send back to our officiant, and we're struggling to come up with how we want to finish them off.

Here's what they say:
"Do you take bride/groom to be your husband/wife, promising to live together faithfully in marriage, forsaking all others, and to share in all that life offers? Do you promise to love, cherish, and honor him/her in sickness and health, joy and sorrow, adversity and good fortune, ...?"

The ... is where we're having trouble. We hate "til death do you part" and "as long as you both shall live" because we don't like any talk of something separating us. We also don't want anything like "as long as our love lasts" because we think it sounds like less of a commitment or like we're trying to give ourselves a way out. We've come up with two options:
1) until the end of eternity
2) as long as forever lasts

I'd like opinions on these. I'm also very open to any other ideas. All thoughts appreciated!

Re: Help with "I Do's"

  • Honestly....I don't like either of them, I find it a little cheesy, but that's just me. As long as you both shall live, to me, means that if one does and one lives the living one can't move on, so I wouldn't use that. Perhaps til the heavens stop the rain...if you're Doors fans, kidding. I'll put on my thinking cap to see if I can think of anything.

    InLoveInQueensCMGragain
  • The thing is, death happens to us all, and it's a legal end to marriage. Your other wordings make me think of the Mormon wedding vows, which IMO are just plain creepy.

    Also, when you post the same thing to different boards, you should label the title with "XP" for 'crosspost' because most of us read multiple boards.
    image
    InLoveInQueensCMGragain
  • holyguacamole79holyguacamole79 a taco truck in Houston member
    5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers

    Needing some opinions on our I Do's. FI and I are looking over our ceremony that we need to send back to our officiant, and we're struggling to come up with how we want to finish them off.

    Here's what they say:
    "Do you take bride/groom to be your husband/wife, promising to
    live together faithfully in marriage, forsaking all others, and to share in all
    that life offers? Do you promise to love, cherish, and honor him/her in sickness
    and health, joy and sorrow, adversity and good fortune, ...?"

    The ... is where we're having trouble. We hate "til death do you part" and "as long as you both shall live" because we don't like any talk of something separating us. We also don't want anything like "as long as our love lasts" because we think it sounds like less of a commitment or like we're trying to give ourselves a way out. We've come up with two options:
    1) until the end of eternity
    2) as long as forever lasts

    I'd like opinions on these. I'm also very open to any other ideas. All thoughts appreciated!

    Is your wedding religious in nature? Depending on the religion, you may not be able to alter the wording.
    MairePoppyCMGragain
  • kimmiinthemittenkimmiinthemitten Detroit, MI member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary 5 Answers

    The ... is where we're having trouble. We hate "til death do you part" and "as long as you both shall live" because we don't like any talk of something separating us. We also don't want anything like "as long as our love lasts" because we think it sounds like less of a commitment or like we're trying to give ourselves a way out. We've come up with two options:
    1) until the end of eternity
    2) as long as forever lasts

    I'd like opinions on these. I'm also very open to any other ideas. All thoughts appreciated!


    So, maybe this is awful and morbid, but what if one of you passes away significantly earlier than the other?  That means the other partner can't' remarry without violating the vows you've written for each other.

    Naturally no one wants to talk about or plan for this but if heaven forbid I left this earth, I'd want FI to move on and be happy.
    image
    CMGragainspockforprez
  • Honestly, they both sound a bit juvenile, the first definitely moreso than the second though.

    If you're not able to talk about it, maybe you're not ready accept what the commitment entails.  I realize that sounds harsh, but death is a part of life and being able to talk about what each of you wants at the end of each of your lives is a conversation that everyone needs to have with their partners.  Is it a fun, light-hearted conversation?  Nope, but it's part of the deal.  It's hard to imagine living without the other, but if you happen to pass first, do you really want him mourning you forever and never finding anyone else?  Do you expect to do the same if the situation was reversed?  Have you put together living wills yet?  Know what the other wants in case you are incapable of making decisions for yourselves?  Put together any kind of end-of-life plan, especially if you are planning on children?  Commitment isn't just the happy fun love you 4eva stuff, it's the nitty gritty hard to talk about stuff, too.

    What about talking it over with your officiant and seeing if they have any ideas that meets some middle ground where you don't mention death.  You also can just end the sentence without defining a time period.  "Do you promise to love and cherish...in sickness and in health?"  Done.

    But also, if your service is religious in nature, you definitely need to check with the officiant that it's ok to change the vows.

    kimmiinthemittenInLoveInQueensCaitFins
  • MairePoppyMairePoppy Connecticut mod
    Moderator Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 500 Love Its
    edited January 2016
    How about
    3) for the rest of (your) our lives.
                       
    Heffalump
  • The thing is, death happens to us all, and it's a legal end to marriage. Your other wordings make me think of the Mormon wedding vows, which IMO are just plain creepy.

    Also, when you post the same thing to different boards, you should label the title with "XP" for 'crosspost' because most of us read multiple boards.
    That was my first thought, too.  The marriage ceremony is legally binding, and "as long as we both shall live" is also legally binding.  Eternity/as long as forever lasts, not so much.  IMO, either of your phrases would work better as ring inscriptions than wedding vows.
    InLoveInQueensMairePoppy
  • bethsmilesbethsmiles Denver, CO member
    10000 Comments Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    As I said in your other post, my wedding vows will end with "from this day forward"

    I agree with the PPs here, that your options come off as juvenile and cheesy. 


  • @FutureMrsLuckadoo as a first time poster, welcome. Also, let me say that I think the part of your vows you have written thus far are beautiful. I can see why you want to find a fittingly beautiful ending.

    First, make sure, like @holyguacamole79  said, that you find out if you are able to write your own vows (I know a lot of people do, but I also know many religions do not give this option -- for example, I am Catholic and my vows have to be the ones the Catholic Church uses). 

    Second, if I had to vote between your two options, I think number 1 sounds better. However, I would ultimately agree with some of the other PPs that both options sound a bit over-the-top. I know you want it to sound poetic, but sometimes one can wax too flowery.

    How about "unto the end of days"? I think that still has a poetic touch, but might seem a bit less hyperbolic. 
                        


    Daisypath Anniversary tickers
  • I'm really terribly with forums and whatnot, so I'm not sure how to tag specific people, but thank you to everyone so far for your input. I definitely appreciate all the feedback. For those of you that have asked, we can change the wording. It's not a very religious ceremony and the officiant is actually my uncle, and to paraphrase him, we have "free range with the wording."

    In response to jacques27 (sorry guys I really am just terrible at this whole thing!), definitely appreciate your input/questions, but we've definitely talked about all of those things. This isn't something we've taken lightly and we're definitely ready for the commitment. To be honest, and I guess it just sounds cheesy to a lot of people, but we both believe in soulmates, and we both believe that there's something after this life where we can still be together. We don't believe that death ends it for us. We both feel the same way about it, so that's why we didn't want talk of death in the vows.

    Again, definitely appreciating everyone's help!!
    tigerlily6
  • @FutureMrsLuckadoo  to tag use @ and the persons screen name.   I believe in soulmates and I get not wanting to mention death. its not the concept thsat sounds cheesy, its the wording. from now until forever, to me sounds a bit better, from this day forward, from this moment on, the original 2 sound like high school declarations. At least they do to me

  • CMGragainCMGragain member
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 25 Answers
    edited January 2016
    I'm really terribly with forums and whatnot, so I'm not sure how to tag specific people, but thank you to everyone so far for your input. I definitely appreciate all the feedback. For those of you that have asked, we can change the wording. It's not a very religious ceremony and the officiant is actually my uncle, and to paraphrase him, we have "free range with the wording."

    In response to jacques27 (sorry guys I really am just terrible at this whole thing!), definitely appreciate your input/questions, but we've definitely talked about all of those things. This isn't something we've taken lightly and we're definitely ready for the commitment. To be honest, and I guess it just sounds cheesy to a lot of people, but we both believe in soulmates, and we both believe that there's something after this life where we can still be together. We don't believe that death ends it for us. We both feel the same way about it, so that's why we didn't want talk of death in the vows.

    Again, definitely appreciating everyone's help!!
    How old are you?  I am guessing early 20s?  I'm sorry, but marriage is not about soulmates or being together forever.  Marriage is a day to day struggle, where you each try to do the best you can with the problems life send your way.  There will be bad days, and there will be good days.  There will be days when you wonder why you ever got married at all.  Then there will be days that are rewarding and give you a glow.
    I hate to see something so unrealistic in a wedding ceremony.  Life is not a Disney fantasy, and there is no happily ever after.  That doesn't mean that marriage isn't a good thing, but you need to have realistic expectations.
    Can you give us five good reasons that you want to marry this person, and they cannot include "I love him", "We are soulmates", or "I need him" ?   These are good reasons to date, but they are not good reasons to get married. 
    I should know a little about this.  My 40th wedding anniversary is next June.  Yes, we are very happy together, but soulmates?  Sheesh!
    httpiimgurcomTCCjW0wjpg
    softkittywarmkittyPinksatin91016
  • LDS is the only religion I know of where a marriage lasts beyond death.  I would still be interested to know the OPs age, but you are right in that isn't necessarily a factor.  My late mother had an unrealistic attitude towards romance and marriage until she died at age 89.  She also had several failed marriages, though.  Sorry, Mom, but life is not a Ginger Rodgers-Fred Astaire movie.
    I didn't call the OP "immature".  Don't put words in my mouth.  I just questioned her expectations about marriage.
    httpiimgurcomTCCjW0wjpg
  • Wow, the negativity on this site is unbelievable! Do whatever you want for your vows - nobody else has a right to judge your view on this life, the afterlife, love and so on.

    That said, the options you gave do sound a bit cheesy. If you are cheesy people (nothing wrong with that!) then go for it! Some people prefer a more lighthearted ceremony. Personally, I am looking for a similar, non morbid end to our vows (we also believe in soul-mates) and am gravitating toward the PP's suggestions of "from this day forward". 
  • She asked for advice. She got a resounding...no, but here are some other options that might work...no one was mean.

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