Pre-wedding Parties

We're in the wedding party and bachelor party is on our anniversary

My DH and I are in the wedding party of our good friends. Unfortunately the groom just told my DH he has picked the date for his destination bachelor party - and it falls on our 5 year wedding anniversary. I'm pretty choked up about it - any other year and I would have been fine to post-pone our own celebrations but 5 years feels like such a milestone. I don't mean to be selfish but it feels wrong to make light of our anniversary by saying "he'll only get married once" etc while justifying missing our own anniversary.

I haven't asked my DH to make a fuss about it but he did mention the coinciding dates to the groom who simply replied "oh right I forgot that was that weekend!"

What should we do?

Re: We're in the wedding party and bachelor party is on our anniversary

  • MobKazMobKaz Chicago suburbs member
    Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    My DH and I are in the wedding party of our good friends. Unfortunately the groom just told my DH he has picked the date for his destination bachelor party - and it falls on our 5 year wedding anniversary. I'm pretty choked up about it - any other year and I would have been fine to post-pone our own celebrations but 5 years feels like such a milestone. I don't mean to be selfish but it feels wrong to make light of our anniversary by saying "he'll only get married once" etc while justifying missing our own anniversary. I haven't asked my DH to make a fuss about it but he did mention the coinciding dates to the groom who simply replied "oh right I forgot that was that weekend!" What should we do?
    What does your husband want to do?  The only opinions that really matter are yours and his.
    [Deleted User]Knottie1452098987
  • Blue_BirdBlue_Bird Bawlmer member
    Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its 500 Comments First Answer
    Ultimately, it's up to your husband,but were I in his shoes, I'd skip it without a thought. This is NOT a big deal AT ALL.
    [Deleted User]SP29
  • Do you have plans for your anniversary? This year is our 5th as well, but we went to Puerto Rico for our 3rd and last year celebrated 10 years total together in New Orleans so we're not going to be terribly disappointed if this year ends up being more low-key or even not exactly on our anniversary.

    On the other hand, I'm not sure either of us would deliberately choose to do something that would keep us apart on that day. How does your H feel about it? What does he want to do?
    image
    Knottie1452098987
  • lyndausvi said:

    I would tell him to have a good time.  Assuming he wanted to go.

    I get being disappointed, but I do not get being choked up about it.  

    This. I feel like it really depends on what's going on and the event.

    Ex: If the bachelor party for DH's friend falls on my birthday, I'm going to be sad if he goes to the party and he makes up for it another night. I'll make plans to do something else. But if his weekly trivia night is on my birthday, I'd ask that he stay home and miss out on it for the one night.

    It's all a scale IMO. From my perspective, you got married already. Sure it's your anniversary but what if they DID schedule their wedding on that day?

    I think you and your DH need to figure out which is more important and if you are willing to celebrate on another day. But it should be a mutual decision. It's going to sound silly if your DH says, "Sorry dude I can't make your bachelor party. The wife's really bummed about me missing our anniversary."
    nerdwifeJeeGooDowsterKnottie1452098987
  • thisismynickname2thisismynickname2 City By The Lake member
    5000 Comments Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    May I presume this party is a Saturday night and your 5 year anniversary is a Saturday night?

    If it were me and my husband, I'd tell him to go to the party and celebrate our anniversary on either Friday night or Sunday night. If we were thinking of taking a trip, I wouldn't mind working a trip around that, costs being taken into consideration. 

    Occasions should be celebrated but I've never been concerned about celebrating the occasion ON that day. What if your anniversary was a Wednesday? You'd probably be at work. Woo hoo, party!

    And we both think bachelor/ette parties are really fun. For close friends, we wouldn't want to miss those. 
    ________________________________


    nerdwifecharlotte989875Knottie1452098987
  • Jen4948Jen4948 Houston member
    Ninth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    Had you already committed to other plans before he got the bachelor party invitation? If so, your husband can simply decline the bachelor party invitation. Otherwise, he can decline to attend the bachelor party if he really doesn't feel like going, or he can try to work out sosome way he can attend the party and celebrate your anniversary with you - maybe on another day soon before or after your anniversary.
    tigerlily6YogaSandy
  • Celebrate on another day.
  • lyndausvilyndausvi Western Slope, Colorado mod
    Moderator Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its
    edited January 2016
    1st anniversary - DH sick as a dog.  I went out with friends.  DH like to be left alone when he is sick.   I saw no need for me to be around.   

    2-3  no idea.

    4 drove from College Station, Tx to NOLA (7+ hours)

    5   dinner a few days after because DH had to work.

    6 - SIL's wedding

    7 - night out in Aspen with some friends and random people.  People kept picking up our tab.  Which was cool.



    My parents celebrated their 40th anniversary a few months later.  Why?  Because I got married the day before their anniversary which was OOT for them.    They postponed the Panama Cruise they had tentatively planned a few months as a result.


    It's cool if you can get together and do something special.  But sometimes life gets in the way.   Doesn't make it any less of a milestone because you had to celebrate on a different day. 







    What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests.  Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated. 
    ILoveBeachMusicsparklepants41charlotte989875Knottie1452098987
  • In my family we're big into rescheduling things like holidays and birthdays, I'm sure anniversaries will be no different.  Saturday we'll be flying to LA for Christmas on Sunday.  We couldn't all be together on December 25th, so we rescheduled Christmas for January 17th this year.  This will not make the day any less special.  We will still be having an amazing Surf and Turf dinner on the 16th and have a day of opening presents and playing with Legos on the 17th.  I love Christmas and am looking so forward to this. 

    Plan something now for the weekend or day before or after your "Actual" anniversary and you'll look forward to that too.  And maybe you'll even look forward to that manicure and wine date with a girlfriend while your husband is at his friend's bachelor party.
    charlotte989875Knottie1452098987
  • JoanE2012JoanE2012 Exit 21 (Jersey!) member
    5000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 5 Answers
    scribe95 said:
    Yeah, when our anniversary is during the week we celebrate a few days before or after so I would do that for this situation as well. 
    Ditto.  We don't feel the need to celebrate our anniversary on the exact day.  I'd tell my DH to go and enjoy and we'd celebrate the weekend before or after.  
    [Deleted User]Knottie1452098987
  • Thanks for all the advice everyone. I wish it was a local bachelor party and that we could just celebrate on the night before or after. The way it is now means he will be away for the whole long weekend.

    We'll probably end up not doing anything at all which is just disappointing for me, that's all.
  • AddieCakeAddieCake Beyond the Wall member
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 25 Answers
    Yeah, if he will be gone the whole weekend, just go to dinner the weekend before or after to celebrate your anniversary. I'm not trying to say your anniversary isn't important, but you're starting to venture into special snowflake territory IMO. My husband works out of state and is almost never home for anniversaries or major holidays. We manage just fine.
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
    image
    Knottie1452098987
  • Thanks for all the advice everyone. I wish it was a local bachelor party and that we could just celebrate on the night before or after. The way it is now means he will be away for the whole long weekend.

    We'll probably end up not doing anything at all which is just disappointing for me, that's all.


    And you can't celebrate on a Wed, Tues or the following Saturday??

    I don't get it.

    InLoveInQueensSTARMOON44[Deleted User]Knottie1452098987
  • holyguacamole79holyguacamole79 a taco truck in Houston member
    5000 Comments Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    I'd be kind of bummed, too.  I wouldn't get choked up, but I'd be a bit bummed.

    I wouldn't expect his friends to remember our anniversary & schedule around it, though.

    Why not plan a surprise for him to celebrate it when he gets home?
  • Since he didn't check to make sure the date worked for his groomsmen, it's inevitable that it may not work for everyone. But if he really wants to go, I think he should be able to. It's fine to celebrate your anniversary on a different date, a lot of people do that. Sometimes things come up and another day just works better.

    I'm not sure why you are worried about ending up not doing anything at all...just start planning something together! And maybe aim for a date sometime after the bachelor party so you have something to look forward to while he is gone!
  • Where's all the classic "the knot" vitriol about how it's the worst etiquette ever to host your own bachelor party? Or is that level of scorn only reserved for women?
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