Married Ladies - How much extended family did you invite?

bethsmiles · January 2016

FI's family finally gave me a list of who they'd like to invite yesterday. Most of the list was who I expected. I already had his aunts, uncles, cousins, and grandparents on the list. The new ones are some family friends (more than I expected but I figured my parents are inviting some of their friends so FI's parents can too). Today FMIL gave me a second list of even more people she said FI's grandma wants us to add. These are all his dad's cousins and their kids (I don't even know how many of them have SOs). One of the people on the list FI doesn't even know how she is related to him. I just feel like this could really balloon out of control.

We are inviting ONE of my mom's cousins and his family but he is performing the ceremony and my mom is actually close to him and his wife (they talk on the phone on a regular basis and text all the time). Would it be rude to say we don't want to invite FFIL's cousins and their kids but still invite my mom's cousin? Apparently, FI's grandma claims none of these people will come but if they do it's going to make a big difference with the budget for people we hardly even know.

ETA: FILs are not contributing to the wedding at all. They have offered to host the rehearsal dinner and have made comments about potentially covering one or two small (less than a couple hundred dollars) extras for the wedding.

KeptInStitches · January 2016

We invited two or three of my parents' cousins - the ones I'm close to. I think we only invited two of my second cousins. We didn't invite any of H's parents' cousins or his second cousins.

geebee908 · January 2016

First cousins once removed and second cousins wouldn't have made my list, especially if I/FI didn't have a relationship with them.

And it sounds like you FFIL doesn't really have a relationship either if they didn't make the first list. It's not rude to say you can't invite family that far removed in acquaintance to your FI.

Swazzle · January 2016

I invited 2 of my mom's cousins but I am close with them both. I didn't invite the rest of them because my mom and I don't have much of a relationship with them.

H's family is very small and he "knows" them all so we pretty much invited everyone from his side.

[Deleted User] · January 2016

We invited a good amount of family. Most of them were 1st cousins, aunts, uncles, etc...We didn't really go into extended family much past that unless we have a very close relationship with them. For example we invited my great aunts and great uncles since we see them almost every year.

Peaseblossom55 · January 2016

My family is so small but I invited, my aunts, uncles and cousins (all of my grandparents are deceased). H's family is bigger, but I've met all of H's extended family and love them, so we included all of H's aunts/uncles, cousins & their so's, also H's one remaining grandparent. We didn't go beyond that though.

jenna8984 · January 2016

I can't really comment about my wedding because it was 20 guests, immediate family and 2 friends each.

But my brother's wedding was 170 people and he did not invite any family outside my aunts/ uncles/ cousins/ grandparents. I think it's reasonable for you to decline those people while your mom can have her one cousin's family.

labro · January 2016

We invited our first cousins, aunts, uncles, grandparents, and the remaining two sets of great aunts and uncles (because we have a very close relationship with them, they are like second grandparents to us) for my side, and on H's side we did the same with the exception of one uncle and one aunt of my MILs and a cousin (and her family) that my MIL Is especially close to. I didn't realize they were extended extended family otherwise I might've pushed back a little bit but they ended up not coming anyway.

We invited....185 people and had about about 118 actually attend. I'd say 90% of the declines were OOT (plane flight or very long drive) extended family. Obviously you don't want to budget or plan based on that at all, but I did want you to know my experience.

Personally, I think it's totally ok to push back and just tell them you don't have the budget or the room in case these people DO decide to attend. There are some people you'd think in a million years would never ever come. In the case of my MILs aunt, she did come. She had actually moved closer and was living with some other family who was also invited and traveled with them (otherwise she never would have had the money to travel). Sometimes there are people you'd totally expect to come who end up declining. Wedding guest lists are weird.

MissKittyDanger · January 2016

We kept our extended family low-key because Matt has more (family in general) than myself.
Other than immediate relations {uncles, aunts, cousins} we only had family that his step-dad is close to and I made sure it was family that he knew. I had also met them once prior to the wedding.

Our total wedding guests still was under 80

minskat30 · January 2016

I invited some out of town family from the U.S. but kept it at aunts, uncles, first cousins, etc. Most of the out-of-town family didn't come because of the travel but obviously don't bank on that like @labro said. H didn't invite family other than his mom and brother because they are all in India and we knew they wouldn't make the trek (we ended up doing a post-wedding celebration there). If you can't afford it (or frankly, don't want to pay for it), don't let people bump up your guest list. I really liked that the people who came to our wedding (with a few exceptions) were people that are still in our life now and still people we talk to regularly years later.

bethsmiles · January 2016

Thanks for the feedback everyone! I'm going to talk to FI tonight about cutting at least his dad's cousins kids from the list. I was a little worried I was just being silly about not wanting a ton of people neither of us know but it seems like inviting this much extended family is outside the norm and a little bit unreasonable since they aren't even close to FFIL.

500days · January 2016

We invited my first cousins, but not my parent's cousins. We pretty much kept it to aunts, uncles, abuela (grandma) and my cousins. We did the same on my H's side too, since he has similar family circles. I lucked out. Those family members that were not nearby or haven't been in contact with ended up declining. If you can afford it then invite them, but as always- whoever pays gets the say.

jenjen047 · January 2016

My family is much smaller than FIs (I have only 8 1st cousins and haven't talked to 4 of them in 5+ years), however FIs family is also on the other side of the ocean so we knew that would prevent a lot of people from attending. We ended up inviting 3 groups from each of our sides: aunts/uncles being 1 group, 1st cousins being 2nd group, and 1st cousins kids over 18 (I think this is 1st cousin once removed) being 3rd group.

We invited 137 ended up with 101 accepting. I second @labro ....we had people accept that we never in a million years would have expected to attend.

GoldenPenguin · January 2016

We invited 90 with 80 yes RSVPs, and 78 people at the wedding. H is much closer with his family than I am, where I have many more close friends than he does. When we wrote out our lists, his was 90% family, 10% friends, and mine was 90% friends, 10% family.

On my side, it was my immediate family - parents, siblings & SO's, my grandparents (who I knew couldn't travel), and then our closest family friends - my parent's best friends, my godmother (who performed our ceremony), and then my closest friends. H's side was parents, BIL & SIL, aunts, uncles, first cousins, and then a few of his mom's closest friends.

I do wish that I had invited some of my cousins from my dad's side - we aren't super close now, but we grew up together, and I would have liked to have had them there, looking back.

[Deleted User] · January 2016

My extended family is much smaller than my husbands and we needed to keep the guest list under 60, so we invited immediate family (parents & siblings plus partners), grandparents, aunts and uncles and close friends only. Cousins weren't invited (with the exception of one, as she was my Bridesmaid). Cousins alone would have added an additional 30 people (of which only 5 would have been from my family).

ILoveBeachMusic · January 2016

DD invited three of my cousins and their adult children + SOs. The reason behind that was she is close to all of them - more like aunts, uncles and first cousins than distant cousins. I think it is appropriate to invite people with whom you are close - it doesn't matter how you are related to them.

Married Ladies - How much extended family did you invite?

Re: Married Ladies - How much extended family did you invite?

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