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Pick an RSVP date and stick with it

auriannaaurianna member
First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
in Wedding Etiquette Forum
So last month I received an invitation to a mid-February wedding... with a very reasonable RSVP date of Jan 27.
Great! We have some pretty big life changes going on right now so we won't really know if we'll be free until the end of January anyway.

Then tonight I get this email:

"Hey all,
You're getting this email because you're on our master spreadsheet in the "Haven't RSVPed Yet" column.

If you would, please RSVP at *website* so we can get a count of the entree choices for the caterers.  Please do this by Jan 27th or sooner.  Also, it would prevent you from getting more of these annoying emails from us.

We've heard of a few situations of invitations getting lost in the mail.  Sorry about that.  All the details for the wedding are on the website at *Website* and if you have any further questions, please feel free to email one of us.

-Bride and Groom's names"


I'm so beyond annoyed right now. Is it just pregnancy hormones getting the best of me or is this super annoying?
I have to think badgering your guests via form letter for an RSVP when the given RSVP date is still over 2 weeks away and the wedding is over a month away just isn't cool.
And apparently I can expect even more of these charming emails?

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Re: Pick an RSVP date and stick with it

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    softkittywarmkittysoftkittywarmkitty member
    First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its Name Dropper
    I'd have a conversation with her. Friend, I understand your anxious and the wedding is soon, but we just don't know if we will be free until your RSVP date. Sending reminder emails are making feel like I have to choose now and if forced to choose now I'd have to decline. I would hate to say I'd be there then not be able to make it.

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    IamnowmrsjmsIamnowmrsjms member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Answer Name Dropper
    Definitely, annoying.  Just delete the email (and the ones to come) and get your RSVP in by the stated deadline date.  If the bride goes as far as to ring you up about it, then explain that you can't make a decision until "X" date and you will get your RSVP in by the stated date on the invite.
    I didn't get the impression that the OP was feeling "ragey," just annoyed, which is understandable.
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    AddieCakeAddieCake member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    I would just ignore it, RSVP when you are ready (by the deadline), and if she contacts you again about it, tell her then that you will be responding by the deadline they provided.
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
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    banana468banana468 member
    First Answer First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Comment
    She sounds overzealous and hopefully there's no B list.

    In her defense, tracking responses was a PITA since seating charts and final items couldn't beven done until they were in. So while she's out of line, I am mildly sympathetic.
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    JediElizabethJediElizabeth member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    Agree with PPs. She's probably anxious because of the lost invitations, and should have started with that. "We've heard about invitations lost in the mail, and since none of you have RSVPes yet, we wanted to reach out...."

    She did remind you the date was Jan 27, not push it up, so yeah. It sounds like stress making her obnoxious. I wouldn't dwell on it though.
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    downtondivadowntondiva member
    First Anniversary First Comment 5 Love Its Name Dropper
    It's annoying, but I don't think it's anything you need to call your friend over. Just ignore it for now and if she bothers you more directly in the next few days or so, explain that you won't know for sure until the end of January if you can make it.
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    holyguacamole79holyguacamole79 member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    I'm not pregnant and would be annoyed by this.




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    STARMOON44STARMOON44 member
    First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its Name Dropper
    I have no sympathy for people like this! You set a deadline. I will meet it. End of story.

    I'd delete and ignore, and if she calls go with "your RSVP date is 1/27 right? I won't know until then. Bye!"
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    mntravelingmamamntravelingmama member
    5 Love Its First Comment
    I think this is rude.  Ignore it and respond by the RSVP date listed.
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    Jen4948Jen4948 member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    It's annoying and rude, yes. But I'd just tell them, "I got your invitation, and I'm grateful, but I can't respond until the 27th because I just won't know before then whether or not I can attend."
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    hellohkbhellohkb mod
    First Anniversary First Comment 5 Love Its First Answer
    SP29 said:
    It's annoying, but I'm thinking maybe it was sent because of the issue about some lost invitations?

    Though the "so you don't receive more e-mails from us" is the annoying part. If they contact you again, then maybe I'd say something. "Your RSVP date is Jan 27, we will respond by then."
    I agree. I'd also probably add a line like, "We've got a lot going on and we won't know what our schedule will be like until then", etc. Now that my RSVP date just passed and FH and I had to get on the phone a few days after the deadline to contact a few people, I'm slightly sympathetic. But yes, hearing from couples before the due date IS pretty annoying. I had a cousin who did this.


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    auriannaaurianna member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    Don't worry. I'm not ragey; just perpetually grumpy so the extra middle of the night tick-off made me post.

    I'm actually friends with the groom but I don't plan on telling him it annoyed me.
    To ease their minds I just let them know we did get the invitation but won't know about our availability until after baby is born but that I'd be sure to let them know before the 27th.

    I have to wonder though if maybe their caterer drop dead date is the 27th and they didn't think to build a buffer into their RSVP date?

    So... lurkers...

    Get your final caterer date. Set your RSVP date a week to 10 days before that date, depending.
    Leave people alone until the RSVP date. THEN follow up with non-responders.
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    banana468banana468 member
    First Answer First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Comment
    aurianna said:
    Don't worry. I'm not ragey; just perpetually grumpy so the extra middle of the night tick-off made me post.

    I'm actually friends with the groom but I don't plan on telling him it annoyed me.
    To ease their minds I just let them know we did get the invitation but won't know about our availability until after baby is born but that I'd be sure to let them know before the 27th.

    I have to wonder though if maybe their caterer drop dead date is the 27th and they didn't think to build a buffer into their RSVP date?

    So... lurkers...

    Get your final caterer date. Set your RSVP date a week to 10 days before that date, depending.
    Leave people alone until the RSVP date. THEN follow up with non-responders.
    They could just be freaking out.

    I remember that end of the planning crunch and that's also when emotions w/ MIL started to come to a head.   It was just annoying and on top of it, I was frustrated that guests weren't sending in their responses.   One even said, "OH I don't send those in," and I thought, "Then how the fuck am I supposed to know if you're going to attend?!!?"   Since I planned my own wedding, I tried to be a better responder when possible. 
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