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Bridesmaid dilemma

Knottie1433909255Knottie1433909255 member
First Anniversary First Comment
in Wedding Etiquette Forum
I have a bridesmaid that is pregnant.  She is due at the end of July.  We are getting married on Sept. 23, so the bachelorette party will be at the beginning of the month.  We are doing a weekend away (renting a house) and she asked me the other day if she could bring her mom and her newborn with us.  Her mom came with us on hers and they argued the entire time.  All I am picturing in my head is her mom screaming at her for drinking and calling her a bad mom, etc (and neither myself or my fiance really care for her at all).  And in my opinion, a baby does not belong at a bachelorette party.  A few of the other invitees are mothers and for them this be their vacation away.  For the other ladies who don't have kids, I feel like it would be a distraction.  Am I wrong to tell her no?  
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Re: Bridesmaid dilemma

  • frenchiekinfrenchiekin member
    Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its 100 Comments First Answer
    NO.  What @adk19 said.  I wouldn't bring up any of the reasons you listed (she and her mom fighting, the baby being a distraction for everyone) as it will only serve to hurt her feelings or make her super mad.  

    TBH this may turn out to be a non-issue.  I'm not a mother but I can't imagine myself being ready or willing to travel to an OOT b-party in a rented house with a 1-month old... she may change her mind once the baby comes.  Either way, best to nip this in the bud now and just let her know that it's not going to work out, and you understand if she can't make it.  Who is hosting/planning the party?


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  • auriannaaurianna member
    Ninth Anniversary 1000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    edited January 2016
    Her baby will only be a month old. It's understandable that she will not want to be away from the baby for a weekend, especially if she's nursing.

    So you can say exactly what @adk19 has suggested, but definitely be very, very understanding if she inevitably decides not to attend the party (and that she might even have hurt feelings over this).

    ETA: Oh, and definitely don't give the list of reasons. That could cause drama/hurt feelings or open the door for her to try to counter your arguments and get her baby invited. Just be straight, but understanding.


    ETA:
    Though... is she one of the main planners/financiers of this event? Know that if you don't want the baby to come that is within your rights, however it could potentially mean that the party doesn't happen exactly as originally planned.
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  • Knottie1433909255Knottie1433909255 member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    A bunch of the girls are going in together and hosting.  I personally don't see her wanting to leave with the baby either (but she is a recently retired party girl so it wouldn't surprise me).  I don't have kids and wouldn't want to travel with a newborn.  If I was in her positions, I would never have the guts to even ask, knowing that my mom wasn't liked or not.  This is the only thing that has stressed me out during the wedding planning and its really been bugging me.      
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  • banana468banana468 member
    Knottie Warrior 25000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    STARMOON44 said:
    Just say no. It's perfectly fine to say that a bachelorette is not a place for an infant. But do so with the expectation that she won't come, not that she will leave the baby behind. I do think it's fine that she asked though. You're supposed to be close friends, you should be able to handle this convo.
    All of this.

    I'd like to think that for something like a bachelorette when I'm a BM, I'm close enough to talk to the bride.   If I'm only 4 mo pregnant or so (what she must be if she's due in July) then I'm probably so full of emotions and unknown that I wouldn't know what the heck is happening.   

    Just be honest and let her know that the party isn't the right venue for the baby and you're trying to keep it to just girls.   

    Don't let this stress you out.   Let it stress HER out.   By that I mean, the party is supposed to be a fun time out.   If she can't make it then she can't.   Tell her that she can make a decision after the baby comes.   A ton can change between now and then. 
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  • Jen4948Jen4948 member
    Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    Tell her no. "Friend, the bachelorette party invitation is for you only. I'm sorry, but your baby and your mom are not invited. I hope you can make it, but I understand if you can't."
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  • madamerwinmadamerwin member
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary Name Dropper
    STARMOON44 said:
    Just say no. It's perfectly fine to say that a bachelorette is not a place for an infant. But do so with the expectation that she won't come, not that she will leave the baby behind. I do think it's fine that she asked though. You're supposed to be close friends, you should be able to handle this convo.
    I agree with all this, especially the bolded. DO NOT tell her the baby cannot come and then get upset when she inevitably (probably) declines. I would not want to leave a one-month old baby behind, though I would never ask to bring my hypothetical baby to a b-party... In all likelihood she will not attend, but if I were in your situation, I would not want the mom and baby coming either.
    BabyFruit Ticker
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  • drunkenwitchdrunkenwitch member
    Ninth Anniversary 1000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    Absolutely agree with PPs, it's perfectly fine for you to say no to the infant, BUT you have to accept her decline gracefully. 

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  • downtondivadowntondiva member
    Knottie Warrior 1000 Comments 500 Love Its Name Dropper
    You are right that a bachelorette party is not the best place for a baby, and I agree that you should tell her no. Just don't be offended if she chooses to stay home. 

    The stuff about her mother, you should keep to yourself.
    image
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  • flantasticflantastic member
    Knottie Warrior 2500 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    I have a 4 month old baby. I'm pretty sure I would be self-aware enough to know that my baby and mom's presence would be kind of a weird probable-downer to the proceedings, one not worth my presence no matter how much I am loved by the bride. It's just not an appropriate place for those people. So I wouldn't ask.

    But, if she's asking, it means that she either really wants to be there or feels like you expect her there. Say "no, sorry, we can't accommodate the baby and mom, but I understand if that means you can't be there either." Either she'll figure out whether or not she can still make it (in a less lazy way than bringing her babysitter along), or she'll be relieved of any pressure to come.
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