Male Engagement Rings

nerdwife · January 2016

So I saw in the post asking how much was spent on FI/DH's wedding band that a few people brought up that their FI had an engagement ring. My FI has repeatedly said that he wishes he could have one but we didn't really think this was a thing and thought any ring we would get would too strongly resemble a wedding band or be too feminine for him. Did your FI get an engagement ring and, if so, what did it look like? Or if you have just generally seen them, what have you seen?

Thanks so much!

ETA: If he does get one, what happens when we get married? Does he stop wearing the engagement band? He already wears a class ring on his right hand, so it's not really like he could move it over. Unless he ends up preferring the engagement ring? Idk how I feel about him wearing two rings like that. Or, more importantly, how he would feel about it, and I don't want him to feel bad that he ultimately stops wearing the engagement ring.

thisismynickname2 · January 2016

The only time I personally have seen a man with an engagement ring is when the man is gay and engaged to his partner. They both wear a ring.
The couples I know that have had their weddings did not have an additional wedding ring added.

In our patriarchal society it's certainly non-traditional for a woman to give a man an engagement ring, but I love the idea. I wouldn't imagine a second ring would be given (that's a lot of metal for one finger) but maybe prior to the wedding an engraving could be added. Nothing would stop a couple from adjusting the words normally spoken when doing the ring part of a wedding ceremony to adjust for the fact that the ring was already being worn. Instead of, like, "I give you this ring," change it to "this ring will now symbolize," or something like that.

You do you.

thefanciestbeckler · January 2016

I have honestly never heard of men wearing engagement rings, but I will say that DH was dying to wear his wedding band before we got married.

I told him he could if he wanted to, but in the end he decided not to.

Jells2dot0 · January 2016

When I got engaged to my ex-H in 2002, he did not like the idea of having an e-ring, so I bought him a watch instead. It did not come up in conversation with my now H, as how we handled our engagement and wedding was very non-traditional and low key.

labro · January 2016

The only time I've ever heard of a guy getting an e-ring was when I was on the bus the other day and the guy sitting behind us was talking very loudly to his friend about his exact specifications for the e-ring he wanted from his bf. Rose gold (because apparently this is the perfect balance between masculine and feminine?) with a chocolate diamond or diamonds in it.

lyndausvi · January 2016

No I didn't get my DH an e-ring. Honestly, I didn't see the point.

More often than not female e-rings are paired with a wedding band. DH barely wanted a wedding band. An e-ring would be sitting in a drawer after a year on his finger.

I'm not sure many people would see it as an engagement ring anyway.

I really do not care what other's do. If he wants one or you want to give him one. Go for it.

princessleia22 · January 2016

My SIL gave my brother an e-ring. She figured that it wasn't fair that she had to wear a ring symbolizing that she was taken and he didn't have to. When we got engaged, I mentioned it to DH, mostly joking, but he really liked the idea, so we got one for him. We went with a simple band (I think it was titanium) that we found a good deal on. It was basically a wedding band. We probably would have just used the same ring as the wedding band, except during the engagement he decided that he wanted a non-metal ring that was safer for him to wear at work (he's an electrician). If he kept the same ring, we figured that even though he would have worn the ring before the wedding, it would have different meaning to us after the ceremony, so it didn't really matter if it was the same ring or different. He still has the e-ring in a box, but doesn't wear it.

peachy13 · January 2016

DH was really excited to wear his wedding band and sometimes I would catch him admiring it/trying it on before our wedding. It's still fun months after the wedding seeing him wear it.

One comment about DH's male friend who wore an engagement ring before his wedding... his fiancee (now wife) suggested he wore an engagement ring for "practice" ... he said he didn't mind except that almost everyone who encountered him leading up to his wedding asked if he had eloped, so he got kind of sick of explaining that it was an engagement ring... that his fiancee wanted him to wear... for practice.

Maggie0829 · January 2016

peachy13 said:

DH was really excited to wear his wedding band and sometimes I would catch him admiring it/trying it on before our wedding. It's still fun months after the wedding seeing him wear it.

One comment about DH's male friend who wore an engagement ring before his wedding... his fiancee (now wife) suggested he wore an engagement ring for "practice" ... he said he didn't mind except that almost everyone who encountered him leading up to his wedding asked if he had eloped, so he got kind of sick of explaining that it was an engagement ring... that his fiancee wanted him to wear... for practice.

Practice for what?

peachy13 · January 2016

Maggie0829 said:

peachy13 said:

DH was really excited to wear his wedding band and sometimes I would catch him admiring it/trying it on before our wedding. It's still fun months after the wedding seeing him wear it.

One comment about DH's male friend who wore an engagement ring before his wedding... his fiancee (now wife) suggested he wore an engagement ring for "practice" ... he said he didn't mind except that almost everyone who encountered him leading up to his wedding asked if he had eloped, so he got kind of sick of explaining that it was an engagement ring... that his fiancee wanted him to wear... for practice.

Practice for what?

Yeah, we didn't get it either. His fiancee (now wife) is kind of jealous, so everyone just assumed that she asked him to wear it so all the single ladies people would think he was already married.

Maggie0829 · January 2016

peachy13 said:

Maggie0829 said:

peachy13 said:

DH was really excited to wear his wedding band and sometimes I would catch him admiring it/trying it on before our wedding. It's still fun months after the wedding seeing him wear it.

One comment about DH's male friend who wore an engagement ring before his wedding... his fiancee (now wife) suggested he wore an engagement ring for "practice" ... he said he didn't mind except that almost everyone who encountered him leading up to his wedding asked if he had eloped, so he got kind of sick of explaining that it was an engagement ring... that his fiancee wanted him to wear... for practice.

Practice for what?

Yeah, we didn't get it either. His fiancee (now wife) is kind of jealous, so everyone just assumed that she asked him to wear it so all the single ladies people would think he was already married.

Ah yes, because a ring stops single people from hitting on married people. And the ring would most definitely stop that dude from cheating on his FI. This chick be crazy.

I also love people who are crazy jealous and are overly concerned about others hitting on their SO. That to me screams trust issues, because if you trusted your SO then you really shouldn't have any jealously issues. Because who the hell cares if some girl hits on your guy? As long as the guy is all "yeah, sorry, but I am taken" then what does it matter?

peachy13 · January 2016

Maggie0829 said:

peachy13 said:

Maggie0829 said:

peachy13 said:

DH was really excited to wear his wedding band and sometimes I would catch him admiring it/trying it on before our wedding. It's still fun months after the wedding seeing him wear it.

One comment about DH's male friend who wore an engagement ring before his wedding... his fiancee (now wife) suggested he wore an engagement ring for "practice" ... he said he didn't mind except that almost everyone who encountered him leading up to his wedding asked if he had eloped, so he got kind of sick of explaining that it was an engagement ring... that his fiancee wanted him to wear... for practice.

Practice for what?

Yeah, we didn't get it either. His fiancee (now wife) is kind of jealous, so everyone just assumed that she asked him to wear it so all the single ladies people would think he was already married.

Ah yes, because a ring stops single people from hitting on married people. And the ring would most definitely stop that dude from cheating on his FI. This chick be crazy.

I also love people who are crazy jealous and are overly concerned about others hitting on their SO. That to me screams trust issues, because if you trusted your SO then you really shouldn't have any jealously issues. Because who the hell cares if some girl hits on your guy? As long as the guy is all "yeah, sorry, but I am taken" then what does it matter?

Agreed. And what's crazier (and probably mean for me to assume, but it's probably the truth so whatever) is that when his fiancee asked him to wear the engagement ring, he knew he had to say yes. If he had said no for any reason, she would think he wanted to "look single" until their wedding. He probably just said yes to avoid a huge fight. He loves his wife with his whole heart but yeah, she crazy.

princessleia22 · January 2016

peachy13 said:

DH was really excited to wear his wedding band and sometimes I would catch him admiring it/trying it on before our wedding. It's still fun months after the wedding seeing him wear it.

One comment about DH's male friend who wore an engagement ring before his wedding... his fiancee (now wife) suggested he wore an engagement ring for "practice" ... he said he didn't mind except that almost everyone who encountered him leading up to his wedding asked if he had eloped, so he got kind of sick of explaining that it was an engagement ring... that his fiancee wanted him to wear... for practice.

DH got asked that often, too, when he wore his e-ring. He didn't mind explaining to people that it's just an e-ring and has the same symbolism for him as my e-ring has. But, DH also chose to wear the ring, I never pressured him to wear it. I would imagine that explaining it would be less annoying if you are wearing it for your own reasons, as opposed to wearing it for someone else's reasons.

nerdwife · January 2016

Thanks for the responses! I'm thinking of doing something like this ring: https://www.etsy.com/listing/248622900/mountain-ring-inspirational-jewelry-the. We're into hiking and snowshoeing and stuff and FI actually proposed at the top of a mountain on one of our hikes. And he was sick all week leading up to it and I kept saying we don't need to go hiking this weekend, and he kept saying, "but the mountains are calling and we must go!" (it's a John Muir quote and we learned all about him before we went to Yosemite and I even got him some of his writings for his graduation)

So anyway, that ring would have meaning to us. And since it's pretty inexpensive, I don't think it would be a problem to replace it with his wedding ring when it's time. Also, I'm kind of thinking of doing a Monica-style proposal - I mean, obviously we're already engaged, but I think it would be nice if I proposed to him. He's a mushy guy and I think he might like that.

The one thing is still that people might ask/think he's married. I guess he can just explain it to them. And maybe the fact that it has mountains makes it look less like a wedding ring?

I don't know, maybe this is all dumb. I'm all turned around. I tend to get excited about an idea and then sometimes realize it's not actually a very good one #wompwomp

princessleia22 · January 2016

nerdwife said:

Thanks for the responses! I'm thinking of doing something like this ring: https://www.etsy.com/listing/248622900/mountain-ring-inspirational-jewelry-the. We're into hiking and snowshoeing and stuff and FI actually proposed at the top of a mountain on one of our hikes. And he was sick all week leading up to it and I kept saying we don't need to go hiking this weekend, and he kept saying, "but the mountains are calling and we must go!" (it's a John Muir quote and we learned all about him before we went to Yosemite and I even got him some of his writings for his graduation)

So anyway, that ring would have meaning to us. And since it's pretty inexpensive, I don't think it would be a problem to replace it with his wedding ring when it's time. Also, I'm kind of thinking of doing a Monica-style proposal - I mean, obviously we're already engaged, but I think it would be nice if I proposed to him. He's a mushy guy and I think he might like that.

The one thing is still that people might ask/think he's married. I guess he can just explain it to them. And maybe the fact that it has mountains makes it look less like a wedding ring?

I don't know, maybe this is all dumb. I'm all turned around. I tend to get excited about an idea and then sometimes realize it's not actually a very good one #wompwomp

I think that is awesome. I love the idea of getting a ring that has so much meaning to you guys and your engagement. People will still think it's a wedding ring, just because it's on the left ring finger, but that's not the worst thing. The only people who will likely question it are the people close to you that you see regularly and once you've told them all about it (and it's a cute story to tell) then the questions will mostly stop. I'd say go for it. If he decides that he's not comfortable wearing and "engagement ring" he can always wear it on his right hand to avoid getting the questions from people. The ring can still have the same meaning to the two of you without it being on the "wedding finger".

luckya23 · January 2016

nerdwife said:

So I saw in the post asking how much was spent on FI/DH's wedding band that a few people brought up that their FI had an engagement ring. My FI has repeatedly said that he wishes he could have one but we didn't really think this was a thing and thought any ring we would get would too strongly resemble a wedding band or be too feminine for him. Did your FI get an engagement ring and, if so, what did it look like? Or if you have just generally seen them, what have you seen?

Thanks so much!

ETA: If he does get one, what happens when we get married? Does he stop wearing the engagement band? He already wears a class ring on his right hand, so it's not really like he could move it over. Unless he ends up preferring the engagement ring? Idk how I feel about him wearing two rings like that. Or, more importantly, how he would feel about it, and I don't want him to feel bad that he ultimately stops wearing the engagement ring.

My DH had one, although I didn't propose to him with it. I finally got my blue diamond e-ring in June, and when we were at a wedding show in September, he found "the ring" for himself - a tungsten band with black carbon fiber inlay. Knowing how those places mark up men's jewelry, I went on Amazon looking for it, and they had the same one, but in blue carbon fiber, so I ordered that as his engagement ring. It was like $20. He wanted to wear one, but I'm not sure how it came up. Anyway, after a few months, he decided he actually didn't like tungsten (too heavy), and around February decided he wanted a white gold band, so I bought one and he started wearing that pretty much immediately. Although he wavered if he wanted to get a blingy wedding band in addition, that ended up being his only wedding band so far. I don't think he would have still worn the blue band either once he had the black.

Ironically, I got a blingy wedding band, and ended up ordering a plain 3mm tungsten band to wear at the beach, and I wear that one far more often than my real one. I rarely wear my e-ring anymore either.

WinstonsGirl · January 2016

My brother wanted to wear one. He felt that it showed his commitment to SIL as well. If I remember correctly, he just wore his wedding band before they got married, and then used it for the wedding.

nerdwife · January 2016

luckya23 said:

nerdwife said:

So I saw in the post asking how much was spent on FI/DH's wedding band that a few people brought up that their FI had an engagement ring. My FI has repeatedly said that he wishes he could have one but we didn't really think this was a thing and thought any ring we would get would too strongly resemble a wedding band or be too feminine for him. Did your FI get an engagement ring and, if so, what did it look like? Or if you have just generally seen them, what have you seen?

Thanks so much!

ETA: If he does get one, what happens when we get married? Does he stop wearing the engagement band? He already wears a class ring on his right hand, so it's not really like he could move it over. Unless he ends up preferring the engagement ring? Idk how I feel about him wearing two rings like that. Or, more importantly, how he would feel about it, and I don't want him to feel bad that he ultimately stops wearing the engagement ring.

My DH had one, although I didn't propose to him with it. I finally got my blue diamond e-ring in June, and when we were at a wedding show in September, he found "the ring" for himself - a tungsten band with black carbon fiber inlay. Knowing how those places mark up men's jewelry, I went on Amazon looking for it, and they had the same one, but in blue carbon fiber, so I ordered that as his engagement ring. It was like $20. He wanted to wear one, but I'm not sure how it came up. Anyway, after a few months, he decided he actually didn't like tungsten (too heavy), and around February decided he wanted a white gold band, so I bought one and he started wearing that pretty much immediately. Although he wavered if he wanted to get a blingy wedding band in addition, that ended up being his only wedding band so far. I don't think he would have still worn the blue band either once he had the black.

Ironically, I got a blingy wedding band, and ended up ordering a plain 3mm tungsten band to wear at the beach, and I wear that one far more often than my real one. I rarely wear my e-ring anymore either.

I have a black diamond one! And my other favorite was sapphire. I would love to see a picture of yours!

WinstonsGirl said:

My brother wanted to wear one. He felt that it showed his commitment to SIL as well. If I remember correctly, he just wore his wedding band before they got married, and then used it for the wedding.

Yeah, that's what FI wants - to show his commitment the way that I show mine with my ring.

princessleia22 said:

nerdwife said:

I think that is awesome. I love the idea of getting a ring that has so much meaning to you guys and your engagement. People will still think it's a wedding ring, just because it's on the left ring finger, but that's not the worst thing. The only people who will likely question it are the people close to you that you see regularly and once you've told them all about it (and it's a cute story to tell) then the questions will mostly stop. I'd say go for it. If he decides that he's not comfortable wearing and "engagement ring" he can always wear it on his right hand to avoid getting the questions from people. The ring can still have the same meaning to the two of you without it being on the "wedding finger".

Thanks! Yeah, he'll just need to do that thing where you boil down a long story into a couple of sentences. And he can also wear it on his right hand, though I'm not sure that he would want to bump his class ring - he loves that thing.

Now I just need to figure out his ring size. This morning I tried his class ring on and it was just slightly big on my thumb. So I guess I will measure my thumb and then go a size up? He had it easy - I went ring shopping with a friend and she had all the information about my ring size and what rings I liked. There's not really a subtle way to get his.

luckya23 · January 2016

I love your man-gagement ring choice and of course to see someone else in the colored diamond club!

nerdwife · January 2016

luckya23 said:

I love your man-gagement ring choice and of course to see someone else in the colored diamond club!

That's beautiful! It's a really great shade of blue. Are there two bands as part of the engagement ring? It looks great. Do people frequently ask you what it is? I got that a lot at first.

luckya23 · January 2016

nerdwife said:

luckya23 said:

I love your man-gagement ring choice and of course to see someone else in the colored diamond club!

That's beautiful! It's a really great shade of blue. Are there two bands as part of the engagement ring? It looks great. Do people frequently ask you what it is? I got that a lot at first.

I get asked ALL. THE. TIME. lol Or people assume and call it emerald or sapphire.
The diamond is very green-teal, which is my signature color, but nobody says teal diamond

I have a yellow gold spacer band between the rings, both because the wedding band diamonds can chew up the side of the e-ring and because I wanted to get more of the band out from under the halo.
Do you have a pic of yours?

nerdwife · January 2016

luckya23 said:

nerdwife said:

luckya23 said:

I love your man-gagement ring choice and of course to see someone else in the colored diamond club!

That's beautiful! It's a really great shade of blue. Are there two bands as part of the engagement ring? It looks great. Do people frequently ask you what it is? I got that a lot at first.

I get asked ALL. THE. TIME. lol Or people assume and call it emerald or sapphire.
The diamond is very green-teal, which is my signature color, but nobody says teal diamond

I have a yellow gold spacer band between the rings, both because the wedding band diamonds can chew up the side of the e-ring and because I wanted to get more of the band out from under the halo.
Do you have a pic of yours?

I've never inserted pics so hope this works!

YogaSandy · January 2016

There's a backstory to this.

I had a friend in university who was engaged to my other friend in university. Both were students. She had a small diamond (relevant later) in her e-ring. Then her friend from high school gets engaged. Neither of these people (who I didn't know) were students. HS friend apparently gets a rock of a ring. My friend complains to her fiancé that her diamond isn't big enough and people still hit on her because no one thinks it's an e-ring (me and another friend tell her it's because most early 20yos at campus bars don't expect the 20 yo student to be engaged). Anyway, they break up not too long after.

So, DH and I start talking engagement. I'm still in university and working part time in a bakery. A girl I work with was also engaged. She told me her and her fiancé both paid for half her e-ring because it represents a union between the two of them. I told DH I liked this idea. Then I told him I changed my mind. Why should I be the only one to get jewelry? Why only the woman? He wasn't too interested in rings, but he loved (and still does) designer watches. I bought him a Movado watch for our engagement.

And then all his friends thought I was awesome. It was more about me being a feminist (I actually prefer the word equalist) than me trying to be cool or nice.

He doesn't wear it regularly, like I wear my engagement ring. Mostly because of his job. He breaks it out on special occasions or when we go out of town.

Knottie53138218 · January 2016

My fiance is a personal trainer so when he discovered qalo rings he didn't stop talking about them. They're so affordable I ended up buying it for him as a Christmas present, now he wears it as a "mangagement ring." He loves it, I've never seen him take it off. He says people rarely ask and when they do he's never gotten a negative response. It's 2016 and egalitarian marriages are in!

I'm buying him a much nicer ring as a wedding band of course, but he will continue to wear the Qalo when he works/when we travel and it's not practical to bring our expensive rings.

If your husband-to-be wants an engagement ring, go for it! The ring you picked out is awesome, just make sure he likes it of course. Best wishes

SP29 · January 2016

@nerdwife If your FI wants an engagement ring, go for it! That ring you posted is beautiful- and it has meaning to you both. I really like it. As for how to wear it...

My grandparents both have wedding bands, then renewed their vows at 25 and 50 years, where they gave each other new bands. My grandpa wears 3 bands on his ring finger (they are not particularly wide), while my grandma wears 2 on her ring finger and the other on a neighboring finger.

I don't think it really matters what finger he wears it on, both you and he know what it means.

DH is a left-handed engineer, so his iron ring is on his left pinky. He doesn't want to damage his gold wedding band with the iron ring, so he wears the band on his right hand ring finger. Some people ask, and he explains, and they say, "Oh ok, cool".

nerdwife · January 2016

Thanks everyone! I have ordered that ring, so we'll see how it goes! I'm actually kind of nervous... but clearly that's nothing compared to what he must've been feeling when he proposed.

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