We haven't done open letters in a long time

Heffalump · January 2016

I'll kick it off:

Dear Co-worker:

I know jeans are acceptable on Fridays, but jeans + denim shirt = minimum security inmate. Stop doing this. (Every Friday.)

XOXO,
Heffa

httphollywoodmoviecostumescomebaysshawshank21jpg

VarunaTT · January 2016

Dear Diva,

Well, that's the 3rd assistant in 3 years. So yes, I will work for you, but there's going to be some rules in place. I'm not doing the dumb to-do list and I'm not going to be micromanaged. Give me my assignment, the due date, and then STFU while I manage my own work load.

Love,
Varuna

AddieCake · January 2016

Dear Teenage Girls in My Classes:

Your gut is showing in that crop top and leggings combo, and you do not look cute.

Love,
Addie

justsie · January 2016

Dear Fiance;
It's not cute how you eat 6 chicken breasts a day. And lose weight. How do you do that?

I'm Jealous,
Just

Dear You-know-who;
Start doing whats in your job title instead of just relying on the job title to make people listen to you. It would help a lot.

I know it won't change,
Just

holyguacamole79 · January 2016

Dear FIL,
When you ask us to exchange the clothes we got you for Xmas and the clothes still in thr unopened box smells disgustingly like cigarette smoke, it's a sign that you smoke WAY too much.

Guac

Heffalump · January 2016

holyguacamole79 said:

Dear FIL, When you ask us to exchange the clothes we got you for Xmas and the clothes still in thr unopened box smells disgustingly like cigarette smoke, it's a sign that you smoke WAY too much. Guac

My MIL chain smoked, and her husband too. Everything stank. Literally, when we would get a package from them, the outside of the box smelled faintly of secondhand smoke. Think about that. We assume they saved the boxes and they slowly absorbed the odors, because I don't think anyone could smoke so much that a new box would immediately smell like that. But even so: it traveled through the USPS, through at least three states, on and off trucks, through distribution centers, and it still wasn't enough to get rid of the smell.

After a visit, we would leave our luggage in the garage--if we put our clothes in the hamper, the closet would smell like cigarettes. I put everything straight into the wash, and left the suitcases on the porch to air out. Once DD was born, I told DH that was it: our daughter was not sleeping in that environment. We stayed in a hotel, went over and spent the day with them, and then returned to the hotel. Their house was a thirdhand smoke nightmare.

thefanciestbeckler · January 2016

Dear Younger Brother,

Please get your head out of your ass and join the world of adulthood. You're starting to become "that guy".

Love,
Fancy

ETF words

holyguacamole79 · January 2016

Heffalump said:

holyguacamole79 said:

Dear FIL, When you ask us to exchange the clothes we got you for Xmas and the clothes still in thr unopened box smells disgustingly like cigarette smoke, it's a sign that you smoke WAY too much. Guac

My MIL chain smoked, and her husband too. Everything stank. Literally, when we would get a package from them, the outside of the box smelled faintly of secondhand smoke. Think about that. We assume they saved the boxes and they slowly absorbed the odors, because I don't think anyone could smoke so much that a new box would immediately smell like that. But even so: it traveled through the USPS, through at least three states, on and off trucks, through distribution centers, and it still wasn't enough to get rid of the smell.

After a visit, we would leave our luggage in the garage--if we put our clothes in the hamper, the closet would smell like cigarettes. I put everything straight into the wash, and left the suitcases on the porch to air out. Once DD was born, I told DH that was it: our daughter was not sleeping in that environment. We stayed in a hotel, went over and spent the day with them, and then returned to the hotel. Their house was a thirdhand smoke nightmare.

Ew.

When DH & I first started dating, he lived in Austin & would come in to Houston to see me. Since we're old fashioned, he stayed with his parents instead of with me. He would keep his clothes out in his car so that when he came over, his clothes didn't stink of cigarette smoke. At first I thought it was sweet, but unnecessary. Now I just think it's sweet

holyguacamole79 · January 2016

(yes, FIL again)

Dear FIL,
When you arrive at a function and see someone and she says "hi", the proper reply is "hi", not "I already said 'hi'."

Also,
If you know that a woman is dating someone and you see her at a function without him (and you expected to see him), I suggest asking subtly where he is, not yelling across a room full of relatives "So where's the boyfriend?" to which she replies "We broke up last week."

-Guac.

ChelleJayne · January 2016

Dear Supervisors,

I honestly don't want to listen to you heavy metal, polka music, or techno rap all at the same time. Please turn that shit down before I lose it.

Sincerely,

Girl with a super headache because of your music choices

MNNEBride · January 2016

Dear Supervisor,
Please stop micromanaging me this week. I have done all I can to move forward with several projects and am now waiting for others to get back to me.
Thank you for your consideration.

PMeg819 · January 2016

Dear ovaries:

Yes, the baby pictures of DD are adorable. But there is no way we are having another baby. Besides the rest of the body didn't even really like being pregnant. Nerves, muscles, and brain overrule you.

Dear new manager:

Please don't be a dick.

ShesSoCold · January 2016

Dear coworker,

You are not my mother, nor do I want you to be my mother. I am your son's age, yes, but I do not need to be babied or "sweetie"ed or advice on how to grocery shop as he apparently does. I'm capable of being an adult.

Sincerely,

Not my problem your kid's a loser

ChelleJayne · January 2016

ShesSoCold said:

Dear coworker,
You are not my mother, nor do I want you to be my mother. I am your son's age, yes, but I do not need to be babied or "sweetie"ed or advice on how to grocery shop as he apparently does. I'm capable of being an adult.
Sincerely,
Not my problem your kid's a loser

I graduated with one of my co-worker's kids. She treats me as if I were her child and I'm not keen on that. I feel your pain.

*Barbie* · January 2016

ShesSoCold said:

Dear coworker,
You are not my mother, nor do I want you to be my mother. I am your son's age, yes, but I do not need to be babied or "sweetie"ed or advice on how to grocery shop as he apparently does. I'm capable of being an adult.
Sincerely,
Not my problem your kid's a loser

You must work for my boss of ~7 years ago. I was a few years older than her kids, and I think that's basically how she saw me. The comment of "wow, you sound like my mother" did not go over well. She used to micromanage me from Canada - it was insanely annoying. I worked for her before my company was bought - if I hadn't gotten a new boss after the sale, I'd be working somewhere else right now.

thefanciestbeckler · January 2016

Dear coworker,

I do NOT appreciate you throwing me under the bus in an email including hundreds of employees as well as my boss, her boss, and several of the VP's for no reason other than to attempt to make yourself look good. I also do not appreciate the fact that I wasn't even included on the email to explain why your accusations were false.

Fortunately for me and unfortunately for you, nobody believes you.

Sincerely,
Fancy

MesmrEwe · January 2016

Dear WI DOT

While pretreating the Interstate with brine is wonderful during normal winter conditions when a snowstorm is expected, when it's subzero and your brine has aged, it turns the roads into nothing short of a flooded hockey rink. Nearly spinning out on flat sections of road going 40mph 500 feet back from a semi in a pickup with snow tires when you've finally gotten ahead of the actual snow when driving conditions were better on State Highways is NOT cool!

ShesSoCold · January 2016

ChelleJayne said:

ShesSoCold said:

Dear coworker,
You are not my mother, nor do I want you to be my mother. I am your son's age, yes, but I do not need to be babied or "sweetie"ed or advice on how to grocery shop as he apparently does. I'm capable of being an adult.
Sincerely,
Not my problem your kid's a loser

I graduated with one of my co-worker's kids. She treats me as if I were her child and I'm not keen on that. I feel your pain.

HAH I apparently went to school with her kid too! I never knew him. The other day she asked me what I was listening to, then texted her son to see if he liked the band. ...the fuck?

knottie2b256f5c2ae42586 · January 2016

Dear manager,

It'd be great if you started actually giving a fuck about our workplace and caring about cleanliness. It'd be great if you began making some decisions and including me in the running on the business. Oh, it'd also be awesome if you weren't so negative and complained about every customer. If you don't care about the business, then don't be here. Go home!

- Annoyed assistant manager

RlovesR · January 2016

Dear SIL,

It's possible my brother finds the widdle bitsy baby voice charming, but I do not. I am a grown woman, and I don't find it cute when you giggle and tell me that you 'had a teensy oopsy' when you have spilled red wine on my white sofa. Just shut up and get off it so I can clean.

-R

Heffalump · January 2016

RlovesR said:

Dear SIL,

It's possible my brother finds the widdle bitsy baby voice charming, but I do not. I am a grown woman, and I don't find it cute when you giggle and tell me that you 'had a teensy oopsy' when you have spilled red wine on my white sofa. Just shut up and get off it so I can clean.

-R

I don't think someone who says they had a teensy oopsy is big enough to drink wine. I'd give her some juice in a sippy and bust out the Oxy for her oopsy.

Midwest2Texas · January 2016

Dear FI's managers,

Do you not understand that my FI has a screwed up back and needs surgery? Why don't you quit making him load bundles of shingles into houses by hand, especially since his actual job description has him working on a computer all day. While you're at it, why don't you take the time to realize that the extent of his back issue could have been prevented if you had let him work "light duty" instead of ignoring the Doctor's instructions"

-Sincerely, pissed off

6fsn · January 2016

Dear Preschool Grandparents,

We have stood in the same pick up line for 2 years. I see you once a month at the park programs. You live in my neighborhood. We belong to the same pool. Yet every time our girls see each other you are SHOCKED they know each other. You STILL don't recognize me. I'm starting to question if you should be caring for young children.

-anonymous mom

We haven't done open letters in a long time

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