Bridal Shower HELP

Re: Bridal Shower HELP

• flantastic member

  

  January 2016 edited January 2016

  Knottie1441510093 said:

  So I am recently engaged and have had several people offer to throw bridal showers. What is the etiquette on who throws the shower and who gets invite? My Aunt has offered to throw a couple shower with immediate and extended family. My mother's friend is wanting to throw a luncheon for me, that would include my mother's friends and coworkers. My best friend is wanting to throw a lingerie shower , that would include my close friends. My grandmother's friend would like to host one that would include the members of the clubs ( DAR, and Doll ) that she is in. That is where it gets tricky, I know only a few of these ladies and would feel awkward receiving gifts from them. Also, if they are invited to a shower isn't it proper that they be invited to the wedding as well??
  
  

  Thanks  

  Yep, you are correct on the bolded. There is no reason why you actually can't have multiple showers thrown for you, but the guest lists should not overlap (so people don't have pressure to buy you several gifts) and providing a list of potential guests from among the confirmed wedding invitees should be the extent to which you're involved in the planning.
  
  If the host insists on guests not from the wedding guest list, you'll have to decline the shower. If you discover on the day of a shower that non-wedding guests have been invited, though, don't worry - that can look bad on the shower host. You don't have to feel forced to invite them. (My MIL did this.)

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• levioosa member

  

  January 2016

  Anyone invited to a pre-wedding event must also be invited to the wedding itself.  You can have multiple showers, but I would avoid overlap, since it can look very gift grabby.  The host gets to decide how many people he/she can afford to have at the shower, but if they insist on inviting people who will not be invited to the wedding, I would decline.  

  
  

  
  

  

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• lnixon8 member

  

  January 2016

  Ditto PP's but in some cases there are exceptions for the no overlap rule (his mom, your mom, grandmothers, MOH)

  
  
  

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• thisismynickname2 member

  

  January 2016

  Accurate advice above, especially on the fact that all shower invitees must be invited to the wedding. 
  If there are some close relatives- or bridal party members- who could end up on both lists, my suggestion is to notify those folks in advance so they can choose to attend whichever shower is more convenient for them. This has happened to me when I could have been on multiple lists so I appreciated the heads-up. 
  
  This is personal opinion only- you are very lucky to have so many offers, but it's also... a little overkill. I'd decline the lingerie shower with close friends. If people are so inclined to give you sexy stuff they could do it at a bachelorette (assuming one is offered or the original friend changes her mind on type of party). 

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• Maggie0829 member

  

  January 2016

  Knottie1441510093 said:

  So I am recently engaged and have had several people offer to throw bridal showers. What is the etiquette on who throws the shower and who gets invite? My Aunt has offered to throw a couple shower with immediate and extended family. My mother's friend is wanting to throw a luncheon for me, that would include my mother's friends and coworkers. My best friend is wanting to throw a lingerie shower , that would include my close friends. My grandmother's friend would like to host one that would include the members of the clubs ( DAR, and Doll ) that she is in. That is where it gets tricky, I know only a few of these ladies and would feel awkward receiving gifts from them. Also, if they are invited to a shower isn't it proper that they be invited to the wedding as well??
  
  

  Thanks  

  To the bolded, do you actually want to invite your Mom's co-workers and your Grandmother's DAR friends to your wedding?
  
  Personal opinion here but I think 4 showers is a bit much, especially if it includes inviting people that you don't really know.  Showers aren't meant for the masses.  They are usually gatherings of your close friends and family.  And if your Mom's co-workers and your GMom's DAR friends aren't included in that list then I would decline those showers.  And also, personally, I find some of these showers to be more gift grabby then anything.  I mean it is great that all these people want to throw you a shower but it seems like they are doing it more to get you a ton of gifts rather then because it will be a nice party for you to enjoy with your besties.

  
  

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• Knottie1441510093 member

  

  January 2016

  So I do have some say over who would be invited to these parties? Several of my mom's coworkers have been family friends for years and several of my grandma's friends are the same. I would be okay with have a couple small showers but don't wanna seem like I am just out for the gifts.

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• holyguacamole79 member

  

  January 2016

  Knottie1441510093 said:

  So I do have some say over who would be invited to these parties? Several of my mom's coworkers have been family friends for years and several of my grandma's friends are the same. I would be okay with have a couple small showers but don't wanna seem like I am just out for the gifts.

  You can absolutely decline a shower . Also, usually the host will ask you for the guest list.

  
  
  
  
  

  

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• Knottie1441510093 member

  

  January 2016

  Thank you soo much for this information !

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• drunkenwitch member

  

  January 2016

  What is DAR and Doll?

  

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• artbyallie mod

  

  January 2016

  drunkenwitch said:

  What is DAR and Doll?

  Not sure about the other but DAR = Daughters of the American Revolution.

  

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• Maggie0829 member

  

  January 2016

  Knottie1441510093 said:

  So I do have some say over who would be invited to these parties? Several of my mom's coworkers have been family friends for years and several of my grandma's friends are the same. I would be okay with have a couple small showers but don't wanna seem like I am just out for the gifts.

  You do have some say, but in the end the host of the party has final say over the guest list.  So you could say that you want to invite X, Y and Z but the host could still invite whomever she wants without your permission.

  
  

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• [Deleted User] member

  

  January 2016

  Maggie, your siggie makes me want to cry.

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• MesmrEwe member

  

  January 2016

  Knottie1441510093 said:

  So I do have some say over who would be invited to these parties? Several of my mom's coworkers have been family friends for years and several of my grandma's friends are the same. I would be okay with have a couple small showers but don't wanna seem like I am just out for the gifts.

  
  You could respectfully decline a formal shower and suggest an afternoon tea to celebrate the engagement as not to blur the invite lines/gift grabbiness... 

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