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XP - Reception for Family & Bridal party only?

Knottie56578649Knottie56578649 member
in Wedding Etiquette Forum
I'm having a destination wedding in Bahamas in a couple of months. We are still debating on the location of the reception and cost is a huge factor for the reception. As private dinner requires additional cost per person and site rental fee, we are considering a semi-private dinner at one of their restaurant. HOWEVER, the semi-private dinner at the restaurant can only accommodate up to 40 people max. We have about 42-45. 

My question is, would it be offensive or inconsiderate (or whatever word you want to use) if we were to have cocktail hours/reception for all our guest and dinner with our family and bridal party only? 
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Re: XP - Reception for Family & Bridal party only?

  • holyguacamole79holyguacamole79 member
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    Knottie56578649 said:
    I'm having a destination wedding in Bahamas in a couple of months. We are still debating on the location of the reception and cost is a huge factor for the reception. As private dinner requires additional cost per person and site rental fee, we are considering a semi-private dinner at one of their restaurant. HOWEVER, the semi-private dinner at the restaurant can only accommodate up to 40 people max. We have about 42-45. 

    My question is, would it be offensive or inconsiderate (or whatever word you want to use) if we were to have cocktail hours/reception for all our guest and dinner with our family and bridal party only? 
    Yes, this would be rude.  




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  • Jen4948Jen4948 member
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    Yes. Everyone has to be invited to the whole thing.
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  • STARMOON44STARMOON44 member
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    This is incredibly rude! How can you not see that on your own?!?
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  • CMGragainCMGragain member
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    If you can't afford to have a proper destination wedding, then don't have one.  Get married at home.
    httpiimgurcomTCCjW0wjpg
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  • ScottishSarahScottishSarah member
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    edited January 2016
    That's disgraceful sorry OP.  I hope this is a troll.  If not it's another SS who is having a destination wedding because "It's so much cheaper" (for them).

    You HAVE to hire the private dining room.  
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  • Maggie0829Maggie0829 member
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    I really don't understand how anyone could even think that this would be okay.

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  • sparklepants41sparklepants41 member
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    How is this even a question????
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  • ScottishSarahScottishSarah member
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    Op, (if you're still here) sorry if these responses came across as harsh, I'm sure mine did.

    The reason for this is, it's a very emotional subject, and it's very hard for some of us not to see ourselves in the position of the guests that haven't made the cut.  I know it would hurt me terribly to be made to have dinner alone from the rest of the group when I had travelled all that way to share your special day with you.

    Please reconsider your plans and look into the private dining area, it could be an incredible end to your day!  And no guilt about who you have to exclude.
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  • madamerwinmadamerwin member
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    edited January 2016
    OP, please listen to everyone's advice. These people, your guests, are paying a shitload of money to travel to the Bahamas to watch you get married. I am guessing that your bridal party and family will be a good chunk of your guests, so to invite basically half of your wedding guests to dinner while leaving the rest to fend for themselves is rude. The people who were not invited to dinner will find out that they didn't make the cut, and they will be justifiably offended. Especially considering how much it costs to attend a destination wedding, the least you could do is host everyone equally and for the entire duration.

    How would you feel if you dropped a bunch of cash and used your vacation days to attend a destination wedding, only to find out that you were not important enough to the couple to be hosted properly? You would feel like shit.

    Caveat: (This may be an UO, but within etiquette...) I would say, if you were having a large wedding in your hometown, and everyone was local, and the wedding was early in the day, it would be okay to have a cake/punch/appetizers reception after your ceremony and then, way later in the day, a private dinner for your family and bridal party. It's just that that dinner would not be part of the reception; it would be a separate event with a separate invitation. But with 45 guests at a DW, it is NOT okay to invite only half of them to a hosted dinner.

    Either cut your guest list so you can afford to host everyone properly, or take a look at your budget to figure out how to make it work.

    ETA: Is this an all-inclusive? If I understand correctly, you are not doing a private meal because it requires a cost per person in addition to the AI cost, correct? So, a semi-private meal is a way for you to avoid paying for... ANYONE'S meal? Basically, I read this as you don't actually want to pay for your reception, so instead you can basically rent out a portion of a restaurant for 40 guests, who will be paying for their own meals (because all-inclusive). NONE of this is okay. YOU need to host, which means pay for, everyone's meal. You cannot defer the costs to your guests. You cannot tell a handful of people that "sorry, since space is limited for this 'semi-private' meal, you can go eat somewhere else." No.
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  • pinkcow13pinkcow13 member
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    This is beyond rude. Please get this idea out of your head, and figure out a way to make it work. You're asking people to take vacation time, pay thousands of dollars on airfare and hotel stays, etc. to attend your wedding, and then you're just going to host them for an hour or 2, afterwards go off to a private dinner? What will you tell people when you and the parents and bridal party leave? How do you think people will feel once they inevitably find out? 

    Also, I'm assuming a lot of these guests are some of your closest friends and family since they're sacrificing a lot to watch you get married. I honestly cannot even fathom leaving some of my closest childhood friends, my closest friends from work who made Thirsty Thursday a tradition, aunts and uncle's, my favorite cousin who used to take me out on South Beach behind while I went off to dinner after the wedding, with the parents and bridal party. Seriously? 
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  • YogaSandyYogaSandy member
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    JoanE2012 said:


    Knottie56578649 said:

    I'm having a destination wedding in Bahamas in a couple of months. We are still debating on the location of the reception and cost is a huge factor for the reception. As private dinner requires additional cost per person and site rental fee, we are considering a semi-private dinner at one of their restaurant. HOWEVER, the semi-private dinner at the restaurant can only accommodate up to 40 people max. We have about 42-45. 

    My question is, would it be offensive or inconsiderate (or whatever word you want to use) if we were to have cocktail hours/reception for all our guest and dinner with our family and bridal party only? 

    I can't believe you are even questioning this.  How would you feel if you paid all this money for hotel, air, etc and the bride and groom wouldn't even pay for your DINNER?  This is incredibly rude.  If cost is a huge factor, why in the world did you pick a destination wedding in the Bahamas?


    You're saying, "it's too expensive for me to feed you, but I want you to spend thousands of dollars to come to my wedding. But I won't but you supper. After you spent thousands."
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  • drunkenwitchdrunkenwitch member
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    So, she posts the same (inflammatory) topic on 3 boards and hasn't been back. Hmmm... I'll just leave this here


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