We're in the wedding party and bachelor party is on our anniversary

Re: We're in the wedding party and bachelor party is on our anniversary

• MobKaz member

  

  January 2016

  seethosestars said:

  My DH and I are in the wedding party of our good friends. Unfortunately the groom just told my DH he has picked the date for his destination bachelor party - and it falls on our 5 year wedding anniversary. I'm pretty choked up about it - any other year and I would have been fine to post-pone our own celebrations but 5 years feels like such a milestone. I don't mean to be selfish but it feels wrong to make light of our anniversary by saying "he'll only get married once" etc while justifying missing our own anniversary. I haven't asked my DH to make a fuss about it but he did mention the coinciding dates to the groom who simply replied "oh right I forgot that was that weekend!" What should we do?

  What does your husband want to do?  The only opinions that really matter are yours and his.
  

  Report2 Reply
• JediElizabeth member

  

  January 2016

  seethosestars said:

  My DH and I are in the wedding party of our good friends. Unfortunately the groom just told my DH he has picked the date for his destination bachelor party - and it falls on our 5 year wedding anniversary. I'm pretty choked up about it - any other year and I would have been fine to post-pone our own celebrations but 5 years feels like such a milestone. I don't mean to be selfish but it feels wrong to make light of our anniversary by saying "he'll only get married once" etc while justifying missing our own anniversary. I haven't asked my DH to make a fuss about it but he did mention the coinciding dates to the groom who simply replied "oh right I forgot that was that weekend!" What should we do?

  To the bolded - did he say this, or is this what you two are saying privately in order to rationalize celebrating your anniversary later?
  
  Also, was the groom at your wedding 5 years ago? Did he (or the host) check in with his groomsmen about what days would be good for them, and what days wouldn't? 
  
  TBH, he will only get married once. And he'll have one day, which you and your husband will be at and celebrate with him and his new wife. He's not getting married on this bachelor party weekend, and as such, I wouldn't make attendance as important in my social calendar. In your husband's shoes, I'd skip it, send my regrets, and try to take him out for a round of drinks locally the next weekend or something instead.

  Report6 Reply
• Blue_Bird member

  

  January 2016

  Ultimately, it's up to your husband,but were I in his shoes, I'd skip it without a thought. This is NOT a big deal AT ALL.
  

  Report2 Reply
• artbyallie mod

  

  January 2016

  Do you have plans for your anniversary? This year is our 5th as well, but we went to Puerto Rico for our 3rd and last year celebrated 10 years total together in New Orleans so we're not going to be terribly disappointed if this year ends up being more low-key or even not exactly on our anniversary.
  
  On the other hand, I'm not sure either of us would deliberately choose to do something that would keep us apart on that day. How does your H feel about it? What does he want to do?

  

  Report1 Reply
• Maggie0829 member

  

  January 2016

  Going to the bach party is not a requirement.  But honestly, if my H really wanted to go to his friends bach party I would tell him to have a good time and then he and I would celebrate our anniversary at a later date.  I mean what did you want your H to do?  Tell everyone that the date of the bach party had to be changed because that was his anniversary.  Sorry, but no one else cares that much about your anniversary.
  
  So in the end, your H can either not go to the party or you two could celebrate your anniversary at a later time.

  
  

  Report11 Reply
• lyndausvi mod

  

  January 2016

  I would tell him to have a good time.  Assuming he wanted to go.
  
  I get being disappointed, but I do not get being choked up about it.  

  
  

  
  

  
  

  
  

  
  

  
  

  What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests.  Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated. 
  

  Report13 Reply
• banana468 member

  

  January 2016

  lyndausvi said:

  I would tell him to have a good time.  Assuming he wanted to go.
  
  I get being disappointed, but I do not get being choked up about it.  

  This. I feel like it really depends on what's going on and the event.
  
  Ex: If the bachelor party for DH's friend falls on my birthday, I'm going to be sad if he goes to the party and he makes up for it another night. I'll make plans to do something else. But if his weekly trivia night is on my birthday, I'd ask that he stay home and miss out on it for the one night.
  
  It's all a scale IMO. From my perspective, you got married already. Sure it's your anniversary but what if they DID schedule their wedding on that day?
  
  I think you and your DH need to figure out which is more important and if you are willing to celebrate on another day. But it should be a mutual decision. It's going to sound silly if your DH says, "Sorry dude I can't make your bachelor party. The wife's really bummed about me missing our anniversary."

  Report3 Reply
• thisismynickname2 member

  

  January 2016

  May I presume this party is a Saturday night and your 5 year anniversary is a Saturday night?
  
  If it were me and my husband, I'd tell him to go to the party and celebrate our anniversary on either Friday night or Sunday night. If we were thinking of taking a trip, I wouldn't mind working a trip around that, costs being taken into consideration. 
  
  Occasions should be celebrated but I've never been concerned about celebrating the occasion ON that day. What if your anniversary was a Wednesday? You'd probably be at work. Woo hoo, party!
  
  And we both think bachelor/ette parties are really fun. For close friends, we wouldn't want to miss those. 

  ________________________________

  
  

  
  

  Report3 Reply
• Jen4948 member

  

  January 2016

  Had you already committed to other plans before he got the bachelor party invitation? If so, your husband can simply decline the bachelor party invitation. Otherwise, he can decline to attend the bachelor party if he really doesn't feel like going, or he can try to work out sosome way he can attend the party and celebrate your anniversary with you - maybe on another day soon before or after your anniversary.

  Report2 Reply
• lembaslover member

  

  January 2016 edited January 2016

  Honestly I don't see what the big deal is. I wouldn't expect my friends to change a big event like that b/c it's my anniversary. It's hard enough getting schedules together. Your marriage and wedding anniversary don't mean less because you are celebrating a few days or a week before or after... And if he is the one who doesn't want to miss your anniversary then that's fine, he can decline the bachelor party and you celebrate as planned.
  
  If he goes and you're bummed about it just have a girlfriend over for wine and movies or go out with some other friends that way you aren't just sitting around alone and upset that he's missing your anniversary.
  
  EDT for spelling

  

  Report6 Reply
• CMGragain member

  

  January 2016 edited January 2016

  I spent my  first wedding anniversary negotiating a real estate deal. $$$$ No biggie.  We went out the following night.
  My 40th wedding anniversary is coming up, and we hardly celebrate any more.  It is coincidence that we will be on a river cruise in Provence this year.  These things are less important when you get older and have been married longer.  I think you are placing too much emphasis on a calendar date.
  

  

  Report8 Reply
• STARMOON44 member

  

  January 2016

  Celebrate on another day.

  Report0 Reply
• lyndausvi mod

  

  January 2016 edited January 2016

  1st anniversary - DH sick as a dog.  I went out with friends.  DH like to be left alone when he is sick.   I saw no need for me to be around.   
  
  2-3  no idea.
  
  4 drove from College Station, Tx to NOLA (7+ hours)
  
  5   dinner a few days after because DH had to work.
  
  6 - SIL's wedding
  
  7 - night out in Aspen with some friends and random people.  People kept picking up our tab.  Which was cool.
  
  
  
  My parents celebrated their 40th anniversary a few months later.  Why?  Because I got married the day before their anniversary which was OOT for them.    They postponed the Panama Cruise they had tentatively planned a few months as a result.
  
  
  It's cool if you can get together and do something special.  But sometimes life gets in the way.   Doesn't make it any less of a milestone because you had to celebrate on a different day. 
  
  

  
  

  
  

  
  

  
  

  
  

  
  

  What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests.  Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated. 
  

  Report4 Reply
• [Deleted User] member

  

  January 2016

  In my family we're big into rescheduling things like holidays and birthdays, I'm sure anniversaries will be no different.  Saturday we'll be flying to LA for Christmas on Sunday.  We couldn't all be together on December 25th, so we rescheduled Christmas for January 17th this year.  This will not make the day any less special.  We will still be having an amazing Surf and Turf dinner on the 16th and have a day of opening presents and playing with Legos on the 17th.  I love Christmas and am looking so forward to this. 
  
  Plan something now for the weekend or day before or after your "Actual" anniversary and you'll look forward to that too.  And maybe you'll even look forward to that manicure and wine date with a girlfriend while your husband is at his friend's bachelor party.

  Report2 Reply
• JoanE2012 member

  

  January 2016

  scribe95 said:

  Yeah, when our anniversary is during the week we celebrate a few days before or after so I would do that for this situation as well. 

  Ditto.  We don't feel the need to celebrate our anniversary on the exact day.  I'd tell my DH to go and enjoy and we'd celebrate the weekend before or after.  

  Report2 Reply
• seethosestars member

  

  January 2016

  Thanks for all the advice everyone. I wish it was a local bachelor party and that we could just celebrate on the night before or after. The way it is now means he will be away for the whole long weekend.
  
  We'll probably end up not doing anything at all which is just disappointing for me, that's all.

  Report0 Reply
• STARMOON44 member

  

  January 2016

  seethosestars said:

  Thanks for all the advice everyone. I wish it was a local bachelor party and that we could just celebrate on the night before or after. The way it is now means he will be away for the whole long weekend.
  
  We'll probably end up not doing anything at all which is just disappointing for me, that's all.

  Why can't you plan a celebration the weekend before or after then?

  Report6 Reply
• lyndausvi mod

  

  January 2016

  seethosestars said:

  Thanks for all the advice everyone. I wish it was a local bachelor party and that we could just celebrate on the night before or after. The way it is now means he will be away for the whole long weekend. We'll probably end up not doing anything at all which is just disappointing for me, that's all.

  Oh please.  It seems like you would prefer to play the martyr card instead of thinking outside of the box.
  
  
  

  
  

  
  

  
  

  
  

  
  

  
  

  What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests.  Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated. 
  

  Report14 Reply
• AddieCake member

  

  January 2016

  Yeah, if he will be gone the whole weekend, just go to dinner the weekend before or after to celebrate your anniversary. I'm not trying to say your anniversary isn't important, but you're starting to venture into special snowflake territory IMO. My husband works out of state and is almost never home for anniversaries or major holidays. We manage just fine.

  What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14

  

  Report1 Reply
• banana468 member

  

  January 2016

  seethosestars said:

  Thanks for all the advice everyone. I wish it was a local bachelor party and that we could just celebrate on the night before or after. The way it is now means he will be away for the whole long weekend.
  
  We'll probably end up not doing anything at all which is just disappointing for me, that's all.

  
  And you can't celebrate on a Wed, Tues or the following Saturday??
  
  I don't get it.
  
  

  Report4 Reply
• holyguacamole79 member

  

  January 2016

  I'd be kind of bummed, too.  I wouldn't get choked up, but I'd be a bit bummed.
  
  I wouldn't expect his friends to remember our anniversary & schedule around it, though.
  
  Why not plan a surprise for him to celebrate it when he gets home?

  
  
  
  
  

  

  Report0 Reply
• lyndausvi mod

  

  January 2016 edited January 2016

  holyguacamole79 said:

  I'd be kind of bummed, too.  I wouldn't get choked up, but I'd be a bit bummed.
  
  I wouldn't expect his friends to remember our anniversary & schedule around it, though.
  
  Why not plan a surprise for him to celebrate it when he gets home?

  I'm getting that she expects her husband to be the one who initiates everything.    She also seems like the one who will say "it's okay" for him to go, then puts him on secret double probation for actually going.
  
  New flash - wives can plan anniversary celebrations.  You can do it in the days before or after the anniversary.  You can hid a card, gift in his suitcase for the actual day.  You can make your own plans to get excited over.
  
  Sadly I think she would prefer to be disappointed instead of making the best of the situation.
  
  
  

  
  

  
  

  
  

  
  

  
  

  
  

  What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests.  Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated. 
  

  Report7 Reply
• Knottie1452468758 member

  

  January 2016

  Since he didn't check to make sure the date worked for his groomsmen, it's inevitable that it may not work for everyone. But if he really wants to go, I think he should be able to. It's fine to celebrate your anniversary on a different date, a lot of people do that. Sometimes things come up and another day just works better.
  
  I'm not sure why you are worried about ending up not doing anything at all...just start planning something together! And maybe aim for a date sometime after the bachelor party so you have something to look forward to while he is gone!

  Report0 Reply
• [Deleted User] member

  

  February 2016

  Where's all the classic "the knot" vitriol about how it's the worst etiquette ever to host your own bachelor party? Or is that level of scorn only reserved for women?

  Report0 Reply
• glasgowtolondon member

  

  February 2016

  Knottie1455576458 said:

  Where's all the classic "the knot" vitriol about how it's the worst etiquette ever to host your own bachelor party? Or is that level of scorn only reserved for women?

  Christ, who pissed on your chips today? The op only mentions that the groom has picked a date for his batchelor party, not that he is hosting it.
  

               

  Report13 Reply