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Emily Post, and etiquette history/philosophy

classyduckclassyduck member
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edited January 2016 in Wedding Etiquette Forum
Since my wedding (and joining these excellent boards) I've taken an interest in etiquette. I've read about it a bit since then. I'm still working through all of Judith Martin's stuff, but I also picked up a few pieces of the Emily Post Institute brand.

While advice of Emily Post Institute on etiquette generally seems sound... I run into things that seem to contrast starkly with what I have come to understand as good etiquette from these forums and also etiquette masters like Judith Martin. Some of it makes me cringe a little (the main one that comes to mind is the expectation that wedding guests and wedding party members provide a gift to the bridal couple)

Recently, I went to an engagement party and gifted Martin's book on wedding etiquette to the bride-to-be... and joked that I couldn't abide her reading anything by Emily Post Institute! Hah, I can't say its as bad as all that, but in general, I don't trust that advice so well.

Does anyone else here have an opinion on Emily Post? I know she died in 1960, so I wonder if her Institute has simply had poorer standards of etiquette than she did?
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Re: Emily Post, and etiquette history/philosophy

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    Blue_BirdBlue_Bird member
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    The "Emily Post Institute" and anything they write is based on little more than attitudes that are growing in popularity, not true etiquette.
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    CMGragainCMGragain member
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    edited January 2016
    Emily Post wrote the first popular American book that guided people to polite behavior.  She is probably rolling in her grave over what her great-grandchildren have made of her legacy.  I use that book with great caution.  I know that many of the invitation wordings that are suggested (after the traditional ones are given) are just not specific enough for a wedding invitation.  ("invite you to share the love....")
    Another etiquette queen from that era was Amy Vanderbilt.  I still have her book which is dated, but still has good advice.
    Judith Martin "Miss Manners" is the newcomer to the etiquette scene, but her outlook is strictly old school.  This is a great advantage to budget brides, because she frowns on excessive displays that are sometimes features of high budget weddings.  She is also very funny!  She writes an advice column for the Washington Post, and has graduated to book writing.  One of my favorite quotes is from years ago.  A reader asked her "How do you properly walk in high heeled shoes?"  Her response was "Left, right, left right."
    httpiimgurcomTCCjW0wjpg
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    JediElizabethJediElizabeth member
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    classyduck said:

    Since my wedding (and joining these excellent boards) I've taken an interest in etiquette. I've read about it a bit since then. I'm still working through all of Judith Martin's stuff, but I also picked up a few pieces of the Emily Post Institute brand.

    While advice of Emily Post Institute on etiquette generally seems sound... I run into things that seem to contrast starkly with what I have come to understand as good etiquette from these forums and also etiquette masters like Judith Martin. Some of it makes me cringe a little (the main one that comes to mind is the expectation that wedding guests and wedding party members provide a gift to the bridal couple)

    Recently, I went to an engagement party and gifted Martin's book on wedding etiquette to the bride-to-be... and joked that I couldn't abide her reading anything by Emily Post Institute! Hah, I can't say its as bad as all that, but in general, I don't trust that advice so well.

    Does anyone else here have an opinion on Emily Post? I know she died in 1960, so I wonder if her Institute has simply had poorer standards of etiquette than she did?

    How was the bolded received by the bride-to-be? I guess it's a know-your-crowd thing, but I'm curious about how people would accept a gift like that.
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    classyduckclassyduck member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Comment Name Dropper
    edited January 2016
    She didn't really say much, but *seemed* ok with it. I did comment that I found Judith Martin's advice to be VERY helpful and extremely informative when I was planning my wedding, and so I hoped she found it helpful as well. Her mother likes to preach about etiquette, but from what I've heard, she actually doesn't know what she's talking about. So I thought maybe this would help her defend against bad advice from her mother as well! Of course I didn't say that, though. :)

    I did think about whether or not the gift would be misinterpreted, but we have had conversations about how interesting I found etiquette to be when I was wedding planning, so I think (hope) she understood my position.

    However, I don't think she's actually read it. :/ She's kind of a bridezilla already.
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    Jen4948Jen4948 member
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    JediElizabeth said:
    Since my wedding (and joining these excellent boards) I've taken an interest in etiquette. I've read about it a bit since then. I'm still working through all of Judith Martin's stuff, but I also picked up a few pieces of the Emily Post Institute brand.

    While advice of Emily Post Institute on etiquette generally seems sound... I run into things that seem to contrast starkly with what I have come to understand as good etiquette from these forums and also etiquette masters like Judith Martin. Some of it makes me cringe a little (the main one that comes to mind is the expectation that wedding guests and wedding party members provide a gift to the bridal couple)

    Recently, I went to an engagement party and gifted Martin's book on wedding etiquette to the bride-to-be... and joked that I couldn't abide her reading anything by Emily Post Institute! Hah, I can't say its as bad as all that, but in general, I don't trust that advice so well.

    Does anyone else here have an opinion on Emily Post? I know she died in 1960, so I wonder if her Institute has simply had poorer standards of etiquette than she did?
    How was the bolded received by the bride-to-be? I guess it's a know-your-crowd thing, but I'm curious about how people would accept a gift like that.
    I received a Judith Martin "Miss Manners" book as a gift when I was about 13, and I loved it.  I still have it and still refer to it.
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