Throwing a Bridal Shower

PeaTrok · January 2016

What is the etiquette for throwing (or not throwing) a bridal shower for a bride-to-be that has lived with her fiance/boyfriend for five years and they have a three year old together??? They have everything for the home already...
I figured you just fore-go the shower but i may be totally irrational! HELP!
PS. I am a bridesmaid and another bridesmaid is gung-ho about throwing a big party!

AddieCake · January 2016

There's no etiquette for this different from any shower, unless they aren't planning to register. Or it could be a themed shower like a recipe shower or household cleaning product shower or entertainment shower for games, restaurant gift cards, etc.

artbyallie · January 2016

"Bride, we are (or I am, if it's just one of you) interested in throwing a bridal shower for you. Can I get a guest list please?"

This gives the opening for Bride to accept or decline the shower as she chooses.

PeaTrok · January 2016

Well the bride knows of the plans and definitely hasn't declined!

jacques27 · January 2016

You are not required to throw a shower. Anyone can offer to throw a shower - so it doesn't have to be "all the bridesmaids". If other bridesmaid is gung-ho, then other bridesmaid can offer to be the host and the bride and accept/decline as she sees fit. You are free to stay out of it. If the bride wasn't planning on registering or doesn't want physical gifts though, then a shower wouldn't be appropriate at all (i.e. asking for cash or gift cards would not be appropriate for a shower).

STARMOON44 · January 2016

PeaTrok said:
Well the bride knows of the plans and definitely hasn't declined!

You can be involved or not involved as you would like, but there's nothing wrong with a shower just because they've lived together and have a kid and you sound very judgmental of your friend. Lots of people getting married already have stuff and still register and have showers. You don't have to help or attend but their plans aren't rude.

kimmiinthemitten · January 2016

Out of curiosity, why do you think it's inappropriate for people who already have stuff to have a shower?

banana468 · January 2016

kimmiinthemitten said:
Out of curiosity, why do you think it's inappropriate for people who already have stuff to have a shower?

This. Is there an age that you stop supporting showers? What if the bride drives a nice car? If she has a low mortgage?

I'm not sure if you intend to come across this way but I imagine that you wrote this from up on a rather high horse.

AddieCake · January 2016

Yeah, my husband and I had everything we needed when we got married. I declined a shower but we still registered. We had a toaster. We wanted a 4-slice one. We had towels. We wanted different towels. And so on.

redoryx · January 2016

banana468 said:

Out of curiosity, why do you think it's inappropriate for people who already have stuff to have a shower?
This. Is there an age that you stop supporting showers? What if the bride drives a nice car? If she has a low mortgage? I'm not sure if you intend to come across this way but I imagine that you wrote this from up on a rather high horse.

Seriously. When my SO and I get married we'll have been living together for awhile in a combined household. We're in our mid-30s but much of our household items are still from our college days or when we were broke and in our twenties. There's nothing wrong with seeing it as an opportunity to upgrade some things.

JoanE2012 · January 2016

PeaTrok said:

What is the etiquette for throwing (or not throwing) a bridal shower for a bride-to-be that has lived with her fiance/boyfriend for five years and they have a three year old together??? They have everything for the home already... I figured you just fore-go the shower but i may be totally irrational! HELP! PS. I am a bridesmaid and another bridesmaid is gung-ho about throwing a big party!

JIC

OP - I was on my own for over a decade before getting married and had many things. That didn't mean my now DH and I couldn't use stuff. We upgraded things we had and added stuff that we still didn't own yet to our registry.

drunkenwitch · January 2016

It's simple, if the bride wants a shower and someone wants to throw her one, then you have shower.

lembaslover · January 2016

OP chances are if they have a 3 yr old they've went without some things that would be useful around a house or they have some stuff that is worn out and it would be nice to get new.

Without kids my now husband and I had enough stuff to make a house run and had been on our own for the last ~5 years but there was still some stuff we wanted or needed to replace so we registered.

You don't need to be involved in throwing her a shower but since this is a friend you should show her the respect of trying to see it from her perspective and not being judgmental if she does accept a shower that someone is excited to throw for her.

tigerlily6 · January 2016

We also have been on our own for some time, so we don't really have any NEEDS for starting a household. I had been feeling weird about registering that people might judge, and I guess some people might. But other PPs on both this post and an earlier one of mine have helped reassure that it's normal and not inappropriate to register in such a situation. The way I see it, a registry is basically a suggested list of possible gifts for those wishing to give something, so they can determine what the bride and groom might find useful or nice to have. It's not a list of demanded gifts -- that would be rude. If OP's bride is acting entitled to a shower or lots of gifts, then I might get where OP is coming from feeling a bit disgruntled.

RachelR1977+RB · January 2016

My mom has been teasing me about having "the weirdest registry ever" but I'm kind of in the same situation where we've got a house full of stuff already, so the stuff that we NEED is really just edge cases of things, and the stuff that we'd LIKE is upgrades to what we've already got. But I hated to not register at all, cuz then who knows what we'd get.

so, our registry has a salt spreader and a bag of ice melter, and an electric snow shovel and a non-slip carpet mat on it. We're moving from an apt building to an actual house, and totally don't own outdoorsy things. It may be weird, but so be it.

frenchiekin · January 2016

redoryx said:

banana468 said:

Out of curiosity, why do you think it's inappropriate for people who already have stuff to have a shower?
This. Is there an age that you stop supporting showers? What if the bride drives a nice car? If she has a low mortgage? I'm not sure if you intend to come across this way but I imagine that you wrote this from up on a rather high horse.

Seriously. When my SO and I get married we'll have been living together for awhile in a combined household. We're in our mid-30s but much of our household items are still from our college days or when we were broke and in our twenties. There's nothing wrong with seeing it as an opportunity to upgrade some things.

Same. Some of our bath towels were given to me when I graduated high school (12 years ago) to bring with me to college. We had upgraded some things ourselves over the years, but a lot of it we just couldn't afford to. There is no shame in being 30ish, having lived with your partner for several years, and still registering and having a bridal shower. Just because that is your life situation does not necessarily mean you are well-off or well-established.

If the bride stated she was not going to register because she and FI really don't need anything/they have everything they need already, that might change the situation - but it's not for you to judge. Hosting her shower is your choice.

kimmiinthemitten · January 2016

That's where I'm coming from too. FI and I purchased our house 1.5 years ago and had 4 rooms to fully furnish. I like to believe our house looks well put together, but we have a ton of Ikea self-built and discount (but matching) furnishings and kitchen ware, or hand me downs.

If someone believes we shouldn't have a shower because of that, then that's fine, don't offer to host it and decline the invitation. Just because I am getting married at a slightly older than average age, doesn't mean I shouldn't accept a shower if someone so kindly offers. Hell, I used to relate a lot to this episode of SATC:

Image: http://lovelace-media.imgix.net/uploads/518/f1af1bf0-3c32-0132-411c-0ebc4eccb42f.png?w=670&fit=max&auto=format&q=70

climbingsingle · January 2016

You should tell your friend that you don't think she should have a shower because they already live together and have a kid. Please report back on how that goes.

SP29 · January 2016

@kimmiinthemitten Love that scene!

OliveOilsMom · January 2016

The only shower that is inappropriate is one where only cash is given to the guest of honor. That includes honeyfund showers and gift card showers. You might as well have the guest of honor swinging around a pole because the only time you should be showering a person with cash is when you are at a strip club.

LD1970 · January 2016

I was 38 when I got married, had been an attorney for 14 years, and out of my parents' house for many. I was thrown (and greatly appreciated) a shower, and none of the 40 women who attended side-eyed me in any way.

holyguacamole79 · January 2016

I got married at 32. I had lived in my own home for 6 years at that point. To the best of my knowledge, I didn't get side-eyed for having 2 showers.

KnickerGold · January 2016

I'm 25 but have owned my own house for 3 years, and FI is 37 and has been living solo for 12... no new things for us! Because obviously the $15 hand mixer I bought right out of college does not need to be upgraded even though it takes about 20 minutes to make whipped cream where as my mom's takes about 4...
And towels last forever! {sarcasm}

banana468 · January 2016

KnickerGold said:

I'm 25 but have owned my own house for 3 years, and FI is 37 and has been living solo for 12... no new things for us! Because obviously the $15 hand mixer I bought right out of college does not need to be upgraded even though it takes about 20 minutes to make whipped cream where as my mom's takes about 4...
And towels last forever! {sarcasm}

I want more towels! The ones I have are 8 years old and have some pulls. New ones could be so soft.

And my duvet covers have rips, stains, and missing buttons. I guess the OP's items don't show signs of wear.

Throwing a Bridal Shower

Re: Throwing a Bridal Shower

Choose Another Board

Search Boards