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Wedding Etiquette Forum
anidorikiladra
member
Drink Options for Reception
Hi, I am getting married in August. We will be providing 2 bottles of wine on each table and sparkling wine for the toast. We will be paying for coffee/tea as well as pop.
What I'm wondering is, do we have to provide more alcohol than this? Or is this acceptable. So if the bottles run out should we buy more? This is what I would like to do, but my FI doesn't see why. He would like to do a cash bar, which I am firmly against. (He still doesn't see why it's rude, I think because a lot of his family does this)
Also, is it rude if we do this (have only the wine) but buy mixed drinks for ourselves at the bar? My gut tells me it would be rude, so I'd like to find a solution where we can be polite to our guests. Thanks for any helpful suggestions!
What I'm wondering is, do we have to provide more alcohol than this? Or is this acceptable. So if the bottles run out should we buy more? This is what I would like to do, but my FI doesn't see why. He would like to do a cash bar, which I am firmly against. (He still doesn't see why it's rude, I think because a lot of his family does this)
Also, is it rude if we do this (have only the wine) but buy mixed drinks for ourselves at the bar? My gut tells me it would be rude, so I'd like to find a solution where we can be polite to our guests. Thanks for any helpful suggestions!
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Re: Drink Options for Reception
If your FI fights you on it, ask him how he would feel if friends invited him over for dinner, poured him a glass of soda, and then told him if he wanted to add vodka or have wine instead it would be $5? The same rules apply for a reception. The reception is a thank you to your guests for attending the ceremony. It would be a pretty awful thank you to expect them to pay for any portion of the reception, including their own drinks.
If your FI fights you on it, ask him how he would feel if friends invited him over for dinner, poured him a glass of soda, and then told him if he wanted to add vodka or have wine instead it would be $5? The same rules apply for a reception. The reception is a thank you to your guests for attending the ceremony. It would be a pretty awful thank you to expect them to pay for any portion of the reception, including their own drinks.
Thank you! I figured as much and I will just have to make him see reason.
How many people on each table? Will there be different types of wine?
Keep in mind that one standard 750 ml bottle of wine pours about 4 nice glasses. So two bottles of wine will pour 8 glasses. And if it's a bottle of white / bottle of red or perhaps a bottle of rose instead, that's not a lot of options in case the interest isn't an even split. If you have 10 people at a table, it's not enough wine.
Also, how long is your reception? One glass of wine is good for approximately one hour. The champagne toast is good for about 5 minutes and is rarely more than a couple sips (sad for those like me who like it - sad for the couple who watches the champagne sit and go flat). It's kind of a bait and switch IMO to offer one drink only for the entire reception. I'd rather you either budget for the alcohol that you can host for the entire event.
This may not be what you're doing but in my experience, the couples who went with something like this had a two bottle wine pour at a country club. At one wedding in particular, the couple had a cash bar for everything including soft drinks while they had the country club event and limos for the bridal party. I'm all about drinking responsibly but I felt like it was super cheap to go for the expensive venue, expensive cars, etc and then spring for only one drink PP. I would have preferred a BBQ with pulled pork in a backyard and keg beer that didn't run out over being told that anything beyond the ONE drink I wanted in a 5 hour time frame was on me. My experience is that if you're having a 5 hour reception, the average drinker doesn't switch from alcohol to nonalcoholic drinks until cake cutting and dessert is served.
Skip the sparkling wine as Addie suggests. Whatever you can afford to host, host it all of the reception. Could you do beer & wine, plus one or two signature drinks all evening? That way you could have mixed drinks, but your guests would be given free access to them as well. They would also have beer & wine options. This is often cheaper than a full open bar.
If you can only afford the wine during dinner, it might be better to have a dry wedding and use that money from the wine towards something else. A candy bar, upgrade entrees, add an additional appetizer, etc.
Keep in mind that one standard 750 ml bottle of wine pours about 4 nice glasses. So two bottles of wine will pour 8 glasses. And if it's a bottle of white / bottle of red or perhaps a bottle of rose instead, that's not a lot of options in case the interest isn't an even split. If you have 10 people at a table, it's not enough wine.
Also, how long is your reception? One glass of wine is good for approximately one hour. The champagne toast is good for about 5 minutes and is rarely more than a couple sips (sad for those like me who like it - sad for the couple who watches the champagne sit and go flat). It's kind of a bait and switch IMO to offer one drink only for the entire reception. I'd rather you either budget for the alcohol that you can host for the entire event.
This may not be what you're doing but in my experience, the couples who went with something like this had a two bottle wine pour at a country club. At one wedding in particular, the couple had a cash bar for everything including soft drinks while they had the country club event and limos for the bridal party. I'm all about drinking responsibly but I felt like it was super cheap to go for the expensive venue, expensive cars, etc and then spring for only one drink PP. I would have preferred a BBQ with pulled pork in a backyard and keg beer that didn't run out over being told that anything beyond the ONE drink I wanted in a 5 hour time frame was on me. My experience is that if you're having a 5 hour reception, the average drinker doesn't switch from alcohol to nonalcoholic drinks until cake cutting and dessert is served.
We are having 8 ppl per table. We're not doing any of the expensive cars or anything, will be driving our own car. And yes, it's 2 bottles per table, 1 red 1 white. That's why I'm concerned and want to provide more drinks.
Our reception is going until 12, so I think that's a long time to be expecting guests to buy their own drinks! I think my FI is mainly concerned because the bar at our venue (a hotel) is by consumption.
The dumb thing is, I've budgeted for the drinks from the beginning and assumed we would pay. My FI only brought it up recently that he wants a cash bar so I have time to convince him.
I think you need to talk to your FI about a budget of some type. I'd start with adding another bottle of each kind of wine to the tables and then maybe go with beer and wine all night. Yes, it's going to be an expensive night, but if you want a party that goes until midnight, you need to pay for it - not your guests.
I think you need to talk to your FI about a budget of some type. I'd start with adding another bottle of each kind of wine to the tables and then maybe go with beer and wine all night. Yes, it's going to be an expensive night, but if you want a party that goes until midnight, you need to pay for it - not your guests.
Thanks, this is how I'm going to explain it to him I think. We can definitely afford it, he's just used to cash bars. His family is from the same area of he country that holds "Jack and Jill" fundraisers. Take from that what you will.
Maybe point out...since his family and friends are used to cash bars...they'll be extra excited and blown away, when they are fully hosted at your all's reception.
I like this idea!
My love also wanted a cash bar for anything other than wine and non-alcoholic options. I was very careful to bring it up at time where I thought he would be most receptive and he agreed to a full hosted bar. I think cash bars have become more common (as wrong as that might be) and trying to do things right can be difficult. Good luck!
Oh ok, good to know. Our venue provides the bartender in our package anyway so we should be good!